You May Hold Me but I Am Not Your Slave

I can’t believe he did that to me. I mean…it’s all because of him dissing my cooking. Gosh! I can’t stand him! I hate him! Of course I understand that I carried it out and dared him to hurt me, but he still did it dammit! I exhaled loudly as I turned out onto the freeway. I needed to get away from everything. I hate staying here with these people. I see no reason: I haven’t been hurt before I turned 18. And I never got hurt or stalked during the 4 months after I turned 18. So what’s the deal?

“Where?” Beth asked.

“I have no idea.” I replied. She huffed and sat back in the seat. I looked around at all my surroundings: everything is so different from Seattle. It’s all country out here. And I’m used to the city lights and sirens. I turned on the radio and bobbed my head to Twisted Transistor by Korn, and got off the freeway onto a side street.

“Phone!” Beth yelled.

“What?” I chuckled. I tried to listen to what she was hearing, and I ended up hearing the tune to Ashley by Escape the Fate. I pulled over into the mud and turned the car off. “Help me look for it.”

We searched the car quickly and found it in the middle of the two front seats. I slid the black and neon green phone open hesitantly, “Hello?” I asked.

“Good, you found the phone.” Olivia’s voice gave me comfort, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Because we are all worried about you and we wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt or anything li-.”

“Olivia! I’m okay.”

She paused, “Okay, just making sure. Where are you?”

“Ha-ha! Like I have the slightest clue!”

“Ugh, fine. Listen, if you go back to where you found the phone there should be a wad of money in there,” I took her instructions, “Find it?”

I pulled out a huge roll of money, “Yeah.”

“Good, that’s yours and Beth’s.”

“What?”

“There is 10k. You go back on the freeway and take that all the way to the fifth exist. Get off there and that should take you to the mall. Buy yourself some clothes and stuff like that. Do the same for Beth. Got it? And don’t come back until I call and say it’s okay.”

I stared dumbly at the money, “Olivia, I can’t take it. It’s way too much.”

“No.” she said sternly, “You need to get your own stuff. I mean, this is where we will be living for now on. This is your home now.”

“Okay, I’m sorry…fine.”

“Good.” She paused again, “Listen, Saul was in the wrong.”

“Stop, I don’t want to hear about it.”

“No, Ali you need to know. He was in the wrong to hurt you, but you were also there with him. Why did you dare him?”

“I-I don’t know…I just said it.”

“Ugh, I have to go. Be careful.” She hung up with a click and left me with a question in my head: how did she know I was going to run off like this?

*

“Why are you so messy?” I asked Beth with a chuckle. We were sitting in the food court eating Nori Japan, and she had soy sauce all over her mouth, with bits of rice sticking to the corner of her mouth. I wiped it clean while also fighting her to stay still. I won, duh…but she got payback by wiping my arm with orange chicken sauce. Ugh, she is my little canker sore.

“Is she yours?”

I turned around at saw a cute dirty blonde haired boy staring down at me. He had soft brown eyes and a warm smile. I didn’t notice I was staring until his smile started fading, “Oh, no. No she isn’t.”

“Oh, well she’s a cutie, and so are you. What’s your name?”

“Aaliyah.” I responded with a smile, “And this is Beth.”

“That’s pretty, I’m Craig.”

“Craig? Sweet.” Was all I could say. Could you friggin believe it?

“Ha-ha! So are you new around here?”

“Yeah, does it show?”

“A little, well has anyone shown you around yet?”

I shook my head flirting, “Nope, no one has been kind enough to.”

He smirked and ran his fingers through his short choppy hair. He looked around a little nervously: you know, the usual guy routine of trying to look cool while asking a girl out. “Well, let me be the first.”

“Okay…sure.” I tried to hide the smile that would give away his game. “But, not right now. I…ah…have a lot of things to deal with right now.”

“No problem,” his eyes trailed to my 13 bags from different stores, “So is there anyway I can reach you?”

“Of course, let me punch my number into your phone.”

“Okay, here.” He dug into his pocket and gave me his phone. I put the cell number in and handed it back.

“Well, we gotta finish up here. Nice to meet you, Craig. Bye.” I smiled getting up.

“Bye, Aaliyah.” I took Beth’s hand and tugged her towards the exit. She insisted on carrying most of the bags, so I chuckled when I saw her drowning in pink, black, and red bags. She looked funny.

*

It was around 11:00 and the sky was pitch black. I don’t think I’ve seen this much lightning before, it was calming. The only thing that was keeping me down was having to go back home and see Saul’s ugly face again. I am really not looking forward to eat. Beth was softly snoring in the backseat and I was about half asleep. I was kinda eager to get back so I can go to bed. Today we were non-stop shopping and driving around. I was really happy to bond with Beth, we really needed it. Ever since Saul and I both brought her to the Palace it’s been noting but danger for her. I’m really glad she’s safer now…but I’m also worried something else might come up. Like Daniel coming down to finish off Saul or the rest of his “slaves”. I pulled onto the muddy road leading to the lake house and turned off my headlights: I didn’t want to wake up anybody. I pulled up and turned off the car. I sighed heavily and unbuckled myself and got out. Pulling Saul’s leather jacket around me tighter from the cold I opened Beth’s door. I picked her up softly and slowly trying desperately not to wake her.

“Here, I’ll take her.” a mumble came from the dark behind me.

I pondered the thought of letting Saul take her. I did need the help of getting my bags out of the car and I needed free hands. “Fine.” I whispered turning around and letting Saul touch me briefly to get Beth. I slammed the door and popped the trunk. Inside laid glorious clothes and make-up. Hallelujah! I was blinded by the brightness of the trunk light and didn’t notice Saul was standing rather close to me, until he spoke.

