There's Only So Much I Can Take

“I think we should do something today.” Ronnie said in the morning as he sat up on his elbows when I first woke up.
“Why?” I questioned looking up at him still kind of angry at him for yesterday.
“This would be my way of apologizing to you. I really feel just so horrible. What I did was unacceptable and it will never happen again?” Ronnie apologized.
Now, this apology has slithered its way out of Ronnie Radke’s mouth a couple times. Hearing this over used, cliché apology was nothing new. Some might wonder why I’d be so weak as to accept it again and move on. Some might wonder why I don’t kick him out for a week as punishment so he appreciates me more. Some might wonder plain and simple, why do I not do anything.
Well, Ronnie was a good man deep down under and he usually did not mean to make the mistakes he did. Ninety-five percent of the time he has good intentions just put out in the wrong way. Ronnie was too eccentric to do something normal so he thought outside the box.
I giggled silently only to get a weird look for Ronnie. “Sorry I forgive you though.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek before getting out of bed. “I can’t do anything with you for the day, but you can come with me while I apply for jobs.”
“Pass.” Ronnie decided.
“We have no money for you to do drugs.” I reminded him.
Ronnie looked at the ground before looking back at me. “I’ll go make us breakfast.”
“That’s what I thought.” I mumbled before going in to the bathroom to get ready.
After a shower, doing my hair, and doing my make-up; I picked out an outfit. Something that was work chic yet still hot for my age which was a black cotton button-up blouse with a pale yet bright blue lacy camisole under it and a white skirt that was four inches above my knees. I checked myself out in the full length mirror, defiantly professional, young chic.
An alarm started going off in the kitchen. Oh dear God I forgot, Ronnie actually making food did not work out.
“What’s going on in there?!” I exclaimed jumping in the kitchen.
Ronnie smiled. “I made Eggo’s and used the microwave as an alarm.”
“You’re so wonderful!” I squealed kissing him excitedly.
We sat down at the kitchen table and ate our breakfast, talking about nonsense every once in a while. As soon as Ronnie had finished his breakfast he went to get dressed.
He was actually decent, not in his usual rock star duds. Thank God. Instead of his usual too-tight black skinny jeans and some type of darkened shirt he had on nice straight legged, medium wash jeans and a button down white shirt with a black dress coat over it. He looked like he was going out with a professional woman.
Good, that would make me look even more professional.
“Let’s go!” I clapped my hands twice after glancing at the clock.
I picked up a large black Prada hobo bag, my keys, and my résumé which was put into my bag.
We got in the car and I froze.
“You okay?” Ronnie asked after a couple minutes.
“What if it rains?” I asked. “I’m not prepared for that.”
“I don’t think it’ll rain in a building, honey.” Ronnie replied with a small smile on his face.
“No but what if it rains after my interview and my shirt gets soaked?” I questioned.
“Then we’re going to have hot sex in the car.” Ronnie replied.
“I’m serious!” I tried to convince him.
Ronnie rolled his eyes in annoyance. “No you aren’t. You’re scared just that you won’t get the job.” Ronnie glanced at me. “Scoot over.”
I scooted over and Ronnie went over me to the driver’s seat. He would take me where I needed to be. I knew he would. Ronnie was just that kind of guy. He wasn’t afraid of anything. Not even death.
“Where’s the first place?”
“A safety.” I muttered glancing down at my bright blue kitten heeled shoes.
“That’s not a place in Vegas.” Ronnie countered.
Las Vegas was his hometown. His favorite place in the world. There was no place in this city he didn’t know. It was his city he ran it. He owned it. He loved it.
“MGM Grand Casino,” I whispered.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Ronnie look at me with a disappointing look in his dark brown eyes. Though he didn’t object, he spun the key to start the engine. Just like he had promised, he drove us from the parking garage and right into the streets of Vegas in our Jaguar.
“So MGM you say?” Ronnie questioned which I had just seen coming.
“Yes sir, right in the south of Vegas.” I answered.
“Why?”
“It’s just a safety. It’s not like I want to pass out drinks or deal cards or anything like that, I would just like a safety, kind of like a safety college.” I explained horribly.
Ronnie nodded as if he accepted that but he didn’t. He didn’t want me to work at a casino just as I didn’t want him to do drugs. We couldn’t have everything we wanted now could we?

When we got to MGM, I stepped out of the car and lost my breath. There was a huge lion statue in the front and the hotel was just gorgeous. There was no way I could land a job here; it was just so fancy looking. My safety turned out to bite me in the ass.
Ronnie made me jump when he took my hand. He nodded his head toward the casino entrance. He inched me toward the door. There was nothing he would be able to do except listen to his iPod and text on his Sidekick. There was no money he could gamble with. There were no girls he could flirt with. All he could was do was make friends which, at this point in his life, wasn’t one of his strengths.
