You Make Me Feel So Alive
Please Go
"What do you mean we have to move to Las Vegas!?" I questioned my boyfriend Craig.You would be angry to if you found out that not only was he kicked out of his band, but a new one offered him lead singer position and you had to move hours away.
"Honey, Escape the Fate offered and I'm taking it. But in order to, we have to move to Vegas." How can he be so calm, right now I'm ready to punch him.
"No. You can move but I'm not. I have a life here Craig. I can't just pick up and move, I'm almost finished with school and Las Vegas doesn't have the type of school I want to go to. I've supported you all this time, but this I just can't." I knew I was breaking his heart, but I can't leave, plus I have a secret he can't know about.
"Baby, please, this will be good for us. We'll finally be able to afford stuff plus we will be in Vegas. I know how much you love it there." Maybe I do. It's just not a good place for a family.Oops.
"Craig no. You do what you want, but I don't think I can be apart of it."I whispered the last part. This was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was what would ease the situation. He was going to be famous and didn't need me to weigh him down or a baby.The last part I couldn't tell him about.
"Ash please, we've been together for 8 years and now you want to end it just because we need to move? No, you have to come I need you!" I could see the tears forming in his eyes, but it didn't help that I had them already going down my face.In an instance he had me in his arms, the place I felt safe trying to make me go, if only it were easy.I just cried harder because when he leaves, it will only be harder because I will have a reminder, all he will have is memories.
"Craig, this is something your going to do on your own.It's time for you to take the next step and join this band, but I won't be by your side when you do it." Not being able to watch him walk away, I walked out of the house and out of his life. I needed him to be able to live his dreams and protecting him was the only way.
7 Month's Later-----------------
Walking down the cold sidewalk in Las Vegas, I thought back to why I decided to do this. I mean I left the poor man when he needed me the most, and now here I was going to see Escape the Fate with my friend Katie. She met me after I left Craig, so she had no idea about who's baby I was having or that we were engaged, yeah you heard right.
"Come on Ash, this will be fun. They're are amazing, plus the new lead singer can scream like no other." Oh how I already knew that.
"I just...I'm not to fond of their music is all.I really have never listened to them." Again with the lies. Technically I listened when Ronnie was still lead singer, plus I had met them a few times.
"Trust me, you will love them. And we get to meet them afterwords." Holy crap please tell me no. She must have seen my eyes popping out of my head because she said,"your already here, might as well deal with it." Oh if only she knew what I was going to have to deal with.Walking into the venue, I got the feeling that these kids were dedicated to Escape the Fate, at least Craig still kept them.All of the sudden I felt our daughter start kicking, she must have sensed him. All I could do was say I know and continue walking into the place, anxious to face my doom.
As if on cue, fifteen minutes later they came on stage. I was shocked when I heard the reaction they were getting. There stood Craig, looking gorgeous and excited. Man, I missed him.Song after song, I could see the passion in his eyes and how well everyone played together. To put it simply they were amazing. When they got to the last song, I heard Craig start talking:
"This last song, I had wrote for someone very special. They were my life and support, and I love them to death. So this one is for her." Now I was curious.
Shadows fall on yesterday
It's like time just slips away,
I'm nothing, darkness follows me
The dawning never shows its head
I'm left dying here instead with nothing
A lock without a key
I felt like he was singing to me, even though he wasn't.
Like the brightest star, you shine through
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
(I've got purpose once again)
I could feel the tears start to come through, I left him and yet here is telling everyone he still loves me. The baby must have sensed my stress because I started feeling kicks, which made me start rubbing my stomach.
If looks could kill you'd be the one
That takes my world and makes me numb
I'm nothing, without you I can't breathe (I can't breathe)
And as the sunlight burns the sky
I see through my obsessive eyes
I'm nothing, without you I can't see
Like the brightest star, you shine through
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah, Yeah Yeah)
When I glanced left, I caught eye with Max and saw his widen. Shit. I put my finger up to my lips, signaling him to not say anything. He just shook his head and finished playing.
You're the strength I need to fight,
You're the reason I still try,
I'm the moth and you're the light,
Use these wings so I can fly (I can fly)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah, Yeah Yeah)
I've got purpose once again
I've got purpose once again
"Thank you Vegas, we'll see you next time." I didn't even realize it was over until Katie was dragging me to go backstage. Now or never I told myself.Passing the rooms, we finally got to Escape the Fate's dressing room. All I could do was rub my stomach and go in.Katie told me not to worry and knocked on the door. Robert pulled open the door, and at that I was thankful it wasn't Craig.I tried hiding my face from all of them because I didn't want them to recognize me and then Katie would be pissed that I knew them and didn't tell her.Here was my past about to hit me right in the face.
"Hey girls, come in." Robert said. I tried to hide my face as much as possible. After glancing around quickly, I raised up my head and noticed that Craig wasn't in the room. When I felt someone lean towards my ear, I jumped but gained composure as Max said, " he's in the bathroom, and he is going to freak when he sees you." Just great.I just nodded my head.
