Gerard Way Is Not Who You Think.

Gerard Way is not who you think. He's not the flamboyant, genuine-at-the-shakin' rockstar onstage, or the non-stop talkative man in interviews, or the shy and I-never-get-naked person anywhere else.

Gerard Way isn’t a genius. He’s a genie. Bless him.

Having evolved after the Big Bang, he was primitively adopted by an unusual family of solar creatures. Gerard, however, was everything but the expected for them; his body was strangely thin, and his skin more-than-strangely pale, along with his weird allergy to any kind of natural light exposure. Therefore, they kicked him out of the family, out of the solar territory, before he could get his first tan.

**

The next thing he knew was the stern voice in his head wording a curse to him. There were whispers too and something about an eternal life inside a magic lamp until someone rubbed him out. He rolled his eyes and hoped to fall asleep again, not wanting to wake up before he understood how he could fit inside a magic lamp or before someone rubbed him out. Whatever it meant.

**

Then, he was awake. There was the light he was supposedly allergic to, but in a different angle and in a much better shade, and there was a large Creature. It introduced Itself as "I wanna be God."

"Huh? What does that mean?" Gerard’s first words and his facial expression suggested oblivion, but not to him, because some words were still inexistent in his mind. He was a genie, after all; not a genius.

"You came out of that lamp, how can I be smarter than you?" That Creature seemed a bit arrogant to Gerard, or at least that was the word that It created inside Gerard’s mind because that was how things worked for him. Any time a new ‘something’ appeared to Gerard, his brain processed a new word to describe that thing. So, now, he could only say,

"Lucky you, if I have to say," as that was the message in his immediate brain. And Gerard always followed his head.

The Creature laughed. "Well, whatever. How many wishes can I have?" Nothing. No answer from Gerard as ‘wishes’ did not ring any bell inside that silly-genie head. "C'mon, just say the number."

"Huh-" Gerard made a thoughtful face because his brain was seriously processing a randomly new digit. "Seven."

"Wow, you must really be special. It's usually three." Gerard's eyes went wide immediately, not understanding what the Creature meant with that. Special. Hmm, it sounded pleasant, anyway.

"Alright, if you don't have anything more to say, I'll start with my wishes."

That Creature was very talkative, that's for sure.

"I wish you..." the Creature scratched Its chin, in that same way of a wise man. “Hmm, let there be... light."

"Don't you have to say please?"

It eyed Gerard like he was kidding it. "Fine, p-lease, give me light."

Gerard just looked at It, so the Creature continued.

"And, please, the waters and the firmament. And, please, dry land and seas, and plants, and trees. And, please, the moon and stars in the firmament to guide through the darkness of the night. And, please, the air-breathing creatures, such as fishes to the seas and birds to the air."

Gerard widened his eyes to exhaustion. "All that?"

The Creature just never stopped. "And, p-lease, give me the beasts of the earth according to their kinds. Let us have the man in your image, since you're pretty cute too; create them male and female to spread their seeds."

Gerard blinked. "Okay, I gotcha, you can stop now."

"What, why? You said seven wishes, so..." the Creature complained. Complain, yeah – new word.

"Yeah?" Gerard interrupted. "Okay, but what do I do now?"

The Creature eyed him weirdly… yet again. "What's wrong with you?!"

Gerard remained silent.

"How am I supposed to know how you do it? Clap your hands, or something."

Gerard shrugged and obeyed. He clapped his hands. Nothing happened. "So?"

The Creature groaned. "Damn, you're one motherfucking strange genie. Do I have to rub this again?" It asked, pointing to the lamp that Gerard had never seen.

He just blinked again. "I don't know."

"Oh My… groan!” That was a grunt. “Who the hell made you a genie?"

Gerard kept looking at It only. "I honestly don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, I figured. Look, this is what we're gonna do. The legend I've heard from my fellows said something about making wishes and rubbing the lamp. I don't see any dust in this thing, but maybe it will work?" It said, spinning the lamp on Its hands, and tried to look at Gerard, but he just wasn’t paying attention. Gerard was playing with his tiny-genie hands. "Are YOU listening to me?"

