The High School from Hell

Man, it's been a long time since I had anything even remotely resembling a boyfriend. But damn Aaron makes them all look like primates, and he's not even my real boyfriend! Go figure. It's a good thing he's pretty, it makes this job so much easier, to look at anyway. Mmmm... He's like sex in man form. YUMMY.

"So here's how it works." I said, smiling and pretending to giggle. "Just act like were having a normal conversation between... lovers..." I grinned, "Take a bit of my food." I smiled, shaking my head, he complied, smirking. I shoved him playfully.

"It seems so have an odd amount of experience in this." He laughed loudly.

"You don't have to go overboard." I rolled my eyes. "Lean in and pretend like you're whispering something in my ear."

"You do realize this is going to require and explanation." He whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear.

"That's a story for another time." I laughed, titling my head slightly.

"Aaron, what are you doing?" Came the confused voice of Matt Silent. HAHAHAHA! He didn't tell him? Oh that's so funny! This is going to be funner than I thought.

"Just talking with my girl, why?" I smiled sweetly, practically dying inside. OH MY GOD SO FUNNY.

"I-I'm sorry, I've apparently just stepped into the twilight zone." He turned and walked away. HAHAHAHAHA. Sweet friggin' JEBESUS that was HILARIOUS. I got Aaron's eye and stuffed my fist to my mouth to stop from laughing.

"AHEM." I looked around, pretending not to see the gigantically tall Angela who was crossing her arms, with the two blonde morons behind her. Apparently the brunettes of the Band of Bimbo Baboons stick together. Haha.

"Did you hear something?" I asked, still gazing around obliviously.

"Excuse me?" Angela sneered, crossing her arms.

"You're excused." I said mocking her voice.

"Aaron, can I talk to you? Alone." She glared at me in a typical preppy way.

"No." I answered.

"Was I talking to you?"

"No. But you're not talking to him either." She made a face at me, flipped around and walked toward Bekka and... Olivia? I assume to tell them that I am a bitch. What a pity.

"Wow. I'm impressed." Aaron grinned.

"Acting's a gift, what can I say?" I rolled my eyes.

"You seem oddly... at ease about this. Like you've done this before."

"What? Had a pretend pretend boyfriend before?"

"Or actually had a real boyfriend before."

"Oh. Oh. Gee, thanks, that's great. You're an ass." I shoved him into a locker as I entered the... Well, hell. Basically. The gym. And Keiler does NOT look happy to see me. I just want to say I didn't do anything wrong. I may have pointed out the possibility. It was IE who actually did it, not me. So I don't know why he hates me. Okay, previous actions may come in context here, but still. I'm innocent.

... Hmmm... No comment...

...Oh yeah. She's with the llamas. I'M FREEE!!!

"ROSCH!" Keiler shouted, sounding like a Army general.

"WHAT!" I shouted back at him, copying his tone.

"DIDN'T YOU HERE ME?!"

"NO, BECAUSE I WASN'T LISTENING!"

"LAPS!"

"FINE!" You, one of these days he's going to kill me. Poor guy, I hope he doesn't crack under the strain. Oh who am I kidding, I DO hope he cracks under the strain.

Why? Why did I say yes? I'm being stalked by Angela and her group of dumbass fake blondes, damn them, Rexy thinks I've lost my mind and told me I'd have to explain later because she didn't want to be trampled by hordes of angry preps, which is understandable really. I mean, who needs that kind of stress? So much for my plan of "under the radar". This has to stop. And soon.

"Just how long am I supposed to be pretending exactly, Ace."

"Ace?" Aaron raised an eyebrow at me.

"How long."

"Well..."

"Well? WELL? No. No, no, no, I don't do 'well'," He grinned at me, "Oh shut up." I snarled.

"Just until she sinks her claws in somebody else."

"Oh good, so forever then. Great."

"Oh ha ha. Probably only a few days, she'll move on. Or I'll get a real girlfriend."

"Oh so, really, forever then." I grinned.

"You're a jerk." He shook his head.

"Not fighting are you?" Oh god not her again. Where every other word is emphasized.

"No. But I don't see how that should be any of your business." I growled. There's only so much of this biznatch I can take.

"You know, I've been thinking.."

"Really? And no brain aneurysm? Fascinating." I muttered.

"I've never seen any like, you know, PDA. If you were a real couple, you'd kiss and stuff." Can't deny that logic, MUST RESIST THE ROLLING OF THE EYES. REEESSSIIIIIST!!!

"Yes, because sex and making out with your boyfriend makes the world go round." I rolled my eyes anyway. I couldn't resist, the urge was too strong.

"I think you're stalling." She glared at me.

"Yeah? And I think you're an idiot. What's your point?"

