Suga Babies

Liliana

The room was dark. There weren't any windows in the room I was being held in, and the only light I have been able to find had no light bulb in it. The only light I got was from the cracks from the door. It was enough light for me to determine that there was a bed, a small dresser, and a small can in a corner that I found out after a while was supposed to serve as a bathroom. I don’t know how long I have been here. Days? Weeks? Months? It all seems to be one long endless night, occasionally broken up when my captor comes and stands there watching me. Whenever he comes in, I feel like I should take a bath in a giant vat of bleach just to get the feel of his eyes off of me. He doesn't do much, just stands there watching me laying on the bed. Sometimes he would talk about how he would pay her back for what she did, whoever she is. All I know, is that he is a raving lunatic and I can’t wait for someone to find me.

Then there are times where I feel like I am never going to be found, that I was going to rot here in the dark until I die or something worse. I cry myself to sleep most nights. The first time I woke up and found myself here, I went into a frenzy. I screamed myself hoarse, clawed at the walls and door, kicked and punched every surface I came across. He just stood outside my door, laughing at me. When I was finally done, I fell into a heap and sobbed. When my tears finally stopped flowing, I had dragged myself onto my bed and passed out. That was pretty much my life now. I wake up, scream and lash out at things. He stands outside of my door and laugh at me. I eventually give up and lay on the bed, staring at the opposite wall. He comes in and watches me. Sometimes not saying a word, sometimes he tells me how she will pay. Honestly, I think the guy is a whiny bitch who lost his balls to some chick who realized she could do better than some douche-bag.

And internally I praise that girl. I hope that wherever she is, she is literally pissing on the very thought of him. I would pretend that I was that girl whenever he came in. I would pretend that I was far away from here, laughing at the very memories that had him in them. I would tell my kids about the loser that I used to date, how he was this whiny bug of a man that I left because realized I could do better, and then I did. And that is when my thoughts would turn to Dade. Lying here in the dark I realized a few things. One of them was that Tony and I would never have worked out. And that is because I love Dade too much. Perhaps I could have been happy for a while with Tony, but I know in my heart that my thoughts would have always turned towards Dade. And that wouldn't have been fair to Tony. So if I ever get out of here, I will let Tony go.

And then I will tell Dade my feels for him. Though I think that perhaps when the time comes for that to happen, I might rather be stuck here in this dark and dingy room. But who knows. Only time will tell. My body hurts all over. I had just finished with my screaming and abusing of the room and was now lying here in the bed. Soon he would come in, stand there. Or talk. I much rather prefer if he just stood there to be honest. I hated the sound of his voice. It was nasally and grated on my nerves. Even though I would rather he wouldn't watch me, I would rather that he would watch me instead of talk. Either way, I was fucked and not getting my way. As if on cue, I heard his heavy footsteps nearing my door. I pulled myself into a tight ball, curling up to hide away from the world. The footsteps stopped right outside of the door, blocking what little light was streaming under the doorway to disappear. I heard his deep breathing coming from the other side of the door and felt my own breathing quicken in response.

I hated feeling like this, feeling weak and scared like a small child. The doorknob rattled and turned. The door squeaked on it’s hinges as he opened the door, letting in more light from the hallway behind him. He stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, cutting off the light and plunging the room back into darkness. He stood there, not saying a word. His breathing was the only sound in the room, besides the sound of my racing heart beating against its cage of bone. At least he wasn't opening his mouth to speak to me. I laid there in the dark trying to picture Dade’s face, but the only thing I could think of was how I needed to get out of here.