The Black Parade

We’re going to be parents.

“You’re kidding right?” I said, coldly breaking out of his affectionate embrace, which I had sorely missed, scared of what he was presuming, and what she had presumed. He looked at me with shock in his eyes.

“No, I’m not, why do you think Mother War actually protected you, instead of letting you die? I used to have to keep her in line, remember? Or do you remember anything at all about us?” Gerard half asked, half shouted, at me.

“Then apparently you’re yelling at a pregnant woman, even though it’s your fault that I’m this way. Isn’t it also your fault that we’re here now?” I was convinced that I would hate him, if I had to give life to someone in the land of the dead, than it was certainly not going to be my fault…even though I was the one who told a room chock-full of would-be conspiracy theorists… that I was dead.

He turned away in fury, leaning on the banister with a huddled anger, and I walked down the cold stone steps with just as much fervor, not bothering to care anymore.

How dare he presume that I would just fall back into his warm, loving arms without a care in the world? How could he think that I’d love to be in love with him again, just because part of him is inside of me, and that his dreamy eyes would catch mine and…

Everything would be alright.

It wouldn’t, would it? I thought, continuing my path down to the cobbled streets that I hadn’t walked for such a long, long time, and felt my feet hit the stone with much force. A nonexistent sun set over the skies of the Gray City and all was silent, the drums no longer howled their obscenities in my mind, but my psyche was a sonorous maelstrom of other dangerous thoughts. As for whom it was dangerous for, I had no clue.

Isn’t the baby dead, then? I don’t know anymore. All the rules are changed here, it’s like The Game Of Life, I’d never be a single mother with two sets of twins and a job at McDonald’s, but anything can happen here, but not to that extent. I doubt even Mother War can predict what will happen to me, or the supposed child.

I looked down at my stomach with hesitation, trying to discern if anything were growing from beneath the orange jumpsuit that was atypical of the prison that I had been kept in before my trial by jury. I couldn’t see a thing.

<<1 MONTH LATER>>

“ZOMG, how’s the bun?” Asked an exited Frankie; I just sighed in reply, for I hadn’t seen any growth in that stomach area, or womb, to be more aptly put, and I wondered if my slip of tongue had possibly cost the life of my first child? Or was karma seeking comeuppance for my wrongdoings? Why should another suffer, I don’t care about Gerard’s child, do I? It’s mine too, but why should I care? It wouldn’t want to live in the world without color or a breath of life, would it? It wouldn’t want to continue dying, every single day?

“Okay, how’s the oven?” Mikey asked, from across the breakfast table, making up for the awkward silence, caused by Frank, in his polite questioning of my well-being.

“Doesn’t know how she feels about anything that’s going on, nor does she actually know what’s going on.” I said, in the third person, not wanting to accept that it was my own fate, to question everything.

“Hey, I’m sure it’s alright, just because we’re dead it doesn’t mean that we’re going to abandon you, even if Gee’s complacent enough in just ignoring your presence and avoiding you, and his child.” Said Ray, right after eating a doughnut with much gusto, I nodded in thanks.

“Yeah, thanks.” I finished my breakfast and cleared out, walking the forlorn path that ran down the center street of the city. Looking down at my feet, which were now embraced by comfortable converse, and accented by the equally colorless socks and dress; I ran into someone, not even knowing that it was happening. I looked up to see both Bob and Gerard, covered in perspiration and out of breath.

“Mother War’s been trying to resurrect Hitler, since he was, apparently, her favorite! Why couldn’t it be Jack The Ripper or something, it had to be the bigot!” Bob said, making extraneous gestures with his hands, “I even had to get high and mighty over here to help me, I haven’t been in the main city in ages!” He gestured towards Gerard, who looked downwards. The rest of us lived in the center of the Gray City, but Mother War’s holding cell was just outside of town, and there was a living place for the caretaker and one other. Gerard had been helping Bob with his increasingly hard job of taming the riotous war-bringer, which accounted for both of their absences.

“But, on the other hand, she’s been getting sick of the Iraq conflict, and might end it soon.” Gerard said, directing it at Bob, rather than me.

Was this really what had become of the once-flourishing love that we had shared? Was my simple step of walking away what caused us to lose sight and touch of each other? Bob continued walking, obviously determined to see his friends and food again…Which left me with an awkward situation, and a Gerard that was almost as determined to leave as Bob.

Gerard brushed past me without a glance or word.

I’ve killed us. This is all we’ll ever be. Nothing will be alright.

A painful sensation riddled my gut; it almost felt as if I were alive again for a moment, then I was back to the dreary world that always kept me black and white around here.
I disregard the strange occurrence and go back to the rooms that were currently mine. The shower was in the corner, and it was actually a proper shower, with walls and tiles and everything. Closing the door to the outside whirlwind of a world that I did not wish to be a part of, I sighed a deep sigh, with my diaphragm and lungs moving in tandem.

I nearly choked on my lack of breath as I slipped my dress off of my body, I was crying. I didn’t even know why, possibly because the only love that I had ever experienced was too far to reach now? Because I wouldn’t just talk to him or kiss his soft lips?

A cough came from the corner, my sob caught in my throat, in surprise, and I asked, “Who’s there?” My voice was fraught with tears, but I didn’t think it really mattered when someone was stalking me…

“I’m sorry for busting in… But I have something to tell you.” The cadence that came from the corner made my bare skin tingle, before I realized I was still naked, Gee emerged from the shadows. He didn’t bother to cover his eyes as he advanced towards me, he had a shadow behind his clearly defined hazel eyes that hadn’t been there before, a haggard look on his face that had only appeared when there was bad news to be told. He began his statement that put a constrictor grip on my seemingly impervious heart.

“Mother War, she said that the Elders put something in your mind when they started making you a cabbage with the insane drumming thing… It killed the baby that Mother War said was most definitely growing when she felt it, but died after Bob and I left today.” Gee looked down and I saw the sorrow outlined in his entire body language, the sad way that his eyebrows furrowed, it was almost like he had been crying without tears. It was beautiful, but it was also paining him. I wanted his emotional pain to end.

Or did I just want my masked emotion to come out of the wood work?

Either way, I knew what I was to do.

*S*E*X*Z*O*M*G*

I began to remove his clothing, while kicking off my shoes easily. He just stared at me blankly, not even realizing what I was doing. I finally got the pesky garments off of his immobile form and he seemed to wake up from his reverie of grief to recognize what I was doing.

“I love you.” I attached my lips to his with untold intensity, and he responded my moving his lips against mine, but then I realized that his hands were reaching to my thighs and I shivered against his cold hands, in the middle of the room, next to him, naked.

It seemed a bit too exposed for me, but that was all good and dandy, until he pushed me against the nearby wall, his lips practically super glued to my neck, and his fingers slowly reaching upwards into my area where sun had never shined before, unless you count him as sunshine, as he had often been mine.

I felt for the shower handle, which was only a few feet away, and I ran hot water into the basin, from the queue of running water, Gerard sloppily stepped into the shocking waterfall of water droplets, as did I, where he finally reached his long and talented fingers into the confines of my… well, I think you get the gist.

I let him dominate me, as I couldn’t really help but want it. He took those skilled digits out and another, more pleasurable appendage entered. I screamed. He moaned. It was typical shower sex, with steam and water coalescing off of our glistening bodies as if we were creating the sun itself.

It wasn’t our sex.

It wasn’t gentle.

It wasn’t love.

Was it ever?