You May Hold Me but I Am Not Your Slave

What is that smell? I moved my head in a circle as if drunken. I opened my eyes only to mete blackness. What? I made the movement of bringing my hand to my face, but nothing came. I was restricted. My arms were pulled up by something cold and hard. I stood up and moved my arms up and down: I heard a jingle of chains crash against each other. Great, I am chained. I rubbed my head on my shoulder and felt cloth around my forehead. Great, I am also blindfolded. I tried to slip my hands through the shackles, but they were cutting off my circulation. I could feel my hands start getting colder and numb. I started whimpering: desperate to get out. My breathing became heavier as I tried to break free. I worked for a couple of minutes until I screamed on the top of my lungs and sat down with my hands escalating. I sobbed soaking my blindfold. I continued to grow afraid: I had no idea what is around me right now. I didn’t know who was with me, and I knew this place was unwelcoming. The floor was wet, cold, and hard. I could hear water dripping somewhere and the smell of broiling blood drenched the thick air. I screamed with my coarse throat as hard as I could.

“HELP!!!”

Nothing.

“SOMEBODY, PLEASE!!!”

Anything?

“HELP ME!!!”

No one.

“OH GOD, PLEASE! HELP ME!!!”

Anyone?

“Stand up my girl.” A male grumbled in front of me.

I did instantly, “Are you helping me?”

“Sshh…”

I waited blindly for the man to come. I waited for his fingers to meet the skin of my wrists, but his didn’t touch my hands. I felt a cold trail start from the small of my back up to the curve of my shoulder.

I shuddered, but he cooed, “Don’t be afraid of me, Aaliyah. You have no reason to be.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pecked at my shoulder softly, “I’m here. I won’t leave you.” He began swaying me as he pulled my blindfold off. I blinked and looked around. There was a crack in the ceiling where moonlight spilled in. I was in a dungeon. Geez, no kidding. He unlocked my hands and I wiggled them getting the feeling back. I hesitated before turning around: this man…sounds familiar. Before I could turn around myself two strong hands whipped me to face their holder. Saul. I’m melting. Him. Why?

“S-.” I started

He pressed his finger to my lips and smiled crookedly. He shook his head playfully, “Stay with me.” he sang so quietly I almost had to lean in, “Never leave my side.” His melody matched the way his fingers trembled when he grasped mine. “I’ll never harm you. Nor make you cry.” He promised resting his nose on mine. He smiled, but yelped. My eyes shot wide as he fell forward into my arms.

“Saul!!!” I caught him and tried to make sure he was okay. But blood covered his back. “No! Saul? If you can hear me you are going to be okay. You were shot but everything is going to be fine.” I pulled him into my lap and choked on my words, “Everything will be alright, your okay. Stay awake.”

I shot up in bed fast enough to see my bedroom door close shut. Who was that? I got up and strolled over to the window and peered out. It was very early and still a little dark. I sighed and grumbled, “Who the hell woke me up?” I crawled back into bed and rolled over lazily facing Beth. She had her thumb in her mouth and her eyes were shut tight. Her eyes moved under her eyelids, so I knew she was dreaming. I didn’t want to wake her so I slipped out of bed again and went straight to our dresser. The floorboards were freaking cold so I pulled out bobby long sox and yanked the warmth on my toes. I wiggled them free of the tight cloth and slid to my door. I looked back at Beth and smiled before closing the door behind me.

“What are you doing?”

I spun around to come face to face with Ashley, “Uh, getting breakfast.”

“Oh! Well, come make me something.” She chimed grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the kitchen.

“But I don’t want to,” the cold morning air hit me hard, “Why the hell is the porch door open?”

“Sam needs the lake mist to keep her hydrated. If she didn’t get it she would pretty much shrivel up and die. I mean, she is a mermaid and all.”

“Yeah, then why can’t she go take a dip?”

“Geezes! Why are you asking so many questions? Make me food!” she stomped away leaving me in the kitchen.

“Loser.” I mumbled.

“I heard that!”

*

I dropped the skillet in the sink and jumped when the thunder boomed. It’s only 7 am and there are already thunderstorms. I made pancakes and hash brown to calm Ashley’s grumbling stomach. Sam, Olivia, and Nathan also joined us. I rinsed the skillet and placed it in the drainage sink; everyone was upstairs getting ready for the days, so I was left alone. I fought myself to see if I should wake Beth and have her eat, but decided not to. She woke up in the middle of the night when the thunder boomed straight over us, and had trouble falling back to sleep afterwards. I turned off the water and leaned my torso over the sink edge and peered out the window. The clouds were almost black, but instead of having an eerie feeling I felt calm. Maybe it was because of how I always thought the demons of the underworld couldn’t penetrate through the clouds to hurt the angels. And if they ever did manage to break through the angels would go down in the sunbeams and fight them off. Yeah, I was a weird kid, but who wasn’t? We all once thought that underwear was the greatest hat ever and that our moms and dads were really elves from Santa’s Workshop.

“Mmm, something smells good.” Saul’s smooth flawless greeting came to my ears. He put his hands on the sides of my thighs and asked, “What’s for breakfast?”

Rolling my eyes I turned around a softly shoved him away from me. He landed harmlessly against the kitchen island, “The rest is Beth’s. Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s okay. Wasn’t hungry for crap anyways.”

Uh, what did he just say? “Excuse me? Did you just diss my cooking?”

“Yes I did.”

“What the hell is wrong with? God you are such a jerk!”

“Wow, quick to judge these mornings aren’t we now?”

