What It Takes

Peyton

Sara looked bad. She looked horrible. She was so pale, and sickly looking. I felt bad. Her wrists were bandaged up and she lay limply. I sucked on my teeth as I heard Chuck’s sobs end abruptly outside. “How long will she be out?” I asked Dave. He sighed. “I don’t know.” His arm was wrapped loosely around Jen’s waist. I smiled a small smile and looked back at Sara, feeling my lips press into a thin line.

Madison shoved Chuck into the room and he stopped, trying to back up. I stared at them, confused. “Do it,” Madison said, shoving him viciously towards me. “I have something important to tell you,” he said, holding his fingers to stop them from shaking. “Tell it then,” I said, wondering what this was all about. “W-well.”

I sighed. “It’s all my fault that Sara tried to kill herself. She left it in the note. I called her a bunch of names and told her some bad stuff so she, believed it,” he said. Madi huffed and crossed her arms but still looked slightly shocked. “You shouldn’t feel bad,” I said, “If she was depressed, anything could have set her off.” He smiled sadly at me. “Thanks.”

He turned to Madison and whispered, somewhat discreetly, “She should tell him.” I tapped my foot, agitated. I hated not knowing and being out of the loop. “You guys, what’s going on? Is there something else I need to know?” Chuck looked up with wide eyes. “Uhm, no.” I rolled my eyes. “Then what should Sara tell me?” I asked. Apparently, the shit just hit the fan because everyone had the same weird look on their face.

At the exact moment that Chuck opened his mouth, Sara’s parents rushed in. “My baby!” Mr. and Mrs. McGuiness flung themselves at their daughter, crying over her and watching her. “Maybe you could all go to the cafeteria while the doctors speak to us,” her father said and we all nodded. Madison grabbed my hand but I pulled my arm away from her. These people that were supposed to be my friends but they were keeping secrets.

She sighed but still walked by my side. She was a good person, not to mention determined and I loved that about her. When we got to the cafeteria I immediately sat down, not even bothering with food or coffee. Madison, as loyal as she is, sat with me. “If you’re hungry, you can get something,” I mumbled to her. She shook her head. “Nope, I’m gonna stay with you,” she said, gripping my hand tightly. I sighed, and leaned back in the chair.

Everyone else came back with cookies and coffees but I just sat, staring into space. Dave seemed to be bothered as well while Jen and Madison seemed bored. It was expected, they shouldn’t even be here after what Sara and I did. Chuck was in his own little world no emotion on his face whatsoever. “So, why did you and Dave come together, Jen?” Madison asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, we were together. Talking about, um, what to do, about, uh Sara. Right, Dave?” Jen sputtered and I smiled, all of us knowing she was lying through her teeth. Dave looked down at his fingers sadly. Suddenly though, he sprang up. “No, that’s not right. Jen, we were discussing our feelings for each other,” he said animatedly. We all sat back and watched. “You mean the ones that don’t exist?” she said, standing up also.

“Sure, the ones that didn’t exist while we were making out at the mall either,” he shot back at her. Cue the collective gasp. She became frustrated. “That meant nothing to either of us, and you know it,” she said. He narrowed his eyes at her. She put her hands on her hips, silently telling him to bring it. Our eyes flickered between them, waiting. “Well, it meant everything to me,” he mumbled. He stared sullenly down at his feet.

Jen was quiet for a while and then sighed. “Why are you so freaking adorable?” she asked, moving and hugging him around his waist and laying her head on his chest. He hugged her back and winked at us over her shoulder. I chuckled lightly, despite the situation, and kissed Madison on the cheek. She blushed and looked away with a smile. She was so cute.

“Isn’t that Sara’s dad?” she said suddenly, pointing to the entrance. I looked up and it was, he walked to us. “Sara woke up. She wants to see Peyton and Madison,” he said, sounding a little happier that his daughter was awake. I stood up and Madison did too, taking my hand and pulling me back towards the elevator.

As we stood in it, waiting, she looked at me suddenly. “Peyt, no matter what she says in there, I want you to promise you won’t be mad or anything, because I already knew,” she whispered to me. I nodded but didn’t quite understand. She was jumpy and fidgeting. An elderly woman watched us from the opposite corner of the elevator, a slight frown on her face. She probably noticed the rings.

The doors opened to the third floor and we left, going towards Sara’s room. I wasn’t really nervous but Madison was shaking like a leaf. I didn’t know what was wrong with her, since she had a broad smile on her face also. She was an absolutely confusing person. The door was open and her mother stood outside of it, holding her head in her hands. She wasn’t crying, just upset as a doctor walked away from her. For some reason, I couldn’t help but stare as we went past her into the room.

It was a contrast to Sara, who I couldn’t even look at. One of my best friends wanted to die and that just hit me, hard. From what I did see, she looked even weaker awake. The dark circles were apparent now and she barely looked healthy, if even alive. “I really need to talk to you guys,” she said quietly. Her voice sounded weak and raspy, as if she’d been yelling for hours. She turned her head to Madison, who stood as far from me as the small room would allow.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking, “I don’t hate you. I was just jealous. Jealous, that Peyton noticed you so easily when it took me months to get him to look at me.” I looked down at my feet ashamed, I hadn’t even known she liked me that way until four months ago. Chuck assured me it had been a lot longer than that. Madison snorted. “You shouldn’t be jealous of me. I’m almost seventeen and I’m already married,” she said bitterly.

That one hurt a little bit but I looked up at Sara. “I got you drunk, Peyt. But not so you’d do something, so you wouldn’t remember.” She clamped her eyes shut and a pained look came across her face. “So I wouldn’t remember what?” I asked, confused. Madison took in a deep breath of air. “I was never pregnant Peyton. We never even had sex. I just…pretended.”

I felt blank, completely void of emotion. Unfortunately, that kind of bliss only lasted for a moment before I was slammed with emotion. I wasn’t sure which one to feel. This all made sudden sense. I couldn’t remember anything the day after but drinking and passing out. I was still happy though. She was never pregnant, and we never did anything. But she tricked me. She let me believe that I was a horrible person. She let my whole life fall apart. Everything with Madison…

That was when I remembered what she said in the elevator. “Peyt, no matter what she says in there, I want you to promise you won’t be mad or anything, because I already knew.”

She knew, and she didn’t tell me. How long did she know? I glared at her, trying to find words. There were none. “Peyton, look I know your upset,” she said, and I shook my head. “You have no idea how I feel,” I whispered. I left the room hurriedly, running into everyone else. I stopped and shook my head at them before rushing to the elevator.

I was lucky enough to catch one with enough space for me. Ignoring Madison’s protests I stepped in and the doors slid shut. I looked down at my feet as the elevator dropped. Tears stung my eyes but I wiped them away before they could drop. I was happy but upset at the same time; and I had no idea how to deal with it.