I Will Not Kiss You

Nadine cooked vegetarian bolognese for dinner. But when she called us all to the table for dinner, I wouldn’t eat it. This is because I couldn’t see her cooking it and because I don’t know her very well or trust her. Harry, Ben and Dad were all eating it and talking loudly.

"I love it when Mommy cooks meat!" Ben said, putting another forkful of food into his mouth.

"That's not meat." I said.

He looked at me and crossed his eyebrows so that he looked angry.

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not," I argued "It's quorn and it's for vegetarians."

"What's a vegetablearian? I'm not a vegetablearian; none of us are. That's why this is meat!"

"I'm vegetarian," I replied "And a vegetarian is someone who doesn't eat meat or anything that comes from a dead animal-"

"Frank, that's getting too graphic!" Dad cut in.

"This is meat, Ben." Nadine said quietly to him.

"No it isn't!" I exclaimed, looking at her "Why are you lying to him? Or is it meat and you're lying to me?"

She didn't say anything because both I and Ben were looking at her, waiting for an answer. I watched her eat more of her food calmly. I wondered if she was going to ignore us both. This made me angry because I didn't want to be ignored because it's rude and nasty. I'm not being horrible to her so she shouldn't be ignoring me. So I asked her again and she still wouldn't answer. Then Dad told me to leave the table if I was going to behave the way I was. And I stood up and shouted 'This isn't fair! Ben's not being asked to leave the table!' and Dad said 'That's because he's not behaving badly' and I said 'Yes he is!'. Dad ignored me as well and told everyone to ignore me so I picked up my plate of food and threw it at the wall because I was so angry. Then I stormed out into my room and slammed the door shut.

'Stormed' means that I stamped my feet very loudly as I walked. It's what people do when they're angry.

I lay back on my bed and tried breathing in and counting to ten, like Chrissie always tells me to do when I'm angry. But it doesn't help me. It makes me even angrier that I can't calm down straight away.

Ten minutes later, I sat up and got my cell phone. I felt a little calmer than I was but I wanted Mikey to talk to me in a calm voice and calm me down. So I punched the number for Mikey's house phone in and it started to ring. Gerard answered and said 'Hello'.

"Is Mikey there?"

"Is that Frank?"

"Yeah."

"He's not here, Frank, he's at work."

"Oh yeah," I said, remembering "When will he be back?"

"Erm. . . I'm not sure, is there something wrong?"

"Yes." I said truthfully.

"Is it anything I can help with?"

"I don't know."

"Would you like to tell me and then I'll see if I can help?"

"Ok." I said uncertainly.

"Take your time," He said in a soft voice "I'll listen."

So I swallowed and breathed in three times before I said anything. He didn't talk at the other end of the phone but I knew he was still there because I could hear him breathing out.

And then I said "I had another argument with my Dad."

And he went "Ooooh, not good."

So I said "No, it's not good."

Then he asked "What was it about?"

I opened my mouth to reply and then someone knocked on my door so I told him to hang on. Then I went and opened my door. Nadine was standing on the other side and she said 'Are you ok?' and I said 'I'm on the phone'. So she said 'Oh, I'm sorry, I'll come back in a minute'. Then I shut the door and started talking to Gerard again.

"We had an argument because his lady friend made a vegetarian bolognese for dinner and her son, Ben, said that he loves meat so I told him that it wasn't meat and that it was vegetarian food. Then he asked what a vegetarian is and said it wasn't vegetarian food because none of us are vegetarian then I said I was and told him what a vegetarian is. Then Dad said I was being graphic and Nadine told him that it was meat. Then I asked her if she was lying to him or me. Dad told me to leave the table and told everyone to ignore me."

I heard Gerard swear quietly and say 'Wow'. Wow is what you say when you're amazed by something or think something's really good. So I wondered if he thought it was really good. But then he said 'That's horrible' so I guessed he was being sarcastic when he said wow.

"You're Dad sounds like a bit of an asshole," He said "If you don't mind my saying so."

And I said "I don't mind."

"That's a really horrible thing for him to do. I can understand that he has guests but telling them to ignore you was harsh. Especially as it sounds like you haven't done anything wrong!"

"I shouldn't have stormed off or shouted." I said.

"But that was after he told them to ignore you, right?"

"No. It was after he told me to leave the table but before he told them to ignore me."

And he said "It's still him in the wrong, then."

