When Hope Begins to Fade

As she stood in front of Apartment 225A Amber contemplated turning and leaving before there was an answer. Even though she felt horrible for having such thoughts she’d always found it slightly awkward to be inside their apartment when they were both there. Just as she was about to turn and walk away, escaping from being in there with them and saving herself from the hours of packing she’d have to help with, the door opened. “How long were you gonna stand there before knocking?”

“I was here for like two seconds Kellan.” She lied as he smirked at her, that knowing look in his eyes.

“You are lying.”

“No Kellan I am not. Is Alyce already home and ready to pack?” Amber saw when Alyce suddenly stepped into the living room and waved excitedly. Kellan must have known Alyce was there because he moved aside so that Amber could join her.

“Come with me!” Alyce grabbed Amber’s arm and pulled her towards the bed room, practically skipping with excitement. There was already a large suitcase on the bed, with various outfits scattered around it. When Amber’s jaw dropped Alyce started giggling.

“What the hell is all of this? What you can’t decide which clothes to take or do you just like not being able to sit on the bed?” Amber picked up a black dress and raised one eyebrow. “Its Hawaii Alyce, not the Queen’s ball! A floor-length black satin gown, really?” She replaced the dress and shook her head, knowing Alyce she expected to be here for hours.

“Hey! I happen to like that dress! And I know that it is Hawaii, but I told you that I just don’t know what to take with me.” Alyce headed for the closet seconds later, returning with another armful of clothes.

“Okay you are going for like a week right? You don’t need 20,000 outfits.” Alyce laughed picked up a swimsuit, folding it carefully before placing it in the bag.

“Purple or blue?” She held up two swimsuit covers up for Amber to see, placing one in front of herself before exchanging it for the other one.

“Purple. Now remind me again why you need help with something as easy as packing? I mean you need like 6 or 7 outfits, some pajamas, and so on.”

“Well maybe I just wanted to spend sometime with you before I left, to try and get you to tell me exactly what you are hiding from me.” Amber sighed and shook her head, wishing that her best friend hadn’t brought it up again.

“For the last time I am not hiding anything from you. I wish that you would accept that and let it go. Besides, why do you even think that I am hiding something from you?” As she awaited an answer from Alyce she picked up a beach towel, folded it, and tossed it into the suitcase.

“You’ve been acting really weird lately Amber, and you’ve been eating a lot. I’m sorry but I’m surprised that you haven’t gained that much weight.” Slightly afraid of how Amber would react to the truth she carefully placed two pairs of pajamas in a corner of the suitcase.

“Thanks Alyce, I hadn’t realized I was supposed to be fat, not saying that I’m prejudice. God, I’ve only gained like two pounds and I lost them when I was on tour with the guys. For the record I have not been acting weird, not anymore so than usual anyways. I’m not sure why I’m always hungry though, that is kind of odd.”

“And you look tired.”

“I’m stressed. I overheard my mom and aunt talking about making me a partner. If they ask me how am I supposed to tell them that I really don’t want to be there forever, just until I figure out what in the hell I want to do until I retire.”

“Then just tell them that and move on. No need to stress.” Alyce picked up a skirt before deciding against it and tossing it onto the pillow.

“Just shut up and pack Alyce.” The two couldn’t hold in the laughter any longer than they had. Two hours later and the two were plopped back on the bed, with the almost overstuffed suitcase between them.

“Thanks for helping me.” Alyce looked over at Amber, who laughed and shook her head.

“Yeah you really owe me one after that!” Grabbing her cell phone she looked at the clock, realizing that it was almost 8 already.

“Its time for you to leave isn’t it?” Alyce sat up and looked over at Amber, already knowing the answer. With a grunt Amber sat up and nodded her head. “Alright, but we are hanging out when I get back. Deal?”

“I promise.” Amber gave her friend a hug and told her to have fun before leaving the room. Kellan looked up at her with a smile, which she returned before leaving their apartment.

Matt was sitting on the sofa with Zacky as they watched a baseball game. Amber grinned to herself and headed for the kitchen. “We ordered pizza, its in the fridge.” Matt called over his shoulder, not moving his eyes from the screen.

“Thanks for letting me know.” After she grabbed a slice of pizza and a soda she went to join them in the living room. Matt smiled at her as Zacky rolled his eyes, knowing that Matt wanted to greet her with more than that.

“How’d the packing go?”

“Ugh two hours of sorting through various clothing items. Take a guess.” She finished the pizza and took a drink from the soda, hoping that now that she had eaten something her stomach would settle.

“Isn’t that every girls dream?” Zacky asked with a joking tone, making both Matt and Amber laugh. Pleased with himself and his joke he sat back and returned his attention to the TV screen.

