When Hope Begins to Fade

“Come on Amber. We could even get a dog, and I mean a large dog.” Matt began the next morning as Amber ate her breakfast of fruit. She sighed and looked across the table, seeing him pout with all he had.

“I told you last night Matt now isn’t the time. I know that you have the major label deal now but I’m still working the same job that I was when we found this apartment. I don’t see any point in getting in over our heads with a mortgage right now. We could get a dog living here it would just be a pain. It isn’t like we need more space anyway. After all it is just the two of us.”

“So? Just think of how much more freedom we could have in our own house. I know that you like the thought of more space too, even if you won’t admit it. Come on, think of how good it sounds to say our house.”

“I like the way the words our apartment sounds. It is the logical choice for us right now anyway. Keep in mind I know the kind of house you’d want to buy and you just got the major label deal and I can’t even figure out what the hell I want to do for the rest of my life. I didn’t say no never, but I’m sticking with not right now. It is much more logical that we wait for a while.”

“You and logic. Have you been watching Star Trek again?” His chuckle was contagious, leaving her unable to not laugh.

“I haven’t been watching Star Trek, I just thought the buying a house thing over slightly more in-depth. I’ve gotta go to work in a few minutes anyway so can we please just stop talking about?”

“How are you feeling?” Amber’s eyes shot open as she stared at him in disbelief.

“Unbelievable! From one unwanted subject to another! I’m feeling fine Matt, I’m not as stressed out today.”

“But Lisa is supposed to make you go to the doctor tomorrow so you’ll have to convince her and your dad that you don’t need to go.” Matt was still worried and Amber could not only hear it in his voice but she could see it in his eyes.

“I’m fine Matt, you don’t need to worry.” She kissed his cheek on her way to the sink. He mumbled something that she couldn’t quite hear and decided to just give it up for the morning. It was a battle he’d already lost after all.

***

“Jonny cancelled on us for tonight.” Matt announced as he walked into the apartment that evening, guessing that Amber was either in the bedroom or the bathroom.

“I know.” She smiled walking out of the bedroom, dressed in a Metallica shirt that had replaced the one she’d worn to work that day.

“How do you know? I didn’t find out until today.” Matt watched as his girlfriend sat down on the couch and turned the TV volume down a little bit.

“I had lunch with Marriah and Brian had told her when he found out.” Matt joined her on the couch, not at all surprised when she leaned against him. “How’d your day go?”

“I finished my vocals for another song so I guess it qualifies as great. How was yours? Did you feel sick at all today?”

“Again with the worrying Matt. I felt fine all day and I still feel fine. Granted most of the day was pretty slow but aside from that it was a good day.” Smiling to herself, Amber suddenly remembered that Alyce and Kellan would be returning from Hawaii the following day.

Matt’s mind had drifted to another topic completely. He was trying to figure out why Johnny would cancel the usual plans. When he did cancel on them he would normally give a reason why, this time he hadn’t said anything.

“We should head out.” Amber stood up and snapped Matt out of his thoughts. He smiled at her as she left the apartment, extremely pleased that she wasn’t sick and that she didn’t seem so tired today.

They arrived at Johnny’s Bar just in time to meet up with everyone else. Zacky was smiling mischievously at Amber the second she sat down, making her extremely curious as to why. “What do you know Zacky?”

“Johnny cancelled for no apparent reason on a Friday night when your sister happens to be in town. What are Lisa’s plans for tonight?” Matt chuckled and watched as Amber’s face lit up.

“She said that she was going out but refused to say with who and where they were going!” With a nod Zacky took a drink of his beer, knowing that Amber now had the same thought that he did.

“Are you two going to stay out of it now?” Lilly asked with a laugh, glancing between her boyfriend and Amber quickly.

“If they get back together then yes. If they don’t then we’ll keep it up until we win!”

***

Alyce was planning on giving Amber enough time to be up by the time she got done with going to the houses of the parents. As she sat on the plane next to Kellan she planned out where she was planning on going first. The excitement raced through her veins as she desperately wished that she wouldn’t have to wait for the plane to land to begin breaking the news.

“I wish I could use a phone on the plane.” She whispered to Kellan, who just groaned to himself. Alyce had been like that since she’d woken up that morning.