Then neither of us said anything for a little while. I could hear him breathing on the other end of the phone so I knew he was still there.

"D'you want me to pick you up and drive you to your Mom's?"

"I don't know. I went home to Mom's last time I had an argument with Dad."

"Was that when Mikey stayed over at your Mom's house?"

And I said "Yes. And I don't want to make Mom angry because I had another argument with Dad. And then she might call him and fight with him again."

"Ah, I see the problem."

He couldn't really see it. What he meant was that he could understand or imagine it. Like when we were having coffee and he said he couldn't see me dancing to Spandar Ballet.

"D'you wanna' stay at ours?" He asked.

And I said "I don't know. Mikey isn't there and your Mom and Dad might not want me there."

"Mikey's gonna' be coming back as soon as he's finished work. And my Mom and Dad love you, they wouldn't mind."

"I don't know. My Dad wouldn't like it."

"You don't have to," He said "It was just an idea."

But I didn't know whether to say yes or no. So I told him this and he said he'd put it in a different light for me.

"D'you want to stay there with your Dad, his girlfriend and her kids?"

"Not really."

"D'you like his girlfriend and her kids?"

"I don't like them but I don't hate them. But I think it's their fault that Dad called me a picky finicky retarded brat-"

"He what?! He called you that today?"

"No. It was a when Mikey stayed over at my Mom's."

"Because of your aspergers?"

"I think so."

"God, that's pure evil!"

And I didn't say anything. Then he asked if I wanted to stay at his and Mikey's and I said 'If you're sure your Mom and Dad won't mind' and he said 'Nah, they won't! They love you' and this made me happy because being loved is a very good thing.

"Just get the stuff you want and I'll be over in a minute, ok?"

"Ok.". . .

. . . Gerard's car parked in front of Dad's apartment block twenty minutes later. I knew it was his car because I recognised the license plate. His license plate is KN1V3S and he told me that it spells knives but the number 1 and the number 3 replace the i and the e. I thought this was clever and he laughed when I told him and said 'Thank you'.

I picked my bag up and then walked out through the living room towards the door as the buzzer went off. He knew which apartment Dad lives in because I told him on the phone. Dad got to it before me because he was in the kitchen, which is nearer the front door. And he said 'Hello?' and Gerard said 'Hi, is Frank up there?'. Then Dad looked at me and said 'Who's asking?'.

Then Gerard said "Who's asking, who's asking?"

"His father, thank you very much."

I tried to walk past Dad but he grabbed my arm. And it hurt so I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let go. And he said into the intercom 'Frank can't come out, I'm afraid, goodbye'. He wouldn't let my arm go so I screamed and hit him. This made him shout and let go of my arm so I opened the door and ran away. Gerard was standing in the doorway when I came out and he asked if I was ok because I'd been running. I told him that Dad had grabbed my arm and hurt me. He sighed, shook his head and told me to get in the car so that we could go.

We got in the car and he handed me his cell phone and said 'You'd better call your Mom and tell her where you are so she doesn't worry if your Dad calls her'. I liked this because he explained it in detail to me, like Mikey and Chrissie do. So I used Gerard's cell phone to call Mom and she answered after thirty seconds.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mom, it's Frank."

"Hey, honey, you ok?"

And I said "I had an argument with Dad again."

"Do you want me to come and get you?"

"I'm with Gerard at the moment and I'm staying at his and Mikey's house."

Gerard said "Do you want me to talk to her?"

So I nodded and handed him the phone. He took one hand off the steering wheel and used it to hold the phone so that he could talk to my Mom.

"Hey - Yeah, I'm Gerard, Mikey's brother - Yeah, he didn't want to cause any trouble for you and I said my Mom and Dad wouldn't mind if he stayed at our house - If you don't want him to, I can drop him off at your house - Ok, if you're sure - Yeah, they won't mind - Is there anything he desperately needs? - Ok, we have all that stuff anyway unless you'd rather we came and picked it up - Um. . . yeah we have some somewhere - Ok, bye."

He asked if I wanted to say 'Bye' and I said 'Yes, please' and he handed me the cell phone back.

"Hello?"

"Ok, Frank, that's fine for you to stay at Mikey's, ok?"

"Yes."

"I do want you to try and sort this out with your Dad, though. You don't have to spend the night at his house but you'll have to see him at some point, does that sound fair?"

"Yes."

"Ok then, have a good time. I love you."

"I love you too."

And then I hung up and gave the phone back to Gerard.