Confessions Of A Broken Rebel

RECAP:"Who the hell was that?" Tyler asked. "My ex." I replied simply. "He used to beat her." Jake mouthed but I could hear him as he whispered almost inaudibly, but I didn't say anything. My ex who used to beat me. And took my virginity. The jack*ss who raped me. I thought as a tear slipped down my cheek. Now: I walked to the car, Jake and Tyler right by my side. We were all bruised and I clutched my stomach a little tighter with each step. Brady leaned against the car and everyone ran over to us when they saw us appear. "Are you alright?" "What happened?" "I knew you shouldn't have played!" "Who did it?" Questions flowed from their mouths but we didn't say a word. Just sat in silence as we got into our cars and shut the door as if that answered all the questions. Of course, it didn't but it solved my problem. Could you blame me? Would you want to talk about someone who did all that stuff to you? Ya, I didn't think so. Questions and assumptions flew all night mostly because none of us any of the questions. I could always trust the guys to keep a secret and tell when there was something that I just didn't want to talk about. I picked at my food as we went out to eat to "get my mind off of it". I honestly appreciated their suggestion but it really didn't help. So I just sat, pushing my food from one side to the other. The ride home was more settled. I had said bye to everyone except for Brady, Veronica, and Tyler who was staying the night. We flipped through channels, not finding anything good to watch. "I'm going for a walk." I said and stood up. I ignored everyone calling my name and shut the front door gently. The air was warm and there was a light breeze that felt good against my skin. The sky had vibrant brush strokes of oranges, pinks, and yellow. A neon orange was still hanging just above the horizon. I walked and walked until the night was dark, flicked with stars here and there and the only light came from the moon and streetlights, and so I returned to Brady's house-my house-someone's house. I decided to go straight to bed. Brady crawled in a little later, staying silent, thinking I was asleep. His hand drifted across my waist and rested there as he yawned and dozed off. God, I can't take this. Help me, help me...help me I said that over and over. I woke up from a nightmare of him (Sean) and I looked at the clock. Four forty-five?! I groaned quietly. I leaned on a chair by the french doors that opened onto a balcony. I quietly opened the doors and stepped out into the warm night. I leaned onto the railing, my right leg behind my left, my head in my hand. Thinking, dreaming, wishing, praying. Hoping would work best. Hoping for something to help me. Hoping for someone to save me. And hoping for something-anything that was better than this. An evil thought flashed through my mind, but it sounded good at the time, so I followed it. I followed it back into Brady's room, back into the study room, back into Brady's room and into the bathroom. I closed the door and let the light filter in from the window as my only source of brightness. I grabbed a little spare pocket knife and pressed it into my flesh. Not cutting it, not yet. Just letting it rest there, almost slicing open the skin. Is this what you want? I prayed and looked out the window into the sky, shut my eyes, and let the blood flow freely from my arm. After making a few lines, I set the knife on the counter, poured hydrogen peroxide on my wounds and put band-aids over them. I cleaned off the blade and stuck it back into the study. My arm stung every time I flexed my wrist, every time I bumped it, and every time I looked at it. My arm taunted me. Can't deal with him, can you? You can't handle it, can you? Gotta take the easy way out huh? "No." I shook my head angrily and went back into the bathroom, showered, got ready, and watched the first light rise above the horizon until Brady woke up. I quickly pulled a jacket over my t-shirt. I put make up over the large bruise on my right cheek. But it didn't help. It shown as brightly as if I had just done it. A small red mark lined where Sean slapped me and a small scab covered up a scrape on my lip. I shook my head, frustrated and left the bathroom. I said good morning to him and then went downstairs to breakfast. I grabbed a simple piece of toast with a little bit of butter and ran back upstairs before Brady's parents could catch me. I grabbed all my stuff and sat in the car until Brady and Veronica came. I said nothing the entire morning except the good morning to Brady. We drove to school with simple starts of conversation such as "It's a nice day!" and "The game was really good yesterday!" Which of course, didn't make me happy, rather, filled with fear. I pulled down my sleeve a little farther. Brady already knew that I cut, but he couldn't find out about this, or else I would have to explain to him why. No, I wouldn't do that. As soon as we arrived at school, I instantly went to the bathroom to avoid any of my friends who didn't know what happened. I sat in there, in an empty stall, tracing my new scabs, running my fingers gently over the bumps. When the bell rang, I pulled down my sleeve and headed toward my first class...Photography. Luckily, Tyler knew what happened and probably wouldn't mention anything and thankfully, wouldn't try to question me on what happened since he was there. I sat down in my seat. Tyler came shortly after and sat down next to me. His eye was no longer swollen, I was guessing because of ice but it was yellow, purple, and green. Not the loveliest of colors. I felt so guilty. He looked at me and inhaled sharply. Guilt just swept over me even more. He was in a fight because of me. It was my fault he was like this. I couldn't bare to look at him...or Jake. I felt so guilty *if you couldn't already tell....I felt guilty.