“I think I’m going to go take a shower and see if it’ll make me feel better. If you leave before I get out I’ll see you later Zacky.”

***

“Are you feeling any better?” Matt’s arms snaked around Amber’s waist later that night. Zacky had left soon after the game was over, leaving them completely alone for the night. Amber was in the process of making pumpkin bread for her parent’s anniversary party that was to happen the following night.

“Yeah, finally. I think I’m getting a stomach bug or something. Its been pretty much all day. Maybe you shouldn’t get to close, it might be contagious.” She added in a few more spices before turning the mixer back on.

“I think I’ll live.” She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling at him. He kissed her, hoping that she wouldn’t need to turn the mixer off too soon. It was the moments like these that made him more than glad that they shared the apartment; they had never gotten to do this without someone walking in before.

“I need to turn the mixer off,” She pulled away and turned back around, hitting the power off. After adding in the flour a sigh escaped her lips. “You know Matt if you don’t want to go with me tomorrow night I’ll understand.”

“Stop that Amber. I am going with you, I told you I was and I will. Come on, it isn’t like its anything new to face your dad and have him hate my guts. It completely normal by now. And I’m not going anywhere, so he’ll have to get used to me.”

“Just get me the loaf pans over here dork!” Matt chuckled and listened to her request, getting the feeling that there was something she wanted to tell him.

“What is it that you know? There has been something that you’ve wanted to say for a few days now” She filled the pans with the batter and placed them in the oven, thinking of how to tell Matt.

“Its nothing Matt, absolutely nothing.” She walked back into the living room area and sat down, wishing that everyone would just leave it alone already. He joined her on the sofa, watching her with a look of amusement on his face.

“I know you better than that. Are you ever going to tell me what is going on?” She laughed and grinned mischievously at him.

“Trust me Matt, you’ll find out soon enough.”

***

“Alright Violet, just call me if you need to know anything.” Amber told the assistant manager the next afternoon as she gathered her things. She was headed to her parent’s house to help Lisa get things set up for the party.

The sounds of Eternal Rest met her ears when she started her car. She’d had been preparing herself for the worst when it came to her dad being around Matt since the night before. The one thing that she was extremely thankful about on that matter was that Anthony had began to see how happy Matt made her, which had caused him to lighten up about it a bit.

Driving through Huntington Beach she felt the same feeling that she valued so much. She loved being able to live somewhere so amazing. When she pulled up the house she’d called home for so many years she took in the beauty of it against the California back-drop; knowing that it would be the last moment of peace she’d have for the next few hours of course.

Lisa was already in the backyard, almost going into a full meltdown mode. “No! No! No! If we put that table there then the food table will look completely out of place. And the fabric drapes have to be left loose, not tied back!” The few teenage boys that belonged in the exclusive ring of families looked at Lisa like she’d lost it, this was not what they had volunteered for.

“Alright boys, go take five and get a water or a soda while I deal with her.” Their heads all snapped up to look at Amber as she spoke, something that Lisa wished would happen when she spoke.

“Why does everyone listen and look at you instantly?” Lisa asked as Amber sat down at the patio table, looking at the drawing.

“Its because of the order that is drilled into their minds. I’m technically the next in the line of command, and I am two years older than you. They pay attention to you, they just don’t always make eye contact. They fear me.”
“So you are saying in another year or so they’ll be the same way with me?” She joined her sister, who was making her own adjustments to the plan.

“Yeah. Alright all that was wrong with your plan is that you forgot about the bar my dear sister. Just rearrange it a tad and we’ll be good to go.”

“I guess I stressed making it look perfect a little too much didn’t I?” Lisa quickly changed the plans and looked over, seeing the three teenage boys join them again.

“Okay now you three just arrange the tables like it is showed here, we’ll worry about the chairs later. Lisa and I are going to work on hanging the lights and stuff.” The guys nodded at Amber and went straight to work.

“Just ask whatever you want to ask me Amber.” Lisa told her sister fifteen minutes later, as they worked on hanging the lights.

“Do you have a date for tonight?” Amber clipped her side of the string of lights in and took a step down, grabbing the next one.

“No, I don’t.” Lisa clipped her side in and grabbed the other end of the Amber already had. After untwisting it she clipped it in place, very pleased with their progress.

“You know, I’m sure if you asked Johnny he’d be your date for tonight.” Amber frowned when she noticed they’d have to move on to the fabric that Lisa planned to drape down the sides, so they would act like curtains.

