You May Hold Me but I Am Not Your Slave

I sat at the kitchen table eating a bagel and making sure Beth didn’t choke on her cheerios. It was a quiet sunny morning, the first since I came here a week and a half ago. Staying here was the most boring thing you could ever experience; the only ones that are here with me are Beth and Saul. Saul’s been giving out orders over the phone; he’s keeping his promise and staying by my side no matter what.

I chuckled when Beth dropped her spoon in the bowl and had milk splash up at her face, “Oh, you clumsy little girl.” I spoke softly grabbing a napkin from the center of the table to clean her. She grinned widely and made the perfect “o” face while looking behind me. I turned around and saw a shirtless Saul holding a metal foldout box. I once again had to rip my eyes off of his body and beautiful battle scars to see what he wanted.

“Yes?” I swallowed.

He smirked and pulled out the chair next to me sitting down. He spun my chair around so I could fully face him, and scooted forward, “You owned a tattoo parlor right?”

I nodded.

“Good, well…I want one.”

I was suddenly at ease. Tattoos. My one and only calling. My favorite form of art. “Okay. What do you want?”

“Surprise me.” he opened the metal box to show its hidden treasure: needles and ink. Hallelujah!

I stared in awe reaching out slowly, “How big do you want it?”

“Surprise me.”

I looked up again, “Trust me, you will be.”

“Good, I want it tonight.”

I looked up at him in disbelief, “But it takes me about a week to get everything ready.”

“That’s only when you have other things to do. But, today is just me, you, and Beth. No other worries.” He smiled warmly at Beth and me.

“Where is everyone else?”

“Sending more troops, or fighting.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, “Oh, so why didn’t you go with them?”

He looked at me dumbly, “Aaliyah, do you honestly think that after what you’ve been through I was going to leave you alone? And I didn’t want to bring you to the base, because it’s too risky over there too. So, I’m here to make sure you are safe, since you and Beth are new to the whole Fallen thing you are more vulnerable to Death.”

“Oh, well then, thank you for staying here with us.” Did I just genuinely thank him like a normal human being?

“No problem…so shall we get started with you poisoning my skin?”

“Sure,” I rolled my eyes, “So where’s the trace paper?”

He looked at me confused.

“You know, trace paper? I need to draw your design on trace paper so I can edit it. I can’t just bring a needle to your skin and do it free style.”

“Oh.” He pursed his lips and filled his cheeks with air.

I giggled and pressed down on them making the air blow out, “I can use sharpie on your skin. But, I can’t promise it will be perfect since I can’t just erase the marker off. But it will do just fine.”

“Okay, how long will it take?”

“As long as it needs to. Why? Got a hot date or something?”

He smirked and got up, “Only with you my girl.”

I sat glaring at him: the thought of him and me on a date gave me a warm but nervous feeling…that I’m sure he wouldn’t like.

He cocked his head the side, “What did I do?” he sat down again. He made the movement to grab my hand but stopped and pulled away. I’m not sure if he knew I saw or just wanted to act like nothing happened.

“Nothing,” I sighed, “Let me just go get dressed and get Beth situated with whatever she feels like doing today.” I got up taking her bowl and strolled to the sink. I stood looking out the window at all the Joshua Trees of the desert waiting for the hot water to kick in: thinking about all the places I’ve been and want to go. I really want to go to Ireland. My blood parents were from Ireland, and I hear all the time about how good the pubs are. So I have two reasons to go now, yay!

A small pressure came on the small of my back and a mumble to my ear, “You go get dressed, and I’ll clean up.” His voice hovered above my ear as his hand reached for the bowl in mine. I gave it to him and untangled myself from him.

“Okay.” I walked away from him, but something made me want to stay. When I moved away his hand never left my body. It slid across my back and around my hip. It felt nice in a weird way. I could feel his eyes on me until I turned the corner and down the hall. Beth was at my heels and singing happily to herself. I couldn’t recognize the lyrics, or even understand them. She was singing her own little language.

*

“Alrightie Beth, I need you to sit and watch the movie…okay?” I leaned against the kitchen walkway waiting for Saul to come in for his tattoo, but he was busy trying to get Beth to settle down. She leaped up wrapping her arms around his neck squealing, “Please Beth. I need you to behave for a little while.”

“No! I wanna play!” she yelped stamping her feet. He stood straight and rolled his head back to me. He rolled his eyes and picked her up.