"I don't think you're actually dating." Well. That didn't last long. At least she's not THAT stupid. I'd be worried. Although, she could be saying that just because she's jealous. Either way.

"What, oh Yoda, should I do to prove it to you? Hmm?" Well that's something I never thought I'd say. Pffft. Shiza this is stupid.

"Kiss." Oh you have GOT to be KIDDING me! This is the MOST pathetic, ridiculous---

Well hot damn.

Stupid... filter... dang... over heating... little... bastard. My jeep. My beautiful, beautiful jeep. IS OVER HEATING AGAIN. Now, I have to poke around the engine and figure out what's wrong with it THIS time. And I can't even think straight! If there's one thing I can say for Aaron, he sure knows how to kiss a girl senseless, that's for damn sure. Shiznat. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY CAR. Stay calm, calm... Do not... kill... the car... it is... not possible... stay calm... What the HECK is that OBNOXIOUS noise? Oh damn it's his loud effing ass car. It's... smoking. He killed his car. Hahaha. Now this I HAVE to see! I walked over just as he cursed glaring down at his engine.

"Having problems?" I grinned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh god its you." Wow. That was nice.

"Fine then. By the way, it looks as though your carburetor is acting up. I'd get that checked out if I were you."

"Uh... What?" Silent looked at my as though I'd grown an extra head.

"Your carburetor. It looks like it's flooding. Has it been stalling lately?" Seriously WHY is he looking at me like that? He looked down at his engine as though expecting to see a sign saying "carburetor here", I rolled my eyes and pushed my sleeves. Must I do EVERYTHING? Gosh. I peered down, and checked a few things.

"Dude you need to change your oil. BADLY. I'd also suggest running a chemical in there, who knows how much sludge build up is in there." OH MY GOD. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

"WHAT." I growled.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Are you... kidding?

"What d'you mean?"

"I mean, I don't have any idea what I'm doing." He growled. Oh my God, no WAY.

"What are you gay?" I cackled.

"You can go now." He shoved me. OW. Hey NOT COOL.

"Fine, just trying to help."

"Seriously did you get a personality switch today or what?"

"Well fine then, last time I help you save your car. I hope it dies." I snarled, walking across the street. Stupid bugger. Here I am, giving my professional assessment and he shows no gratitude WHATSOEVER, when I can be working on MY OWN car. Pigdog. Man, the things I do around here. People would die without me. I slammed the front door behind me as I entered my house.

"MEW." I looked down, as four kittens wound themselves around me legs.

"Well. At least SOMEBODY appreciates me."

From now on, my life's goal is to is to teach young children to get even with mean, mean people. Because there is nothing more satisfactory than knowing you are the 'cause of someones fleeting, embarrassing, non-life scarring, misery. Ah the sweet satisfactory of revenge. I wonder who came up with "revenge is a dish best severed cold," because I would have to disagree. I think revenge is best served with pie.

"Did you bring them?"

"Of course I brought them! Did you put the notes in place?"

"Yes. Everythings ready and set,"

"Good." Rexy said, shoving a stick of winterfresh in her mouth. It's ten minutes before lunch and Rexy and I put a little show for science. Rexy threw up some fake vomit and I offered to take her to the nurses office. Genius, no? I still can't believe he bought that, it's like the oldest trick in the book.

"Okay, the trap is set and all you have to do is press this button and..." Mace made a squelching noise. Bless him for being an evil computer genius. Now all we have to do is wait... waaaaiiiit... I'M TIRED OF WAITING. Who ever said 'patience is a virtue' is a moron. Come on... coooooommme oooooooooonnnn... RAWR HURRY UP! Shiza. YES! HERE THEY COME, YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! This must be how Veronica Mars feels all the time.

"What d'you want Bekka?" Silent growled.

"What do you mean, 'what do I want, I'm here because Brad asked me here." Bekka replied.

"What? I did not. I'm here because Matt--" Brad said coming up to them.

"I didn't ask you here." Silent said, looking confused. One, two... THREE!

OH! OH YES! BULLSEYE! OH HELL YES! Bulls-freaking-eye! I grinned as I dropped the remote into my Fall Out Boy bag and laughed alone with everyone else in the hallway as lemon meringue pie dripped off Silent, Brad, and Bekka as they stood in shock, wondering why said pie was dripping on them. Silent wiped his eyes and looked around. Do you think he suspects? WOAH, back up big boy!

"What are you doing?!" I squealed as he grabbed my arm and threw me into an empty classroom and pinned me against the wall. Why do I feel like I just fell into a Meg Cabot book? Not that I read Meg Cabot books.

"You did this. I know you did this." I smiled and scooped some lemon filling off his shirt and popped it into my mouth.

"Mmmm. Lemon meringue. My favorite." I tilted my head innocently.

