Viktoria's Secret

Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt disgusted with yourself? Well, have you ever felt like you were the in the worst situation ever on the day that was supposed to be the best day of your life? Well, I have.

Thankfully for what little self esteem I still had, my older brother opened the door and shut it carefully behind him. I turned away from my reflection to look at the man who was only two short years older than me, and looked exactly like me down to almost every single feature. Sharp green eyes that took your breath away, soft, child like features, smooth skin, and the lightest color of blonde you’d find. He was gorgeous.

“You look so beautiful, Toria,” he told me, handing me my bouquet of red and white roses. I gave him a small smile in return before casting my eyes upon the soft, flawless flowers. Flawless. Just like today should be.

“Anton, should I be doing this?” I wondered, bringing my eyes up to meet his intense gaze. He was studying me. Anton’s eyes went soft as he examined my matching eyes as if he were looking deep into my soul.

“Do you love him?” He asked. I nodded immediately, knowing that I loved him more than anything in the entire world. “I’ve never seen two people so in love, Viktoria. You can just tell by looking at him that the second you walk into the room, his entire world lights up. People die trying to find the kind of love you two posses.”

With those words, he kissed my forehead and left me to lose myself in the thoughts that were eating away at my brain lining.

There were so many reasons to go through with this, and so many reasons to not to. We’re so young, I’m not even nineteen yet. We’re we rushing things? But nothing between us was ever slow or steady. It was always fast, rocky but worth it. It was love at first sight. The second my fifteen year old eyes set themselves on him, I had to have him. He was perfect, and probably always will be.

He was worth the risk though, he always was. There was just something about him that made me realize at a very young age that he was the one, the only one. It was in the way he could make me laugh when I was crying, be happy about something when I was upset. It was the way he made me feel when he kissed me and whispered that he loves me. He was worth every little troublesome situation we’ve ever been through.

I fell in love with him quicker than I would have liked. I fell hard and fast. But he was the one, and I knew that the second I realized that I was in love with him. Every little thing I hated about him suddenly morphed into everything I love about him. That’s how I knew I was in love.

Everything out there was so perfect. White suits, red ties, black dresses with red bows and shoes, everything was everything I ever wanted it to be. And I couldn’t have picked a better boy to be out there waiting for me.

Though there were so many pros, all I could think of was the cons. The bad things that could result from this filled my mind and washed away any optimistic wave of relief that came my way.

I let out a long breath, my cheeks blowing up with the hot air that pushed up from my lungs.

A head of brunette hair with a tint of red appeared in the door, a sick, twisted smirk fixed on her lips.

“They want you out there in five minutes, Viki,” she drawled out. I winced at the nickname that I wasn’t exactly fond of. I looked at her and weakly nodded, willing her out of the room in my head. I didn’t want to see her face. I was afraid that I would get her blood on my white gown, and I knew that if she tried anything, it would happen. Because if I’m going down, then dammit, she’s going down with me.

Sofia left much to my pleasure and shut the door behind her. As the door closed, I sighed deeply, blowing the hair in my face up doing so.

I examined myself once more in the mirror. Perfect makeup, princess dress, curled updo, and beautiful tanned skin. My tongue slid across my lips before I took my bottom lip and tugged on it with my teeth.

Making a decision of what I knew was right, I opened the door just enough to stick my head out. With a look up and down the empty hall, I pushed the door open the rest of the way. My fingers clutched my poofy dress and lifted, making it easier for me to take steps.

Looking behind me as I ran, I sprinted not so gracefully towards the front doors of the church. As I pushed the door open and ran down the ancient stairs, I bent down, while still trying to run, and slipped both of my shoes off of my feet.

Holding up my dress with one hand, shoes in the other, I waved my shoes filled hand up, summoning a taxi. Apparently, a woman in a wedding gown isn’t hard to miss. A taxi pulled up not two seconds later. With one last look over my shoulder just for an extra measure, I jumped in the cab and slammed the door, not caring that my dress was stuck in the door.

Just after I managed an address to the cabbie, I let out a sob, letting my cheek press up against the cold window as tears ran down my cheeks.

And just like that, I left the man who meant most to me standing at the alter. I ditched out at my own wedding. But to be fair, I had good reasons. Reasons that I would never in a million years tell anyone, especially Patrik Berglund.

