Nothing But Dust In The Shadows

Alex

The room was silent for a minute or two as Cassie just stood there, staring at the two topless figures that were breathing heavily.

Alex looked at Cassie’s almost pained eyes and realised what he’d actually gotten himself into.

“I-I didn’t know when you’d be back,” He stuttered out. He couldn’t form any other words but those and they didn’t exactly help the situation any.

Cassie scoffed, laughing dryly as she shook her head, “Oh I’m sorry, you two finish off and I’ll come back later- I’ll give you a five minute warning next time, yeah?” She spun on her heel and left the room.

“Shit,” Alex cursed and scrambled to his feet, almost falling off the bed in the process, “Cassie!” He called after her, “Cassie!” He yelled, sliding out into the hallway to find her. He saw her halfway down the hall and jogged up to her, “Cassie, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second,” He grabbed her shoulder, turning her to face him.

“What?” She stated tonelessly but Alex could see the emotion in her glossy eyes.

“That-” He gestured back to the room with his thumb, “That wasn’t what it looked like,”

It was a stupid thing to say. He knew it the moment the words left his lips.

She laughed again, “Oh really? So that wasn’t you with your tongue shoved down her throat or your hands all over her body? So, what- were you playing duck-Adam’s-apple?” She raised her eyebrows, “Or, no let me guess, did she faint and you felt it necessary to remove both your shirts before giving her CPR?” She scoffed.

“I didn’t mean it like that,”

“How else could you possibly have meant it, Alex?” She frowned and pointed stiffly to the room, “That was exactly what it looked like,” She turned around and headed down the hallway.

“Cassie,” He walked after her.

“Don’t bother following me, you better save your energy for finishing Lauren off,” She growled tastelessly, slamming her hand on the button for the elevator.

Alex felt every bit of anger that she was exhibiting in her movements. He didn’t follow her. He watched her get into the elevator and chewed on his lips.

He had no idea how to make this right.

He sighed despondently and walked back into the hotel suite, into the bedroom where Lauren was looking up at him guiltily. He sent her an emotionless smile and sat down on the bed again after he’d picked up his shirt.

“Is she okay?” Lauren slid to the edge of the bed and picked up her own shirt, pulling it over her head.

“She just walked in on me about to sleep with you when under twelve hours ago I knocked her back, do you think she’s okay?” Alex looked over at her disbelievingly at her question.

Her eyes fell to the floor, “I guess not,” She mumbled.

He ruffled his hair, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be bitchy. I’m just having a shit turn of luck right now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to fix this,”

Lauren slid on her shoes and stood up from the bed, “Leave her to cool down and find her or wait for her to come back. She has to come back eventually because all her stuff is here. She probably just needs an hour or two to get calm before she can see you again,” She placed a hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it, “I think I’m going to take off. Leave you to it, you know? Bye, Alex,” She traced her index finger down his cheek and he looked up at her as she went to walk away.

He shot his hand out and caught her wrist. She glanced down at him and frowned unsurely.

“Could you stay a while?” His voice was a barely audible whisper and a sympathetic smile twitched onto Lauren’s lips.

She saw something of a small, vulnerable boy in his deep brown eyes and took his hand in hers before sitting back down beside him. She circled her arms around his neck and pulled him close into a tight hug that she knew he was craving. He returned it with more grip than her and tucked his face into her neck. She gently rubbed his back as her other thumb caressed the skin of his neck.

“Alex, I’m sorry for causing this mess,” She murmured into his ear.

“It’s not all your fault. Cassie and I had our own parts to play,”

“Yeah but it would’ve been so much easier for you to sort this if I wasn’t making stupid suggestions,” She whispered.

“It was going to be difficult no matter what. Whatever goes on now is supposed to happen,”

She nodded, “And you two are supposed to sort this out. I can see you have something special and neither of you are stupid enough to let that go,” She pulled back so she could see his face, “But you have to remember something here- You may think that pushing her away was for the best, and it was, but think how it’s seemed to her. She got dumped by her fiancé six weeks ago and she’s probably feeling really lonely,”

“That’s why I didn’t-”

Lauren cut him off, “I know, just let me finish,” Her voice wasn’t patronising or abrupt, just caring, “She’s going to be feeling lonely but she’ll be so fragile still. Think how bad her self-esteem is after being dropped by someone who’s said he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Then she turns to you wanting comfort- albeit not in the best of ways- and you turn her down too. Her self-esteem will have hit rock bottom. It doesn’t matter what reason you gave her or however true it was, all she’ll be thinking is that you wouldn’t even take it when she was offering it to you pretty much on a plate, with side-orders and optional dessert,” She smiled to add some light heartedness to an otherwise serious statement.

