I Will Not Kiss You

Mikey wanted me to tell him everything bout my not-date with Gerard. So I told him about it raining and Gerard making me laugh because he looked funny. Then going to 'The Coffee House' and liking the purple and meeting Tyler. And then getting our coffee's and a cake each. And then walking home. But I didn't tell him about Gerard asking if I'd like to go out as 'more than friends' because I thought Gerard might not want me to tell him that. So I didn't.

And then I asked what Mikey did.

"Well, I've been meaning to tell you something." He said.

And I said "What's that?"

"A few weeks ago, I applied for a job and, well, they called me last night and I've got the job. I start tomorrow and I wanted to tell you 'cause, y'know, things will be changing and I know you don't like it when things change."

My stomach felt funny. But in a bad way. Not like it did with Gerard. Mikey chewed his bottom lip as he looked at me and said 'Is that gonna' be ok?'.

"How much will things change?"

"Not hugely," He insisted "We just won't be able to hang out as much 'cause I'll be working. I'm not gonna' stop being friends with you."

"Please don't."

"I won't, I promise."

Mikey smiled and I smiled back. I was happy that Mikey had a job because he was always saying that his Mom gave him the allowance a little kid would get and he wanted more money for going out and buying stuff he needed etcetera. I didn't mention that I get less allowance than him. Mom gives me allowance because Dad thinks that I don't know how to look after money and will spend it on the 'first shiny thing I see'.

"What is your job, anyway?"

"You know that big estate house just outside of town?"

"Yeah."

"Well it has a pet store and a pet hotel there. I help take care of the animals there."

"Wow! I like animals."

"I know you do," He smiled "If you ever feel like getting a job, they're always on the look-out for someone to help with the animals."

"I don't know. Dad said he doesn't want me getting a job because he thinks I won't be able to cope. He said a job is very hard and I won't be able to manage because it's so hard."

"Well, your Dad just doesn't want you to get a job then 'cause, it is hard work but you'd be able to cope! It's not like you'd be doing it by yourself and you like animals so it'd be something you like, right?"

"I guess."

"Anyway, just have a think about it, ok?" He said "You don't have to say yes if you don't want to. No one's gonna' get angry or upset."

"Ok, thank you."

Mikey smiled again and rooted through his lunch box, producing an apple and biting into it. I don't like apples unless they've come straight out of the fridge because otherwise they make me feel sick. And I don't like feeling sick...

...Gerard was reading in the living room when we got to Mikey's house. I noticed that they had new sofas. They were dark red and I liked them more than the old ones, which were beige. But I also felt funny in my stomach because it was different and I'd liked the replacement of the old sofas even though I don't like change, so I stayed where I was for a moment. Mikey walked over to the one Gerard was on and ran a hand over the material. Gerard jumped when he saw Mikey and then smiled and said 'Hey, I didn't hear you come in'.

"When did Mom and Dad get these?" Mikey questioned.

"This morning." Gerard replied.

Mikey leant over the sofa.

"Interesting read?" He asked "You don't need to read that again! You're doing fine with him."

"I was just brushing up." Gerard insisted, his cheeks going pink.

I wondered if he was embarrassed because it was quite cold inside the house so he couldn't be hot. Spring's coming up soon and then it won't be as cold. I walked into the living room quietly and said 'Hello'. Gerard and Mikey both looked up at me and Gerard snapped his book shut, hiding the front cover by putting it on his lap.

"What are you reading?" I asked, trying to chat.

"Nothing interesting." He replied, smiling.

"I like reading," I insisted "Even stuff that other people say isn't very interesting."

"Trust me, this is really boring stuff. I'm looking at maybe going to college," He said "It's just an outline of the courses available."

"What do you want to do?" I asked politely.

"Oh...erm...I was looking at something to do with art. I was at art school for a while but I dropped out 'cause Bert wanted to move somewhere closer to his parents."

"Jerk." Mikey muttered.

"He wasn't that bad bad, Mikes."

"Oh right. So, forcing you to give up your education and the thing you love most, making you move away from your family so that he can be nearer his family, making you go on a vacation to wherever it was so that you'd miss my birthday, not letting you come and see us for Christmas or Thanksgiving or any other holiday and then topping the whole thing off by jumping into bed with someone else isn't 'that bad'?"

"He just...I mean, he..."

Gerard was staring at his hands, still closed around his book. He was shaking and his mop of black hair had fallen down, hiding his face from view. Mikey leant closer to him and brushed some of Gerard's hair out of his face. I could see that he was crying. Not badly but I could see tears rolling down his cheek and along the bridge of his nose. Mikey immediately put an arm around him and said 'Oh, Gee, I didn't mean... I never meant to...... I didn't mean to upset you'. I wondered if I should say something to try and make him feel better but I didn't know what to say other than 'Please don't cry, I don't like seeing you sad' so I kept quiet.

"I just...I just wanna' be alone for a while." Gerard said, pulling away from Mikey and walking away.

"Are you going to be ok?" I asked because I know that some people do something called 'self-harming' when they are sad ,or angry, and alone.

"Yeah," He replied, waving a hand over his shoulder "I just..."

"I'm sorry." Mikey called to him as he reached the stairs.

Gerard stopped on the stairs. He didn't look at us as he talked, he just stared at his feet. One of his fists was clenched and his shoulders were shaking.

"What for?" He asked, his voice sounding different "I mean, you're right. I dunno' why I'm still defending him when I'm interested someone else now. I don't even like him anymore. It's just pathetic."

And then he went upstairs. I didn't like him being sad. Mikey watched him and kept staring at the stairs after he'd gone. He looked sad too and I said 'Are you ok?'. He nodded slowly and said 'I'm just worried about him'.

"Please don't be sad, Mikey," I begged "He said he's ok."

"But I don't really believe that. He just said that to stop us following him."

"Oh. So he lied?"

"Yeah. Because he didn't want us to worry about him."

"Oh." I said, sitting down next to Mikey.

He twiddled his thumbs and looked around the room. I wondered if I should ask him if he wanted me to go home. But he looked at me and slowly reached out to pat my shoulder. And then he lifted his arms and slowly moved closer to hug me.

"Are you sad?"

"Yes."

"Because Gerard's sad?"

"Yeah, and it's my fault."

I didn't say anything because it was true but Mikey had said 'Oh, Gee, I didn't mean... I never meant to...... I didn't mean to upset you', which means he didn't actually mean to make Gerard sad and it was an accident.

"Frankie, I understand if you don't want to, but could you do me a favour?"

"It depends."

"D'you think you'd be able to go up and see that he's ok?"

"You mean just open the door, look at him and then come back down?"

"Well, y'know, check he's not doing anything stupid and sit and talk to him."

"I don't know," I wavered "Why don't you want to?"

"He'll just tell me to go away. He likes you, you might be better with him than me," He explained "I understand if you don't want to. I'd only ask you if I was really worried about him."

"I know. Because you're a good friend," I replied "Ok, I'll go see that he's ok, for you."

"Thank you, Frankie." Mikey said.

Mom always told me 'If you want a friend, be a friend'. This means that if you want to be friends with someone, you have to try and be friends with them too. She also told me that if you'd like a friend to help you when you need something, you should help them too. So I got up and walked up the stairs to find Gerard.