"So, how long have you guys been fans?" Max asked, looking more at Katie since he knew my answer.
"I've been since I heard your first album." Liar, kidding she really did love these guys. They all just muttered their thanks and asked random questions until the person I was avoiding came walking out of the bathroom.
"I didn't know fans were back here." God how I missed his voice. I heard the other's mutter something along the lines of, "some more so than others." Which caused me to shoot a look at them, I refused to turn the other way. Hearing him still asking Katie questions, seeing as how I wouldn't look away, I heard him take in air and made the mistake of lifting up my head.
"Ashley?!" Shit. Katie looked at me confused, while I just stared at Craig, the tears gathering in my eyes ready to run at any moment. When I looked into his eyes, I could see anger, confusion, sadness, but most of all love. The one thing that stood out.
"Hey Craig." I noticed Max telling everyone to go out, but I didn't want to be alone with Craig, he was livid as it was.
"What are you doing here in Vegas?" That was a stupid question, he must have thought so to because he gave me a pointed look.
"My friend Katie wanted to see you guys and she made me come with her."
"Who's Katie? I don't remember her?"
"I met her after I left." By this point I was shaking, which was causing this kid to kick the shit out of me. I'm surprised he hasn't noticed my protruding stomach yet, the jacket didn't even do much to hide it.
"Right. Now that you are here mind telling me really why you left?" I knew that some day i would have to answer him. Slowly undoing my jacket to reveal almost eight months of a secret, I saw Craig's eyes follow and widen with realization.
"Your pregnant and you didn't tell me." I could feel the sadness radiating off of him. Without warning, he dropped down to level with my stomach and placed his hands on it. I couldn't handle it anymore and started bawling.
"I found out the day you told me we had to move to Vegas. You were so happy and I didn't want to weigh you down with this." He just looked at me with an unreadable expression.
"Your seriously telling me that you honestly thought a baby would tie me down? Ash, I would have been thrilled, we could have figured out how to compromise, the guys wouldn't mind." He was really starting to make me feel like crap.
"I'm sorry Craig. I'm so sorry." That must have been what he was looking for because in an instance he had me in his arms, the place I felt loved and wanted.
"Please, don't ever leave me again. I'm begging you." I felt him rubbing my stomach, which felt nice because our child had yet to quit kicking. After we talked alittle more, he asked what we were having which I told him a girl. He seemed excited, as finally I felt safe again.
"I love you Craig. I'm sorry for all of this."
"I love you to Ashley, you know when you left, I wrote that song for you." I told him it was beautiful. For now, I felt as if nothing bad could happen. I was finally in the right place. I was never leaving him again.
I've got purpose once again...
"Honey, Escape the Fate offered and I'm taking it. But in order to, we have to move to Vegas." How can he be so calm, right now I'm ready to punch him.
"No. You can move but I'm not. I have a life here Craig. I can't just pick up and move, I'm almost finished with school and Las Vegas doesn't have the type of school I want to go to. I've supported you all this time, but this I just can't." I knew I was breaking his heart, but I can't leave, plus I have a secret he can't know about.
"Baby, please, this will be good for us. We'll finally be able to afford stuff plus we will be in Vegas. I know how much you love it there." Maybe I do. It's just not a good place for a family.Oops.
"Craig no. You do what you want, but I don't think I can be apart of it."I whispered the last part. This was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was what would ease the situation. He was going to be famous and didn't need me to weigh him down or a baby.The last part I couldn't tell him about.
"Ash please, we've been together for 8 years and now you want to end it just because we need to move? No, you have to come I need you!" I could see the tears forming in his eyes, but it didn't help that I had them already going down my face.In an instance he had me in his arms, the place I felt safe trying to make me go, if only it were easy.I just cried harder because when he leaves, it will only be harder because I will have a reminder, all he will have is memories.
"Craig, this is something your going to do on your own.It's time for you to take the next step and join this band, but I won't be by your side when you do it." Not being able to watch him walk away, I walked out of the house and out of his life. I needed him to be able to live his dreams and protecting him was the only way.
7 Month's Later-----------------
Walking down the cold sidewalk in Las Vegas, I thought back to why I decided to do this. I mean I left the poor man when he needed me the most, and now here I was going to see Escape the Fate with my friend Katie. She met me after I left Craig, so she had no idea about who's baby I was having or that we were engaged, yeah you heard right.
"Come on Ash, this will be fun. They're are amazing, plus the new lead singer can scream like no other." Oh how I already knew that.
"I just...I'm not to fond of their music is all.I really have never listened to them." Again with the lies. Technically I listened when Ronnie was still lead singer, plus I had met them a few times.
"Trust me, you will love them. And we get to meet them afterwords." Holy crap please tell me no. She must have seen my eyes popping out of my head because she said,"your already here, might as well deal with it." Oh if only she knew what I was going to have to deal with.Walking into the venue, I got the feeling that these kids were dedicated to Escape the Fate, at least Craig still kept them.All of the sudden I felt our daughter start kicking, she must have sensed him. All I could do was say I know and continue walking into the place, anxious to face my doom.