“Amber don’t, just don’t. If I want a date I’ll get one. Now just help me hang these so we can work on the chairs and other stuff.” Lisa’s irritation shined through, telling her sister that she was still too touchy over the Johnny issue.

They worked in silence until it was time to work on the chairs, even then they weren’t really talking to each other. The majority of the conversation was centered around needing more chairs or if the tables needed moved slightly. Almost four hours later and everything in the huge tent was set up, and ready for the food and people to fill in.

“Well sis,” Amber began as she looked around. “I’ll give it to you. You did a hell of a job on the design for this.”

“Thank you. Now go get ready so you can come back in time!” Lisa was already walking towards the door, no doubt excited to see people’s reactions when they arrived.

When Amber got home Matt was still gone. Without further delay she got in the shower, knowing that Alyce would start texting her soon enough. After a 20 minute shower she got out and put on the clothes she planned on wearing.

She had only managed to brush her hair and teeth when her cell phone buzzed. It was Alyce letting her know that their plane had landed and they were on the way to the hotel. With a smile she closed her cell phone and put it back in her pocket.

As Amber was putting on eyeliner when Willow suddenly jumped up onto the bathroom counter. “Willow who said you could get up here?” The cat sat down and meowed at her owner, flicking her tail in the process. “You are hopeless Willow, completely hopeless. You do not own me little missy, I own you.”

“Talking to the cat again are we?” Matt’s voice slightly startled Amber, causing her to slightly jump.

“My God Matt, don’t you make noise when you walk?” He chuckled and pulled his shirt off. “Let me guess, you went to the gym again today.”

“Good guess, very good guess.” Rolling her eyes she gathered her stuff, not feeling like dealing with the steam from the shower. Matt could easily guess why she was leaving the room so he didn’t bother to stop her. After inspecting what Matt was doing Willow joined Amber in the bedroom; stretching out on the bed to take her 4th nap of the day.

When she finished getting ready Amber got on the bed and laid down on her stomach, closing her eyes. She told herself that she was just going to rest for a second with her eyes closed, no sleep involved. When her current position was no longer comfortable she rolled onto her side, and despite her vow not to sleep she quickly drifted away.

After his quick shower Matt walked into the bedroom, expecting to either find Amber awake or not in there at all but instead found her asleep. Sitting down on the bed he was careful not to wake her. He was beginning to worry about her and exactly what she was stressing over so much.

When it was finally the time when they needed to leave for the party he gently shook her arm. “Amber you gotta wake up, we need to leave.” With a small grunt she sat up and grabbed her hair brush, quickly getting the few tangles out of the side of her hair again.

“Alright, lets go.” With a chuckle Matt got up and followed her. The ride to her parents was fairly quiet, since neither of them were uncomfortable just listening to music. When Matt parked in front of the large house both he and Amber were surprised at how many of the guests have already arrived. “We’ll I guess there is nothing like being at the party early is there?”

“Guess not. How many people are supposed to be here?” Looking around Amber tried her best to remember how many people were actually supposed to be in attendance.

“Um I thought it was just most of the families and a few of their friends outside the circle. So either everyone was just early or Lisa bumped up the time and didn’t bother to tell me.” Amber released the seatbelt and opened the car door, deep in thought about which it really was.

Once inside the house Amber went to find her sister so that she could find out what the hell was going on. Lisa was in the kitchen, verifying the menu with the caterer. “Oh good, you’re here. Wait a minute, where is your boyfriend?”

“He is outside. Why is everyone here early?” A slight ting of anger flashed across Lisa’s face, telling her sister that something had not went according to the plan.

“Well apparently the time on the invitations was screwed up by half an hour. Thank God we had everything done early this afternoon! Now come on, we need to get outside with the rest of the party.”

The party was in full swing in the backyard, making Amber look around for Matt. Thankfully he was waiting close to the door for her. “The time got screwed up on the invitations so everyone got here 30 minutes early.” She explained in a whisper as they walked towards her parents.

“Well that explains it. So are we in trouble with Lisa for being late?” He watched as Amber shook her head no in answer to his question.

“You two are here!” Esme beamed, suddenly popping up in front of the couple.

“Holy shit mom, don’t do that! Are you trying to give me a damn heart attack?” Amber gave her mom a huge after finishing her mini-speech, which only made Esme laugh. “Where is Dad? I’m hoping to catch him before he has a chance to get unhappy about Matt and I again.”

“Um,” Esme looked around the party in search of Anthony. “Ah there he is, right over there!” She pointed him out and Amber nodded, catching sight of him.

“I’ll be back in a minute then.”

At the table that was designated for closest family and friends sat Lisa, who was sipping on her soda. “I haven’t saw you in almost a year. How has life been Lisa?” The male voice drew her out of all her thoughts, making her head snap around.

