Let's Make This Moment Last Forever

Ryan sat down at his desk and took the key out from underneath a pile of lyrics. He used the key to unlock the bottom drawer and pulled out a makeup mirror and a secret stash of makeup. Alex, Jon, Michael and everyone else would have a conniption if they knew that he still used it.

His style of makeup had changed. He no longer drew crazy designs on his face. Instead, he went the simpler route. He took out his eye shadow, and searched for the perfect light purple to match what he was wearing. When he found it, he gently brushed the powder on his eyelids.

He put the eye shadow away and took out eyeliner. He carefully lined his right eye in the black kohl, and then his left. He then applied lipstick. The final touch was in the back of his closet, buried in a shoebox under thousands of other shoeboxes.

This particular shoebox was special. It had a stripe of red nail polish down the sides so it was easily distinguishable. Ryan took out the shoebox and opened it carefully, taking out a brown wig.

He put it on, and brushed the wavy locks that went down to his shoulders. This is why he chose to live alone. If his friends saw him now, they’d alienate him forever. He didn’t blame them, he was weird, disgusting, a freak.

But this excited him, the high heels, the makeup, the wig and the crowning glory, a pretty, pale purple dress.

He strutted down the length of his room several times, admiring how he looked in the full length mirror.

But too soon, a metallic voice interrupted his fantasy. “Incoming call,” it announced, before playing A Hard Day’s Night, his latest ringtone.

Ryan felt his pulse quicken as he answered his phone. “Hello?”

“Hey Ryan, practice started fifteen minutes ago. Where are you?” Jon asked.

Ryan swore to himself. “Shit, sorry, I spaced. I’ll be there in a half hour.

“Um, okay. See you then,” Jon said, hanging up.

Ryan could hear the doubt in his voice. Why did he need 30 minutes when it would take only 10?

He quickly pulled off the Wigand returned it to its proper container. He slipped off the heels and shimmied out of his dress. As he was removing the makeup from his left eye, his phone announced again, “Incoming call.”

Before it had a chance to ring, Ryan snatched it. “I’m on my way, Jon,” he lied, putting his phone on speaker so he could continue removing the makeup.

“Actually, it’s Brendon,” said the familiar voice that made Ryan’s heart flutter.

“Uh, I can’t talk right now. I’m on my way to band practice,” Ryan said, finally finishing the removal of his makeup. He quickly grabbed a paisley shirt, a pair of pants, a belt and a pair of shoes.

“Oh, okay. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight, just me and you. I have your birthday gift.”

“Yeah, sure,” Ryan said, pulling on his pants and buckling his belt. “Seven sound good?”

“Yeah, I’ll get Chinese.”

“Awesome, see you then,” Ryan said, hanging up. He slipped on his shoes and hurried out the door.

~

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late,” Ryan said as he walked into the studio.

“No worries, Jon was showing us a new song he wrote,” Alex replied as Ryan joined them. He picked up his guitar, and the practice continued.

When 6:30 rolled around, Ryan’s phone rang. It announced the incoming call before playing Eight Days a week, the only ringtone Ryan never changed.

He picked up the phone and spoke briefly with Brendon about what he wanted from the Chinese restaurant. After he hung up, he put down his guitar. “Hey guys, I promised a friend I’d hang out at seven. Do you mind if I leave?”

“Not at all, go ahead,” Michael said, smirking. They all thought that the person on the other end of Eight Days a Week was Ryan’s secret girlfriend. Ryan was content with them thinking that. If they found out what he was, they’d shun him, and hate him forever.

~

“Hey Brendon,” Ryan said, when he arrived at Brendon’s apartment.

“Hey Ryan,” Brendon said, running a hand through his hair. “The Chinese is on the table.”

Ryan made his way back to the kitchen, followed by Brendon.

It was silent as they ate. Ryan missed the casual familiarity that Brendon and he shared. It had been replaced by awkwardness neither of them could overcome.

After they had finished eating, they both took a fortune cookie. Brendon got his out of the plastic first, and offered it to Ryan.

Ryan smiled. He was glad this ritual hadn’t changed. He removed the plastic from his cookie and swapped with Brendon.

Brendon opened his first. “The chances you took today will pay off tonight,” he read.

Ryan read his fortune next. “You will be pleasantly surprised in the near future.” He looked at Brendon and smirked, knowing that he would be getting a birthday gift soon.

“On that note…shall I get your gift?”

Ryan laughed. “Sure.”

Brendon got up from the table and left the room. He returned with a large box covered in pink and blue wrapping paper and gave it to Ryan.

Ryan gently removed the wrapping paper. He had kept the paper from every gift Brendon gave him. Inside was a large, unmarked, white box. He lifted the lid and gasped.

Inside was the dress he had been eyeing for ages. It was an ankle length halter top with a simple cut. And it was colored his favorite shade of pink.

“Oh no,” he said, putting it back. “No, no, no. I can’t take this. No!”

“Ryan, baby, it’s okay. Take it.”

“No Brendon!” Ryan shouted, frustrated. “I broke up with you for a reason! I can’t do this. I am a boy. I am not supposed to be wearing dresses!.”

“Ryan, you can wear whatever you like. And I know that you truly are a girl. You were just born into the wrong body.”

“No! You’re wrong! I was born a boy, and I truly am a boy. Dresses are for girls.”

“Ryan, please, why are you denying it?”

“J-Jon. And Alex. And Michael. And everyone else,” he said, looking away sheepishly.

“Ryan, you should tell them. The worst they can do is let you know that they don’t want to be your friend anymore and you’ll lose people who don’t deserve to be your friend in the first place.”

“It’s not that simple. This could ruin me and my reputation! I’ll never be in another band, playing the music I want to play.”

“Then just do it in private, and around me. You don’t have to completely remove this part of you from your life.”

“I’m not sure…”

“Just try on the dress,” Brendon pleaded. “I brought your stuff from your apartment.”

Ryan looked bewildered. “How…?”

“When I called you, I could tell you were in a hurry. Three times out of five, you forget to lock your door when you’re feeling rushed. I got lucky.”

Ryan sighed heavily. “Fine. Where’s my stuff?”

“In the bathroom,” Brendon said.

Ryan took the dress into the bathroom, where, true to Brendon’s word, his makeup was set out. He carefully applied eye shadow, eyeliner, and lipstick. He put on the dress, slipped on the heels that Brendon had picked out to go along with it, and took out his wig. He caressed it once, before putting it on his head and fixing it so it looked right.

He exited the bathroom and returned to the kitchen. When Brendon saw him, he stood up.

“You look amazing,” Brendon said, kissing Ryan gently.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. Ryan, as long as your keeping this part of your life a secret, I was wondering…”

“Yes?”

“Well, I miss you. I want you back in my life. Will you be my lover again?” Brendon asked, hesitantly.

“This will never work,” Ryan said, sadly.

“We only have the moment, but we’ll make it work. We can do this. Please, just give it a chance.”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Ryan, please,” Brendon said with such raw emotion, such broken desperation, in his voice that Ryan had to cave.

“Okay. I guess we can try.”

Brendon smiled, relieved. He pulled Ryan’s head down to meet his lips again.

They’ll make this moment last forever.