Something That Makes Me Whole

Quiet little village. Christmas decorations covering the pretty gardens in front of the pretty white picket fence houses. Everybody stared at my car as I drove passed, but waved all the same. I bet I knew what they were saying: "there's the priests daughter who strayed from the flock" because they all thought it.

Then a big familiar house came into my view and I couldn't help but groan. Home. Or it at least, it should have been. The more time I spent there, the more I hated it. Not because of my mother or my siblings, just my dad because he was trying to make me believe something I didn't want to.

Then I turned easily into the huge driveway (power steering, what an awesome invention) and rolled it to a smooth stop beside my fathers family car that cost more than $50,000 less than my own. Cody was already here because his car was parked outside the sitting room window and my sisters was in front of the garage door.

I sat gripping my steering wheel for a few minutes, wondering whether I should just go back and not spend Christmas here. I realised, however, I had left it too long to make a run for it when Georgina peered through the sitting room window and looked my way with a smile.

I sighed and grabbed up my bag then climbed out, the cold biting at my bare skin making me wish I hadn't chosen my dolly shoes as footwear. I pushed the door closed with my foot and locked it before walking over to the front door. I'd grab the rest of my stuff later. I slid my door key into the Yale, turned it then stepped into the entrance hall.

Instantly my eyes were met with the big crucifix stuck to the wall that held up the staircase. Then they wandered down to the south facing wall with the wooden cabinet that was adorned with a picture of Christ in the centre, baby photos of me and my siblings on the right of it and my parents on the left.

Quickly I pulled off my hoody and hung it in the closet as I heard my mothers voice. "Orchid-Rose!" She beamed from behind me.

"Hey mom." I smiled giving her a hug.

"Darling, you look wonderful." She said letting go of me.

"I feel wonderful." I replied, as I kicked off my shoes, dumped my bag then followed her towards the sitting room. Quickly she stopped and surveyed my outfit. Her eyes lingered on my top so I looked down at it; it was my black Jem top.

"I know you don't believe, but please put your cross on." Mom then said. "For your father."

I nodded and pulled it out from under my top; judging by the look on her face, she thought I wasn't wearing it at all. I'd only just remembered that morning to put it on before I left. She smiled softly and led me into the sitting room where my brother, my sister, my brother-in-law and my niece were sat with my father.

"Hello stranger!" Georgina said, waddling over to me and hugging me awkwardly due to the fact she was heavily pregnant.

"Hey." I smiled as I hugged her back, feeling the bump moving against my own stomach. "Wow, this one's active."

"Yeah well, so was Quinn." She said, placing a hand on the bump. "You're looking much better, you've put some more weight on. Mom, look, you can't see her hip bones so much."

"I know." Mom replied as she sank into a chair. "College has clearly done you the world of good."

"I hope you've been going to church, young lady." My father then said. Of course, the first thing you say to your daughter you haven't seen since September is if she's been going to church not if she's okay. "I hope both of you have for that matter."

Cody and I exchanged a glance. Obviously we hadn't been going. Several Sunday's I was in bed with Jimmy letting him violate me, one Sunday I was looking after Brian and the rest I was either comatose or looking after Amber as opposed to being in church and confessing my sins. Pfft. If my father ever heard about my sins he'd have a cardiac arrest.

"Sure," Cody replied "we went together to make sure."

My mother knew we were lying because her face said it. Only now did my father look at me but he wasn't smiling. "Good good. You may sit down." I hesitantly sank into the seat next to Georgi who took my hand and placed it on her belly so I could feel the baby kicking. "How is your...fashion design course coming along?"

"Oh, err, good, thank you." I stuttered. "I, err, actually need to talk about that but I'd rather do it when the entire family is here."

He nodded his head and considered me through his glasses that sat right at the end of his nose. My dad was so scary; all the kids in the town hate him because he's so dry and boring. If I hadn't been in the modelling profession people probably would never have talked to me in school because of him. Mom stood and disappeared to the kitchen so I followed her.

I grabbed up a knife and pulled the washed carrots towards me so I could chop them for her. I felt her rub my back and I sucked a breath. "Is God really more important than me?" I asked, trying not to cry because it bothered me. Everyone else’s father would put them before anything but I came second to God. Oh, then I came after Cody, Mom and Georgina since I was the disgrace.

"No he isn't, sweetie." She replied, sounding shocked I would say such a thing.

"That thing, that I wanna talk about-"

"I heard about it." She said gently and with a smile. "Felix came and had a chat with me whilst your father was out the other week. You do whatever you want just so long as you don't get ill again okay? Don't let your father stop you. If he misses out it's his fault not yours."

"Erm, I'm gonna go up to my room and ring Sarah." I then said wiping my eyes, trying not to smudge my make-up. "I told her I would once I got here."

"Okay. I call you if you're needed."

I grabbed up the house phone then headed out of the kitchen into the hall and climbed the staircase. I crossed the landing and pushed open the clean wooden door. I stepped in, my bare feet sinking into the thick purple carpet. My bags were in my room and I frowned but figured Cody must have fetched them for me. I closed the door behind me and went over to one of the bags. I pulled out the notebook and a photo album I didn't recognise and sat cross legged in the middle of my bed.

I flipped through the notebook till I had Sarah's number and dialled. Whilst I was waiting for her, or Zack, to answer I went through the photo album. The moment I flipped open the leather front I was met with a huge group photo of us all. I couldn't help but smile and then the call kicked in.

"Yo?"

"Hey Zack." I said cheerfully.

"Dudes!" He suddenly yelled. "Batgirl's on the phone!"

"Give me...Zack give me the damn phone-" I then heard Sarah and the sound of struggling as well other voices.

"Owie! Don't fucking bite me Sarah! That hurt!" Zack whined.

"Then you should have given me the phone." She retorted. "Hey you!"

"Hey, why'd you bite your boyfriend? That's just mean!" I laughed.

"He wouldn't give me the phone." She explained away coolly. "He knows I love him though so. Anyway, did you find your present?"

"This photo album you mean?" I replied, as I read all the individual comments. I'd flipped through the other pages and seen all the super cool photos already and I was back to the first one. "It's..." I trailed off when I saw Brian in the picture. He was staring intently at me like there was nothing else in the room.

"It's what?" Sarah prompted.

"Awesome." I said, as I brushed my fingers over him. "Is Brian there?"

"No, him and Amber left like, half an hour after you did."

"Oh, okay." I replied.

"Why?" She asked curiously.

"I just needed to ask him about something is all."

"Mint."

"Anyways, I'm gonna go. I'll catch you all later. Love you."

I disconnected the call and fell back on my bed.

Brian just has to make things hard.