“Dale I didn’t know you were going to be here.” She took another sip of her soda, debating if she was going to talk to one of her many ex-boyfriends or if she was going to ignore him.

“Well my family is in the circle Lisa, we were invited. Mind if I sit down?” He asked, motioning to the chair next to her.

“No go ahead. Yeah but last I heard you were living up in Long Beach, going to school.”

“And I heard you were going to school in Anaheim. Its summer Lisa, most of us are home. So are you still single? Do you wanna dance?” She looked him directly in the eyes and felt that what Amber had been telling her applied.

“Sure, why not?” She stood up and took his hand, hoping that Amber wouldn’t think it was a bad idea. For the last month her sister had been telling that there was no reason for her to hide, and Amber had been right. She had spend most of her time hiding from anything that could become serious.

After two dances the returned to the table, Dale taking a seat on her right. “Dale you need to move.” Amber’s voice caused both Lisa and Dale’s heads to turn in her direction.

“And why would that be?” Lisa could sense the bad vibe coming off her sister and feared what would come next. Amber didn’t have a problem with Dale as far as his personality went, her problem with him was that he questioned her authority. “And why do I need to listen to you anyway? You’ve chosen to forsake your expected future and take the head of the other side’s son.”

“Listen here you little punk, it doesn’t make a damn difference if I ever plan to take my rightful place I still outrank you. How about you try standing up to my mom or better yet my dad, because after all they are the only two here that outrank me.” Matt tried his best to hide a smile.

“Fine then, you win for now.” He grumbled as he stood up. Amber smiled smugly and took her seat, leaving two spaces between herself and Lisa.

“Thank Amber.” Lisa’s thanks completely caught Amber off guard, making her look questioning at her sister. “He had started to piss me off when we were dancing, he was acting like my boyfriend or something.”

“No problem, just give him a dirty look or something and I’ll banish him.” The two sisters laughed as the caterers brought out the food to begin serving and everyone else took their seats.

“Where you giving Dale a hard time?” Esme asked they ate, making Amber smile.

“He questioned my authority. Apparently he thought that he could outrank me.” Esme laughed and shook her head at her daughter’s answer.

After dessert was served the dancing began again, leaving the two sisters sitting at the table. “Why don’t you two go dance?” Lisa finally asked, glancing between her sister and Matt. Amber groaned and shook her head no.

“Because I don’t dance, I have two left feet.” Amber explained in hope that her sister would drop it there. Instead of dropping it Lisa laughed and rolled her eyes.

“You are going to dance damn it!” She motioned to the dance floor with her eyes narrowed at Amber, who just shook her head no.

“Face it Lisa you lost this one before it was even started and you know it.” Looking up at the sparkling lights Amber allowed her mind to wander, not caring what she missed. She’d realized how much life had started changing long ago but it was really starting to sink in now.

“Earth to Amber! Are you still with us or are you off in your own little world? Because if you are I want to know if there is a reason that you didn’t invite me to join you! Do you know how insanely rude it is to leave without inviting your own sister.”

“Lisa have you completely lost the remaining bits of your mind?” Amber asked with a laugh. Lisa stuck her tongue out at her sister and crossed her arms.

“That is so not nice Amber! I have all of my mind thank you very much.” Matt just listened as they had their little discussion, not bothering to add anything in. Lisa watched as Amber looked at the lights again, obviously deep in thought about something.

“Come on Amber, lets go dance.” Amber’s head snapped in Matt’s direction, her mouth ajar in shock. “Why are you looking at me like that? I know you want to. Stop worrying about embarrassing yourself, it’ll be fine. I promise.”

“No I do not want to because I will make a fool out of myself. So if I do end up making a complete idiot out of myself then I will blame you.” She stood up and glared at Lisa, blaming her sister for what was going on at the moment.

“Have fun sis!” Lisa practically giggled as Amber walked away with Matt. As she cast a playful glare at her sister Amber also stuck her tongue out at her, which caused Lisa to roll her eyes.

“I told you that it wouldn’t be that bad didn’t I?” Matt asked almost a minute into the song they were dancing to. She laughed and kissed his cheek before she answered.

“Its not that bad, yet. But I want you to remember that I really do hate dancing, especially in public.” Matt smiled when her cheeks turned slightly red, telling him that she had almost tripped.

“Careful there, you don’t want to fall.” She laughed and rolled her eyes, causing him to smile. There was a part of him that wanted to ask her what was going on that she hadn’t said at that moment, but a bigger part was screaming to wait. After thinking about it for a moment he decided to wait instead of ruining the moment.