‹ Prequel: The Red Hot Tamales
Suga Babies
Monster
Liliana
Dade and I didn't talk for the rest of the day. Even when we got to the car, we didn't speak. Copper tried to keep a conversation going, but gave up after all I would do was nod. Todd's iPod was blaring from the front seat, the only sound you heard for the rest of the drive. Copper dropped me off in front of my house, and I murmured goodbye to her before slamming the door and running up my walkway. I slammed the front door open, throwing my bag onto the floor to my left. I stood there and listened. The only sound I could hear was the gentle hum of the refrigerator. No one was home. I turned around just in time to see Copper's car disappear. I sighed and picked my bag up and closed the door. I headed upstairs to my bedroom. Even though there was no one home, I still locked the door behind me. I didn't want anyone to walk in on me because of what I was about to do. I threw my bag on my bed and turned to my radio, blaring it to overpower all sounds in the house. I fiddled with my Bench Flash On Bike T-Shirt as I stared at the bathroom.
I felt scared going in for some reason. I took a deep breath and hurried in, slamming the door behind me. I pressed my back up against the door, my heart racing in my chest. I felt terrified, and I couldn't figure out why. I took deep breaths to help calm myself.
Jesus Cat, you have done this millions of times before. Stop being a chicken shit! I scolded myself as I rubbed my sweaty palms against my skinny jeans. I took a hesitant step towards the sink, where my kit was hiding behind the mirror. My heart felt like it was trying to beat it's way out of my chest. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my dry throat and hurried the rest of the way. I stood over the sink now, staring into the mirror. I noticed how my eyes seemed to be dull. They were always so dull anymore. I wonder when was the last time they shone? I shook my head and reached behind the mirror for the small tin. I brought it out, my hands shaking and sweating.
God Cat, your acting like such a pussy. You remember how it feels don't you? They way the pretty shiny metal glides across your skin, relieving your pain? Why are you so hesitant all of the sudden? I shook my head and took out the blade and pressed it against my skin. I held it there and stared into the mirror. I didn't feel like watching today. I couldn't place my finger on why... but I just didn't want to watch. I stared into the stranger's eyes in the mirror. She was pleading with me not to do it... but what does she know? She has the perfect life, she was just the surface image... not what was deep inside. She didn't live what I have lived. She didn't know the things I know. She has no reason to feel sympathy and to beg me to stop.
I angrily dragged the blade across my wrist as I stared at the perfect one in the mirror. Her face twisted in sorrow and pain, while I held this psychotic grin on mine. She was soon going to know the pain that I felt. She would soon know that she was just an image and not the emotions. I hissed when I dragged the blade across my skin again, but never took my eyes off of the girl in the mirror with tears running down her face. Soon my one arm felt numb and I fumbled with the blade as I switched arms. Soon, both of my arms were covered in cuts and the blood ran down them. I dropped the bloody blade into the sink. It jumped around with a metallic clatter before it finally rested on it's side. The blood seemed to glow against the silver. I stared at my wrists. It almost seemed beautiful, the way the blood ran down my arm like a crimson river. I grabbed my red washcloth and gently cleaned myself up. I scrubbed at the blood on the counter and even my blade. I put everything back to where it belonged and then rung the blood and water out of the washcloth.
I unlocked my door and peeked out. I knew no one would be in my room since I locked the door, but I was a paranoid shit sometimes. I grabbed my grey and black Etnies and a zebra stripped hoodie and threw them on. I grabbed my keys and threw them in my pocket. I went to turn off the music when the words to the song caught my attention.
The secret side of me
I never let you see
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
So stay away from me
The beast is ugly
I feel the rage
And I just can't hold it
It's scratching on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
It comes awake
And I can't control it
Hiding under the bed
In my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!
I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster
My secret side I keep
Hid under lock and key
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
Cause if I let him out
He'll tear me up
And break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!
I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster
It's hiding in the dark
It's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me
It wants my soul,
It wants my heart
No one can hear me scream
Maybe it's just a dream
Or maybe it's inside of me
Stop this monster!
I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster
How fucking appropriate that that song came on then? It pretty much summed up all that I felt. I shut it off, angry that I had given in again. I opened my door and marched down the stairs, my keys jingling in my pocket. I was heading to the one place that I knew that I wasn’t a monster. The Willow Tree. The magical garden that made everything better. I was storming down the road, not paying attention to anything. But I somehow knew when I was getting closer, I became less angry and this calm enveloped me. I swear, that garden knew when I was pissed. I walked through the secret doorway and seen that someone was already here. I don’t think it helped me any that that figure happened to be Dade. He stood there kicking rocks into the pond, angrily grumbling to himself. I decided to give him a wide berth, and started to walk around to the other end. I heard shoes following me. I made it almost halfway around the pond when an arm grabbed me and twirled me around.
