P.S. I Hate You
Didn't Do It
Okay, so the rest of the day sucks. Not only that, I have detention for a month. Talk about aggravating. Not because I have to go, since I can’t or anything, with Benji. But ditching that much can totally drop your grades like a bomb and they’re already getting really bad…
Speaking of which, ALL my teachers stop me in the hall to let me know that instead of P.E. for the next month, I’ll be in study hall, studying with a tutor to get my grades back up. Which just sucks, cause that means someone else will also know.
My life sucks.
Not to mention, my arms still hurt. Touching them on anything is just murder. Which totally sucks. The nurse advised going to the real doctors and all, but what would I say? I did it myself? No. They already want me going to some counselor. And I can’t tell anybody about Gerald or they’ll know how mom’s unfit, too, and me and Benji would be separated and I can’t just leave the little man…
“Ugh!” I shout and hit my head on my locker. I get some stares, but mostly people just inch far, far away from me. Stupid rumors, now they all think I’m suicidal. It was fine, thinking I was all emo and crap, but this is over and beyond.
The next day at lunch, my friends believe the rumors too, it appears. “So…” Misty says finally. “Why did you do it?”
I abruptly shove my food away, my appetite gone. “I didn’t.”
“Are you sure?” She says patiently. “Are you not hungry? Is your conscious bothering you? Because you can talk to any and all of us. We’re your friends and we only want to help you,” she says earnestly.
My jaw tightens, looking down. Gerald spent all last night lecturing and I’m still on edge from the shouting match that it ended in- but, for once, no punches or anything. “I’m fine,” I snap. “Okay? Now stop acting like some freaking counselors, cause I don’t need anyone more on my back, telling me what I should do.”
“Hey, calm down,” Levi assures me. “We just want you to know we’re here for you, if… you know, if you did that.”
I try to take a deep breath, and I stand up. “I didn’t do it,” I say slowly and deliberately. “Okay? I wouldn’t inflict anything like this on myself, ever. It hurts too much,” I tell them. “It’s nothing.”
“Then what happened?” Marcus asks curiously.
Regan nods eagerly. “If you didn’t then… what?”
I think of a lie. “I… had a run in… with… a lawn mower.”
It’s amazing that I don’t wince or slap myself for it. Well, outwardly, at least.
But hey, they seem to take it. “Now, if you don’t mind,” I tell him. “I have a LOT of studying to do.”
I groan, plopping down. Great, I’m being tutored by a freshie. Well this sucks.
-
But Thomas isn’t too bad. He actually makes a load more sense than whatever my teachers are telling me, and we work through everything that I’ve missed in Calculus, and nearly finish History when the bell rings. I hesitate a minute, watching as he slowly cleans up the desk.
“Do you have another class?” I blurt. “Or- could you stay another ten minutes?”
He looks at me, a little surprised. “You want to work on some more?” He asks.
I flush a little, nodding. “Yeah.”
He shrugs. “Sure, what are you thinking, then?”
I pull out my science book and fifteen minutes pass. We haven’t gotten that far, but far enough that I can go on. He writes me a few notes for me to remember while doing my homework and we part with a wave.
Hurriedly I head down the hall, needing to get to Benji. Hopefully he’s not too worried or anything, cause he said his classes might go a little longer, which was good… I pass by Caleb and smirk, sticking out my foot.
Thud.
Snickers.
I hurry off, grinning to myself, glancing back to see Williams glaring at me. I smirk, flip the bird and hurry off.
Thank goodness he doesn’t see me trip the three steps down and fall on my face. That would have sucked a lot…
Speaking of which, ALL my teachers stop me in the hall to let me know that instead of P.E. for the next month, I’ll be in study hall, studying with a tutor to get my grades back up. Which just sucks, cause that means someone else will also know.
My life sucks.
Not to mention, my arms still hurt. Touching them on anything is just murder. Which totally sucks. The nurse advised going to the real doctors and all, but what would I say? I did it myself? No. They already want me going to some counselor. And I can’t tell anybody about Gerald or they’ll know how mom’s unfit, too, and me and Benji would be separated and I can’t just leave the little man…
“Ugh!” I shout and hit my head on my locker. I get some stares, but mostly people just inch far, far away from me. Stupid rumors, now they all think I’m suicidal. It was fine, thinking I was all emo and crap, but this is over and beyond.
The next day at lunch, my friends believe the rumors too, it appears. “So…” Misty says finally. “Why did you do it?”
I abruptly shove my food away, my appetite gone. “I didn’t.”
“Are you sure?” She says patiently. “Are you not hungry? Is your conscious bothering you? Because you can talk to any and all of us. We’re your friends and we only want to help you,” she says earnestly.
My jaw tightens, looking down. Gerald spent all last night lecturing and I’m still on edge from the shouting match that it ended in- but, for once, no punches or anything. “I’m fine,” I snap. “Okay? Now stop acting like some freaking counselors, cause I don’t need anyone more on my back, telling me what I should do.”
“Hey, calm down,” Levi assures me. “We just want you to know we’re here for you, if… you know, if you did that.”
I try to take a deep breath, and I stand up. “I didn’t do it,” I say slowly and deliberately. “Okay? I wouldn’t inflict anything like this on myself, ever. It hurts too much,” I tell them. “It’s nothing.”
“Then what happened?” Marcus asks curiously.
Regan nods eagerly. “If you didn’t then… what?”
I think of a lie. “I… had a run in… with… a lawn mower.”
It’s amazing that I don’t wince or slap myself for it. Well, outwardly, at least.
But hey, they seem to take it. “Now, if you don’t mind,” I tell him. “I have a LOT of studying to do.”
I groan, plopping down. Great, I’m being tutored by a freshie. Well this sucks.
-
But Thomas isn’t too bad. He actually makes a load more sense than whatever my teachers are telling me, and we work through everything that I’ve missed in Calculus, and nearly finish History when the bell rings. I hesitate a minute, watching as he slowly cleans up the desk.
“Do you have another class?” I blurt. “Or- could you stay another ten minutes?”
He looks at me, a little surprised. “You want to work on some more?” He asks.
I flush a little, nodding. “Yeah.”
He shrugs. “Sure, what are you thinking, then?”
I pull out my science book and fifteen minutes pass. We haven’t gotten that far, but far enough that I can go on. He writes me a few notes for me to remember while doing my homework and we part with a wave.
Hurriedly I head down the hall, needing to get to Benji. Hopefully he’s not too worried or anything, cause he said his classes might go a little longer, which was good… I pass by Caleb and smirk, sticking out my foot.
Thud.
Snickers.
I hurry off, grinning to myself, glancing back to see Williams glaring at me. I smirk, flip the bird and hurry off.
Thank goodness he doesn’t see me trip the three steps down and fall on my face. That would have sucked a lot…