When Hope Begins to Fade

When Amber woke up the next morning the bed was empty. “Well I guess he did leave early.” She mumbled, remembering Matt saying that he might have to be at the studio early. With a sigh she sat up and rubbed the back of her neck.

After a quick shower and getting ready she walked into the kitchen to grab some breakfast. She’d already poured herself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table when she noticed the note. With a smile she picked it up and read what it said. Her cell phone went off just as she sat the small piece of paper back down. Don’t pick up anything for dinner on your way home.

By the time she left the apartment she was still wondering what Matt’s mysterious message had meant. While driving down PCH she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to how happy she was that the following day would be Friday. The store was always open on Saturday but that had always been her day off. Sunday was everyone’s day off.

She was almost to the store when her stomach suddenly started its morning routine. With a quick sigh she made herself ignore it, focusing on driving instead. Lisa was already at the store when Amber parked and went inside. “You look kind of pale.” She pointed out the second Amber walked through the door.

“Well good morning to you too. I know Lisa, I told you the other day I think I have a stomach bug.” Amber walked behind the counter and punched in, mentally cursing herself. After a week of this she was beginning to wonder.

“Hey I was just stating an observation. I’m taking you to the doctor Saturday though. This isn’t normal and I am worried.” Lisa watched as Amber clenched her teeth in agitation.

“I don’t need to go to the freaking doctor! I’m just under stress right now alright? If you are stressed out then you don’t get over a bug as quickly.”

“They will understand if you say that you don’t want to be a partner in the company Amber, just tell them.” Amber stared at her sister in shock, not expecting that she knew what was going on. “What? I heard Mom talking to Dad about it.”

“Stop listening to them talk, it is creepy as hell when you know everything.” Grabbing a sprite out of the mini-fridge that was behind the counter Amber wondered what Matt’s text message had meant.

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Lisa asked as Amber worked on the inventory list several minutes later.

“I’m working Lisa, I have to concentrate on this ya know?” She met her sister’s gaze and sighed in defeat. “Matt sent me a text message this morning that said not to get anything for dinner tonight and I want to know why.”

“Maybe he plans on making you dinner tonight.” Lisa’s suggestion was over heard by Anthony, who walked in the door as soon as the maybe passed through her lips.

“What is going on?” Anthony asked looking between his daughters quickly.

“Matt told me not to get anything for dinner tonight and I was wondering why.” Amber shrugged it off, not feeling like discussing any plans that her boyfriend may have made with her father.

“Sweetheart are you feeling alright? You look pale and judging by the sprite sitting there you are nauseous.” Lisa smirked at her older sister, which only made Amber roll her eyes. Anthony placed a hand on his oldest daughter’s forehead, checking or a fever. Amber had given up telling her parents that she was an adult long ago, it just didn’t work. “You don’t have a fever. Hasn’t Matt said anything about this?”

“Matt worries constantly about it. He’ll probably beat Lisa to dragging me to your office, and Alyce is in Hawaii so she can’t.” Amber looked back down at the inventory list, checking off items that had been sold and leaving ones that hadn’t arrived alone.

“Well someone needs to bring you in ASAP. Are you sleeping at night? You have circles under your eyes.” This had been the down side for Amber about her Dad being a doctor, she could never get away with playing sick or covering it up when she was sick.

“I’ve got a lot going on right now, I’m just stressed. You know that when I am stressed out I don’t sleep, I eat to make up for the energy, and the extra food and strange mixtures make my stomach upset almost 24/7.”

“It could still be something else though.” Esme walked through the door and looked between the three of them, sensing that she was missing something. “I was just telling Amber she needs to come see me ASAP.”

“Well she is as hard-headed as you are so good luck with that.” Amber met her mother’s grin with one of her own. Much to the delight of Amber this seemed to end the discussion, and as she talked with her family her stomach seemed to settle.

♥♥♥

By early afternoon in Hawaii Alyce and Kellan were walking along the beach, headed to meet their scuba dive instructor. “What are you thinking about?” He asked, noticing the distant look in Alyce’s eyes.