“Honey we agreed to wait and tell everyone in person. Just have some patience, you only have to wait a few hours. How about you try and get some sleep?” He suggested moving his shoulder closer to her.

“But sleeping on a plane is an Amber thing, not an Alyce thing. I’m far too happy and excited to sleep anyways. This like life changing, I’m busting at the seams to tell someone! Do you think this flight will fly by or it will feel like forever?”

“I think that if you calm down it’ll go by faster than if you keep thinking about it.” Sighing, she settled into the seat and turned on her iPod. Trying to find something else to think about immediately brought her mind back to Amber’s strange behavior. With a small smile she focused on what the cause of it could be.

The major advantage that Alyce held in this category was that she had known Amber her entire life. For the past two months Alyce had been sensing that Amber was hiding some big piece of information, something that she wanted to explain but wouldn’t. Or maybe it was something that she didn’t know about for sure.

“Stop thinking about what is going on with Amber.” Kellan whispered before he replaced the ear bud into her ear. With her mouth ajar she looked over at him, mesmerized that he knew what she was thinking about. He just smiled and looked out the window.

“You don’t need to show off that you can guess what I’m thinking about Kellan. It isn’t nice at all.” She complained, removing the ear bud again. When he didn’t respond right away she resorted to poking his arm repeatedly.

“I’m not showing off Alyce. You just don’t need to keep trying to figure everything out. When she is ready for you to know whatever it is that is bothering her then she’ll tell you. There is no guarantee that you’ll even figure it out anyway so why spend the entire flight thinking about it. Just relax while you can. Keep in mind we’ll be getting a lot of reactions when we get home.”

“I could figure it out! I feel like I’m getting close to figuring it out as it is. But I can’t argue with you about the reactions we’ll be facing. You win this round Kellan, but you won’t win the next. I can, and I do, promise you that.”

***

When Amber’s cell phone rang the next morning she almost threw it against the wall. The only thing that stopped her was it was Lisa’s ringtone. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. This sure as hell better be good enough for you to wake me up.”

“Well good morning to you too my lovely sister. How about you turn that pissy mood into a great mood. It is a beautiful Saturday morning and you are young with your entire life a head of you. Get up out of bed and enjoy the day!” Lisa’s voice was far too cheerful to be met with welcome from Amber.

“You are a bitch. You know that Lisa? As I said before, this better be good. And what the hell was that all about? Are you reading from one of those inspirational calendars again?”

“Well that is mean! Why do I have to have a reason to call my wonderful big sister and tell her good morning? Do I need a reason to be in a great mood? Must I have a reason to offer my own words of wisdom to someone in need.”

“You are being a pest and a bitch. Congrats, you’ve broken your own record. To call me this early on a Saturday morning yes you sure do need a reason. Now will you get on with it and tell me why you called in such a chipper mood or are you going to make me guess? Because I swear if you do then I’ll hang up right now.”

“Watch your mouth Amber! Aw come on, I just wanted to talk.” Amber closed her cell phone and replaced it on the nightstand, not caring what Lisa had done the night before. At the moment all she really wanted was to go back to sleep. Then just as she was about to go back to sleep Lisa called her again.

“You’ll regret it later if you hurt your sister and you know it.” Matt whispered, knowing that Amber’s tempter was no rising at a rapid pace.

“I won’t regret it until tomorrow.” She rolled over and pulled the covers up to her ears, wanting nothing more than to block out the sound.

It was a few hours later when she woke up again, feeling like crap. Matt was already in the living room so she decided on a quick shower. When she walked out of the bedroom she noticed the look on Matt’s face and it alarmed her. “Morning.”

“Morning Matt. What is it? Is there something that is wrong?” She wanted to look at the clock and see what time it was, how long she had until she’d be hearing from Alyce, but Matt’s expression and tone kept her focused.

“Nothing, everything is fine. I was just thinking. You don’t need to worry about anything babe. Isn’t Alyce coming home today?” Grabbing a package of pop-tarts, Amber stared at her boyfriend suspiciously. There was something that he wasn’t telling her.