“I am not jealous!” Dade spat at me. He looked pissed.
“Okay, congratulations, your not jealous.” I was slightly confused, not really sure what he was yelling at me for.
“I have Kelsey.” He said slowly, as if he was talking to a slow person. I blinked at him when I finally comprehended what he was getting at.
“Dade, did you just chase me half way around the pond just to tell me that your not jealous because you have Kelsey in your life? I thought we established earlier that neither of us were jealous, that you had Kelsey and I have Tony.” I growled at him. He raised an eyebrow at me and scoffed.
“You are so Jealous Liliana Catalina Rivera. You are practically oozing it. I can feel it.” He whispered. I don’t know when or how, but we were suddenly very close and I couldn’t breath anything except his intoxicating smell. He wore Phoenix Axe, and it mixed well with his natural musky scent. I could feel my heart doing this stupid fast beating thing in my chest, but I decided to ignore that stupid traitor. I took a few steps back. Dade grinned at me.
“Do I unnerve you Lily? Do I make you nervous?” He asked, stepping closer. I stumbled as I took a step back and he caught me around the waist.
“Admit it Lily, you are jealous. You want what Kelsey has had, and it burns you up inside. Just admit it, no one will hear it except me since we’re the only two here.” He whispered into my ear. I tried to contain my shiver, but it escaped and he smirked at me.
“Dade, what the hell has gotten into you?” I asked, I was so confused. This boy changed emotions so fast that he was giving me whiplash. Dade was still holding onto my waist and he just grinned at me.
“I have no clue Lily.” He said with a chuckle. I shook my head and pulled myself from his grasp. I needed to put some distance between us. I wanted to be with him so bad, but something about this didn’t feel right.
“I am not jealous Dade Brennan Sherman. I have Tony remember?” His grin fell from his face and he narrowed his eyes at me.
“Of course you would go out with Tony. He is your type, or rather you’re his type.” He spat. It was my turn to narrow my eyes at him.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Dade?” My voice had that dangerous glint in it that any normal and sane person would have tip-toed carefully around, but I don’t think Dade was sane at that moment.
“Well, you’re a rich little bitch that tends to get around. That type.” Dade spat at me. My jaw dropped. All I could do was stare at him. He said what?!
“Excuse me? I am a little rich bitch who gets around? I hope that doesn’t mean what I think it means Dade!” I spat at him. I could feel the waves of anger starting to crash into me. He just smirked and shrugged his shoulders, raising his hands in the air in a “Hey, if the shoe fits.” gesture.
“If “gets around” means you have your legs open for ever Dick and Harry… then yes, it is exactly what it means...Cat” He sneered at me. I wiped that sneer off of his face with a slap right to the face.
“I am not a whore, Dade Brennan Sherman! I am still a virgin in fact. I don’t spread my legs for every fucking male, unlike your girlfriend!” I spat at him. I even poked him in the chest with my finger for every word. He just glared at me and then shoved my hand away.
“That isn’t what I hear. I hear that the real reason you are called Cat is because your just like a female cat in heat, always open and ready for any male to come and take you, and you enjoy it.” I went to go slap him again, but he grabbed my hand and threw it away.
“No wonder people think your gay! You have mood swings and fight like a little bitch!” I snarled at him. He just glared at me.
“What the fuck ever. I am sick of seeing your face Cat. I wish that our parents weren’t friends so we didn’t ever meet!” He snarled back.
“Good! At least we can agree on something!” I shot back I was pissed, and I didn’t care anymore. I turned away and stormed off. I felt the tears pouring down my face and I rubbed my wrist where Dade had grabbed me when I went to slap him. I gently lift the sleeve and discovered fresh blood dripping down my arm.
Great… just what I need. I look back and discover that Dade was gone. I look around at the garden, that now felt… different. It wasn’t my safe haven anymore. I cried at the loss of my safe place, cause now even my demons can pass through it’s magical gate. No where was safe from the real world anymore.