Air finally filled my lungs as I sat up with a start while my eyes snapped open. Moonlight filled the room, illuminating the outline of…well nothing. Almost everything was packed away.

Muffled voices brought my attention away from scanning my room. My eyes found the clock on my bed side that still had to be packed. Only midnight. With a long breath, I slipped the blankets off of my bare legs and tip toed down the hall towards my parents bedroom at the end of the hall.

Biting my lip, I leaned myself against the doorframe and listened as hard as I could, just as I did when I was a kid and I knew something was going on but my parents wouldn’t let me in on the secret.

“Lydia, I don’t think this is a good idea,” my father stated in his deep, stern voice. “We’re sending her to go live with the man that she left. She must have ran away for a reason that she’s not telling us, dear. Do you really think Viktoria will be happier in America?” I closed my eyes tightly to push back the tears as I waited for my mother’s reply.

“I know what is best for my child, Johan!” She argued in her ‘I’m a woman, I always know what’s right and I’m offended that you’d think otherwise’ voice that she seemed to frequent so often. “They were in love, Johan. No matter what they both seem to believe, falling out of love isn’t as easy as it seems. They’re made for each other and I think they’ll realize it when they’re actually together.”

“But it’s been two years, don’t you think we’re pushing it? If they thought it was right to get back together, don’t you think they would have by now?”

I sighed as I felt the salty tears make their way down my cheeks. Using the back of my hands, I pushed them away feverishly, and decided I had enough of this conversation and tip toed back down to my room.

I flipped on the light switch as I entered, knowing there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to get back to sleep. For the few days, all that has been on my mind is the night, exactly four nights ago. Patrik and I haven’t exactly spoken much since then. Just the basic when we’re leaving, what to bring and such. We were set to leave for America tomorrow.

Rubbing my hand roughly over my face, I groaned. With a sigh, I decided that it was probably a good idea to finish up some packing seeing as our flight left at some odd hour of the morning.

Two piles of boxes that held a majority of my belongings. One that is to come with me to St. Louis and one that is to stay in storage here at my parent’s house. I made my way deep into my treacherous closet, half expecting something to jump at me and have me for a late night snack.

Under a few piles of clothes, of which I threw behind me carelessly, I found two framed pictures. I backed out of my closet to get more light. I fell backwards on my bed.

My fingers brushed away the dust that had gathered thickly on the first photo while the other laid idly in my lap. The picture made my stomach form in knots, and my heart to start beating faster.

It was our junior prom. I wore a gorgeous red party dress, because lets be honest, red on a blonde can never go wrong. My three inch silver strappy heels matched the corsage pinned to his suit jacket, which of course, in true Berglund style, was white with a red vest and tie to match my dress. His just over six foot frame at the time stood tall behind my enhanced five foot five inches. We both smiled widely, showing off our perfectly white teeth for the camera man. We were so happy. It was so long ago.

I pursed my lips as once again, tears fell from my thick eyelashes and landed on the glass of the frame. Switching the two pictures, my fingers picked up the other one, and did the same to remove the built up dust. This one made my heart stop completely and my head started to spin out of control.

The picture was edited to be in black and white instead of the original color. The bright lights of the annual Västerås fair made the picture. Behind us you could clearly see the Ferris Wheel and various other trademark rides. And while the lights popped out first, my eyes quickly adverted to the couple.

He held me on his back easily, his arms wrapped around my bare legs tightly to keep me up on that warm July night. My smile was bright and goofy and my arms were wrapped around his neck loosely, my fingers laced together at his chest. My head was tilted towards his a tiny bit as I pressed my cheek against his for the picture. He was in mid laugh, his eyes fixed on my flip flop that was just falling off. My heart swelled and as did my eyes as more tears filled them as my eyes found the sparkling diamond of my engagement ring on my left hand.

I think this one hit a nerve because it was much more recent than the one from us in high school. Just two short summers ago, only a few weeks before the wedding. The days when I couldn’t see anyone when he was around. I couldn’t breath when he talked. The days when love was the most important thing. Before reality took over.

With a long exhale, I took both pictures in each hand and stood from my bed. After looking at them both back and forth a few times, I set the one in my left hand, the one from high school down in the pile of things that needed to stay here in Sweden.

I slipped the picture out of the frame, and tucked it away safely in my suitcase with one last look at the night at the fair so long ago. With that, I flipped off the light and laid back down in hopes to get some sleep.

As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight