I Will Not Kiss You

Mikey’s house looked really nice. It was at the end of a quiet little street. A shiny dark blue car was parked in the drive way and a grubby silver car was parked at the side of the road outside the house. The house had reddish/brown bricks and a little wall with white slabs on the top to show the end of the lawn.

“Yeah; that’s my car.” Gerard said when he saw me staring at the silver car.

“It needs a wash.” I stated.

Then I realised that must’ve sounded very rude and said ‘Sorry’. Gerard just laughed and said ‘Yeah I know! Mikey keeps telling me it’s disgusting!’. Mikey grinned as if he was proud of himself and I laughed because he looked funny. Then Gerard walked beside me and patted my shoulder so I pulled my arm away from him. He made a funny face, looking at me sideways with his eyebrows crossed together. I wanted to ask him what it means but I thought he might laugh at me and I don’t like being laughed at.

“It means ‘confused’.” Mikey whispered to me after seeing me copying Gerard’s expression.

“Why is he confused?” I replied.

Mikey shrugged.

“He’s always confused! It’s ‘cause he’s stupid.”

I giggled quietly.

“I am not!” Gerard exclaimed “I’m a very intelligent, creative, original human being.”

Mikey coughed loudly and I know that means ‘I’m not telling the truth’ or ‘Yeah right’; Mikey told me!

“Spell antidisestablishmentarianism!” I said, looking at Gerard.

“Huh?” He questioned making a weird face.

His facial expression was weird because he lifted his lip on the right side of his face, wrinkled the right side of his nose and arched his left eyebrow. It was very strange and very confusing.

“That’s his gormless face,” Mikey explained “You’ll see that a lot.”

“Spell antidisestablishmentarianism,” I repeated “You said you’re a very intelligent, creative, original human being!”

He burst out laughing and said I was a prize specimen. Then he had a go at spelling it.

“Ok…um…Anti…A-N-T-I…disestablishment…D-I-S-E-S-T-A-B-L-E…no crap…L-I-C…no! Oh crap.”

Mikey and I both laughed because he couldn’t spell it and it was funny.

“Oh yeah?” He exclaimed to Mikey “You spell it then.”

“I’m not gonna’ embarrass myself,” He replied “I know I can’t spell it! Frankie’ll spell it; won’t you Frankie?”

They both looked at me. Without thinking about it, my mouth opened and I quickly spelt out antidisestablishmentarianism.

“A-N-T-I-D-I-S-E-S-T-A-B-L-I-S-H-M-E-N-T-A-R-I-A-N-I-S-M.”

“What?!” Gerard cried, making me shuffle a little further away from him.

“Is that right?” I questioned, thinking he meant I was wrong and re-spelling it in my head.

“How do I know?” He exclaimed “How’d you know that?”

“I’m really good at English.”

“Spell Mississippi.”

“That’s easy,” I laughed “M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I! M-I-double S-I-double S-I- double P-I!”

“Horticulture?”

“H-O-R-T-I-C-U-L-T-U-R-E.”

“What does that mean?” Mikey questioned, wrinkling his nose.

“Cultivating gardens.” I replied.

“What’s the dictionary definition of addict?” Gerard asked.

“Why?” I asked “Don’t you know what an addict is?”

“He does Frankie.” Mikey swore.

“So why is he asking me?”

“He wants to see how much you know.”

“Oh,” I replied, turning to Gerard “For the interest of saving time, I know a lot thank you.”

“C’mon,” Mikey said impatiently “Let’s get inside.”

I dithered on the doorstep as he put a key into the keyhole and opened the door. I stood still and looked in through the door. It was a hallway lit by the sunlight pouring in through the windows and the door. There was a dark red carpet with cream coloured walls. I could see a door right in front of me at the end of the hallway and a stair case going up. Mikey smiled to me as I dithered nervously, shifting from foot to foot.

“It’s ok,” He said calmly “Take your time.”

I swallowed hard and took a step forwards. Gerard was standing right behind me and I didn’t like him being that close to me so I was forced to step forwards again. I knew he was making a funny face again. Mikey’s hand extended slowly so I gripped it in my hand and let him take me forwards.

“Just squeeze if you don’t like it.” He whispered, leaning closer so Gerard couldn’t hear.

I nodded and applied a little pressure to his hand.

“Ok; can I just ask this,” Gerard said from behind me “Is he your boyfriend, Mikey?”

“No,” Mikey replied, making his voice sound defensive “He’s my best friend!”

I switched off again and concentrated on walking into the house. The further inside I got, the tighter I squeezed Mikey’s hand. I know that makes me seem very childish and no I don’t hold people’s hands when I go to new places! I do get hesitant before going inside! It’s not that I’m scared it’s just that I get a little nervous because I don’t know what it’s like so I don’t like it.

“There,” Mikey smiled, releasing my hand “Was that ok?”

I nodded silently, looking at my surroundings. There were three cracks up in the right corner above the front door and a cobweb as well. I looked around for the spider that had made it but I couldn’t see it anywhere. Then the door in front of me opened and I knew it was the kitchen door because Mikey had drawn it on his map. Donna walked out into the hallway and paused when she saw me.

“Frank?” She questioned “Honey it’s so great to see you!”

I smiled politely to her while she squealed and said about how happy she was that I’d finally come to visit etc. She sees me all the time but I’ve never been round their house before. I guess it’s a huge deal for everyone.

“Would you like a drink?” She smiled “A coffee? You can come watch me make it.”

“That would be nice.” I smiled; following her slowly out into the kitchen with Mikey closely and protectively behind me.