We Won't Regret This
IV
Pat lay in his bunk, attempting to sleep. His mind was occupied with thoughts of John's book and what he had been writing before he came in. He was relieved in knowing that John wasn't really mad at him, regardless of his behavior. He kept glancing over at his bandmate's pillow, so tempted to see what was going on inside John's head.
Pat battled himself, dying to know what John had to say about him. It seemed like a lot. He jumped out of his bed and quickly snatched the book, turning the pages violently to get where he had seen his name, but the book fell open to a bookmarked entry.
December 25, 2006
It's Christmas and Garrett gave me socks for Secret Santa. You could say that I wasn't exactly thrilled, but you can never have too many socks. Jared gave Kennedy some video game, Pat gave Jared this really cool amp, and Kennedy gave Garrett the same socks I received. Real imaginative.
Pat loved his drum set. Like, really loved. He had a spasm. It was pretty funny, the look on his face was priceless. Seriously, he started jumping up and down and going crazy. He hugged me for about an eternity. It was weird, because the feeling of him pressed up against me with his arms around me and his head buried in the crook of my neck gave me extreme butterflies. I've been beating myself up ever since. I feel like a 12-year-old girl.
It's killing me, what I'm feeling. Over the past few weeks I've been thinking about Pat in ways I shouldn't. I've never had feelings for a guy before now and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone about this and that's the hardest part.
Pat stared at the book with his jaw dropped in shock. With wide eyes, he settled down slowly and flipped to the first entry, deciding to read this cover-to-cover. After re-reading the first two entries, Pat began. About an hour later, he had completed about half of the book and didn't notice when Jared walked in.
"Hey man," Jared greeted, "whatcha reading?"
The drummer jumped, clutching the book tightly in his hands, "N-nothing."
The guitarist looked at Pat oddly, but ignored it and picked up his Les Paul. The two sat in silence except for the quiet strum coming from the movement of Jared's calloused fingers.
"So..." Jared began, "d'you know where we are? I never keep track anymore."
"Um, Detroit, I think," Pat mumbled, cautiously opening the book. He paged through the entries, finding the place where he had stopped and his focus was once again controlled by the object in his hands.
August 1, 2007
I finally broke down, I couldn't help it. I literally started sobbing while I was at lunch with Pat, Garrett, and Derek from Mayday Parade. (Mayday was touring and had a gig in Tucson that night so he stooped by). Tears were running down my face and I was shaking uncontrollably, it was more embarrassing than anything else. We were just chilling at Applebee's when it happened. We were eating and Derek was telling Pat about his girlfriend back home. Pat had then shared how much he missed having a girlfriend when I lost it.
Pathetic. I don't know what set me off but I guess it was the idea of Pat being with anyone else. I know I was being stupid. I mean, I fucking cried in the middle of a restaurant! I had just then realized how much I actually like him. I think I'm may be falling in love...
Pat remembered that day. He didn't know what the hell was going on. He figured it was just something going on in John's head that would blow over. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to relax. He felt so many things whilst reading John's journal, but he was mostly scared to death that what he was reading was real.
Continuing, he payed no attention to any of the band members entering or leaving the bunk area. He had gotten to the very last entry when he heard John call his name. He felt his pulse quicken as he hastily shoved the journal underneath his bandmate's pillow and attempted to look as if he had been resting in his bunk.
"Hey," John greeted with a smile, "we're about to warm up and stuff. You've slept all day, dude. You must be pretty energized for the show."
Pat just nodded, but truthfully, he was exhausted. His mind kept replaying and going through every word he had read that day. He didn't know how to control or react to the situation he was in. He felt as if the hot summer air was choking him, slowing down his every breath. He began to feel dizzy, walking towards the stage. Numbly, he approached his other band mates, preparing themselves for their performance.
He barely payed any attention as he and the rest of The Maine shook away anything and everything, ready to give themselves to their fans. Walking up the stairs and onto the stage, smiling whole-heartedly at the crowd.
Pat loved what he did, and felt completely blessed that he got the opportunity but that night, he wasn't all there. He tried as hard as he could to stay out of the trance he was in, but failed. He constantly studied John's every movement, wondering why he hadn't noticed before how he ever-so-discreetly glanced back at Pat, shaking his hips in the process.