Inside the casino was just as beautiful as the outside. All the machines were brightly lit and there was a huge bar along the side with some screens. There was a car statue and oh my God, it was overwhelming and beautiful.
“I’m not going to get my safety.” I whispered to myself.
Ronnie kissed my knuckles. “C’mon, Miss Gregory, it’s time to make your mark.” He practically dragged me to the bartender to ask where to go for a job.
Gamblers were everywhere and blond bombshell whores were next to them. Brunettes were at the bar, one out of three girls had a man next to her. Cheating husbands had an arm around sexy, tightly dressed girls and their other hand holding die or cards.
“Hello Mr. Bartender.” Ronnie greeted.
“Sir, have you ever been to a bar?” the bartender groaned as he made a drink.
“He’s been to a little too many.” I muttered trying to make Ronnie mad so he’d let me skip my interview.
Ronnie gripped my hand tightly using all his strength. I made a small squeak in which Ronnie loosened his grip.
“Where do you go if you have an interview to work at this place?”
“Front desk.” The bartender walked off to deliver a drink and ended up listening to an entire boring story a black lady was telling.
Ronnie didn’t speak to me as we made our way to the front desk. He wasn’t mad at me, he just wanted to me to think about what I was going to say.
But Ronnie knew me better than that. He knew that I wasn’t thinking about what I would say, I was thinking about all the ways I could screw up this interview.
This was all too fancy of a place of make it a safety. But I had never been here so I had been stupid enough to consider this just another ugly casino/hotel. It wasn’t. I probably should have at least Binged the place.
“Hello, this fine woman has a job interview.”
“What’s her name?” the teenager asked at the front desk.
“Her name is Ra – Gregory.” Ronnie caught himself. “Her name is Katherine Gregory.”
The boy looked up and locked eyes with Ronnie. “Holy shit, your Ronnie Radke! I already have tickets to the tour that starts in exactly twenty days! I can’t wait!”
“Yeah okay, whatever.” Ronnie waved his hand as if to dismiss the topic. “Please tell me Katherine is on that list of yours.”
The boy still looked immensely excited but he did search the list. “Yes she’s here, right after that door opens, a lady with a clipboard will yell her name and then Katherine will walk straight into that room.” The boy pointed out everything before locking eyes with me. “Got all that?”
“Alright,” I mumbled knowing that wasn’t the correct way to answer that question.
“I’ll be right out here, chatting with this dude until you come out.” Ronnie whispered.
I nodded feeling very unsure of myself which didn’t happen often.
“Good luck!” Ronnie exclaimed slapping my butt as I started to walk off.
Even after that I still felt unsure. I took a seat in the wooden chairs and my body automatically started to shake.
What if the person doesn’t like me? What if I stutter more than usual? What if there’s a fire and the person dies and I get blamed? What if I accidentally kill that person? What if that person is an ex-boyfriend? What if that person tries to kill me? What if that person knows Ronnie’s my boyfriend and wants Ronnie for themselves?
“Katherine Gregory.”
“Yes. Oh my God, that’s me!” I realized jumping to my feet. Now it was my turn to go into my new nightmare.
As I walked in to the office, my brown eyes were glued to my pale blue and black polka dot kitten heel slip on’s. Only one thought was racing through my mind: It’s going to rain. All I was doing to myself was trying to get myself out of this. It wasn’t working considering I was sliding into a brown leather spin chair seated across from a bald man seated behind a grand dark oak desk.
The man didn’t say a word, he just held out his stubby, pale little hand.
I reached into my Prada hobo and handed him my official, typed up résumé. His green eyes looked over it before he put it down.
Holy fuck, he’s going to ask me questions! Am I prepared? Of course I am, I always am! Holy shit his mouth is open! That is how talk! I took a solid deep breath.
“It says here you’ve only worked three places, but you’re twenty-four.”
That wasn’t a goddamn question! How was I expected to answer something that wasn’t a question?! What did he want me to say?! Holy shit, this is so damned hard.
“That’s true. I grew up with rich parents so a job never became a need.” Stop talking lips, stop talking! He doesn’t care.
“Why now then?” he questioned.
That was a question. That I could answer.
“I feel that, I should have some type of job that way I can feel more secure when I have a baby, because I will have one.”
“Ah, that’s smart.” He nodded with a stiff smile.
I nodded back giving him a meek, shy smile. He liked me! He fucking liked me!
“So you’ve worked at a clothing store at the register, you’ve worked at a grocery store as a bagger, and then you’ve worked at a family-owned beach shack by yourself.”
Don’t stop there, find a fucking question!
“Why a casino?”
Thank the Lord!
“Well, I feel that if I plan to live in Vegas for the rest of my life, no life in Vegas is complete without work in a casino. Even my boyfriend, who sucks at finding work, has worked at a casino and he thoroughly enjoyed it.” I felt it was necessary to leave out Ronnie’s name and the casino he worked out because he only enjoyed it since he was having a little fun with the boss. Wink, wink.
