Did You Get What You Deserve?

~*James’ Point of View*~

I leaned back in my chair, yawning. I had been sitting by the side of Matt’s bed for the past hour, waiting for him to wake up. Suddenly the door banged open and a young man rushed in.

“Mattie! Oh my god, is he okay?”

I blinked at him.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine,” I said.

He frowned thoughtfully at me for a moment.

“James, right?” he said. “You’re in his band.”

I nodded.

“I’m Lloyd.”

“Oh, right! You were the one who got us our first gig.”

“That I was.”

Now that I looked at him properly, he looked incredibly like his brother. They had the same nose and eyes, and Lloyd’s hair fell exactly the same way across his forehead, although Matt’s hair was shorter. Just then Matt shifted slightly and made a small noise, and Lloyd’s attention snapped back to his brother.

~*Matt’s Point of View*~

I opened my eyes, blinking in the bright hospital lights. There were voices in the room, but I could barely see anything. My eyes hurt like shit. Then a face swam into view. Lloyd? I hadn’t seen him in ages. What was he doing here? More to the point, what was I doing here?

“L-Lloyd?”

“Mattie!

He hovered there for a moment.

“Lloyd, what’s going on?”

He exchanged a glance with someone behind him.

“Don’t you remember, Mattie?”

I tried to shake my head, but the movement was too uncomfortable.

“No,” I said.

He sat down on the edge of my bed and leaned close to me.

“You almost drowned,” he said quietly.

“Wh-what?”

“At the lake. You don’t remember it, Mattie?”

“No.”

I saw James stand up behind Lloyd and come over to the side of my bed.

“You swam into a rock.”

“I what?”

“Matt. You were swimming. You swam into a rock. Head-first.”

I blinked at him, trying to think. At the lake… with Cariad and Sasha and Alec and James!

“I remember being at the lake. I don’t remember swimming into any rocks.”

James and Lloyd exchanged a glance. At that moment the doctor came in.

“You’re a very fortunate boy,” she said. “You could have suffered severe brain damage, or worse. It’s lucky your friend here knew how to do CPR, or you’d be dead.”

I looked at James. CPR? James saved my life?

“Oh,” I said. James shrugged.

“I’m sure it wasn’t like that,” he said modestly.

“Oh, no,” said the doctor seriously, “it really was.”

The pager on her belt beeped and she hurried out of the room. James, Lloyd and I looked at each other for a moment, then Lloyd put his arms around me and hugged me so tightly I felt like my head was going to pop off.

“Ow, Lloyd,” I said, and he hurriedly let go.

“Sorry, Mattie. I just- it’s-” he sighed. “I was feeling so guilty because I hadn’t stopped by to see you guys in ages, and then I got this call, and I thought maybe I’d never see you again. I thought I’d never get to apologise.”

“Apologise? For what?”

“For leaving. For writing you all out of my life for so many years. Even you, Mattie.”

“Oh. But you didn’t… I mean, you called…”

“Occasionally. I didn’t even say anything important. I told Mum all the shit I knew she wanted to hear, and I never talked to you properly. I never talked to Michelle, or Monica, or Jade. The little girls grew up without me.”

James looked down. I knew this situation was very familiar to him. Alec had the same regrets about his absence.

“Lloyd?”

“Yeah?”

“I liked hearing the things you thought we wanted to hear. I liked hearing about your day, your flatmates, everything. I liked just talking.”

There was a small click, and I realised James had sidled out of the room. Lloyd laughed.

“He’s embarrassed.”

He sighed sadly and leaned forward to hug me again.

“You should rest, okay?”

I nodded, and he left. I rolled over, thinking. Despite what I’d said, I had noticed how infrequently he called, and I had minded. First Dad, then Lloyd… How many other people were going to leave me?