Deafened by Your Screams

Blinking blearily, I woke up far too early on Saturday for it to even be considered morning. The red figures on the clock next to me read out 2:56, blaring the scarlet letters as if to make it clear I should still be asleep. I could feel that I was alone in the bed though, something that was a frequently common experience these days.

Tumbling from the sheets and padding out into the hallway I saw a glow of light coming from downstairs, I turned on my heel and stumbled awkwardly down the steps, loosing my footing near the bottom and tripping. I twisted my ankle and yelped quietly, lifting my leg and deciding to hop into the living room where the light was coming from.

Ian was asleep on one of the sofas, his body stretched out and the remote clasped in his hand. He must’ve gotten up earlier, we went to bed together at around 11pm and I fell asleep pretty fast but it was obvious he hadn’t. He’d gotten into the habit of getting up again and roaming around the house or watching TV late at night, unable to switch off. I reckon it was to do with Jamie, or possibly the state of the world in general, but something was bugging him. Whenever I asked he just shrugged and said it was because he couldn’t drop off.

Hobbling over I turned the TV off at the set and gently slid the remote from his grasp. He didn’t stir and I didn’t want to wake him incase he couldn’t sleep again, so I simply did a lovely one legged walk to and from the airing cupboard and draped a stripy blanket over him before heading back to bed.

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Rhys was probably the sweetest teenager you’ve ever had the fortune to meet. He’s Mike’s little brother and sometimes tags along for practices or just pops around after school. Eighteen with the mentality of an adorable four year old, if you didn’t fall in love with him straight off, you would in the next five minutes. He was sat cross legged in the armchair watching one of our rehearsals, we were adamant that this gig would go well, wanting it to be word and note perfect for Monday. Who knows what could happen if it worked out alright.

At the end of the last song we went through he clapped and let out a little “whoop!” as he grinned.

“That was really good guys!”

Mike smiled at his sibling and set the guitar down, wiping his forehead. It was extortionately hot for a late evening in October, especially in Wales, but it probably had something to do with how many people we’d crammed into the medium sized room. The six of us started to pack up, desperately wanting some space to move in.

Jamie packed up silently and started bending down to unplug the four or five extension leads we had out so we had enough power to play. Suddenly, all the lights cut out, there was an odd whir and we were plunged into darkness. There were a few screeches of surprise, mainly from Mike and our drummer, Luke. Stu laughed at the sound, finding it funny a guy as broad and manly as Luke would make such a sound. Despite being Rhys’ age, he was taller and stronger than most of us.

“Fuck! Sorry, guys!” Jamie said with more spark to his voice than I’d heard in weeks. If I wasn’t so piss scared of the dark, I would’ve been happy. I felt Ian grope at my hand and squeeze it reassuringly. Ok, I’m not really terrified of the dark; I just don’t like it, especially when I’m thrust into it all of a sudden. I clung to him, glad that none of the others could see.

“Oooh. It’s like a blackout. Maybe the whole street has gone!” Rhys said cheerfully in his quiet but enthusiastic voice across the room.

“Nah,” Stu piped up, smacking into me as he groped around in the darkness. “Shit, sorry, Ian. I mean Lee. Fuckin’ hell. No, a fuse has probably just gone cos of all the electric we used. It’ll be ok.”

There were sounds of scrambling and people knocking into things but I stayed iron rod straight, eyes wide and desperate to make out the forms of anyone that I could.

“We’ll go fiddle with the box, c’mon hon,” Ian said, holding my hand firmly and starting a slow beeline across the room.

“This might be a bad time to ask,” Rhys started again. “But I can have a few guest list spots for me and my friends, right?”

“Rhys, seriously, not now,” Mike laughed.

We kept walking; my ankle started to hurt a lot more as I had to put more weight on it. I winced as it gave way, veering sideways a little so I careered into the drum kit and nearly pissed myself as the cymbals all clanged together. “Fuck!” I screeched, reddening as laughter followed.

“Woah, that shit me up!” Luke exclaimed, laughing loudly to my left.

Ian rubbed my arm to relax me, gently kissing my ear in a comforting manner. Eventually we made it out of the living room and into the kitchen where the fuse box was kept high on a wall.

“This would be so much easier if I could see!” Ian whined, stretching up and randomly feeling around.

“…If you could see, we wouldn’t need to be doing this!” I laughed a little, relaxing as I got used to the darkness.

“A’ite, point taken. A torch wouldn’t go amiss though!”

He soon found the right switch and flicked it a few times. The lights blared on and the microwave beeped as the clock reset, there was a loud chorus of cheers from the living room and order was resorted.

“So, guest list?” Rhys asked again, giggling.

“Yes, yes, you’re on the guest list. God,” Mike chuckled.

They were close siblings and were quite a lot like each other. Though Rhys was overtly weird and most people had at least three “what the fuck” moments a within the same half an hour with him, Mike defiantly had the same trait, he just kept it quiet. Literally. They were soft spoken and hard to hear. The pair were tiny, skinny little things that could eat a banquet alone and not gain a pound. That’s the Lewis family for you.

Going back to the main room I saw Jamie watching them from under his hair, his eyes seeming glazed at first but after a while I noticed he was welling up with tears. I quickly went over and stood by him, blocking him from the others so they wouldn’t see and make a scene about it. I never thought about how hard that would be for him. Watching Mike with his brother made him sad because he realised how much he missed Jess. He didn’t have his little sister to look after and laugh with anymore. Even the word “sibling” probably crushed him inside.

I carried on packing up some of the things with him, muttering quietly to him once the others were engrossed in a story about a pigeon that Rhys had.

“You did really well today,” I smiled.

He shrugged and let his long hair cover his face from me. “You don’t need to pretend I’m a child, Lee. I’m fine.”

“I’m not doing that…I’m just…you really were.”

“Great, thanks.” He said it with the same tone you’d use if you were rolling your eyes. I knew that he was just getting defensive. He didn’t want people knowing how cut up he was about anything.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, picking up my guitar amp and turning away from him, guessing he wanted to be alone.

Ian shot me a concerned look and nodded at Jamie’s back; I just shook my head and helped Stu store all the equipment in the corner. I really wish this would be over soon.