"Why? I thought we were even. Square."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh? REALLY. You have NO idea how Bekka, Brad, and I, all of whom have pissed you off in previous occasions, had PIES dropped on us by a rig above the EXACT place I first knocked you over? REALLY."

"Oh, you remember. That's so thoughtful." I said with the air of a boyfriend remembering an anniversary.

"So, for no apparent reason, you RUIN my favorite shirt--"

"So you ARE gay!"

"--And starting a war you can't finish?"

"How do you know it was me? What PROOF do you have?"

"Well--"

"None. You have absolutely none. In fact, I am so certain that there is no evidence that you could possible acquire that I'll make you this promise: If you get me proof, hardcore without a doubt, PROOF, that I did this I will wash, wax, and give your car a tune-up, in a bikini. That's how SURE I am, that you can't prove I did anything." I grinned maliciously, my arms crossed.

"You are SO on." Oh come ON.

"Seriously, are you gay?"

"I don't think you want to find out." He smirked.

"Your right. I don't need to see a sex video of you and Brad, thanks."

"You're asking for it."

"Oh yeah? Sorry Matty," I leaned in, "You don't have the guts." I laughed, and flipped around and walked toward the door.

"Why are you dating Aaron?" What?

"That was random." I turned around to gaze him. That was out of the blue...

"This whole week has been strange. Being nice, coming over to see whats wrong with my car, making out with my best friend. I just seems odd to me."

"I hate to break it to you, but there's a lot of things you don't know about me. And as for the Aaron thing, why don't you ask him." I said and started for the door. It seems Matty is too smart for his own good. Dang him... I really want some pie...

Ah... The smell of Sunday afternoon. Good Charlotte's "Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous," blasting in the stereo, Sunday morning football playing on the television. After the beautiful day that was Wednesday, it was pretty slow. Nothing from Bekka, Brad, or Silent. Not that they have any reason, they can't prove it was me. I'M UNTRACEABLE. HAHAHAHA. Yeeesss... But I thought maybe Matty might have something to snap about. Maybe Aaron talked him out of killing me for ruining his favorite shirt, GAY I TELL YOU. One problem. Dad invited, as you can guess, Matty DEAREST and his sister and mother to come over for the Packers/Bears game. Really it more of he saw them on at the store and was talking with Kate, Silent's mom, and got to talking about football and offered to have them come over for the game. Although I can't wait to see them get slaughtered. That should be fun, rubbing it in IE's face.

DIING-DONG!

Speak of the Devil.

"DAAAAAAADDDDD!!! GET THE DOOR!" I yelled, turning off the stereo, and plunking back down on the couch.

"Hey guys, come on in." My dad said as I grumbled under my breath.

"Hello, Addy dear!"

"Hey Kate, have a seat." I smiled indicating to the chair next to the couch.

"It's almost kickoff, you ready to lose." I smirked at Intense Eyes.

"Yeah, I've thinking about that, and your little 'get evidence' thing. How about, if the Bears with you do what you promised, and if the Slackers win..."

"What?" I ignored the jip on my team.

"I don't know, that's for you to decide." Oh this'll be fun.

"Are you sure want to risk it? I mean, you're GOING to lose, why bet?"

"Who said we're going to lose?"

"SHUT UP." Mikey snapped, her eyes glued to the TV.

"Deal." I shook his hand. Oooooh, the possibilities.

"PACKERS SCORE!!! YES!" I screamed, belly bumping with my dad.

"NO!" Matt shouted in unison with Mikey.

"Yes!" I pumped my fist in the air.

"Oooooh, seventeen to seven BOY!" I gloated during second half time.

"IT'S GOOD! THE KICK IS GOOD!" I did a victory dance.

"OH! OH! YOU SAID THAT A BIT TOO SOON!" My eyes went wide as the bears got a ten point touchdown/kick trailing behind by three.

"NO!" I shouted.

"YES!" Mikey screamed.

"NO! NO!"

"YES! YES!" IE replied, smirking as they gained another ten points.

"RUN IT BACK! RUN IT BACK!" Dad shouted at the screen.

"HE'S GOING! HE'S GOING!" I shouted, bowl of popcorn flying.

"INTERCEPT! INTERCEPT YOU IDIOTS!" Silent shouted.

"YES!" I screamed.

"NO!"

"NO!" I shouted as Farve threw an incomplete pass.

"YES!" Silent roared.

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I nearly ripped my hair out... The packers... lost... TO THE FUCKING BEARS. Noooooo! Nooooo...

"We won, 27 to 20. We won!" Silent smirked. Oh shit. Does this mean what I think means?

"I won the bet." He gave me a wolfish grin, his sea-green/turquoise eyes gleaming wickedly.

OH fuzkit. Satan effing hates me.