As if on cue, fifteen minutes later they came on stage. I was shocked when I heard the reaction they were getting. There stood Craig, looking gorgeous and excited. Man, I missed him.Song after song, I could see the passion in his eyes and how well everyone played together. To put it simply they were amazing. When they got to the last song, I heard Craig start talking:
"This last song, I had wrote for someone very special. They were my life and support, and I love them to death. So this one is for her." Now I was curious.
Shadows fall on yesterday
It's like time just slips away,
I'm nothing, darkness follows me
The dawning never shows its head
I'm left dying here instead with nothing
A lock without a key
I felt like he was singing to me, even though he wasn't.
Like the brightest star, you shine through
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
(I've got purpose once again)
I could feel the tears start to come through, I left him and yet here is telling everyone he still loves me. The baby must have sensed my stress because I started feeling kicks, which made me start rubbing my stomach.
If looks could kill you'd be the one
That takes my world and makes me numb
I'm nothing, without you I can't breathe (I can't breathe)
And as the sunlight burns the sky
I see through my obsessive eyes
I'm nothing, without you I can't see
Like the brightest star, you shine through
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah, Yeah Yeah)
When I glanced left, I caught eye with Max and saw his widen. Shit. I put my finger up to my lips, signaling him to not say anything. He just shook his head and finished playing.
You're the strength I need to fight,
You're the reason I still try,
I'm the moth and you're the light,
Use these wings so I can fly (I can fly)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah)
Ashley baby, You make me feel so alive
I've got purpose once again (Yeah Yeah, Yeah Yeah)
I've got purpose once again
I've got purpose once again
"Thank you Vegas, we'll see you next time." I didn't even realize it was over until Katie was dragging me to go backstage. Now or never I told myself.Passing the rooms, we finally got to Escape the Fate's dressing room. All I could do was rub my stomach and go in.Katie told me not to worry and knocked on the door. Robert pulled open the door, and at that I was thankful it wasn't Craig.I tried hiding my face from all of them because I didn't want them to recognize me and then Katie would be pissed that I knew them and didn't tell her.Here was my past about to hit me right in the face.
"Hey girls, come in." Robert said. I tried to hide my face as much as possible. After glancing around quickly, I raised up my head and noticed that Craig wasn't in the room. When I felt someone lean towards my ear, I jumped but gained composure as Max said, " he's in the bathroom, and he is going to freak when he sees you." Just great.I just nodded my head.
"So, how long have you guys been fans?" Max asked, looking more at Katie since he knew my answer.
"I've been since I heard your first album." Liar, kidding she really did love these guys. They all just muttered their thanks and asked random questions until the person I was avoiding came walking out of the bathroom.
"I didn't know fans were back here." God how I missed his voice. I heard the other's mutter something along the lines of, "some more so than others." Which caused me to shoot a look at them, I refused to turn the other way. Hearing him still asking Katie questions, seeing as how I wouldn't look away, I heard him take in air and made the mistake of lifting up my head.
"Ashley?!" Shit. Katie looked at me confused, while I just stared at Craig, the tears gathering in my eyes ready to run at any moment. When I looked into his eyes, I could see anger, confusion, sadness, but most of all love. The one thing that stood out.
"Hey Craig." I noticed Max telling everyone to go out, but I didn't want to be alone with Craig, he was livid as it was.
"What are you doing here in Vegas?" That was a stupid question, he must have thought so to because he gave me a pointed look.
"My friend Katie wanted to see you guys and she made me come with her."
"Who's Katie? I don't remember her?"
"I met her after I left." By this point I was shaking, which was causing this kid to kick the shit out of me. I'm surprised he hasn't noticed my protruding stomach yet, the jacket didn't even do much to hide it.
"Right. Now that you are here mind telling me really why you left?" I knew that some day i would have to answer him. Slowly undoing my jacket to reveal almost eight months of a secret, I saw Craig's eyes follow and widen with realization.
"Your pregnant and you didn't tell me." I could feel the sadness radiating off of him. Without warning, he dropped down to level with my stomach and placed his hands on it. I couldn't handle it anymore and started bawling.
"I found out the day you told me we had to move to Vegas. You were so happy and I didn't want to weigh you down with this." He just looked at me with an unreadable expression.
"Your seriously telling me that you honestly thought a baby would tie me down? Ash, I would have been thrilled, we could have figured out how to compromise, the guys wouldn't mind." He was really starting to make me feel like crap.
"I'm sorry Craig. I'm so sorry." That must have been what he was looking for because in an instance he had me in his arms, the place I felt loved and wanted.
"Please, don't ever leave me again. I'm begging you." I felt him rubbing my stomach, which felt nice because our child had yet to quit kicking. After we talked alittle more, he asked what we were having which I told him a girl. He seemed excited, as finally I felt safe again.
"I love you Craig. I'm sorry for all of this."
"I love you to Ashley, you know when you left, I wrote that song for you." I told him it was beautiful. For now, I felt as if nothing bad could happen. I was finally in the right place. I was never leaving him again.
I've got purpose once again...