He plopped her down onto the couch and squatted to her eyelevel, “Sit down.” He said sternly holding her body back with just one finger. “Stay put or you are going into the corner.” I watched feeling a little sorry for Beth, but Saul had a tone in his voice that gave away he wouldn’t do anything bad to her. Her bottom lip trembled and Saul’s face crumbled. Ha-ha….sucker! “Okay?” his voice lifted trying to make her happy. She nodded as he got up. She watched him walk over to me and then let her attention span onto Monsters Inc.

He hooked his finger into the belt loop of my shorts and tugged me to the table. He took off his shirt in one swift move and sat down lazily. I didn’t pay much attention to his body: I’m going to be touching it for the next couple of hours. And that’s good enough for me. I swerved around him and sat down pushing him a little forward. His skin was warm and tan with a deep scar below his left shoulder blade. I kept my eye on it debating on how he got it while I grabbed the cleansing ointment to, well duh, clean his skin. Vampire fight? Daniel? Kirra? Too many possibilities…

“I got it from a sword when I first became a vampire. I was stupid and thought I could be invincible. But, I was still weak. So I saw a little boy on the street in Russia and he was just skin and bones. He needed something to eat. So, I went into the market and had no money, and I stole a slab of dried meat and some dried figs. Well, I gave it to him after being chased. And once he ate it and there was no giving back my penalty was death. Um, they stabbed me and left me in the forest to die. I obviously survived, but practically ate myself. I was bloodthirsty. My blood was…so…sweet. It smelled like yours, although yours is much sweeter since you have pure intentions. But, I just couldn’t have enough. I brought myself to stop though. And I’m glad I did.”

I slathered the ointment on giving him a minor massage, not purposely of course. “How did you know I was thinking about that? You’re not like one of those stupid vampire characters in those stupid love triangle books are you? You can’t read minds right?”

“Ha-ha! Oh, my girl. None of us can. Being a vampire is a curse. Forced to drink something unnaturally and to always want the ones we love to be punished in any way, except for death. We vampires would never dare to kill our mates; the one thing humans have gotten right about us is the whole love forever thing. But no, none of us have special powers. Besides, I’m only half…I’m the Guardian of the Fallen, remember?”

“So no mind reading?”

“Nope.” He popped the ‘p’ and moaned relaxing his body, “You know that feels really good.” He pointed out. I finished rubbing his back and wiped my hands.

I snickered and pulled out the sharpie. “So, you pretty much ate yourself all because of a little boy?”

“Well, that’s what it turned out to be in the end.”

“So you do have a heart.” I muttered sarcastically.

“I took yours.” He spat back. It was silent for a little bit, besides the TV in the other room. I saw him shake his head slowly from the corner of my eye as I began drawing on his aided wounded skin. I wondered what he was disagreeing with. But soon found out, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Like what?” I inhaled the black sharpie and pretty much choked.

“I didn’t mean it in a romantic way.”

“I never took it that way. I honestly thought you meant you took my heart because I’m always so cold and harsh to people.”

He swallowed hard, “Are you serious?”

“Yes, why did you say that then?”

“Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

I got back to work not answering. He has been acting really weird lately. I can talk to him, but he seems to be holding back, and I don’t like it when people hold back. One of my fucking pet peeves. I just continued to draw and was going rather fast for my pace. I finished his back in a little over an hour and smiled to myself while closing the cap. “All done.”

“Already?”

“Well, I still have to ink you, but other than that yes. Your design is now permanently set in place. You’re stuck with it forever.”

“Good, that’s exactly what I want. So what did you draw?”

I snapped on my gloves and began hooking the needles and cartages together, “It’s a surprise.”

He sighed, “But I wanna know.”

“Nope, I’m not telling you.”

“Why not? I tell you whatever I’m giving you.”

I rolled my eyes and dusted his back with anti-red powder, “Saul, you’ve only given me a dress and necklace. And I knew you were giving me those.”

“Ah, but you didn’t know I was giving you a necklace.”

“Until I felt it around my neck.”

“And that was surprising wasn’t it?” I could hear the sarcasm and taunt in his voice.

“Yeah…I guess? Um, when you put it on me it totally gave it away though. So you’re not the sneaky ninja you think you are.”

He burst out laughing, “A what?”

“A ninja.”

He snickered, “Yeah well neither are you.”

“I am too.” I began tracing the black design with black ink and this made goose bumps rise on his skin.

