The Ghost of a Rose Vest

"Bren, I don't know about this..." Ryan trailed off as he gazed out the windshield with his eyeliner smudged hazel eyes. Ryan watched the road pass by quickly as the two boys drove on what was usually the wrong side of the road. But of course it was the correct one while they were in New Zealand.

"Ry, you're over-thinking it," Brendon replied, looking over at his slightly distraught friend. "It’s just a vest," he said nonchalantly. Ryan was slightly applauded.

"Yes, it is just a vest, but it has been one of my favorites since I found it at that old thrift shop in New Orleans!" he exclaimed. Ryan knew he was lying to Brendon and to himself. The only reason Ryan was having trouble letting go of the old vest was because he hadn't found the vest on his own. When he was about fourteen he and his father went on vacation to Louisiana. It was there in an old thrift shop that his dad had spotted the vest. Ryan's dad had called him over and showed it to him and Ryan instantly fell in love with it. The two ended up purchasing it, and Ryan loved it dearly. But despite being so adored Ryan didn’t find a place to wear it until 2006.

The rose vest didn't have the chance to present itself until Panic! At the Disco's tour with The Academy Is. Many fans have called 2006 "the year of the rose vest" because the vest was so prominent during this year. By this time the vest still had little significance, but in the last couple of weeks of the tour, the vest became very important to Ryan.

The boys were touring as TAI’s opening act, and while they were waiting backstage with their costumes on and equipment ready, Zack answered a disturbing phone call from Ryan's sidekick. Zack didn't say much to the person on the other line, but his expression said more than it should have when he announced that Ryan’s dad was bed ridden in a Nevada hospital.

Despite Ryan's wishes, the quartet did not perform and the four boys got on an immediate flight to Las Vegas in their stage clothes. They were given strange looks as they ran into the hospital, holding up a shaky Ryan. Only Ryan was allowed inside his father’s room, so he was forced to go alone. Ryan sat next the white hospital bed on a colorless chair. He felt so strange and colorful as he sat in the white void. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked down at the barely living body that belonged to his father. Ryan had seen his father in a hospital before, but he had never seen him so weak. It made him feel a little less bitter towards his dad. Perhaps once, George Ryan Ross II had a dream. Maybe once upon a time he was a scrawny weak boy like Ryan. Maybe his father wasn’t supportive of his dreams, and they were crushed, but unlike Ryan, he didn’t have the guts to defy his father.

Ryan spent all night and all day at the hospital, almost unable to get any sleep. He had dozed off for a few moments, but within those few moments, Ryan’s dad had been lost. Ryan had watched his father slowly die alone in a hospital bed that day. And it just so happened that Ryan was wearing the only good memory they had ever made.

"Ry," Brendon started in a knowing voice. He could read Ryan like an open book and he knew that Ryan wasn't thinking about how much he liked that vest. Ryan needed that vest because it was he and his father’s, but Brendon thought that it was time for Ryan to come to terms with the loss of his dad. "It's been six months since his death, and you've been nothing but depressed. I think the only way for you to get over this and move on is to get rid of that vest," Brendon replied, sending quick glances at Ryan as he drove. Ryan sighed and nodded as he looked back at the road.

Ryan hadn’t worn the vest since the Nothing Rhythms With Circus Tour, but he had kept it inside of his closet for quite some times because he couldn’t force himself to get rid of it. He brought the vest everywhere with him. He brought it to photo shoots that were out of town, he brought it along to out of state gigs, Ryan was harboring that thing everywhere, but it was not helping him out in any way. Every time Ryan looked at the vest he thought of his father, and he thought of the loneliness he had felt when his father died. Sure, Ryan had the guys, but when he realized that after his father was gone, that he had no real connections to the rest of his family, he became deeply hurt. Brendon, Spencer, and Jon of course helped him through this hard time, but he had yet to get over the fact that he basically had no family. After all, he hadn’t spoken to his mother and sisters in years, his father had no brothers or sisters so aunts and uncles were out of the question, and both of his father’s parents had died when Ryan was very young. The world was a very lonely place for Ryan.

Brendon turned the corner, driving the car down a lane full of small quaint shops. Ryan’s eyes looked over the buildings briefly, not paying much attention as he tried to force himself to think about happier things. But unfortunately for him, the car had soon come to a stop in front of one of the shops. Brendon pulled the key out of the ignition, but the two boys sat silent for a few minutes. Brendon sighed and leaned back into his chair. Looming over at Ryan he cleared his throat, making the older but smaller man look in his direction. “Why don’t we just get this over with?” Brendon offered with a weak smile. Ryan nodded, and stepped out of the car without looking a Brendon. Ryan stuck his hands in his pockets as he walked over to the sidewalk and waited for Brendon to bring out the box with all of their old stage clothes. The guys had all decided it was time to get rid of their old clothes too. Brendon appeared on the sidewalk with the cardboard box in hand. Brendon looked over at Ryan as he held the mildly heavy box in his arms. “You ready?” he asked Ryan with a cocked eyebrow. Ryan hesitated a little bit before answering.

“Yeah, I think so.”

The two boys entered into the thrift shop, a bell sounding off announcing their presence as they did so. Ryan let his eyes linger over the surroundings for a moment as he took in the temporary home that his most cherished possession would soon reside in. It was a small shop, with hardly any clothes in it, but coincidently most of the clothes on the rack were similar to the clothes that were inside of the box. All of the clothing was very flamboyant and old fashioned. The collection included pinstripe slacks, feathered hats, puffy shirts, and many vests.

A slim old lady appeared in front of the boys just a few moments later. “What can I do for you boys?” she asked in a sweet but slightly scratchy New Zealand accent. Ryan and Brendon glanced at each other.

“We wanted to donate these clothes,” Brendon answered, rising up the box slightly as he spoke. The woman’s face broke into a smile and she walked over to Brendon and plucked the box right out of his hands.

“Well then, let’s just go have a look-see of what you got in this box,” she said, walking over to a small desk at the front of the shop, bringing the box with her. Ryan and Brendon followed her and watched her carefully as she began to pull out the items inside of the box. She made small noises in replacement of comments, but she didn’t say anything directly to Ryan or Brendon until she had looked at every piece of clothing. “Goodness,” she said, taking one last look at the rose vest before she placed it down on the counter with the rest of the clothes. “This is quite a collection the two of you have,” she said looking from boy to boy.

Brendon nodded, “Yes, we’ve been collecting things like this for many years, but it looks like they’ll be right at home at your store.” He said, softly smiling at the woman.

She nodded but did not respond to Brendon verbally. “These pieces are just so very unique…” she trailed off as she examined the pieces of clothing more closely, “Especially this one,” she added in a mumble as she held up the rose vest.

“I know,” Ryan muttered, trying to hold himself back from snatching the vest right out of her hands and running away from Brendon all the way back to Nevada.

The woman looked at the boys from above her glasses as she held the rose vest in her wrinkled hands, “Are you sure you want to give them away?” she asked, looking form Ryan to Brendon.

“No,”

“Absolutely,” Brendon said loudly with a grin, overpowering Ryan’s small timid voice. The woman nodded,

“Well then, I’ll take up your offer. Thank you boys.” She said kindly. Brendon smiled and nodded, before pulling Ryan by the arm out of the thrift shop. Looking back one last time Ryan was forced to say goodbye to the good memory and his father. Brendon knew that right now this was going to hurt Ryan a little bit, but in the end it could only help. Brendon was certain that Ryan was ready to let go of the past, but what he didn’t know was that the rose vest wasn’t ready to let go of Ryan.