Dade and I didn't talk for the rest of the day. Even when we got to the car, we didn't speak. Copper tried to keep a conversation going, but gave up after all I would do was nod. Todd's iPod was blaring from the front seat, the only sound you heard for the rest of the drive. Copper dropped me off in front of my house, and I murmured goodbye to her before slamming the door and running up my walkway. I slammed the front door open, throwing my bag onto the floor to my left. I stood there and listened. The only sound I could hear was the gentle hum of the refrigerator. No one was home. I turned around just in time to see Copper's car disappear. I sighed and picked my bag up and closed the door. I headed upstairs to my bedroom. Even though there was no one home, I still locked the door behind me. I didn't want anyone to walk in on me because of what I was about to do. I threw my bag on my bed and turned to my radio, blaring it to overpower all sounds in the house. I fiddled with my Bench Flash On Bike T-Shirt as I stared at the bathroom.
I felt scared going in for some reason. I took a deep breath and hurried in, slamming the door behind me. I pressed my back up against the door, my heart racing in my chest. I felt terrified, and I couldn't figure out why. I took deep breaths to help calm myself.
Jesus Cat, you have done this millions of times before. Stop being a chicken shit! I scolded myself as I rubbed my sweaty palms against my skinny jeans. I took a hesitant step towards the sink, where my kit was hiding behind the mirror. My heart felt like it was trying to beat it's way out of my chest. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my dry throat and hurried the rest of the way. I stood over the sink now, staring into the mirror. I noticed how my eyes seemed to be dull. They were always so dull anymore. I wonder when was the last time they shone? I shook my head and reached behind the mirror for the small tin. I brought it out, my hands shaking and sweating.
God Cat, your acting like such a pussy. You remember how it feels don't you? They way the pretty shiny metal glides across your skin, relieving your pain? Why are you so hesitant all of the sudden? I shook my head and took out the blade and pressed it against my skin. I held it there and stared into the mirror. I didn't feel like watching today. I couldn't place my finger on why... but I just didn't want to watch. I stared into the stranger's eyes in the mirror. She was pleading with me not to do it... but what does she know? She has the perfect life, she was just the surface image... not what was deep inside. She didn't live what I have lived. She didn't know the things I know. She has no reason to feel sympathy and to beg me to stop.
I angrily dragged the blade across my wrist as I stared at the perfect one in the mirror. Her face twisted in sorrow and pain, while I held this psychotic grin on mine. She was soon going to know the pain that I felt. She would soon know that she was just an image and not the emotions. I hissed when I dragged the blade across my skin again, but never took my eyes off of the girl in the mirror with tears running down her face. Soon my one arm felt numb and I fumbled with the blade as I switched arms. Soon, both of my arms were covered in cuts and the blood ran down them. I dropped the bloody blade into the sink. It jumped around with a metallic clatter before it finally rested on it's side. The blood seemed to glow against the silver. I stared at my wrists. It almost seemed beautiful, the way the blood ran down my arm like a crimson river. I grabbed my red washcloth and gently cleaned myself up. I scrubbed at the blood on the counter and even my blade. I put everything back to where it belonged and then rung the blood and water out of the washcloth.
I unlocked my door and peeked out. I knew no one would be in my room since I locked the door, but I was a paranoid shit sometimes. I grabbed my grey and black Etnies and a zebra stripped hoodie and threw them on. I grabbed my keys and threw them in my pocket. I went to turn off the music when the words to the song caught my attention.
The secret side of me
I never let you see
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
So stay away from me
The beast is ugly
I feel the rage
And I just can't hold it
It's scratching on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
It comes awake
And I can't control it
Hiding under the bed
In my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!
I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster
My secret side I keep
Hid under lock and key
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
Cause if I let him out
He'll tear me up
And break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!
I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster
It's hiding in the dark
It's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me
It wants my soul,
It wants my heart
No one can hear me scream
Maybe it's just a dream
Or maybe it's inside of me
Stop this monster!
I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster
How fucking appropriate that that song came on then? It pretty much summed up all that I felt. I shut it off, angry that I had given in again. I opened my door and marched down the stairs, my keys jingling in my pocket. I was heading to the one place that I knew that I wasn’t a monster. The Willow Tree. The magical garden that made everything better. I was storming down the road, not paying attention to anything. But I somehow knew when I was getting closer, I became less angry and this calm enveloped me. I swear, that garden knew when I was pissed. I walked through the secret doorway and seen that someone was already here. I don’t think it helped me any that that figure happened to be Dade. He stood there kicking rocks into the pond, angrily grumbling to himself. I decided to give him a wide berth, and started to walk around to the other end. I heard shoes following me. I made it almost halfway around the pond when an arm grabbed me and twirled me around.
“I am not jealous!” Dade spat at me. He looked pissed.