“Oh I’m quick to judge? You just called my cooking crap and you’ve never even eaten anything from me!”

“Why are you yelling?”

“Because I’m mad!”

“Because I said your cooking was nasty? That’s a pretty pathetic reason.”

Is he trying to deliberately get me pissed, “If you think that’s pathetic then why did you rudely comment something you’ve never tried? ‘Cause, that’s pathetic.”

“Shut up.”

“No!”

“Aaliyah! I said shut it now!”

“Fuck no!”

He lunged at me and pressed me against the sink, “Do not disobey Aaliyah! I really don’t want to hurt you!”

“I dare you Saul!” I hissed at his face, “Let’s see how far you are willing to go.”

He stiffened as he stared me down. His arms began to tremble while his hands were gripped to my forearms. The veins on his neck began pulsing, and that’s when he lost it. He pushed me down to the floor and threw and glass against the wall. I wasn’t afraid. I stood right back up and pushed him into the wall.

“Stop it Saul!” I screamed.

He grabbed you wrists and spun me around so that I was against the wall. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He shut his mouth quickly when a low growl crept up his throat. “How dare you.” He managed to speak very little.

“How dare me? Saul! What is wrong with you!?!” I hit his chest hard enough to knock him a few inches away from me. I ran over to the hallway and down to my bedroom. I swung open the door only to be greeted by Beth sobbing on the bed. I shut the door and locked it, “Ssh, don’t cry Beth.” I slid over to her and wrapped my arm around her. I began rocking her back and forth. She stopped crying as soon as my warmth touched her. I kissed her forehead and got up, “I want you to get dressed.”

“Aaliyah.” Saul ordered outside of my door.

My heart began to race as I started stripping from my pajamas.

“Open the door.” He sounded calmer, but was still totally pissed off.

Beth walked to the door, “Don’t touch it.” I whispered, “Get dressed.” She hid her face and strolled over to her clothes like a whipped dog.

He knocked, “Open the door, now.”

I pulled out whatever I could get my hands on in the dresser. I ended up wearing black denim shorts and an Escape the Fate slim cut tee. I ran a comb through my hair and flipped it behind my shoulders.

“Aaliyah! Open the damn door!”

I turned away from the dresser and rushed over to Beth to help her put her shirt on faster. I slipped flip flops on her feet and dirty baby blue low tops on mine. I brushed her hair carefully, but quickened my pace when it sounded like Saul was trying to break in.

“Open up!” he screamed.

I blocked him out and turned Beth around to face me. “I don’t want you to look at anyone,” I whispered, “Don’t say a word. Do you got it?” she nodded her head. I picked her up and rested her against my hip. I took a deep breath and headed towards the door. He stopped knocking when I fiddled with the knob.

“Aaliyah.” I walked right past him when I opened the door to his face. I walked down the hallway ignoring him, “Please stop.” I could hear his footsteps start getting heavier. Ashley, Sam, Olivia, and Nathan were all standing at the end of the hallway watching. Watching us misbehave.

Saul grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me back, “Do not touch me ever again!” I whipped my hand from his and jogged to Olivia.

She held out keys to a car for me and I gladly took them, “It’s the black one.” she stated.

I nodded and headed outside into the pouring rain. Beth’s hands automatically flew up to save her hair, but I didn’t care about mine. I wanted to get away. I needed to get away from him. I got to the car and unlocked the back doors. “Okay, Beth. In you go.”

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know, Beth. We’ll just drive around.” I shut the door and went to open mine but that stupid man was standing in the way, “Move.”

“You’re not going anywhere. Get her out of the car.”

“No.”

“Aaliyah, I am not asking, I am telling you to get her out.”

“And I’m not going to do it. Now get out of my way.”

“I’m not moving.”

I pressed my hands against his bare chest and shoved him, “Leave us alone!”

He failed to move but he pinned me to the car, “You are not going anywhere Aaliyah! It’s too dangerous for you to be by yourself.”

“Screw that!” I tilted my head up towards his. Rain dripped from his hair down onto this face. This rain was absolutely freezing. It trailed down my cheeks, although I knew some of them were tears. “Why do I have to stay? Huh? Tell me Saul! Why am I forced to stay here with you? I don’t want to be anywhere near you right now! You broke your stupid promise and threw me onto the floor! You hurt me Saul! You hurt me again! And I’m so fed up with your head games! 3 nights ago you gave me this beautiful necklace and danced with me! Now you’re pushing me and pinning me up against things!”

I was breathing hard and blinking away the rain. My clothes were soaked and my hair was stringy. I really just wanted to get into a warm car. He backed off from me and stood several feet away. He didn’t make eye contact but instead spoke steadily and calm, “Then take this.” He threw me a jacket.

“I’m not wearing anything of yours.”

“Put. It. On.” He said through his teeth, “I don’t want you getting sick. Now put it on and go.”

I looked at the jacket and slipped my arms through it. It was leather and smelled just like Saul. I pulled out my hair from under the jacket and opened the car door.

“What time will you be back?”

“Why does it matter to you?” I said coldly. He walked swiftly up to the door and placed my hand on the doorframe and the other on the roof.

“It matters the world to me.”

“Hm, really? Earlier it looked just like I was a ragdoll used for your little explosions.”

He sighed, “I’m not even going to apologize: you know that I’m sorry.”

I started the car and looked up at him, “Do I?” I stepped on the pedal and slowly backed out of the driveway. “I’ll know you truly mean that the day you tell me why the hell you do the things you do to me. Until then, well, it just sucks to be you.”