"Yeah, stop yelling. The curse mentioned something about rubbing me out of the lamp, so maybe that will work," Gerard agreed at last, before muttering, "Motherfucking whiner."

"I heard that," the Creature said and brought the magic lamp closer to Its face. "I don’t know what curse is that, but I'll just rub it like I did the first time."

So It did. The Creature placed the lamp on Its right palm and rubbed it sideways with the left hand. Gerard enjoyed the scene, and maybe the Creature was similar to him, after all. It had arms and legs and a torso, just like Gerard had, but It was only... larger. That didn’t have to mean anything in particular, though, so Gerard trusted that they were equals. The only difference being that Gerard lived within a curse.

“Please, give me light," It said and rubbed the lamp, and gradually there was some light outside that large and weird Creature.

Gerard flinched at it and huffed. "Make it quick, I can't stand this light."

"Sure." And it happened. Wish after wish, the Creature kept rubbing the lamp and repeating the words from before. They were exactly the same, or so Gerard recognized them in His silence, even though he didn’t know how such a large and whining creature could memorize so many things from just one random moment. Whatever.

Soon, all the wishes were made. The Creature stopped rubbing, and Gerard asked, "So, is it done?"

"No," It said with a smile that brought only one junction of letters to Gerard’s head. W-I-C-K-E-D, wicked, whatever it meant.

"I have one more." Gerard waited with his eyes wide open while the Creature closed Its own and smiled that way again. "Please, make me al-mighty."

The last word came out with a pause and like a whisper, almost as if it was a secret, but Gerard just shrugged it off. Literally. And it all went dark again, and Gerard was gone.

**

By the third time it happened, Gerard Way had it all figured out. People called him a genie and he just had to listen to them, focus and let their wishes happen, as they rubbed that yellow-y lamp that sometimes brought the word gold to his brain, and other times the word jasmine. Then, he shrugged for no reason, it was done and it was dark.

**

Millions of years later, and the double amount of wishes made true, Gerard found more humans as he opened his eyes that time. There were two, a short-haired female and a long-haired male. Apparently, there was nothing to be shocked or surprised about, because they were only humans after all, but this time it wasn’t like that. There was a tiny detail that Gerard particularly adored.

“Hey! Finally some pale-skins!”

“You’re the genie?” the male asked and Gerard mouthed a ‘yeah’ and, afterwards, a proud smile. Pride was definitely not a new word for Gerard. “You’re kinda… short.”

What could Gerard do? He decided to just ignore that comment and move on with the wishes, but as he was opening his wide-genie mouth to speak, he was interrupted by a squeal, “Oh! You’re Gerard Way!”

It was the female and he rolled his eyes. It wasn’t the first time he heard that call when he showed up, and Gerard knew he was the one responsible for such reaction at the sight of him, but it wasn’t his fault. At all. There was an explanation, but did someone need to know it?

No.

The female clapped her hands and squealed again, and he could only roll his eyes. “What do you want from my magic-genie lamp? Make it quick.”

That was the only demand Gerard wanted to have satisfied because there was nothing more glorious (glorious, a word his brain had processed only a thousand years ago) than his beauty-genie sleepy. He wanted it more than he needed it. That is all. And making people or creatures’ wishes come true wasn’t that much fun anymore; it was great for the first centuries, but then the lamp was mostly found by humans and they all wished for the same things – luck, money, success, fame, yadda yadda yadda. And they could be arrogant sometimes.

Awful.

“Well,” the female giggled, “Can you make yourself real?”

Gerard shook his head and frowned. Here I go again, his brain processed simply, and he opened his mouth for the explanation. “The last and only time a couple asked me that, the motherfucking humans made me flamboyant and shy at the SAME time. So, you better wish for something else.”

The female eyed him weirdly, but he was more than used to gazes like that one. He had those kinds of looks for breakfast every fucking year.

Gerard noticed that the male wasn’t enjoying that scene at all, and he wasn’t either, so he suggested, “Do you want to make a wish?”

“Of course! I found the damn lamp and I rubbed it first, so you have to obey me.”

