It Started and Ended by a Clock

Chronomentrophobia. Maybe some of you didn’t know what Chronomentrophobia is. Or maybe some of you haven’t heard that word before. But unfortunately, I totally know –and feel- Chronomentrophobia. Fear of clocks. Phobia of clocks. I am so close with it.

Chronomentrophobia changed my family.
Chronomentrophobia changed my spirit.
Chronomentrophobia changed my life.
Chronomentrophobia changed my world.
Chronomentrophobia changed me.
Chronmentrophobia changed everything,
and nothing will be the same again, ever.

-flashback-

Me, my Dad, and my Mom are on the way to the cinema. We’re going to watch ‘Hangover’. I read from some magazines that that movie is great. My Dad is driving the car while I listen to my iPod. My Chemical Romance’s Astro Zombies is blasting into my ears. “I send my astro zombies to rape the land,” I sing as I bang my head. “What time does the movie start, sweetie?” my Mom ask me to make me stop singing. “Hm, I think it’s on 8.30pm.” “And what time is it now?” “I don’t know, I lost my watch,” I tell my Mom. “Oh!” my Dad said as he drives the car, “I think I found your watch when I was cleaning the car.” “Really?” “Yeah, wait a minute, I’m pretty sure I put it in my pocket,” my Dad try to put out my watch from his pocket while he’s still driving. It distracts my Dad’s focus on driving and “BAAAAM!”, our car crash a car in front of ours. And all I know is people are coming to our car and someone’s calling for an ambulance. My head is bleeding but I’m still conscious, even though my vision is kinda blur. 10 minutes later I hear an ambulance’s coming. They take my parents into the ambulances and then they take me into another ambulance. I can see they’re giving my parents a kind of electric shocks. It really scares me.

On the next day, I wake up in a white room. I’m in a hospital room. The accident from last night flashes in my head. Then an image of my parents being electric shocked appear in my head. I’m trying to get off of the bed when a nurse comes. “Ms. Smith, you’re not allowed to get off of the bed. You’re still weak.” “B-but, I wanna s-see my parents.” “I’m so sorry Ms. Smith. But your parents already died yesterday. We couldn’t save them,” the nurse said with a sad face. “W-w-what?! You’re lying to me, right?! They couldn’t be died!!! They must be still alive!!!” I scream to her as tears are dropping from my lower lids.

xXx

Ever since that incident, I hate clocks, especially watches. Every time I see a watch, it reminds me of my parents. I miss them so bad. It’s been 4 years since their death. And this past 1 year, I always get bad headaches and get tired easily. I always think it’s an effect of my parents’ death, it makes me stress so I get a lot of bad headaches. It’s always my thoughts, until that day. Until that day I couldn’t stand my headache and I check it to the doctor.

Yeah, I have leukemia. A stadium 4 leukemia. What’s can be worst than that? The doctor told me that my life is less than 6 months. It really freaks me out. The time never stops, it’s always ticking and we can’t go back to the past. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second that I past, drive me crazy. Who wouldn’t be crazy if they know when will they’re going to die? It makes me don’t want to know time. I don’t care about time. I don’t wanna know time. The only way I could know time is from clocks.

I hate clocks, more than anything in this world. Clocks always make me freak out. Clocks always scare the out of me. Clocks always appear in my dreams, ticking and ticking, showing me that my time is coming. The time of my death. The time of me leaving this world. I never have any kind of clocks in my apartment. I always use my earphones so I won’t hear any clock’s ticking. I never ask ‘What time is it?’ to another people. I won’t ever ask it. The sun and the moon are the only things that make me know whether it is day or night.

I have no friends. They think I’m crazy, because I always act weird. I never tell them about my leukemia, about my coming death. But there’s 1 man, who accepts me as who I really am. He also doesn’t know about my leukemia. He just knows this weird woman. I love him with all my heart, and so he does.

We’re getting married in a week. Everything has been prepared, even though I don’t really care about the preparation. I just wanna be her wife legally. There won’t be a big party, there only will be a small wedding party. Just for our families and closest friends. We even won’t follow the ceremonial thing.

Finally, this is the day. The big day of my life. This day is always a part of my dreams. To marry a man who I love and who loves me with all his heart. Usually, the groom has waited in the room. But in my wedding, I am the one who is waiting in the room. My heart pounds so fast. I’m so nervous yet extremely happy that I’m going to marry. A couple of minutes later, he enters the room. He looks so handsome and gorgeous in his tuxedo. He steps on the altar and grabs my hands. I smile to him and he does the same thing.

“Aleena Smith, will you take Gabriel McDonaldson as your husband, …” I don’t pay attention on the priest’s voice. All that I know is I said “I do.” After Gabriel said “I do” too, I hear a loud sound of bell. A clock’s bell. Suddenly, all the things that make me have Chronomentrophobia flashes again in my head. An image of a countdown clock, saying that I only have 1 minute left. It really scares me and it makes my head hurt so bad. I hug Gabriel tightly, not letting him go. Each sound of the bell makes the pain in my head worse. I really want to scream out loud. But all I can do is whispering to Gabriel’s ear, weakly saying “It’s been 6 months. In my room. Journal. Read it. I love you, Gabriel…” and I can never feel to live my new life with Gabriel as a husband and wife. Ever.