Viktoria's Secret

I wasn’t sure what to think. Even though I had promised myself before coming to America that I would stay away from Patrik, he had ended up in my bed? Had we done something more than sleep? He was sober, wasn’t he?

After my conversation with Taylor, I decided it was best if I just went back to bed. My head was spinning as I tried desperately to clutch onto any memory from the night before. Coming up short of any revelations, I turned over on my bed to lay on my stomach. Inhaling deeply, I was instantly engulfed with the scent of Patrik; a mix of his deodorant, after shave, and surprisingly, the same dryer sheets as his mother used. It was too easy to drift off into my dreams.
It wasn’t too long after I fell asleep that I was waking up again. Tj stood over my bed with an oversized playful smile on his face. “whachya doing?” he asked.

“Sleeping,” I grumbled, glaring up at him. This only made his grin widen across his face before he moved his arms from behind his back. Next thing I knew, I felt a rush of freezing coldness on my torso. In almost shock, I looked down to see my white cami completely drenched, my purple bra very visible. “I am going to kill you,” I looked at him with complete seriousness.

Tj’s smiled turned into a smirk as he turned on his heel and ran out of my room. I let out an exhausted sigh. Peeling the wet cloth off of my skin, I shivered. Of course he would dump a glass of ice water on me. I feel like this is just my luck. Someone’s gotta be fucking with me.

I approached the living room. I had no intent on acknowledging Tj’s little prank. That would only encourage him, and then he would end up taking it farther. I’d get my revenge on him tonight, and it’ll be worth the wait. So when I saw the three boys sitting on the couch, I just smiled warmly, which they probably didn’t see too often.

“Good morning, sunshine. Rainy this morning?” Erik greeted, and I just rolled my eyes in return.

“Did Taylor already leave?” I asked, looking at Tj. He only nodded, clearly more into the game of Madden he and Patrik were playing.

Hoping to find something to eat, I made my way to the kitchen. Looking around in the cupboards, all I could find was protein bars, an almost empty box of Cheerios, and instant mashed potatoes. Letting out yet another sigh, I closed the doors to the cupboard. I guess I’ll just starve.

No one wanted to do anything today. The guys had an off day, without practice, so we had a whole day ahead of ourselves with absolutely nothing to do. I ended up falling asleep once again on the recliner in the living room after getting bored of watching Erik kick Tj’s ass at every video game they owned.

I only caught Patrik steal one single glance at me the entire morning. I watched him out of the corner of my eye for a few seconds before I looked over to meet his eyes. It was only about twenty seconds, but I completely lost myself in his eyes. Just like I always did. Since he looked away awkwardly so abruptly, I’m almost certain he knew exactly what I was thinking.

Honestly, I really wanted to talk to him. He was the only one that for sure knew exactly what happened last night. But I was too nervous. What if he got mad? What if we slept together and he remembered how much he hated me? It was a tough one, that’s for sure. I knew I never should have listened to my parents when they told me it was a good idea to move to a new country to live with my ex-fiancé.

Then I got to thinking why it was a good idea for me to move in the first place. There was a lot on my plate back home. I was working every day, all day to be able to pay for my far too small apartment, with my beat up car that broke down every two weeks, and school loans on top of that. I was going absolutely nowhere.

My mother had been calling me a lot lately. She’s been trying to convince me to apply at some schools in St. Louis. The thought had crossed my mind before, but what if it doesn’t work out? That’s just going to put me in more debt. After a small argument in my head, I decided tomorrow I would go into the city and look for a job. I couldn’t just live at Pat’s apartment and not help pay for anything, right? I’ve already been a bitch ex-girlfriend as it is. Might as well make his life a little more bearable.

Getting out of the town I had been restricted by my entire life was obviously for the better. I had preached for years to anyone who would listen about how I’d leave it all behind some day and move on to bigger and better things. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was scared to leave.

After the wedding, I lost myself in a dark place. My life fell apart and I had to deal with the consequences alone. Not only was it the biggest change to my life, but also the biggest loss. I couldn’t live without him. Moving to America should have helped me get over it. Until I was put under the same roof as him. As much as I’d hate to admit it, I’m not as over Patrik as I thought.

Shaking my mind as if I were shaking the thoughts straight from my head, I realized that was the last thing I wanted to think about.

I watched as Patrik stood from the couch, and walked towards the kitchen. When I heard the fridge door open, I stood myself and followed his trail to the kitchen. Looking at his back, I bit my lip. What do I even say? When he turned around, he looked shocked to see me there. I took this as my chance to say something.

“Pat, can we talk?” My voice came out softer than I thought…shyer than I ever thought I would be. He stared at me for a solid minute. I wasn’t about to pass up on the opportunity to scan every single centimeter of his face. The perfect contours, his deep eyes, and the chiseled jaw.

“No, sorry, I’m busy,” he replied all of a sudden, shocking me, and forcing me out of my daze. Patrik brushed by me as I frowned. Then I heard his bedroom door slam.

What the hell did I do.