“You can’t lie to me effectively. You will have to tell me sooner or later. Of course she is, she should be over here this afternoon.” He nodded his head and looked at the television screen, desperately hoping that Amber would leave the topic alone.

Amber had only taken a bite of her first pop-tart when there was a knock at the door. “I bet it is your sister.” Matt’s voice was laced heavily with amusement as he watched Amber’s face fall.

“I hope it is your sister instead.” When Amber opened the apartment door there stood Lisa, who looked extremely pissed off. “Hi Lisa.”

“First you hang up on me, then you don’t answer your phone, next you don’t call me back, and I hate to burst your bubble but it isn’t Matt’s sister at the door. Sometimes you are beyond infuriating Amber, I want to you know and fully understand that. Hello Matt.”

“Hey Lisa.” Matt didn’t bother looking over at the two sisters since he could take a good guess at their expressions.

“It was early. I’m sorry but I’m not a morning person any day of the week but it especially applies to Saturday morning when I feel like shit. I apologize and the reason I said I hoped it was Matt’s sister is because I knew you’d be pissed and dealing with you when you are pissed off is comparable to someone having to deal with me when I am pissed off. I know that you understand where I am coming from.”

“Alright I guess it is okay then, but don’t repeat this next week. Maybe if you would go to bed earlier on a Friday night or more accurately a Saturday morning then you’d be more of a morning person. Oh look, pop-tarts!” Amber rolled her eyes as Lisa stole the second pop-tart.

“Thanks sis, you’re right I don’t want the second one even though I haven’t eaten anything else today. What is the point of crashing early on a Friday night? It is my one night when I don’t have to worry about the next morning. You should try staying out until the early morning one of these weeks. If you are really my sister then you’ll love it too. I promise it is really fun.” Amber grabbed a Coca-cola out of the refrigerator and took a drink after opening the can.

“Pop-tarts have too much sugar, I am doing you a favor. I stay out until at least midnight on Friday nights, but then I come home and go to bed. It is night to actually sleep every now and then too, trust on that. Besides I did go out last night, which is why I called you this morning but I guess you didn’t care to hear about it.” Amber rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch, leaning against Matt’s side.

“Well who did you go out with?” Lisa took a seat in the living room chair and stared directly at her older sister, a smirk on her face. She nodded her head no and grinned evilly at her sister. “You aren’t telling me then?” Lisa shook her head no and Amber shrugged, muttering “Fine then” under her breath.

Completely ignoring her sister Amber looked towards the TV. Lisa glared at her older sister and realized that her plan had backfired completely. Well I’m not going to crack if that is what she is expecting. [/ i] She thought smugly.

An hour later Amber stood up, causing Matt to look up at her questioningly. “I’m going to make lunch. You hungry Lisa?” Without a word she nodded her head yes, determined to give her sister the silent treatment until it drove one of them insane.

Amber was working on the garlic bread and humming Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Marilyn Manson when Lisa finally cracked. “Alright I give up! I went out with Johnny last night!”

“We know.” She looked between her sister and Matt completely flabbergasted. She couldn’t believe that they actually knew.

“You knew? I’d ask but I just don’t want to know. That is creepy.” She stirred the pasta and thought to herself, wishing that she could pull the wool over his sister’s eyes more often. The only thing that she’d really ever hid that well was the first time she’d dated Johnny and that was because she had to hid it from everyone.

“How was the date?” Amber grinned at her little sister, extremely pleased.

***

Alyce had alerted Amber that she was back in town as soon as they were off the plane, but that had been three hours ago. Amber knew that there would soon be a knock at the apartment door, and she knew that Alyce would fill her in on everything. But it was taking too long for her to arrive.

“I’ll see you later on, I love you.” Matt placed a kiss to his distracted girlfriend’s lips. He was going to head to the studio for a bit with the guys.

“I’ll see you later. I love you too.”

“Think about the house idea while I’m gone, please.” The door clicked closed before she could protest so instead she just sighed. Her stomach was acting up again but she felt there was no need to alert Matt about it, she didn’t want him to worry, and she sure as hell wouldn’t let her sister or father know about it.