Alex’s face seemingly washed with realisation, “I never thought of it like that,”

“She’s angry because she’s embarrassed and defensive. But no matter what she says or how she tries to hurt you, you have to prove to her you did what you did in her best interests, not because you don’t see her in that way,” She let her hands fall from around his neck.

“I can do that,” He said confidently.

She glanced warily at him, “There’s just one thing,”

“What’s that?”

“It doesn’t matter who you are, convincing a girl, that doesn’t have her head up her own ass, that she’s beautiful in any sense, is one of the most difficult things in the world,”

Cassie

Sitting in room 215 on the floor above Alex, Cassie looked around the single-bedded suite as her mind replayed the image of Alex and Lauren over and over in her head. Her stomach fizzed furiously with each repeat of her memory.

It wasn’t so much that he was with Lauren that hurt (though it did sting), it was that it’d been less than twelve hours since she’d made a move and got rejected and Alex had pretty much jumped into bed with the next girl he saw.

Apparently, Cassie wasn’t good enough.

That feeling of inadequacy hit her hard.

First Jason, now Alex. She couldn’t do the relationship or just a one night stand. So what was left for her?

Then it crossed her mind that she was probably going to die alone.

A sigh left her lips. It’d been an hour since she’d walked out on him. She wanted to go and get her things but she couldn’t without the risk of seeing him and getting upset again.

But ten minutes later, in a fleeting burst of confidence, she found herself wandering down the hallway towards the suite she’d slept in the previous night. She was hesitant as she stood outside the door, fiddling with the key in her hand- she still had it from when she’d left earlier that morning. She pressed her ear up against the door in a feeble attempt to figure out if Alex was inside.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t hear through wood. She could only hear the blood rushing in her ear.

Taking a deep breath, she shoved the key in the lock and carefully opened the door. She stepped inside, closing the door behind her and looking around the empty room.

Now she was inside, she could hear the sound of running water in the bathroom.

Quickly, she scuttled into the bedroom to find her bag and began packing it. She’d just thrown in the last of her clothes when Alex came out of the bathroom, stopping abruptly when he saw Cassie at the end of the bed.

He was dressed in a t-shirt and boxers while rubbing a small towel over his hair, “Hey?” He spoke questioningly.

She smiled unconvincingly at him, “Hi,”

“You’re packing?” He frowned lightly as he watched her zip up the bag.

“Yeah,”

“Where are you going?” He asked, stepping further inside and coming over so he was a metre away from her.

“Well, I’m going up to another room I’ve just hired for tonight,” She swung the bag onto her shoulder, “Then tomorrow morning I’m going to the airport and getting the first flight back to Baltimore,” She added.

Alex’s eyes went wide, “What? Why?”

“Because this isn’t working anymore,” She whispered.

“Cass, we’re just hitting a bumpy patch, things will get back to normal soon,”

She shook her head, “No, they won’t. You said I could go home whenever I wanted to and I want to. Mainly because I can’t stop whatever feelings I’m having for you and I can’t be around you without wanting to act on them at all,”

“They can’t be that strong that you can’t restrain yourself,”

She nodded, “They are,”

“Are you sure you’re not just... Like... Sexually frustrated?” He tilted his head, speaking his words carefully.

She rolled her eyes, “If I am, it’s not contributing to what I feel for you,”

“But you’re still in love with Jason, Cassie- You can’t feel much for me at all compared to that,”

She shook her head once again and rubbed her forehead, “Alex, they’re completely different feelings but they’re both stemming from the same exact place. What I feel for Jason is lessening every day,”

He looked up into her hazels and hesitated on his words, “Then why are you still wearing the ring?”

Cassie looked down at the diamond on her finger that was taunting her with every sparkle. She brought her eyes back up to his and sighed, “Goodbye, Alex,” She kissed his cheek and walked out of the room, closing the suite door behind her.

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At ten-thirty that night, Cassie was lying with her feet at the head of the bed in her pyjamas as she read a book that had been left behind by the previous room hirer. She was using every possible method of blocking out her thoughts.