Mostly, of all the questions and wonders and thoughts he had, Pat wanted to know why John thought he was so damn special.
Pat battled himself, dying to know what John had to say about him. It seemed like a lot. He jumped out of his bed and quickly snatched the book, turning the pages violently to get where he had seen his name, but the book fell open to a bookmarked entry.
December 25, 2006
It's Christmas and Garrett gave me socks for Secret Santa. You could say that I wasn't exactly thrilled, but you can never have too many socks. Jared gave Kennedy some video game, Pat gave Jared this really cool amp, and Kennedy gave Garrett the same socks I received. Real imaginative.
Pat loved his drum set. Like, really loved. He had a spasm. It was pretty funny, the look on his face was priceless. Seriously, he started jumping up and down and going crazy. He hugged me for about an eternity. It was weird, because the feeling of him pressed up against me with his arms around me and his head buried in the crook of my neck gave me extreme butterflies. I've been beating myself up ever since. I feel like a 12-year-old girl.
It's killing me, what I'm feeling. Over the past few weeks I've been thinking about Pat in ways I shouldn't. I've never had feelings for a guy before now and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone about this and that's the hardest part.
Pat stared at the book with his jaw dropped in shock. With wide eyes, he settled down slowly and flipped to the first entry, deciding to read this cover-to-cover. After re-reading the first two entries, Pat began. About an hour later, he had completed about half of the book and didn't notice when Jared walked in.
"Hey man," Jared greeted, "whatcha reading?"
The drummer jumped, clutching the book tightly in his hands, "N-nothing."
The guitarist looked at Pat oddly, but ignored it and picked up his Les Paul. The two sat in silence except for the quiet strum coming from the movement of Jared's calloused fingers.
"So..." Jared began, "d'you know where we are? I never keep track anymore."
"Um, Detroit, I think," Pat mumbled, cautiously opening the book. He paged through the entries, finding the place where he had stopped and his focus was once again controlled by the object in his hands.
August 1, 2007
I finally broke down, I couldn't help it. I literally started sobbing while I was at lunch with Pat, Garrett, and Derek from Mayday Parade. (Mayday was touring and had a gig in Tucson that night so he stooped by). Tears were running down my face and I was shaking uncontrollably, it was more embarrassing than anything else. We were just chilling at Applebee's when it happened. We were eating and Derek was telling Pat about his girlfriend back home. Pat had then shared how much he missed having a girlfriend when I lost it.
Pathetic. I don't know what set me off but I guess it was the idea of Pat being with anyone else. I know I was being stupid. I mean, I fucking cried in the middle of a restaurant! I had just then realized how much I actually like him. I think I'm may be falling in love...
Pat remembered that day. He didn't know what the hell was going on. He figured it was just something going on in John's head that would blow over. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to relax. He felt so many things whilst reading John's journal, but he was mostly scared to death that what he was reading was real.
Continuing, he payed no attention to any of the band members entering or leaving the bunk area. He had gotten to the very last entry when he heard John call his name. He felt his pulse quicken as he hastily shoved the journal underneath his bandmate's pillow and attempted to look as if he had been resting in his bunk.
"Hey," John greeted with a smile, "we're about to warm up and stuff. You've slept all day, dude. You must be pretty energized for the show."
Pat just nodded, but truthfully, he was exhausted. His mind kept replaying and going through every word he had read that day. He didn't know how to control or react to the situation he was in. He felt as if the hot summer air was choking him, slowing down his every breath. He began to feel dizzy, walking towards the stage. Numbly, he approached his other band mates, preparing themselves for their performance.
He barely payed any attention as he and the rest of The Maine shook away anything and everything, ready to give themselves to their fans. Walking up the stairs and onto the stage, smiling whole-heartedly at the crowd.
Pat loved what he did, and felt completely blessed that he got the opportunity but that night, he wasn't all there. He tried as hard as he could to stay out of the trance he was in, but failed. He constantly studied John's every movement, wondering why he hadn't noticed before how he ever-so-discreetly glanced back at Pat, shaking his hips in the process.
Mostly, of all the questions and wonders and thoughts he had, Pat wanted to know why John thought he was so damn special.