“How was your day?”

I rolled my eyes and noticed that I couldn’t fit any more bags in my hands. I stood there in the pouring rain with Saul not knowing what to do. I really didn’t want to make another trip out here. He sighed and took the rest into his hands and closed the trunk.

“Come on.” He bumped my butt with the bags to get me moving inside.

I looked back at him full of death.

“Just go.” I continued to the door but Saul got there faster than I did. He opened it and held it there for me to cross in. I did without giving him a single glance.

“Give her to me, please.” I said opening my arms for Beth.

“Come on, Aaliyah. I’ll just bring her up to the room.”

I turned away from him hugely annoyed. Why is he talking to me? And why is he near me when he knows damn well that I hate him? I walked down the hallway, into my room, and set the bags on the bed. I sighed again and started pulling clothes out. Saul’s made the floorboards groan as he walked across them. I followed his sound and saw a flicker of light in front of me. It was a small flame that lit the whole room. He lit a candle by the bed and sat on the edge looking at Beth. She was sleeping in a puddle of soft, cushy, and big pillows. She must be in heaven right now, oh how I dreamed I was in her place now. I got back to work ripping off tags and folding them in place in the dresser. I crumpled the bags up and stuffed within each other before throwing the bags in a corner. I looked to see if Saul was still in his place, and he still was. Gee, what a surprise. I huffed and rested my hands on my hips, while giving him the pissed off mother look. He had his rough hands clasped together while his elbows rested on his knees. He looked down thoughtfully. I pursed my lips. He’s already seen “me”. I’m going to go get changed for bed. I turned away from him and pulled out my black SOFFEE shorts and a Dodgers tank top. I pulled my shirt up half way and stopped. What if he takes this the wrong way? What if he stares? Whatever, I wanna go to bed. I took a deep breath and heaved the shirt over my head to reveal my stupid purple bra. I unbuttoned my shorts and wiggled my butt to get out of them. Now, I stood half naked in front of the man I hate. Grrreeeaaatttt! I stood silent for a couple of seconds; I know he’s looking at me: I can feel it. I grabbed my Dodgers tank and pulled that on, and did the same with my shorts. I lifted my hair and wrapped and hair band around it, so that it was a messy bun. Then I finally turned around to face Saul. He was still in the same position but he was watching me! I knew it! I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms while walking over to him. His stare never left my face until I sat down cross legged next to him on the bed. He dropped his stare to out the window, I guess to look at the lightning strikes?

“So, what happened to the whole wait a week before you apologize thing?” I asked whispering.

He sat up strait and looked at me, “It’s been expired.”

“Oh? How so?”

“Can’t do it twice: it loses its meaning.” He whispered back.

“Ha!” I softly mocked, “Looks like the only thing that hasn’t expired is your sudden urge to abuse me.” I spat back.

“You don’t understand.” He mumbled weakly.

“Then help me to.” Whoa, I said that in a way of comforting. Do I feel for him? Or do I just want to know why he hurts me. Can it be both? No, two complete opposites.

“I can’t tell you, Aaliyah.”

“Why not?” I was getting a little pissed now.

His eyes flashed to mine. They were stone cold and determined. The fire’s dancing light made his eyes glow. “It’ll ruin everything if I did.”

“Then why are you in my room right now if you’re not going to confess?!?” I stood up angrily.

He stood up with me and stepped closer, “Ssh, Aaliyah. Stop yelling.” I’ve heard him shush me before. It was the same shush he comforted me with in my nightmare.

“Don’t tell me what to do, Saul! God! I don’t get you; you come in here with nothing to offer. You’re not going to apologize; you’re not going to confess; and you’re not even going to ask if I’m okay! You’re so deranged, Saul!”

He walked into me swiftly and led my back up against the dresser. He leaned into me while I bent backwards over the dresser, “That’s exactly why I came in here.” He hissed, “I did come to ask if you were okay. I did come to apologize. But I sure as hell didn’t come to confess.” His whispers were harsh and full of stealth. I felt his muscles rip while he was pressing against me. This time it didn’t hurt though. I’m not sure if it was because I should be used to it, or, this time he didn’t mean any harm.

“Then I don’t accept your apology if your not going to tell me why you are doing this to me. You don’t do this to Olivia, Nathan, or anybody else for that matter dammit!”

He backed off of me with shock and headed towards the door.

“Oh that’s right Saul! Go ahead and run from your problems! You should be an expert on this by now!”

“You hypocrite!” he yelled, “You were the one who ran off this morning instead of dealing with everything on the spot!”

“You are so wrong on that, Saul.” I stepped closer to him, but stopped about a foot away, “Because I’m standing right here facing the monster that started it all.” I whispered deadly. I watched his movements to see him I hit a nerve. Deep down I didn’t mean to call him a monster, but right now, he was the closest thing to one.

He looked down shamefully and his tone became so much lighter, “Well,” he swallowed hard, “I should go.”

“Good thinking,” I looked around and saw his leather jacket lying in a heap next to my feet. I bent down and picked it up, “Take this,” I shoved it into his chest, “And stay away from me.” I fought back tears while my voice choked.

He nodded softly looking at his jacket in his hands, “Goodnight, Aaliyah.” He turned and left me in the flame lit room. I hung my head and let my tears roll down my cheeks. I sniffed and nodded for some reason before crawling into bed. I wrapped the covers around me and blew out the candle.

“Are you and him okay?” Beth’s small voice flowed in my ear.

“Go to sleep, Beth. Everything is fine.” I whispered hugging her close to me. I closed my eyes and thought about what just happened. Why was it so hard for me to push him away?