Gerard laughed, not a tiny-genie laugh anymore, but a divinely-giant-genie one. He had worked on it through time. “Maybe in your dreams, because I’m the one in charge here. Make your human wish.”

The male obeyed and wished for the first thing every human ever asked Gerard, “Give me a castle with huge beds and hot maids.”

Gerard rolled his eyes. “Sorry, man, you have to say please… or rub the lamp. The two things combined together work better, I can assure you.”

And so it happened. Once the male rubbed the lamp for the first wish, that same castle with huge beds and hot maids (the firmament knew whatever he would do with those, because Gerard had no clue), he kept rubbing it sideways and asking for his wishes. Those included fortune, cars, a successful movie company with major profits every year, two weeks of vacation every year in Vegas and a damn lovey-dovey relationship with his favorite porn-star. Yeah, call it lovey-dovey.

As he obeyed the rules, Gerard let those wishes come true as soon as they were wished, somewhere across the wide space where they were at the moment. There was one left, he knew that, and-

“Stop!” the female finally intervened and Gerard smiled. He himself had wished for that every fucking time. Once the male got his wishes, the female was forgotten, but Gerard’s wishes were always made true. The female spoke.

“What do you want?” the male snapped, more than ready to be greedy and rub the lamp again.

“What do you want?” Gerard asked gently this time. “Don’t say you or I’ll run away.”

She sniggered and shook her head. “Since you don’t want me to have you, I’ll ask for someone else instead. Please,” she started kindly, before opening a smirk that Gerard knew very well too. “I wish for the same lovey-dovey relationship, for life, based on trust, with a wealthy man with a great fortune and great cars and two weeks of yearly vacation in Vegas.”

She was secretly wishing for a relationship with the male by her side and Gerard knew that very well. He could have granted her wish immediately, but there was just one single detail.

“You’re doing it wrooong,” the male tried to catch her attention as she rubbed the lamp with up-and-down movements. She eyed him as if he was jealous of her heartwarming wish, but what she didn’t seem to notice was that he was right. Gerard knew that, actually, but he let her continue her fantasy and allowed the male to break it off himself. “You’re doing it wrong! You’re rubbing it up and down!”

“What are you talking about?” her tiny voice asked incredulously.

“You have to do it sideways. Have you never read the tale?” the male giggled and laughed afterwards, as Gerard Way glanced over that female’s shoulder and watched as her wish walked closer to her.

That wish was a man indeed, and he wrapped his hands around her waist, but when she turned around with a smirk to meet that bald, old yet rich man, her smiled vanished. And in came her scream of horror.

In the background, there was the sound of that male’s laughter and, then, Gerard’s instinct kicked in and he shrugged. And poof, it was dark. It was done. He was gone.

**

The next time he woke up, Gerard was sitting on a couch, which was weird. He was used to see himself inside houses, but always standing in the middle of rooms; it was never that comfortable, or… intimate. That was the exact word his brain was processing right now, so intimate that Gerard could feel someone weirdly rubbing something out of him. Plain weird.

“What’s this?” he asked in that tone of voice suggesting a bedroom, according to the sudden image inside his head. Where could he have learned it?

“It’s me, Gerard,” another bedroom voice announced and Gerard looked up and everywhere around his head, out of instinct. Then, he saw it – the second head, emerging from below, not above; such knowing eyes perforating his skull, such inquiring hazels barely reading his confusion. “Are you okay?”

Gerard just suddenly found his hands and rubbed his eyes mercilessly, as that messy and sticking-out black hair came closer to him, inspecting him profusely.

“Oh, okay,” the voice said, but it had changed now. It didn’t belong to a bedroom anymore, as now there was a mental image of an empty street inside Gerard. “I guess you just fell asleep again.”

Gerard blinked, twice, but very quickly, and tried to speak. His silence beat him, though, and so did the other cruel voice. “Do my blowjobs bore you?” The other man. Gerard could see him perfectly again, as that face was leaning in right in front of his before the man got up and walked away with a huff.

Gerard just shrugged instinctively, even if it didn’t mean anything at all to his confused state, and all went black. Again.

**

Then, he woke up. In a bed.