“I was just thinking on what has been going on with Amber. I really wanna know what is going on with her.” Kellan couldn’t help but laugh, making Alyce narrow her eyes at him. “Stop it Kellan! It could be serious!”

“Trust me Alyce if it was serious then I’m sure Matt would have already made her go get it checked out. We are in Hawaii, can’t you just relax?” She sighed and shook her head, wishing it was that simple.

“Just because we are in paradise doesn’t mean that we can run away from our problems in life.”

“I’m sure when Amber is in Vegas she doesn’t worry about anything that she has no control over.” Alyce let go of Kellan’s hand and made her “agitated” sound at him. “Ah don’t be like that Alyce. You know that Amber wouldn’t want you worrying.”

“Kellan, just stop trying to fix it alright.”

***

For the first time in days the store was completely empty. Esme was in her office, most likely placing the next order, and Amber was behind the register. The sound of the radio drifted softly through the quiet which was very calming. The street was busy outside and there would no doubt be more customers later in the afternoon.

“What magazine are you reading?” Esme’s voice broke into Amber’s thoughts quickly, causing her to look up.

“Revolver.” She answered with a shrug. Pulling up a stool Esme took a seat across from her daughter, eying her cautiously.

“Do you want to tell me what is going on honey? I know that you know we were talking about making you a partner in the business too by the way, so if that is the problem then just tell me. I’m worried about you.”

“That is just it mom! Everyone is worried about me lately! I’m tired of being looked at like everyone is expecting me to just explode at any given moment,” She looked away and took a deep breath before continuing. “Or like I’m about to drop this big bomb of a secret on them.

“Then with the whole business thing I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I don’t want to do this forever, but I don’t even know what I want to do. It is that feeling that I hate so much. I know that this isn’t what I want but I don’t know what I want. That and I can’t really claim a mid-life crisis on the front yet, I’m not old enough to.

“The thing that really bugs me about it too is that I know why I don’t know what I want to do. I remember growing up and until I was 18 I had always said I’d have a career and a life planned out before I’d get involved with a guy. Then Matt came along and everything changed. Now what I do basically revolves around what I want for he and I. I don’t want to do this forever but I don’t want to pick something that will make me spend any more time away from him than I already do. So that basically means I have turned into exactly what I said I never would.”

“You can’t hurt my feelings with that Amber. I’ve never expected that you’d pick the same path in life that I did, I don’t want you to. This is your life and you need to do what is best for you; you need to do what makes you happy. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, he loves you so much that I guarantee that he’d support you in anything you chose to do.”

“Matt isn’t the problem here; I am. Its me who can’t bare the thought of being away from him more. When he is gone I think about it a lot, almost all the time. But then he comes home or I visit him wherever he is and I realize that I can’t do it. I couldn’t take it if I lost anymore time than I already do with him.”

“I can’t help you with that sweetheart, you’re just going to have to figure it out yourself. Is there anything else?” Esme walked as Amber’s eyes widened and then narrowed in annoyance. “Forget I asked.”

“I was going to say that I just told you how crazy that drove me.” Esme couldn’t help but laugh at her daughter’s expression. She still felt that there was something that she didn’t know but decided not to push it.

“So what do you think Matt has planned for tonight?” Amber’s facial expression changed into one of confusion. Esme had managed to ask the one question that her daughter had no idea how to answer.

“I cannot figure it out. I’ve thought of every possibility and I can’t decide on which one is the most probable. Tonight I am going to tell him not to do this to me anymore, I don’t like spending the day in confusion.”

Amber was asleep on the sofa that evening when Matt came home. He gently shook her shoulder, feeling horrible for waking her up yet again. “Baby, wake up.” Her eyes opened slowly and she smiled at him.

“Do I have to?”

“Well my plan was to take you out to dinner tonight, so we’re gonna say yes. Then I’ll let you sleep until whenever you want to in the morning without any interruptions. Do we have a deal?” She laughed and nodded her head as she sat up.

