You May Hold Me but I Am Not Your Slave

We walked down the boardwalk surrounded by the city lights, with an arm slung over me and my arm hooked around its waist. It was only Saul and me here; since it’s already 3:50 in the morning. We aren’t even aloud to be on the boardwalk this late at night, but no one could ever see us. We are invisible to the human eye.

Saul stepped off the walk and lead us to the water, “So, how should I start?” he asked talking about his explanation.

“Mmm, how about from the beginning.” A…duh?

“Okay.” He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I couldn’t tell if he was nervous or just thinking, but I grew very bored.

“Well, while you think I am going to go for a swim.” I stated standing up. I heaved my tank over my head and dropped my black SOFFEE shorts onto the sand; so that now I stood in my bra and underwear in front of Saul. Psh, not the first time.

“You’re gonna get sick.”

“So.” I sprinted to the water and stopped where the dark meets the light, “You coming?” I asked looking at him.

He sighed and stood up stripping to his boxers while running to me. Ha-ha! He looked kind of funny running and taking his pants off. I couldn’t stop laughing, and he only made it worse. He wrapped his arms around me and sprinted into the ocean with me running backwards in his arms. “There, this is your bath for the week.” He mumbled as we tumbled into the waves. The chilly but warm water washed over my head as the waves moved on.

I stood up gasping, “You meanie butt!”

“A meanie what?” he asked smirking stepping closer to me.

Gosh, that look is way too sexy for me to handle, “A-a…meanie butt.”

“That’s not very nice.” He cooed pulling me into his chest.

“I don’t want to be nice.”

“Hm, I can live with that.” Gosh! He kissed the top of my head again! The kissing! Is he trying to give me a panic attack? Geezes!

“Um,” I pulled away admiring the moon’s reflection on the water, “The kissing…it’s confusing.”

“Oh, yeah…come my girl.” He pulled me back onto the shore and sat patting his lap. I took my seat between his legs and leaned my head against his chest.

“You won’t leave anything out?”

“Nope, I’ll tell you everything.”

“Okay.”

“1409…was the year I became a vampire. But, I was also Death. I was the one, who killed, and there was no Guardian to save The Fallen, they just died. I murdered without thought, until I saw Kirra.”

“Oh, I know about her.” I interrupted without knowing it.

“What? How?”

“Nathan.”

I looked up at him and held his gaze. He dropped his eyes to my lips and parted his. I wanted to see what he tasted like so bad. And it killed me when he just inhaled sharply. “Bastard.” He mumbled.

I placed my hand on his face and brought him close to mine, “But I want to hear it from you, Saul.”

He smiled and went on, “You can say it was love at first sight, but she never returned my feelings. I tortured her in pure anger. I beat her when I was angry and then acted liked she was the world to me 5 minutes later. I was horrible. I kept her alive for many years, but my nature got the best of me. I killed her, not because of her not loving me, but of what I was made to do. Ever since then I felt that no one would ever love a monster like me, and I never fell for anyone else until you came along. God, you drive me insane, Aaliyah. I am truly sorry for hurting you. I want to take it back, all of it back. I know I scare you. I know you hate me. And I know you just wish you never met me.”

He dropped his gaze staring at our interlocked fingers, “Why did you hurt me?”

“Because, I was afraid of losing you. Hell, the first time you shot that smart-ass mouth of yours off to me I was hitched. I’ve never come across a girl like you. You are interesting, and I knew I had to buckle down and keep you with me, because if you would have run away I might have…” he trailed.

“Might have what?”

“I might have been so angry I could’ve killed you.”

“Saul…”

He shook his head, “But, I came to my senses. If I would’ve killed you, then I would not be so deeply in love with the girl that makes me face the demons inside of me. You’ve made me understand the world, Aaliyah. And I want to take it on, with you. I don’t think I can ever imagine my life without you. You piss me off; make me want to scream, and give up. You make everything so hard. But, you’re my challenge in life. I need you to keep me awake, and that’s what I adore about you. Aaliyah, I don’t want to hurt you or make you cry. I want you to be my stubborn girl forever. I can’t take hiding my feelings for you anymore. I don’t care if you don’t return them, but I can’t lie to you. Aaliyah, I love you.”

I stared out onto the water completely numb; he loves me…oh my gosh. He loves me? I couldn’t believe it. Everything is so much clearer!

“Aaliyah?”

This whole time I thought he hated me!

“Are you okay?”

Psh! I am so stupid; all of the kissing and “my girl” stuff, man I should’ve known!

“It’s okay…”

Wow, how could I not see it? He is torturing himself because he doesn’t want to hurt me, but he’s afraid of losing me!

