Something That Makes Me Whole

I stood in front of the floor length mirror beside my bedroom window and studied my toned down outfit. I was wearing boot cut jeans with a white turtle neck sweater and a leather belt with a pretty butterfly buckle. My make-up was just mascara and a thin line of eyeliner and my hair was straightened but not styled how I normally had it. I studied my hair and frowned to see my roots were showing even though I planned on going back to my natural dark color.

I went over to my wardrobe and pulled out a pair of my stiletto heeled boots. I put my cross around my neck before heading downstairs. Christmas day and I had to go to church; I'd only been there seven hours before because of my father. My father gave me a small approving smile when he came into the entrance hall and saw me.

If it were up to me, I'd be in bed for a few more hours. I bet Sarah was in bed still, or being woken up by excited cousins who wanted to open their presents. Either way she wasn't going to church. I gathered my smart black Gucci jacket from the closet and pulled it on before inspecting myself in the mirror. "You are so vain." Cody mumbled from beside me where he stood fixing his tie.

I glanced at him, an amused smile playing on my lips as he got further hacked off with the fact he couldn't do a simple knot. "I don't know whether you remember or not, but I'm a model." I said under my breath so only he could hear.

"Dad's gonna kill you when he finds out."

"Well, it's like he always preached, God will forgive me." I said, my face dropping it's smirk and lowering my eyes down to my fingernails as everybody stood around waiting to go. Finally dad gave us the orders. Huffily I grabbed up my favourite black Prada handbag and strolled out to my car.

I climbed in, slammed the door closed and plugged my iPod into the stereo thing turning it up loud so that I'm sure everyone outside of the car could hear it perfectly. Then I jammed the keys into the ignition, started up the engine and reversed quickly, sending gravel everywhere as the tyres skidded when I put my foot down.

I arrived ages before everybody so I just sat in my car, listening to my iPod and flipping through all the pictures on my phone. That was until my phone beeped and the screen lit up. 'You have one new message and one new media message' I smiled, wondering who it was that was already sending their 'merry xmas' messages.

I pressed the accept button and the media message downloaded to my phone. When it was done I opened it up to see it was a picture of Amber and Brian, who had tinsel around his head; it was so sweet and I couldn't help but miss them. I left the picture and went to my Inbox to retrieve the other message. hey orchid. merry xmas. hope you have a good one. miss you loads. brian and amber xxx

I grinned manically at my phone until someone tapped on the window. I looked round and found myself staring at my aunty Vi. I closed up my phone, shoved it back in my bag along with my iPod, then climbed out and locked the car. With a smile, I ran my hand over the smooth silver paint work before almost skipping into the church. It was funny how one little message could brighten your mood.

I barely listened during the sermon and I only put half my heart into singing. Actually I mumbled my way through the hymns, but it wasn't like Cody wasn't either. Every now and then I heard my phone buzzing and I just wanted to reach my hand into my bag and read them all.

At the end of the sermon we had to stay around and drink coffee because dad was. In which I took the time, apart from talking to people who were talking to me, to read everybody else's messages. I was well ready for Christmas dinner now and it was only nine. Oh well, I'd sit and pig out on a tin of chocolates or something.

Which was exactly what I started doing the moment I had kicked off my boots and pulled off my jacket. I grabbed up a tin of Cadbury's Roses, curled up at one end of the sofa with the waste bin at the side for wrappers and my sisters Jack Russel at my feet, wagging his stumpy tail at me.

All the while the family dished out their presents to each other. I let someone else dosh out mine since I was too happy sitting and eating my chocolate. Okay, so not mine but it should have been if you ask me. I think I shocked my family a little with the presents I had gotten for them but my theory is when you have money why be cheap with presents for the ones you love?

"Orchid." I heard my Nana say and I looked up at her as I was putting my millionth chocolate into my mouth.

"Yup?" I asked, chewing on the toffee inside the chocolate coating.

"If you eat anymore chocolate you'll get fat."

I swallowed my mouthful and took a gulp from my drink. "I'd like to get fatter so I'm back to my normal size 4." I then answered truthfully.

"You're fine as it is."

"I'm a size zero Nana."

Cody sat trying not to laugh; Nana was only almost 80 so she hadn't completely lost it, just her dark hair color and her own teeth, but there were some things in the modern world she just couldn't grasp. "I thought it was cool to be skinny."

"If you have a death wish it is Nana." Georgina replied, diving her hand into the mix of colorful cellophane wrappers. "A healthy size is 4. Zero is too much."

Nana looked at me and I just knew what she was going to say. May be, now, she was starting to lose it if she couldn't remember. "Why on Earth did you left yourself get so thin then?"

"For reasons we don't really like to talk about mother." Mom stepped in, as she came back into the living room. "Now, I am proud to say that dinner is ready if everyone would like to adjourn to the dining room. Orchid, could you help me and your aunt put things on the table?"

I nodded and climbed to my feet, then I held my hands out and helped my sister up as Quinn darted passed, Cody chasing after her. Tanya, his girlfriend wandered out with our cousins and I was left with Georgina.She steadied herself on me and rested a hand on her back. "I was always jealous of you because you were tall and skinny and I was...small and fat."

"You're not fat, you're just not thin and does it matter?" I replied as we walked to the dining room where chaos had started as people debating the seating. "You are one of the most awesome people on the Earth. Size doesn't matter unless you talk about the size of your heart."

Before I could push open the dining room door, Georgi held me back; then she looked up at me and studied me. "How can you be a model? You're too nice." At that she pulled me forward and into a hug. Then she kissed my cheek and waddled into the dining room.

I parted and went to the kitchen and was instantly loaded with steaming dishes that I took through the side door and set down on the long mahogany table my fathers father had left in his will. As soon as it was all taken through we all were finally seated and father said the prayer.

After a while of happy banter and eating, my own plate full of vegetables and turkey, unlike last Christmas when I had eaten barely anything since I was still recovering from my anorexia, I cleared my throat. Nobody heard me so I tapped the side of my wine glass, careful not to smash it since apart from that being bad anyway, Quinn was in the seat beside me and I didn't want her cutting her fingers.

The table fell silent and all looked at me.

I took a deep breath.

"I have an announcement to make."