“No you really aren’t.”

“Prove it then, Saul.”

“I don’t have to: you just aren’t a ninja.” I finished the first marking and began on the swirl.

I pouted and exhaled loudly, “That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, my girl.” I stuck out my tongue to his back. “Put that tongue back in your mouth, you aren’t a dog.”

“You can read minds!” I accused.

“I told you I can’t. I wouldn’t lie to you, Aaliyah. You don’t think that I know you well enough that you wouldn’t stick out your tongue like a child?”

“You think I’m a child?”

“You act like one.”

I pressed the needle harder into his back, “You’re one to talk!”

“Lower your voice, my girl. I’m not in the mood for an argument.”

I listened: I wasn’t in the mood for a fight either. But, once again, my stupid uncontrollable backstabbing mouth started moving again, “Your tantrums are what fully give you the title as “The Child”.”

I waited.

Patiently.

Comfortably.

But, nothing came.

Only a heavy sigh.

“You don’t understand, Aaliyah.”

“I know. That’s all you ever have to say. I don’t understand you. I don’t understand this war. I don’t understand why you protect me. I don’t understand why you call me your girl. And I sure as fucking hell don’t understand long division!” I am tired of him keeping things from me. I want to know the truth. Not from Nathan, Olivia, Sam, or Ashley. I want to hear his side. The true side.

“Aaliyah, explanations are really hard to listen to when no one really explains anything. When saying sorry means something to me it usually doesn’t mean a thing to the other person who doesn’t get it. When knowing you've done something wrong the other person will never be able to look at you the same, it's embarrassing...when knowing you can't do anything more because of the other persons feelings it makes me wonder. You are my girl and you know more about me than anyone else, even if you don’t see it, but when you began to have fear cover your vision in my view, it brings out demons that have been locked away...for certain dangerous reasons. That’s why I won’t tell you, until I’m ready. Until I know I can protect you from myself.”

I listened to him and then the silence; I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t know what to say. Dangerous reasons? I know Saul has a fierceness to him and he knows how to bring it out, he just doesn’t know how to control it. “I would like to understand you, Saul.”

“Another time.” He ran his hand through his hair obviously stressed, “I just want you to finish up.”

“What’s the rush?”

“Nathan and everyone else are coming back tonight, and I need to get ready for their arrival.”

I cocked my head, although he couldn’t see me, and started on the last swerve of his tattoo, “What’s the big deal?”

“Sam.”

“What happened?” my voice turned stern and worried.

“Don’t worry about it; she’s wounded.”

I felt my eyes grow big, “How bad?” I was almost afraid of his answer.

“From what I hear it is pretty bad.”

I choked. Is he serious? “Do you need any help when they come back?”

“Probably not, but we’ll see.”

“Okay…all done.” I announced wiping the extra ink on his skin. I sat back admiring it and then at the clock. 4 hours. It took me 4 hours to make this beauty. And I love it! “Wow, it looks really good.”

“You’re just saying that because you made it.”

“No, I’m not. It really does look good.”

He stood up and so did I; only to keep him from walking away. I stepped in front of him and smiled, “It feels good to see your face again. All I’ve heard was your voice.” He returned my smile.

“Ha-ha, well you can’t see it yet; I need to clean it and make it less streaky.” I went back behind him and squirted the cleansing ointment onto my hand, and then once again gave him a tiny massage. I took a cloth and gently rubbed it dry, then patted his back, “Well, let’s go see if you like it.”

We walked down the hall and into the bathroom. He let me in first, so I turned on the light and stepped aside, still admiring my work. He came in and looked around his shoulder to get a better glace. I saw him struggle and dug through one of the drawers for a hand mirror. I finally found one and gave it to him smiling. He smirked and looked through it. I watched his face seeing if he liked it. It went from curious, to shocked, and to pleased.

“I love it.” He exclaimed.

My voice squealed, “Really?”

“Yeah!” he nodded his head and gathered me into a hug, “I really do, Aaliyah. Thank you.”

“Your welcome.” I returned his hug just as hard and we swayed a little. I giggled but one little thing killed it. Either he didn’t mean to do this, or he lost control. But somehow something made Saul’s fully structured lips plant themselves onto my flawless cheek. I stood stumped. He retracted quickly and left the bathroom swiftly.

He ran his hand through his hair and mumbled while turning the corner, “Shit.”

Yeah, SHIT!