“You don’t have to feel the same way.”

What the fuck, Saul? Can’t you tell I’m coming to my senses! Anyways, he fought Death for me. He cried when I came back to life. He loves me.

“I’m not mad.” I snapped back into the world shared by many and realized what he has been saying.

“What? No.” I turned to face him and crashed my lips onto his. He was surprised and didn’t kiss back in shock, but I knew he would kiss me. Finally, I felt his lips move in a sweet pattern. Sucking on mine, and slipping his tongue in now and then. His taste? Unimaginable. He leaned into me laying me onto the sand and hovered above me. Our legs were tangled, but nothing can ruin the feeling of having his body pressed against mine by natural gravity. Our breathing grew heavier as we struggled to fill our lungs, but neither of us wanted to end this kiss. Well, I kind of ruined the moment. I started severely gasping for air and he broke away so fast I couldn’t tell if he was still with me.

“Are you okay?” he asked helping me sit up straight.

I nodded and breathed in deeply. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” I chuckled a bit and pulled my knees to my chest replaying the kiss in my head. He slung his arm over me and pulled me close, resting his head on mine.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for that.”

“Psh, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted that.”

“You…do you feel something for me?”

I turned my head to look up at him, “I kissed you without your permission didn’t I?”

“Oh, my girl, you never need my permission with that. Sex on the other hand…well…”

I laughed and elbowed him softly, “I’ll take the kiss for now.”

“Alright.”

Nothing more was said, only the songs of the waves pierced the silence. I thought about my future. Will it be with Saul? I’m gonna live forever if I’m not killed by Death, and Saul is in love with me…So does that make us together forever? What will the others say? How will they act once they find out that me and Saul are together? Are we? Is he my boyfriend and I his girlfriend? No, that doesn’t sound right with me and him. It just doesn’t fit us very well. So what would you call us?

“Aaliyah?”

“Hhmmm?” I asked ripping my gaze from the horizon onto his face.

“Do you think that Daniel will destroy me?” he whispered.

I responded just as quietly, “I think you are strong, Saul. I don’t think you’ll let him get to you. But, the real question is, can you bring yourself to kill your best friend?”

“My best friend? Who told you about that?”

I shrunk; was I not suppose to know? “Um, Nathan.”

“Bastard.” He muttered again.

“Ha-ha, Saul don’t worry about him. Actually, speaking of Nathan; what was up with you beating the shit out of him tonight?”

“He murdered Sam to save Olivia. Daniel had them captured, and he told Nathan that he had 3 choices. 1 was to have him die and the other two to live, 2 was for Olivia and Sam die while he lives, and 3, for Nathan and Olivia to live but have him kill Sam! And he killed Sam!”

“Oh.” I added on in a small voice.

“But, I don’t get it, Aaliyah; I don’t get that he would save himself even when he wants to die.”

“True to that fact.”

“And I learned tonight that Nathan and Olivia love each other! They aren’t suppose to!”

“Why?”

He looked down at me and moved away, “For exactly this reason. He’s ruining the natural flow of things. A Fallen killed a creature, that isn’t right?”

Hypocrite. “Um, aren’t you disturbing the natural flow of Death?”

He shook his head and chuckled darkly, “No, my girl, death is so much more different than Death as in Kirra.”

“How?”

“Death is the natural way, as in dying from old age or a disaster. Kirra murders. Whenever a murder is taken place by Kirra it causes a bump in the stream of the flow of things.”

“Oh.” I breathed sitting criss cross applesauce while watching the waves.

I thought hard. There were so many questions in my head right now, but I wasn’t sure if he would answer them all. I guess I should try. But, right now I just wanted to enjoy the silence with Saul. I gathered my hair and pulled it to the side and into a low braid. I left it untied; since I had to bands to secure the style with. Saul took my open cheek as the opportunity to come closer. He kissed my cheek and sat behind me, pulling me between his legs. He rested his chin in the nook of my neck and started humming an unknown tune. It was soft with surprising edges to the drop of the notes; it was relaxing but definitely would not make you fall asleep. He pecked the swoop of my neck and played with the straps of my bra. The tingle of his fingers embedded a path in my arm for further use, and I liked the thought of him and me possibly getting to do this again. His musical hum actually turned into lyrics, but not English.

“Где мечтательные волжские потоки,

Theres, одинокий русский поднялся,

Пристально глядя нежно Вниз на ее колено,

Где babys карие глаза блестят,

Слушают ночь Evry youll, слышат,

что она напевает российскую колыбельную Только небольшая жалобная мелодия,

Когда ребенок начинает кричать Рок-пока моего ребенка

Где-нибудь может быть земля thats свободный

для Вас и меня И российской колыбельной.”