Taking another sip from her bottle of water she settled into the couch a little more, squeezing her eyes closed. Maybe I should have skipped out on lunch today. Sitting in the silent apartment she cleared her mind out and listened to Matt, honestly considering a house in place of the apartment. She really wished that he wouldn’t have dropped a bombshell like that on her when he did, but she knew that he didn’t mean for it to worry or stress her out.

The knock came when she was about to fall asleep. The second she opened the door she was met with a squeal and was then attacked with a hug. “I missed you too Alyce but can you please let me go a bit, I need air.” Alyce pulled back and nodded. “Thanks. How was Hawaii?”

“You are never, and I mean never, going to believe this.” Alyce began to bounce up and down as she made her way into the apartment. She kept her hands shoved in her pockets as Amber closed the door and turned around.

“Try me.” Amber smiled as Alyce let out another squeal, her eyes sparkling in pure excitement. She pulled her hands out and held one of them up.

“I’m getting married!” She yelled. When she noticed that Amber didn’t seemed shocked she stopped bouncing and narrowed her eyes at her best friend. “You knew already didn’t you? How did you know?”

“Kellan asked me to help him pick out a ring. So do you like it?”

“Yes! But why didn’t you tell me? Wait, never mind, forget I even asked that!”

“Congratulations Alyce, I’m really happy for the two of you!” Hugging her best friend Amber felt relieved, relieved that she didn’t have to walk around with that secret anymore. Unsure what to say Alyce pulled away and took in the look in Amber’s eyes.

“What am I missing? What happened while I was gone?” Amber led her to the couch and sat down, taking another drink of water before explaining.

“Well lets see Matt wants to buy a house, and I said no. We don’t need one right now and I don’t see the point in putting ourselves in that position this early. He just got the major label deal and I’m still undecided on the whole career front. I’m just tired of all these twists in life.”

“Is there something else?”

“Yeah…”

***

Matt walked out of the vocal booth and took a seat beside Jimmy, already expecting to be asked what was going on. “So have you talked to her about it yet?” Matt leaned back and sighed, running a hand through his short hair as he thought about how to answer that.

“I talked to her about the house. She said that we really don’t need to put ourselves in that big of a commitment now and I know that she is right but I still wish that she’d think about it.” Jimmy nodded his head and focused on Brian’s guitar solo.

Matt knew that Jimmy wasn’t talking about the house part exclusively, he had meant the rest of the stuff too. He could tell from the vibe that Matt was letting off that he didn’t want to talk about it right now so he figured he’d give him a moment. It was several minutes later when he picked it up again. “Did you tell her about it?”

“I don’t know how and I don’t want to until we know for sure. It will just upset her and I don’t want to do that right now. Am I wrong there?” Jimmy threw an arm around one of his best friends and laughed.

“You are protecting the girl that you love Matt. How can you be wrong in doing that?” A silence fell over the friends as Matt thought it over. Jimmy was thinking about if Brian needed to play the solo one more time or not, but decided to leave that up to the producer and just enjoy the free moment.

Matt didn’t want to tell Amber because he didn’t want her upset and because he didn’t know how she would react. This was something he’d always feared would happen and now that there was a possibility that it might he had no idea how to bring it up. There was a part of him that was saying that it would be better to just get it over with, to just tell her and get it out there. But the bigger part of him was saying to just keep it to himself until he was 100% sure it was true and it was going to happen.

After thinking about what to do for a while his mind wandered to another touchy subject. He’d started to put the puzzle pieces together and now it was starting to get him worried. Jimmy was the only one who knew about it since it was he who Matt had talked about it with. It was another area of life that he wasn’t sure how to handle yet.

“Stop thinking about it so hard man.” Jimmy patted Matt’s shoulder and earned a humorless chuckle.

“That is a little hard. When did life get so damn complicated? I mean when exactly did shit start to happen all at the same time? Or is it just me who feels that way?”

“That is just how life works. We can’t stop or change it so we just have to roll with the punches. There is no other option.” Jimmy gave Matt a few more minutes to think before he decided to bring it up. Matt seemed to expect it and tensed slightly seconds before the question was asked. “Have you asked her yet?”

Matt sighed and placed his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. He knew that he needed to, hell a part of him actually wanted to but he hadn’t. “No. I want to, to get it over with I guess. I just don’t know how the hell to ask it.”