There's Only So Much I Can Take

“We found Ronald on a side walk with a needle in his arm and dried vomit on his face. Two burly white men were standing over him. They drugged him and now Ronald is in here and better. Please come down so we can ask a couple questions.” He informed me easily.
“Um yeah, okay I can do that.”
“Thank you. You had a little heart by your name and you were speed dial number one and you were the second on his ‘ICE’ contacts. The first wasn’t exactly a real number.”
“Okay bye.” I hung up not wanting to hear the rest.
There was no way I wanted to see Ronnie in that place. Oddly they thought that those men had drugged him so he wouldn’t be in rehab. Thank God! I wouldn’t be able to stand seeing Ronnie like that.
As I rounded the last corner to the hospital, I saw my Honda parked outside. This was defiantly the right place to be for Ronnie. I could not believe he’d been so careless as to use that stuff in daylight! That was why he lived with me in my house.
“Hello, I’m Katherine Gregory.”
“Okay, you’re here for Ronald Joseph Radke.” The doctor observed.
“Yes sir, Ronnie – I mean Ronald Radke is my beautiful boyfriend who’s in the hospital because two men drugged him.” I confirmed to him so they would let me in.
Dr. Harris led me to Ronnie’s room. He was lying on a white cotton bed. His eyes were open and wide.
“Hey Katie!” Ronnie exclaimed.
I walked over to him to hold his hand. “Hey baby.”
“I’ll leave you two alone.” The doctor left the room.
Ronnie grinned at me happily. He gave me a squeeze of the hand just to remind me he wasn’t in any trouble and he wasn’t dead. That didn’t reassure me though. He could have gotten in trouble.
“Ronald Radke you are so lucky that they thought those men drugged you! If they knew you’d drugged yourself you’d be in rehab at this exact moment.” I scolded him as I continued to hold his hand. “If you were in rehab right now how would you expect me to get along without you? Believe it or not but I love you, Ronnie! I love you very very much and without you I’m lost. So Ronald, please realize you are very lucky that they didn’t think you drugged yourself out! Those men are going to jail all because of your luck.”
Ronnie growled at me but pulled me down onto the bed nonetheless. He pulled me into his arms and smiled at me. “C’mon Katie, why can’t you just be happy that I’m not in rehab?”
I sighed and put Ronnie’s arms around my waist. “It’s just not that simple with you anymore, Ronnie. In the old times before you got heavily addicted, I would’ve been happy you weren’t in rehab.” I stopped not wanting to continue.
“But what?” Ronnie always wanted to know the rest of something even if he knew it would hurt him. In this case, I didn’t know if it would hurt him but it would certainly give him something to think about for a while, while he sat around in our apartment.
“But now I can never be happy that you aren’t in rehab or that you didn’t get found out because you came so close to it. You’re just pushing the limit and acting like it’s the best thing in the world. You’re just making everything so damn complicated, Ronnie. I love you to say the least, but there’s only so much I can take and the fact you almost got discovered isn’t one of those things. While you were away I was freaking out. When I got the phone call and they said they’d found you drugged I almost cried. You mean so much to me.” I explained almost breaking into tears.
Ronnie scratched his head looking as if he would cry. “You really care that much?” he mumbled.
“Yes of curse I do! I love you so much Ronnie, I care much more than you could ever imagine and your addiction is starting to take its toll but I think it’s going into the bad lane not the good lane.” I told him looking up into his brown eyes.
Ronnie stared at me with awe. He acted as if it were unbelievable that I could love him as much as I had just described. “Why do you love a monster like me? I’m addicted to everything.”
“Because you’ll always be there no matter what happens.” I told him honestly.
Ronnie stared at me for a second in confusion. “Not if I was high and you were the reason I didn’t get my drugs.”
“You’re an idiot!” I giggled throwing my arms around Ronnie.
He was still confused but he hugged me back. Nothing made sense to him at the moment but I’m sure he just enjoyed me being there.
“I don’t care what you do or say when you’re high, you don’t mean it!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah but still, I’m getting high.”
“Don’t make this so hard.”
Ronnie nodded and let go of me. I lifted off to walk over to the nurse.
“He’ll be able to come home tomorrow afternoon.”
“Okay great, thanks!” I walked out to my Jaguar so I could drive home and sleep until Ronnie was back at my house.
It didn’t feel the same being at home without Ronnie anywhere in the house. Even if he wasn’t with me, he was always somewhere, like in the bathroom taking heroin pills or thrusting needles into his skin.
I changed into my silk white pajama dress and lied in bed. There was no Ronnie to rape me. There was no Ronnie to just lie with. There was just no Ronnie and it wasn’t fun.
I turned over on my side to where Ronnie should have been but it only made me sadder. How could the love of my life be stuck in a hospital? Like he had said though, at least it wasn’t rehab. That didn’t make me feel a whole lot better since they could easily figure out how much of that horrid stuff was in his veins.