I looked up at him confused. He smiled and kissed my nose, “Did you just say I’m fat?”

“Ha-ha! No, it’s a Russian song my Matb used to sing to me.”

“So, you speak fluently in Russian?”

“Well, I am Russian.”

That was a stupid question, “Can you please translate?”

“Alright…..Where the dreamy volga flows
There’s a lonely Russian rose
Gazing tenderly
Down upon her knee
Where a baby’s brown eyes glisten
Listen
Every night you’ll hear her croon
A Russian lullaby
Just a little plaintive tune
When baby starts to cry
Rock-a-bye my baby
Somewhere there may be
A land that’s free for you and me
And a Russian lullaby.” He sang the lullaby to me, and I just stared in awe. He wasn’t the best singer, but it was hushed, so you couldn’t even tell.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, Beth likes it a lot too.”

Wait, Beth has heard it? “You sang that to her? When?”

“Yeah, I do every night. I come in when I know you’re asleep; you might’ve kicked me out. and I sing her to sleep….is that bad?”

“N-no, it’s totally fine. That’s actually really sweet. Thank you.”

He lifted my chin and turned my head. He kissed my lips once and asked, “Why are you thanking me?”

“For being there for Beth. She has me, but she needs a father-like figure in her life. So, thank you for protecting her as if she were your own.”

“No problem. And I know she needs a dad, and I plan to be just that.” He flashed a brilliant smile and rested on my shoulder again. I laid my head on his and traced a star on his bare kneecap. Yeah, we’re still in our underwear, romantic no? Ha-ha!

“Saul? Can I be honest with you without having you get mad?”

“Nope.”

“Why?”

“I’m not going to not be angry at something just because you told me not to be.”

“Butthead.”

He sighed, “What do you need to say?”

“I don’t think you are going to win this war.”

“Gee, thanks.” He muttered sarcastically.

“Well, think about it. He already caught you off guard at the Ball.”

“That was a cheat.”

“War never goes by the rules, Saul. Anyways, he knows your weaknesses.”

“Like what?” he interrupted again.

“Like, how you care to much for people, your friends, and me. He really got you mad when he had me.”

He shrugged, “Would you not be mad if some girl held me underwater or stab my leg?”

“Shit, I’d be pissed.”

“See, but you’re right. He knows my weakness.”

“Yes, and do you know his?”

He paused for a minute, “Yeah, he doesn’t like losing.”

Good, he’s seeing where I’m coming from, “If his weakness is losing, then he will do everything in his power to beat you. Saul, he will try until he bleeds to kill you.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Ha! I stumped him. I smiled to myself and noticed the sky turning a dark orange. Ah, the sunrise, so much prettier than the sunset in my opinion of course. “My girl, I’m going to give you something. And you have to promise me that you will never take it off. Do you understand?”

I turned so that I was facing him, “What is it?”

“Promise me first.”

“I’m not promising anything until I know what it is.”

He glared at me not backing down, “If I told you what it is and the reason I’m giving it to you then you would reject it.”

“Then no. I’m taking my chances on something that could possibly lead to my death!”

“Why would I kill you? Geezes! Aaliyah, I just told you that I love you and you think I’m going to kill you?”

I looked around searching for an answer, but what the fuck would help me? “No, but…I don’t know why I said that.”

“Okay then. It’s not going to kill you.”

“I’m making no promise if you won’t tell me.”

He rolled his eyes irritated, “Fuck,” he grabbed onto my waist and pulled himself to me. He positioned both his legs over one of mine and pressed his body against my torso. It. Felt. Good. He pushed my hair back gently from my face and kissed me roughly, but sweet at the same time. “Promise me you will never take it off. This means a lot to me, I need you to wear it.”

I sat resting my hands on his hips, I really didn’t want to move from the stance, “Fine. Give it to me.”

“Promise me first.”

“Okay, I promise I will not take whatever it is you’re giving me off.”

“Thank you.” He reached over to his pants and dug into the pocket. he pulled out something gold with a chain.

“So, it’s a necklace?” I asked glumly.

He looked up at me through his long lashes and flashed a demonic grin. He hung it around my neck and kissed me while he latched it. “There,” he breathed leaning away, “It looks good.”

“Cool, so what does it do?” I asked lifting it up to examine it. It was a small gold leaf with a Ruby stone in the middle.

“Just keep it on, my girl.” He lunged at me and started…well…a make-out session. My back rested against the sand, for he was lying on top of me. I looked up at the sky, watching it slowly turn purple, never wanting his lips to leave mine. Ever.