The Black Parade

After a week of awkward silences and lack of eye contact from Gerard, I was finally getting used to my new "home." Yes we did eat here, it wasn't the height of luxury, but there was coffee, water, and bread, which was good enough for me. I got to see the other MCR guys, when we went to the main building for meals. Their Elders still hadn't appeared, and never would, since they are the only omniscient beings living on Earth's surface, oddly enough.

I talked to Frank, Ray, Mikey, and Bob, rather than Gerard; they filled me in on the place, whilst all I got from Gerard was silence. I learned that a few hundred others lived here, in the Gray City, and they never talked to anyone else, though, and didn't come out of their homes, unless the Call sounded, which was when the Black Parade would assemble. I had yet to witness that, since, for the populace safety, they didn't sound the Call upon my arrival.

I had met Regret's sister, Fear, but had yet to meet Regret, since socializing would be awkward, due to the fact that she was currently making my life a living hell.

One thing I hadn't gotten used to was the guilty sobs that wracked my being, and caring about my murder of immoral and unrighteous men, and the nightmares wracking my restless sleep causing me to shake uncontrollably.

My contemplative gaze out of the balcony, with my thoughts of what had and hadn't occurred so far, was interrupted by Gerard's voice, for the first time in a long silent week.

"I don't want to hate you."

"Then don't." I replied stolidly, he sighed in return.

"The Elders told me of how you killed one of my best friends, he was a good man."

"Was he the patient?"

"No, he was from my hometown of Belleville, NJ"

"Then he wasn't a good man, I've only killed evil men, the exception being the patient."

"His name was Jon Tarracaulty, and I had believed him to be a decent honorable man."

"I remember him, he was beating his wife and children, I killed him right in front of them, and his wife thanked me." I said it in a monotone.

He was shocked, but still in denial, so he had a rebuttal ready.

"But the Elders..."

"Tell you jack and manipulate you, why would you believe them?"

"They can't lie."

"Then they must be elves, to withhold the truth in such a way, yet still never tell a lie."

"Maybe they are." I looked back at him; he was smiling without any burdens or patronizing looks. I was so startled that I couldn't help but smile in return.

"The patient was caught in the cross-fire, I had no intention of killing a person."

"Yes, but you killed people, they can't all be evil, some of them could have been helped, which is why we have this place." He gestured at the expanse of the Gray City; I chuckled, closing my eyes to him.

"I slaughtered animals, wild and feral, hurting without remorse, nothing more than filthy creatures, they didn't give a damn about what they did to people. Humanity had left no mark on them; they were lusty pigs, the smelly kind."

"They could've found their soul, with help from the guys."

"No."

"There is hope for you, why not for them?"

"I started with a soul, you're an idiot."

"Maybe there is hope."

"Maybe I sympathize with Rorschach, from Watchmen, and think that you're naive." We start to take a few seconds before each reply, the silences between are filled with thought.

"Does any one watch you?"

"No, I am in the world, but not of it, I am only famous because I left a trail of bodies, not because I am anything, I am nothing, I don't need empathy to be famous."

He stared at me, silent as can be.

"What happened? What made you this cold, what made you kill, rather than maim, to leave for the police? What, Mama didn't care, everyone hated you, you were beaten up, nobody paid attention? What?"

He was practically yelling, I was silently shaking, fighting back tears.

"No, then what!?" In frustration he grabbed my wrist, pulling on my black arm warmers, exposing the white scars of past mutilation, the red of recent, bruising, and a few stab marks. The evident shock on his face didn't stop me.

"No, Mama didn't care, she kicked me while my father was using my body, she told my Catholic school teachers to tell everyone I was a lesbian, even though I wasn't, because it would deprive me of friends, of a life. I was damned to eternal flame and Satan and whatever else you can dream up, I got swirled in the shit and piss, and I got shoved in my own locker. No, everyone paid attention, but not to the bruises my parents left, or the burns that I received when I made a friend on my first day of kindergarten, they paid attention to the nerdy lesbian. My father relentlessly abused me, mentally and physically, every time I walked into the house, I would be brutally beaten and molested. He told me I was fat, and that all the rumors were true, that I was shaped by their actions, I believed him. I cut myself and starved myself, but I still got beaten and raped, I still got spit on and shoved, I still survived."

I was in tears and, shockingly, so was he, but I mercilessly continued.

"Years ago, I found a CD, My Chemical Romance, I loved it, I survived off of your music, I didn't become a fan of you, I didn't even bother to find out what you looked like, I kept myself from going over the edge with your music, not you. Three months ago, I hear that you've disappeared, after a few weeks, The Black Parade was released, I listened, and I died. The phoenix that arose from my ashes was Vengeance, I went to my childhood home, and I tortured and killed my parents..."

Gerard started to walk away, not being able to take it, I shouted, "I went to an ally, I found little girls selling themselves, I found their pimp and killed him, I killed one thousand evil men, and I remember all of their names. I kill one innocent and I can't bear to hear his name."

The charm that kept us from being separated worked its magic, and he was forced to turn around, he then walked solemnly towards me, tears glistening on his cheeks.

He walked faster and faster until his face was only in inch from mine, his warm hazel eyes burrowing holes into my cold gray ones, grabbing my wrists he pinioned them against my sides. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak.

"I can't do this anymore, Jane."