“You don’t have to look at me with that worried expression Matt. I’m just tired it isn’t like I’m sick or anything.” Matt stood in the kitchen as she went to go change out of her work clothes, thinking about the questions he wanted to ask her. He knew that he needed to ask her the one he planned to tonight.

“Alright I’m ready.” Matt nodded and grabbed his eyes, pushing asking her back for later in the night.

“Did you spend all day wondering what the note was about?” He asked as they got into his car. She laughed and buckled her seatbelt as he started the engine.

“Of course I did! All damn day I was left to wonder why in the hell you would leave such a mysterious note about dinner and not give me one stupid clue as to why you said it. It was beyond frustrating Matthew.”

“Are you sure you aren’t just being a little bit over dramatic about it?”

“No I am not being the slightest bit dramatic about it. You can even ask my mom, she saw how much it confused me all day long.”

“Are you feeling okay today?” She sighed and rested her head against the headrest, glad that he was doing the driving. She didn’t even feel like watching the passing cars or scenery.

“I’m feeling great, I’m just tired.”

***

“You don’t really like Matt do you dad?” Lisa asked as she sat in the den with Anthony. Esme was on the phone with a friend of hers in another room so she couldn’t hear the conversation. Anthony looked at Lisa and realized that he wasn’t getting out of answering the question this time.

“He is the man my daughter is dating, of course I don’t like him. I don’t like how she goes on tour with him every few months. I hate the fact that he is living with her.” As soon as Anthony gave his answer Lisa laughed. “What is so funny?”

“Dad even if you don’t like it Amber is an adult now. She can make her own decisions and you know she’ll pick whatever makes her happy. What happened to the whole if your daughter is happy then you are happy thing?”

“That is a mom thing, not a dad thing. Even though I know it won’t happen I still want my two little girls back. The two that would run up to me and your mom with a scraped knee and a band-aid and a kiss made everything better.”

Lisa hugged her dad tightly and realized why he was the way he was sometimes. He wasn’t ready to let go. “If I get a scraped knee I promise you’ll be the first person I come to so you can make it better. I know you don’t want to but you are going to have to let us go sometime or another daddy. We aren’t those two little girls anymore, but we are still your daughters. Even as much as you sometimes annoy us we still love you.”
Esme silently watched the exchange from the den entrance, both of them unaware that her phone call was over. Silently, she walked away to let them talk alone. Had they not been having a father-daughter moment she would have went and finished the movie with them, but they needed to talk to each other.

She wondered how the dinner, that she had indeed known about, was going for Matt and Amber. As much as she wanted to tell her daughter so that she wouldn’t have to spend the day confused she didn’t want to spoil the surprise Matt had planned for them. Rearranging the roses that were in the vase in the hallway she couldn’t help but smile. Things were coming together rapidly and she had a feeling that the next few months would bring about new surprises in all their lives.

Having Lisa home was nice for Esme and Anthony. The house seemed so empty to them now that both their girls were out on their own. It seemed like the years had just flown by in a blink of an eye. One minute it there was two little girls standing in front of them and the next there was two young adults in their place.

Amber’s room had remained untouched since she’d moved out. There was still the same bed and furniture that she had left behind when she had moved into the apartment she shared with Alyce for a while. When Willow stayed at the house while Amber was away with Matt that room is where the cat spent most of her time.

“What else is bothering you about Matt?” Lisa asked, knowing Anthony had left something out when he had answered the question.

“I don’t like the fact that he hasn’t brought her into the office to make sure she is alright.”

“You and I both know that if Amber doesn’t want to do something then she won’t. Its not like he could make her go if she says no. That would be like us trying to make her.”

“He should at least try harder to make her come in. Her health isn’t something that should be played around with. I know she says it is just stress and she is probably right, but she should still be checked out to make sure that stress is all it is.”

“Is that the doctor part of you, or is it the dad part?”

“I think,” Anthony paused for a few seconds “It is a mixture of both. The dad part that is worried and the doctor part that is logically. I’m not completely sure, since it is mostly the dad part.”

