I Can Taste The Failure On Your Lips

I called Danny first thing in the morning. I woke up late, so either he was at work, or still hung-over from last night. Knowing Daniel, he was fast asleep. So, I decided to leave him a voicemail, filling him in on our short and sweet conversation last night that he’d have probably forgotten about. It was weird telling someone what to do when they woke up from a hangover; aspirin, resting, drinking coffee. I had never been drunk, but my mother had, and so had Danny. Someone had to step in and be the caring one.

Danny was always the partygoer. He had his share of girls, and plenty of friends. He was always invited to everything and went everywhere. I on the other hand, was the sibling who stayed at home, listening to Coldplay, and reading a good book. Even when we were younger, our school had those ‘skate nights’ every other Tuesday at the local skating rink, and while Danny went and had his fun, I was home doing both of our homework assignments.

That was a couple years after my dad left. We were too young to know what a divorce was, so we really didn’t care, but my mother did. She was never the same ‘mommy’ that she was before then. I will always, no matter how many years pass, forget the look on her face when she overdosed for the first time. I will never forget how I felt, and how, me being the older sibling by three seconds, had to explain what was happening to Danny. We were seven then. I barely even knew what sex was, and I was explaining overdose to my brother.

When we were fifteen, Danny started getting into some bad things, so instead of just having to take care of my mother, who was at this point, practically dead, I had to take care of my brother as well. Two years later, Danny got arrested for driving under the influence, and having weed in his car. Though, I have to admit, the weed was better than the other things he had gotten into. He spent some time in jail, and after that, was completely clean. He never got drunk or used drugs. So, I was wondering what was bringing it on now.

Petunia was awake when I went out into the living room. She was watching the news, and unfortunately, once again, the forecast wasn’t very bright for Sheffield. She picked up her pack of smokes, and slid her last stick between her thin lips. Then, she looked at the empty carton, and threw it back on the side table.

“Bloody hell, no more smokes.” She cursed under her breath.

“I’ll pick you up some more today. But I’m only getting you one pack. You need to quit smoking.” I replied. She was a bit startled when she heard me come in. I couldn’t heed her need for cigarettes. She probably had cancer, and if she did, she was in no need helping it.

“I’ve been smokin’ before yeh were born.” She said. I wasn’t surprised. She had probably been smoking way long before that. “So I don’t need yeh comin’ in here, tellin’ me how many packs yeh buyin’.”

“They are bad for your health Grandma.” I said softly.

“Shit. I’m eighty-two years old. I’m as healthy as a horse. Yeh know, I used to be a hippie back in the day. I was a dancer too, yeh know? That’s when I met your Grandfather. He was a fine lookin’ young man, and boy did he know how to dance.” She laughed. “He was the best thing that’d ever happen to me, and the worst.”

“How?” I asked. I didn’t necessarily want to sit here and listen to Petunia and Harold’s journey through life, but it was some what intriguing.

“We absolutely hated each other. Fought like mad men, but always made up. I remember cursin’ him, and hittin’ him, and tellin’ him I ‘ated him. But, at the end of the day, there were nothin’ better than crawlin’ in bed next to him.” I smiled when she did. “We met when I was your age, he was a couple years older than me, but we didn’t care. We loved each other, and that was all we needed.”

“Don’t you ever miss him?” I asked.

She looked up at the portrait of him above the mantle and smiled. “He’s in a better place now ‘spose. I miss him, yeh, but I’ll be joinin’ him shortly.”

===

I didn’t need to go to the grocery store. I had already stocked up the fridge with Lean Cuisine, and I had Vitamin Water, so I didn’t see the need. I could get Petunia’s smokes at the gas station. Besides, I didn’t want to run-in to Curtis while I was there, seeing as that’s where he worked, or so I thought. But, when I stepped into the Gas station, to buy her cigarettes, I figured, that it was only destined to happen.

Curtis, along with his friend, the drummer, were sitting behind the counter, once again, with the fat guy. I sighed heavily, and thought about just turning back around and getting into my car, but, that would make things more awkward, and like my friend Jordan said, I needed to make some friends here. I smiled at them, and then proceeded towards the counter, taking cautious steps so that I didn’t trip on my own feet, like I had done numerous times in the past.

“How can I ‘elp you love?” The fat man asked. His name tag read Donald.

“Can I get three packs of Marlboro Reds please?” She didn’t need three packs. But, I didn’t want her to be mad at me, and even though that would be better than her dying in her stained chair while watching the news, I still bought them.

“Nasty ‘abit love.” He said as scanned them. “Yeh’ll be dyin’ at thirty, yeh keep this up.”

“Oh, they’re not for me. They’re for my Grandmother.” Donald gave me that ‘bullshit’ look, and placed them in the bag. I handed him the cash, sent a smile towards the two younger boys, and then headed out.

Before I even got to the station wagon, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned only to see Curtis jogging in my direction. “Yeh dropped these.” He said, and handed me my keys.

I could feel my face getting warm, how stupid of me to drop my keys, and walk out to my car and not have even noticed. “Thanks.”

“So, Are yeh comin’ to our band practice tonight?” That had to have been a joke question. I furrowed my brow and laughed. “What?”

“I don’t think so Curtis.” I replied.

“Why not?” He asked, as I opened the car door and threw the small, brown, paper bag into the passenger seat.

“Because, it’d be awkward. I think your whole band hates me.”

“Oh don’t be paranoid. I don’t ‘ate yeh.” He smiled that crooked smile, and I shut the door, started the car and rolled down the window. “So are yeh comin’? I’m sure the guys would love to see yeh again.”

I pursed my lips together. “I’ll think about it. But don’t be getting your hopes up.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He smiled even wider.

“No, you’ll take that as a maybe.”

I rolled up the window and out of the parking lot.