“Okay, congratulations, your not jealous.” I was slightly confused, not really sure what he was yelling at me for.
“I have Kelsey.” He said slowly, as if he was talking to a slow person. I blinked at him when I finally comprehended what he was getting at.
“Dade, did you just chase me half way around the pond just to tell me that your not jealous because you have Kelsey in your life? I thought we established earlier that neither of us were jealous, that you had Kelsey and I have Tony.” I growled at him. He raised an eyebrow at me and scoffed.
“You are so Jealous Liliana Catalina Rivera. You are practically oozing it. I can feel it.” He whispered. I don’t know when or how, but we were suddenly very close and I couldn’t breath anything except his intoxicating smell. He wore Phoenix Axe, and it mixed well with his natural musky scent. I could feel my heart doing this stupid fast beating thing in my chest, but I decided to ignore that stupid traitor. I took a few steps back. Dade grinned at me.
“Do I unnerve you Lily? Do I make you nervous?” He asked, stepping closer. I stumbled as I took a step back and he caught me around the waist.
“Admit it Lily, you are jealous. You want what Kelsey has had, and it burns you up inside. Just admit it, no one will hear it except me since we’re the only two here.” He whispered into my ear. I tried to contain my shiver, but it escaped and he smirked at me.
“Dade, what the hell has gotten into you?” I asked, I was so confused. This boy changed emotions so fast that he was giving me whiplash. Dade was still holding onto my waist and he just grinned at me.
“I have no clue Lily.” He said with a chuckle. I shook my head and pulled myself from his grasp. I needed to put some distance between us. I wanted to be with him so bad, but something about this didn’t feel right.
“I am not jealous Dade Brennan Sherman. I have Tony remember?” His grin fell from his face and he narrowed his eyes at me.
“Of course you would go out with Tony. He is your type, or rather you’re his type.” He spat. It was my turn to narrow my eyes at him.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Dade?” My voice had that dangerous glint in it that any normal and sane person would have tip-toed carefully around, but I don’t think Dade was sane at that moment.
“Well, you’re a rich little bitch that tends to get around. That type.” Dade spat at me. My jaw dropped. All I could do was stare at him. He said what?!
“Excuse me? I am a little rich bitch who gets around? I hope that doesn’t mean what I think it means Dade!” I spat at him. I could feel the waves of anger starting to crash into me. He just smirked and shrugged his shoulders, raising his hands in the air in a “Hey, if the shoe fits.” gesture.
“If “gets around” means you have your legs open for ever Dick and Harry… then yes, it is exactly what it means...Cat” He sneered at me. I wiped that sneer off of his face with a slap right to the face.
“I am not a whore, Dade Brennan Sherman! I am still a virgin in fact. I don’t spread my legs for every fucking male, unlike your girlfriend!” I spat at him. I even poked him in the chest with my finger for every word. He just glared at me and then shoved my hand away.
“That isn’t what I hear. I hear that the real reason you are called Cat is because your just like a female cat in heat, always open and ready for any male to come and take you, and you enjoy it.” I went to go slap him again, but he grabbed my hand and threw it away.
“No wonder people think your gay! You have mood swings and fight like a little bitch!” I snarled at him. He just glared at me.
“What the fuck ever. I am sick of seeing your face Cat. I wish that our parents weren’t friends so we didn’t ever meet!” He snarled back.
“Good! At least we can agree on something!” I shot back I was pissed, and I didn’t care anymore. I turned away and stormed off. I felt the tears pouring down my face and I rubbed my wrist where Dade had grabbed me when I went to slap him. I gently lift the sleeve and discovered fresh blood dripping down my arm.
Great… just what I need. I look back and discover that Dade was gone. I look around at the garden, that now felt… different. It wasn’t my safe haven anymore. I cried at the loss of my safe place, cause now even my demons can pass through it’s magical gate. No where was safe from the real world anymore.
♠ ♠ ♠
Whoah! Could it be? Yes it is! I updated! Woot! So, just so you know, there wasn't another person in the room when Cat was cutting, she was talking about her reflection... just in case some of you might have been confused by that.Now, if you give us at least seven comments, then Kayti will update. It's not that hard, trust me. I do it all the time. You can even stick in there on how much I suck *no mean words for Kayti*, I wouldn't mind. Well I might, but seriously, we want comments. Now the next couple of chapters are going to be full, like bursting with excitement, but you won't get to experience that unless you give us seven comments. Deal?
Now, this is Cat's outfit. :)
Cat
Now comments... please?