Something That Makes Me Whole

I stood in the middle of my rented apartment, staring at my mom as she ranted on and on at me about how I would have to get used to being alone. To be honest, it was absolute crap that she was spurting so I'd stopped listening ages ago. I mean, why do I need to be afraid of being alone? I was with people when I was taken.

"Now, are you sure you're going to be okay?" She said, glancing up with concerned eyes.

"Yes, mom, I will be fine." I informed her firmly, ushering her towards the door. "I already told you this."

She gave me a disbelieving look before kissing my cheek and leaving. Once the door was closed, I leaned up it and surveyed the place. Just quiet, leaving me with my thoughts. I didn't like that; it made me think of Brian and how miserable he had been since the day I woke up in the hospital and he told me he loved me.

I peeled myself away from the door and tried to find something to do. The place was clean so I couldn't tidy up. I'd had my lunch so I didn't want to eat, therefore couldn't cook. I wandered over to the sofa and turned my lap top on, trying to find something I could do on that.

No such luck. My God, I hadn't been alone since Christmas when I drove to New York so right now I didn't know what to do with myself. You were alone the voice in my head said he left you alone. He hurt you, left you, then hurt you some more.

"Shut up." I hissed at myself, pushing my laptop to my side and heading to the kitchen to get a drink. Whilst in there I grabbed up my phone and rang Sarah. I needed something to do, to distract me. I mean, I could just have gone out but I didn't want some tabloid taking my photo and being all 'Orchid recovers after kidnap ordeal' or whatever. It was bad enough that it happened in the first place.

After a few rings the phone picked up. "Yo?" Hmm, Zack. Not surprised.

"Hello, I'm calling from the dog grooming company, I'd like to talk to your owner please if she is in." I said, putting on a voice.

There was silence down the line as I tried not to laugh. "Hello Orchid." Zack said, his voice toneless, unamused. I knew he was smirking really.

"Hi Zacky." I grinned, even though he wouldn't see it. "I'm bored."

"I figured."

"What are you doing?"

"Talking to you."

Well duh "Is Sarah-"

"Wait there, everyone's just come in the room. I'll put it on speaker." I waited while the phone made sounds like it was continuously being changed hands. I drummed my fingers on the counter, staring out the window at the clear blue sky. I could see the beach from here and today it looked beautiful.

Then I heard everyone say hi or whatever words they usually greeted people with. "What are you ringing for again?" Zack then went on.

"Because I'm from the dog grooming company and wish to speak to your owner, Zack, I already said." I repeated and everyone laughed, except Zack. Obviously. "Sarah booked you in to have your hair done like a poodle-"

"Okay shut up crazy woman." Zack huffed. "Sarah she wanted you."

"Then why did you put it on speaker?" I heard Sarah say with a laugh.

It was silent for what seemed like ages, as Zack obviously thought of a reply. "Because I thought everybody might like to speak to her. You know, I was being polite."

"For once." Brian said, with a slight laugh that made my heart miss a beat. Amber had gone away to Disneyland with Mrs Haner, McKenna, Mrs Haner's sister and her daughter, so I'd been apprehensive of how Brian was going to be. But he was no different to the Brian when Amber was here, even if he was moping round like an Emo kid right now. Though I think he was relishing in the break from the responsibility.

I kept them talking for a good hour before everyone had to go and I reluctantly put the phone down, loneliness hitting me in the face like a wet fish. Oh look, alone again the voice in my head started up again you can't hack it. "Shut up stupid brain, yes I can." I said through gritted teeth to myself. No you can't, you hate being alone, you're scared of what's in the shadows. "Go away, shut up!" Alone, with the silence, and the shadows. You don't know who is in the shadows and that scares you.

My head was right. I was scared. A tear rolled down my face as I began hearing noises that weren't actually there. Then more tears came. I couldn't take it any longer. Mom had told me I had to get used to being on my own again, being alone in that flat. But the loneliness, the fear, it was all killing me. I grabbed up the phone and my shaking hands dialled the first number that came to me. I didn't even know who's number it was, it was just the first I thought of.

"Hello?" A hoarse American voice said.

"Brian," I whimpered.

"Orchid?" He said as if he were amazed that I had rung him.

"Can you come over?" I asked, tears rolling down my face.

"Sure I can." He replied instantly. "What's the matter? Has something happened?"

"N...n...no" I choked and burst into tears, causing me to cough from being so hysterical "I just...I...I'm scared! I can't be alone! I hate it!"

"Look Baby," he said, "I'm coming straight over. You'll be okay, I promise."

"...k." I just managed to say. When I disconnected the call, I just dropped the phone where I was standing. I was far too afraid to do anything or go anywhere. Instead I sank back into my armchair and huddled myself in a shuddering ball. The silence was murderous and when I heard even the smallest of noises I would get jumpy and panic. I knew I had to calm down before I had a proper panic attack and ended up back in a hospital bed. The ten minutes it took for a knock to sound in my quiet flat seemed like forever. It was so out of the blue for a few moments that it made me jump causing me to scream.

"Baby," I heard a masculine voice call gently "Baby, it's Brian."

I flew from my chair and attempted to undo the locks, but my hands were shaking too much. My breathing was also becoming erratic, hard and my chest was hurting. Eventually I managed to get one undone so that Brian could push open the door and reach round to undo the rest. I slumped back against the wall, shaking and crying, whilst trying to get my breathing back to normal.

Finally, he stepped through and I fell into his body. His strong, muscled arms wrapped me up protectively, supporting the body that just wanted to collapse beneath me. My nose was running all over his shirt and my teary eyes were also wetting him, but I don't think he cared on the basis that I needed him.

"It's okay." He whispered softly, as he stroked my hair. "No-ones going to hurt you while I've got you."

"My mom...t- told me not...not to r- ring anyone." I whimpered; my chest still hurt, but my breathing wasn't so laboured. "She told me I wasn't allowed. She said I had to get used to being alone here."

"You're not alone now." He whispered into my hair. "I'm not leaving you alone, I've already told you that."

"I can't be here alone, I hate it!" I cried, looking up into his eyes. "I need to get out!"

"Why don't I take you back to mine?" He suggested as he wiped my face of the tears and snot.

I began to nod and he pulled me back closer to him. "You stay as long as you need to."

When I had stopped shaking and he was certain I would be okay to stand unsupported, he gathered some of my clothes and things together and then took me back to his where he instantly sent me to bed. It may have only been 5 in the evening but all the crying and hysterics had tired me out.