Her eyes shot up to the door as there was a knock. She placed down the book on the bed and pulled herself up, heading to the door to push the handle down and open it.

An awkward looking Alex stood there with a cautious smile, “Hey,”

“How did you find out what room I’m in?” She murmured.

“I asked the woman at reception,”

“She shouldn’t be giving out that information- You could be a murderer for all she knows,”

“She was new. I had an excuse planned out but she just gave it up without me needing one,” He shrugged.

“Oh,” She mouthed.

“So, um, could I just talk to you for a second?” His brow crinkled in wait for her to tell him to leave.

“Alex...” She trailed off unsurely.

“Just for a second, it won’t take long,” He reassured.

She sighed heavily, “Alright, fine,” She opened the door wider so he could slide inside and closed it after him. She walked over to the bed and sat down in her previous place, looking up at the boy who wasn’t sure whether he should stand or sit. He settled for standing in front of her.

“So, what’s up?”

“I just want to set some things straight before you leave tomorrow,” He began.

“Like what?” She asked although she had a pretty good idea what he meant.

“Like last night,” He studied her face and waited for backlash but nothing came so he continued, “You have to believe me that what I did was in your best interest. I admit that maybe I should’ve been a bit gentler about it than pushing you away so abruptly but I don’t regret it,”

Cassie said nothing for a second before finally building up the courage to ask what she was so curious about. “Is it because I’m not your type? Are you a blonde-man, is that it?”

Alex shook his head, “No, no, that’s not it at all,” He hurried to her side and sat down. He began to realise that Cassie couldn’t see the real reason as to why he rejected her advances, “Your hair colour has nothing to do with it. Cassie, I think you’re absolutely stunning and you’ve had an effect on me that nobody has had in a while,”

She looked up at him, “Why were you going to sleep with Lauren?”

“Because I like you,”

She frowned, “That makes no sense,”

“It was because everything you do has been driving me absolutely insane. But, shamefully, I haven’t gotten any in a while and what you’re doing to me is building up so much tension in me that I needed to get rid of it if I stood any chance of controlling myself until the end of the trip. Lauren suggested it and I don’t know... It sounded like a good idea at the time. Then you walked in and I realised that it probably wasn’t the best idea after all,”

Cassie let out a quiet laugh, “It wasn’t really,”

“Yeah...” He agreed.

“I wouldn’t have minded if you got rid of that tension with me,” She whispered.

Alex rubbed his hands over his face, “Cassie...” He groaned lightly.

“I know, I know,” She sighed, turning to face him so she could see his exasperated brown eyes.

He reached over and traced a thumb over her fingers, “You’re not ready for someone else yet,” He murmured, keeping his eyes locked on their fingers.

He swallowed hard as she caught his eyes and said, in the most seductive tone he’d ever heard- “Yeah but I’m desperate for you,”

Cassie saw something change in his eyes. Exasperation was replaced with a glaze of lust. His thumb froze on her skin and she looked down at the floor, pulling her hand out from under his.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” She got up from the bed, “I shouldn’t be saying stuff like that,”

Alex’s eyes traced her body and his arm shot out, grabbing hers.

He’d gone beyond control.

He tugged her arm so that she came towards him and landed in his lap, “What’s the harm in it?” He whispered.

Before she could ask what the hell he was doing, his lips were against hers forcefully while his hand pressed against the back of her neck to keep her there. Cassie didn’t protest. She just wrapped her arms around him and pushed her body against his.

The two of them felt something was wrong though. The kiss was awkward and sloppy. It was as though Cassie’s lips were still moulded to someone else’s and weren’t ready to change shape just yet. But neither of them cared at that point because the feeling of someone in their arms and the burning desires inside of them were enough.

Everything seemed to happen too quickly after that. They both ended up shirtless and their fingers were interlocked as they pushed to be closer to one another. Alex separated their fumbling lips and pressed kisses along Cassie’s jaw-line while his heart raced at the sound of her heavy breathing beside his ear.

Then he hit that spot on her neck that made her weak.

“Oh, God, Jason,” She breathed with a light groan.

Alex froze and his grip on her fingers loosened.

That was the harm in it.

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'There's A Lot More To It Than This, I'm Not Just Trying To Get In Your Bed'

The Maine