* "You know, you didn't have to get in a fight with Sean yesterday." I whispered softly, afraid that someone might instantly know everything that happened, just from that short sentence. "Angel, you think I would just leave you to be jumped by some ***hole like that? I don't think so." He said. I shook my head in frustration. "You don't know what happened. Sean is a LOT scarier than you think and he has tougher friends than Kyle and Brent. You could get seriously injured. They aren't people to mess with." I said. He really didn't understand the severity of the situation. They could stab him! They could actually try to kill him and he didn't even get it! "Then, I'll never stand behind you." Tyler said. I nodded, tears swelled in my eyes. I want to be friends, but I didn't think that he'd take it like this. I just wanted him to know what he's up against before he got in another fight. "I'll just have to stand in front of you." He smiled sadly at me and hugged me tightly. I let a tear slip and hastily wiped it away as he stroked my hair, my head buried in his warm chest. "It's okay Angel, I promise, it'll be okay." He kissed my cheek lightly and I wiped my face with my sleeve and apologized for getting his shirt all wet. "I don't care." He smiled. My face was red, my eyes swollen, and mascara streaked my cheeks. "Today we'll be putting our collages together." Ms.Andrews said. "Has anyone not printed out their pictures?" No one raised there hand. "Good, then get started. I pulled the pictures out of my backpack. We had copied and edited a few pictures so they looked different. We put the picture of us walking away from the camera, holding hands (which we put in black and white and blew it up so it was bigger) in the middle of the large white poster. We put the picture of him skipping crazily on the right and pictures of me were on the left and the pictures of us were in the middle. Colors were changed, funny comments were added in, and we laughed at how he almost dropped me when he gave me a piggyback ride. We laughed and finished just before the bell rang. As we went to English, Brady stopped me and asked what happened. Hurriedly, I said we'd talk later. I had forgotten, for a while. I was with Tyler and I had forgotten, but I still didn't really want to talk. The rest of the day was boring so you don't want to hear about it. Got home, worked on my homework, when there was a knock on the door. Brady was in the family room, working on a project. "Come in!" I called. Mrs.Cronin walked in. "So." She started. I knew this could not be good....it wasn't. "First off, I contacted my friend about your dad staying at the Rehabilitation Center. She said that they would have no problem getting him in and that he could stay there so you don't have to pay rent. So that's good news. Now for the bad news." I was sooo happy that my dad would be able to be sober. I was glad that maybe, just maybe, he would change. But my heart quickly sunk at the 'bad news'. "I see your bruises. I see that you aren't in the best shape." She said. I bit my lip, trying to find an answer to 'how' I got them. She looked at me worriedly. It was silent. Not an awkward silence, but a deadly silence. The silence that you know is going to be truth and pain or lies and 'happiness'. I looked at Mrs. Cronin. She had taken you in when you had no home. She had been your family when you had no family. She had been your mother, when your mother was gone. I thought to myself. "It was him, wasn't it?" She whispered. "How did-?" I began. "You know that you can't go walking around bruised and mangled and no one will find out." She said. "Jake." I said. She nodded. "Sweetie. Don't be angry. You did nothing wrong. Jake did nothing wrong, but if Sean hurts you, you need to tell me." She said. "Mrs.Cronin, mom. There's so much more than what there appears to be. And right now, I'm not ready to face it all. I just need to try to get by first. When I'm ready, I will come to you." I said. She nodded with a smile. "I understand." She patted my leg. "Dinner's at seven." I smiled. She rose and walked out the door, starting to close it behind her. "Oh and go next door." She smiled with a wink. I gave her a confused look and rose, walking out Brady's room. I grasped the metal handle, and walked in through the large white door. I gasped in shock. The room was a bright white with black borders around the windows and doors. There was a queen sized black, wrought iron bed, with a large white down comforter and two fluffy white pillow, a black one overlapping. A black wood nightstand rested beside the bed. An alarm clock sat on it, and I moved closer to see what else was on it. I looked at the picture and tears welled up in my eyes. I smiled and began to cry. "Th-thank yo-you." I smiled. A tear caught on the glass protection, covering the picture of my mother and I at the park a few years ago. I was on a black swing with silver chains hanging down. My mom was behind me, her hands by my waist, her head just above mine, smiling widely like she was laughing. I was...happy.