There's Only So Much I Can Take

Well that worked out. Now Ronnie was going to crash my Honda. “At least it isn’t the Jaguar.” I whispered to myself dropping the plug to the mike.
“Yes it is. He drove here in the Jaguar, not the Honda.” Bryan told me.
My eyes widened. That was my car. Ronnie was not allowed to use it! The advantage he took over me. That was over. I ran out of the house, threw my flats on Max’s grass, and followed the path as fast as I could right to where I knew he would be.
Parked right in front of an alley to get his drugs.
As I snuck behind a corner to the alley, I saw the usual guys. They were two burley, white guys a lot taller than Ronnie with more muscle than a horse. They could kill Ronnie. And at the moment, things weren’t looking too good.
They wanted Ronnie to pay one thousand, but Ronnie only wanted to pay eight hundred. Both were dreadfully high amounts, but an addict wants what an addict wants. There was really nothing I could do without getting in trouble later but I would have to try.
I threw my cardigan on the ground ripped the shirt sleeves of my shirt, pushed up my black v-neck to show the ring in my naval that had a skull and cross bones in it. Hopefully Ronnie was sober enough to play along.
“Hey dude, got it yet?” I asked glaring at the three men.
Ronnie didn’t know how to respond at first. When the two men stared at me with fury lining their eyes he understood. God, he was slow.
“No, they won’t cut the deal.”
“C’mon we can go to other dealers.” I responded flipping my black silky shoulder length curly hair.
“Okay go to another dealer, we aren’t lowering our price.” The brunette white guy looked me over before he smirked. “Unless you want to work out some sort of plan.”
Being the idiot, guy he was, Ronnie had to ask what that plan was.
“Prostitution rights. We wanna sex up the doll there.”
“No way!” I exclaimed. I am so stupid; no way would Ronnie help me out.
Just as I had predicted, Ronnie started to talk to them about it. As if I wasn’t there he bragged about me in bed and how sexy I was. There was no way I would give them the best just so Ronnie could have drugs. He might as well just kill me; that was better than being a prostitute.
“Well you can’t have her.” Ronnie took my hand, without any drugs in the other, and he walked me to the car.
Ronnie took to the driver’s seat. As relaxed as I was, I would not talk to Ronnie on the way home. There was no way I would ruin this because in the end it would come back on me. It always did and it always would.
My true love would never put me into prostitution as it looked right now. Why had I doubted him? How could I not? Ronnie was rough as a tiger when he was high but he claimed that he loved to be high.

The next day around noon, Ronnie was sitting on the couch looking depressed. There were no drugs to make him happy but he might as well be filled with all the fancy alcohol I kept hidden around. Today was the day I would ask him to just stop taking those drugs. It was eating me alive to not be able to do all the things a normal couple did. It was killing me to have a high boyfriend that played rough with me. It was all melting my heart like a flame against candle wax.
“Hey Ronnie, how trashed are you?”
Just as I had predicted, Ronnie held up three fingers. That was how much alcohol he had had. Nevertheless I would talk. Three glasses never got to Ronnie considering he was such a hardcore partier.
“Can we talk?” I questioned quietly.
Ronnie motioned for me to sit on his lap. It was a sweet gesture and I took it without hesitation. Ronnie being affectionate was sometimes only once or twice a week and he’d already used that one when we were lying in our bed.
“What’s up?” he asked me putting his arms around my waist.
“I like when you’re sober.” I whispered kissing his cheek. “It’s much better when you are. Maybe you could stop using drugs, honey. It would be so much better if you did and I like you more when you’re sober.”
Ronnie glared at me. “So you don’t like me when I’m high?!”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I love you very much no matter what, I just like it better when we’re like this. When you’re sober.” I saved myself quickly.
Ronnie shoved me off his lap so he could stand up. Only then did he start talking. “What do you mean when we’re like this? Do you hate it when we’re any other way?”
Oh dear, he was just taking this the wrong. My God, I could never give up on him at all.
“No no, I love being with you all the time. I love you. Could you just stop using?”
“Okay,” it was great that he understood, “I’ll only get trashed twice a week.”
That just meant he would find somewhere else to get trashed instead of here. Not that I thought that this promise would be any different from any of the others. Promises were so empty when they spilled out of Ronnie’s lips. He wouldn’t use twice a week.
I wouldn’t push my luck though. I was elated that Ronnie was at least using only twice a week. Heroin was dangerous and I knew it.

