The High School from Hell

P.E. Is like Math for the body. Hell. Hell on earth. Why? First, Coach Keiler is a sexist pigdog. Second, he doesn't take mouthing off lightly. One little slip of the tongue about an enlarging prostate and you're doing laps while everyone else is playing dodge ball. Not that I'm that great at dodge ball, but I could use the petty violence. I hate laps. Stupid Matt "Intense Eyes" Silent, as I've so lovingly dubbed him, knocking me over and not apologizing, twice. Seriously, I'd kick his ass if I didn't know my ass would be so fired when I got home. I hate laps. Ooooow... craaaaamps... OW-- WHAT THE HELL?! I flipped and looked around, to see Bekka smirking at me.

"Sorry," She said with fake sincerity.

"Can we have the ball back." I smiled sweetly. I tossed the ball into the air, jumped, and hit the ball so hard it flew toward her. Damn, she dodged-- Oooh shiat. Why does Satan hate me? What did I ever do to him?

"My bad." I smiled, and starting jogging around the track, ignoring the hate burning me alive as I averted my eyes from looking back at a certain yummy bad boy god that my Super Secret Volley Ball Slam move ended up hitting. That's right, it has a name. I used to be feared for the SSVBS. Not that anybody new it was called that.

"ROSCH!" I cringed.

"Yes, Coach?" I smiled innocently.

"What is the meaning of this?" He said pointing to the angry red mark on the side of Yummy's face.

"It was an accident." I crossed my arms indignantly.

"Ten more laps." He pointed, "Now." See. I told you he was a sexist pigdog.

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Home! HOME HOME HOME! My god, I don't think I've ever been this excited to go home. Well, that might be because I've barely lived in this house a week. So yeah. But that's beside the point. Home means no school, home means no stupid cheerleaders with lame vendetta's against me, home means no chance for the Devil to hate on me by sending his reincarnate under the alias of Matthew Silent for me to accidentally run into, hit with a dodge ball, of make fun of his name.

"How was school M'darling?" My dad asked, peeking his head out the kitchen nook.

"Well, I pissed off the Queen Bee, the King Bee, the P.E. teacher, the Math teacher, the History teacher, some jerk at the water fountain, and the janitor, but that was not even my fault--"

"Make any friends?" He asked, cutting through my impressive monologue of people who I managed to hate me in one day.

"Haha, are you kidding me?"

"Come on, you had to have made one friend, or... acquaintance?"

"The lunch lady, the English teacher... And this one chick named Rex. Yeah, she's pretty cool. What's for dinner?"

"Well, after a hard day of job hunting, I thought we'd order pizza." I growled.

"You're joking right? I have the greatest cook in the country for a dad and we're ordering pizza?" I sniffed indignantly, my arms crossed.

"Don't be such a drama queen. Go upstairs and finish unpacking, you." I groaned as he lightly shoved me toward the staircase.

"I hate you."

"Love you too!" I snarled to myself as I trudged up the stairs, down the hall and into my room. Jebesus my room is a disaster. The white, the whiiiiiiite... it buuuuuurns... It buuuuuuuuuurns! It's painful. So, so painful. Well, it's officially decided. I'm going to need some spray paint when I'm finished unpacking, that's fo' sho'.

"I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned, And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind... And, oh, the shame, He was ashamed..." I sang from the Lion King as I cleaned. What? I have a thing for Disney.

"Ev'rytime that I... Hey, not in front of the Kids... Oh, sorry." I mimicked their voices.

"Hakuna Matata, What a wonderful phrase, Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze...!" I sang into an invisible microphone.

"It means no worries, For the rest of your days, It's our problem-free philosophy... Hakuna Mata--" DING DONG "--Holy hell!" I screeched as I tripped over a box and landed on my face. What am I? Miss America? Geez... I glanced out my window. Woah, woah, woah. Double take. I flipped around and looked down and to the right. Hooooooly shiz. Bad, bad, bad, not good, not good. I raced down the stairs.

"Dad! Dad, don't get the door, whatever you do! Don't! Da-" Too late.

"Thank you, yes, ADDY! Come and meet our neighbors." He said glanced at me with is get down here or you're ass is so fired, look. I walked to the door, and faced my worst nightmare. Satan reincarnate himself.