“But he can’t make her do anything. I know he has been talking to her about it lately, he is trying.”

“I think he should try harder though.”

Lisa rolled her eyes and laughed to herself. “Maybe they know what it is already.”

***

“So from now on I tell you when I say don’t pick anything up for or to make dinner?” Matt asked as Amber snuggled under the covers and grinned at him.

“Yes. No more confusing me in other words. It isn’t nice to do that to me and I don’t enjoy it.” She rolled onto her side and allowed herself to relax against the softness of the bed.

“But you did enjoy dinner right?” He asked, crawling under the covers too.

“I enjoyed dinner very much. Thanks for thinking of it, that was so sweet of you.”

“Well I do try and do what I can.” He placed an arm around her waist as she laughed, resting her forehead against his chin. The silence of the bedroom was a nice break from the busy day the two had both had. “Maybe your dad is right though, maybe you should go get checked out. I’m worried about you.”

“I’m just stressed out, that is all. I talked to my mom today so that is one last thing to worry about. Now if I tell you this you cannot tell anyone because I’m not supposed to say anything to anyone. So do you promise to keep it a secret?”

“I promise that I will keep this secret that you are dying to tell me.” She playfully narrowed her eyes at him and he mouthed out “kidding”. She moved so that she could whisper the secret into his ear.

“I hate keep secrets from you, but don’t tell anyone or I’ll be in deep shit.”

“You’ve known the whole time? You have had to walk around with that for all this time?” She nodded her head and smiled shyly, knowing he now understood something that she’d tried to hint at.

“You didn’t see that one coming did you?”

“Not at all. Well I didn’t see that as the secret that you’d been hiding. I know there was something that you hadn’t told anyone I just didn’t know what it was.” He brushed the loose strands of hair behind her ears and felt an overwhelming urge to ask her.

“Now all I have to do is get my dad off my back and I’ll be doing great!” She closed her eyes and cuddled closer to Matt, knowing they could have their moment of silence now. Matt just focused on her breathing, thinking about the information she’d just dropped on him out of nowhere.

“How badly have you wanted to tell people?” He asked suddenly, curiosity flooding his every word.

“You can’t even imagine. Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk around with something like that. This information that is so huge, so life changing, and be the only one who knows it. Then there is the fact that soon enough everyone is going to find out.”

“You could have told me earlier. Its not like I would have went and told everyone about it.” She smiled and shook her head.

“I thought the moment needed to be right. Besides it not that I thought you would do anything like that, I know you’d never do such a thing. I do feel better now that you know though; I really don’t like keeping secrets thing.”

“Especially not something that big.”

“Exactly.” She yawned and closed her eyes, fully expecting to drift off to sleep in no time, until Matt cleared his throat.

“Amber there was something I wanted to talk to you about tonight, before we go to sleep and I either forget or put it off.” Her eyes opened and she groaned. The truth was she didn’t want anymore surprises.

“I won’t let you forget then. I don’t feel like anymore surprises tonight. You promised me I could sleep when we got home anyways, remember that?” He chuckled and nodded his head, after all he would let her sleep.

“It isn’t really a surprise I just want to talk to you about something. I remember that clearly and I will let you sleep as much as you want to, after we talk about this real quick. Come on Amb, I think it is important and you might even like the idea. As a matter of fact I’m really hoping that you do like the idea.”

“Well that all depends on what the idea is. If it is smart and well thought out. If it is something that is going to make your extremely tired girlfriend think a lot. Which it better not because as I said before I am extremely tired. That and it better not be some big bombshell that isn’t going to let me get any sleep.”

“Are you done with your little rant now?” Matt smiled as she thought about it, her expression changing several times in the short period of time it took her.

“Yes I am, for now anyways. So what is this big idea Matt? Please make it good because if not I’m going to laugh and go to sleep.” They both laughed and he kissed her lips before they both mumbled a quick “I love you.”

“I think we should buy a house and move out of the apartment.”