So far Ronnie had been keeping his promise. Only two weeks ago he’d made the promise yet here he was keeping his promise. It was the first time in two years that he’d kept a promise this long, honestly it was great. With the less money spent and the fact I didn’t have a job yet, meant that I didn’t have to get one so soon.
On the couch, he looked pretty much dead as the TV flashed colors at him. Without his hands on drugs, Ronnie had been doing a little more but he was practically a dead soul in a live body. This Ronnie was a little weird but he was a little better than the old Ronnie. I was hardly ever used and abused anymore.
“Hey Ronnie,” I said pecking him on the cheek.
“Hey Katherine.” Ronnie gave me a smile.
I’d been gone all day and had expected a drugged up Ronnie to be in the house even though he’d already used his two days. It would have been so Ronnie. Yet here was my boyfriend, completely clean as the polished tiles in my bathroom.
This was our chance to actually do things normal couples got to do for a change. Usually what we did together was go to those two drug dealers, have harsh treatment put toward me, or drive to Max’s house. It was all we did as a couple.
“What do you want to do today?” Ronnie asked me.
“Well could we maybe watch the sun set later?” I asked even though later would be as long as it took us to get to the place we used to go all the time. “Only if you want to though, I don’t want you to feel obliged to go there.”
But Ronnie obliged. He pulled me excitedly through the house to my Jaguar. We took our seats and Ronnie sped off to the cliff.
Ronnie was first to get out so he could sit on the trunk to watch the colors. He pointed to the hood next to him when I got out. I lied down next to him, putting my head on his chest. Ronnie put his arm around my waist as the sun started to set.
Colors streamed the sky like party streamers. The sun was going down behind the city outskirts. It was so beautiful. But the real beauty was that Ronnie and I were lying together on the car hood. It was just him and me without the third wheel.
“It’s so beautiful.” I whispered to him.
“Yes you are.” Ronnie replied.
I looked over at Ronnie to see that he was staring at me instead of the sky. I blushed red as Ronnie continued to stare. I felt great to have Ronnie looking at me instead of thinking about drugs. Sure he was always with me, but this time it was just him. There were no rugs making him act roughly toward me.
The sun set completely and the dark of night began. We got into the car but Ronnie didn’t start the engine. He put arm around my shoulders and smiled at me. “Let’s rent a couple movies and buy some microwave popcorn.”
“Um are you sure? You might need that money later.” As much as I wanted to say yes I just couldn’t find it in myself to say that word.
“Yes I want to spend time with you.”
“But Ronnie, you’ll need that money later.”
Here I’d been complaining that we didn’t do enough together yet I was telling him I didn’t want to watch movie and eat popcorn with him. Ronnie would need that money for drugs later on, he’d remember he spent it on me, and he’d get mad at me. I would get the worst punishment I’d ever gotten for it. So here I was, despite everything I wanted – needed – here I was telling my boyfriend I didn’t want him to rent movies.
“No I won’t. Remember I cut back?! Without buying heroin every day I’m left with more money. Besides I want to.”
“Okay then.” I nodded.
He gave me a kiss on the cheek. Together the two of us drove to the movie store to rent some DVDs before we went back home.
We were up until one in the morning watching either a comedy or a horror movie. It had been so much fun to spend this kind of time with a drug-free Ronnie. All we had done was watch the movies and give each other frequent kisses. It was a dream come true and a dream to remain. At least I hoped it would. In at least a week this would all be over, I didn’t give it a second thought though. I wanted it to last forever.
But I wasn’t an idiot.
“Hey honey.” I whispered blinking sleep out of my eyes when I awoke to find Ronnie playing with my black hair.
“Hey you; you have the cutest sleeping pose.” He complimented.
“I love you too.” I laughed smiling at him.
Ronnie didn’t usually say I love you at all. Those three words just didn’t come out of his mouth all too much. Instead he complimented me on something random to say I love you. It was just his way of reminding me that he loved me without having to say it.
This was good. It was like old times. It was like the good times. It was just perfect at the moment.