The Morning After Was the Way Today Began

I slept tight, when I was waken by someone pulling the covers up and crawling into bed with me. The red numbers on the clock showed that it was just three in the morning. A second later I smelled the smell a person who had been drinking had. I turned around and saw Brendon looking at me, drunk as hell.

"You're drunk."
"And you're mine."
"No, get off."
"Stop it, you know you want to."

He kissed me hard on the lips and started to pull down my underwear. My bra he had already managed to open. I tried to fight him off me, but it was useless. He might look small, but he had force. He holded my hands down with one hand and kissed me. With the other one, he ripped my panties off and then pulled his pants down. At this point my mind didn't think. I just cried. As he entered me and started moving in the way he always does, the tears stopped falling down from my eyes. I knew that this was wrong, but how can something so bad be so good at the same time? He was finished in a few minutes and then his body fell next to mine. He held me close and I started to cry again. This whole episode remined me of my past. The past I was trying to get away from.

In the morning when I woke up, Ryan and Melody still weren't home. Brendon was still sleeping and holding me close. I moved his hand and ran to the bathroom. I closed the door and locked it behind me. Then I just started to cry even harder. This had to wake Brendon up because a minute later he was behind the door, knocking.

"Kriss, let me in. Please."
"No."
"I'm sorry about last night. I really shouldn't have done what I did."
"It's not that."
"Then what?"
"Then nothing."
"Please let me in."

I looked at the mirror. I saw a glass next to it. I broke the glass, what made Brendon yell even more.

"Please tell me you aren't doing what I think you are doing?"

I didn't answer. I had found a razor. Guess it's Brendon's or Ryan's. I let the water run as I started drawing a picture on my wrist, a picture with a twist. Second later, I fell to the floor. And before it went completely dark, I heard Brendon breaking down the door.

I was rushed to the hospital. I made it. Sadly. I was looking out of the window when the hospital room door went open. It was Brendon. I turned to look away. He sat next to my bed.

"Why did you do that?"
"Does it matter?"
"Of course."
"What you did last night, reminded me a night I was trying to get out of my mind."
"What happened?"
"Basically the same thing, only worst. I let myself to calm down with you. But that night, I fought back. He hit me and basically raped me."
"I didn't know."
"And I cut myself a day later. My best friend kid found me."
"But why now? I know it was wrong, but still. Why did you cut those beautiful wrists of yours?"
"I don't know. You didn't rape me. I let you take me and I enjoyed every minute of it, as odd as that may sound. But I guess something happened and I just didn't know what else to do."
"I love you, you know that right? I'd never do anything that would hurt you."
"I know. I love you too."

Brendon hugged me and the sun started to shine. Ryan and Melody came to the room and we laughed alot. I was proud that I finally could tell someone about my past. But maybe in a long point of view, it wasn't the smartest decision I had ever made.