“Hmm, maybe I know him.” The bald man looked at me asking me for a name.
“Maxy Green.” I lied.
I couldn’t say Ronnie Radke after his name and that boss lady’s had been all over the Vegas scene. When his little falling out with her had been discovered, newspapers lined up to get the full story which had been uncovered. No one would ever hire Ronnie or the lady after that. There was no way I would risk being Ronnie’s girlfriend over something he had done after a few drinks and a few needles of heroin.
“Maxwell. I heard he was a very good dealer. Too bad he left when Ronnie did; he had a chance of leaving this no good city and becoming a professional.”
Hah, the last thing of Max’s list is becoming a blackjack dealer.
“Alright that’s all, I’ll call you if you got the job.” The man dismissed me.
We shook hands, and I exited to see Ronnie facing the door yet still talking to the register teen.
Ronnie grinned. “How was it, baby?!” he exclaimed.
“Horrible, yet wonderful.”
“On to the next one, dear beauty?” he asked kissing my cheek.
“Of course, a Gregory never quits.” I declared.
Ronnie said his goodbyes to the teenager before leading me to the car. Leaving that room had brought up my self-esteem. Things could only get better from here.

Never in my life could I have screwed up that much! I was dropping the f-bomb like crazy as I kicked a wall in our penthouse apartment. Ronnie was ignoring me as he watched some boring old, black and white movie.
The first two jobs after MGM I had failed epically, the three safeties after that were an epic fail, and the two after had been okay. I had applied at a magazine place, Best Buy, and some chicken place for tomorrow, but the way things were going, I would fail my interviews.
Who would have thought that someone could fail so many interviews after one great one?! No, who would have thought that one could make a casino but not anywhere else?!
I released the f-bomb once again, earning a disapproving glance from Ronnie. He didn’t move though. He decided listening to me was better than getting kicked in the crotch. That was probably smart considering I was pretty strong in my leg area.
I sighed and went to the couch, laying my head on Ronnie’s chest. He stroked my hair lovingly.
“It’s okay, you’ll get at least three places that want you.” He whispered intertwining our fingers together.
“I don’t wanna work at MGM though, that was a safety.” I whispered watching the TV show with him.
Ronnie looked down at me. “Babe, you’ll exceed at whatever job you accept and the places that don’t want you are fucking idiots. They don’t know what they’re missing.”
Two things that you need to know about boyfriends: They tell you what you want to hear so they’ll get laid (also see: lying) and don’t really care about your job as long as they have a job.
Ronnie wasn’t good at lying but he was good at showing that he didn’t care. At the moment he was lying though he actually cared. Ronnie kissed my hand and changed the channel to football. “If you can’t get a job you like, I’ll get another job. Tomorrow I have band practice, do you think you can make it everywhere without me?”
“Yeah I can! Have fun at band practice Ronnie, and thanks.” I kissed his hand getting off the couch. I had to make dinner.
Well, microwave dinner. I threw a Lean Cuisine meal into the microwave for me and threw some hamburgers into the oven for Ronnie. That kid was skinny but he ate a hell of a lot of food.
I opened the oven to take out his hamburgers just as the phone started to ring.
“The phone’s ringing!” Ronnie reported like a three year old.
“Get it, dickhead!” I yelled at him carefully taking out the pan of hamburgers and closing the oven in two swift movements.
“Hello?” Ronnie greeted.
I put the burgers out on a serving plate along with some condiments.
“Oh uh, hold on.” Ronnie put a hand over the receiver and looked at me with worried eyes. “When are we expecting to pay rent?”
“Oh shit, oh shit!” I exclaimed feeling tears line my eyes.
“Uh, I’ll finish putting out dinner and you talk to this guy.” Ronnie gave me a quick hug and a kiss before taking over the dinner. I walked into the bedroom with the phone and quieted my voice that way Ronnie wouldn’t have to worry.
“Hello.”
“Hi Miss Gregory; where’s the rent?”
“Um about that, can I give it to you in like two or three weeks? I’ve always been on time and this will be the very last time I swear!” I begged.
“Listen, I can’t make exceptions.” The man on the other end said sternly.
“Sir, Ronnie and I have always been on time, sometimes even earlier. This will, honestly be the very last time we do this, ever! Please sir; let us just be late this one time.” I begged on the verge of tears.
“You have twenty days. Spend them wisely.” The man hung up.
Twenty days was two weeks and six days. In six days I would find out the job I got and in two weeks I would only have two paychecks. The rent was one thousand five hundred dollars. There was no way I would have that kind of money ready.
Tears fell from my eyes as I sank to the floor. My life was over. Ronnie and I couldn’t live here if we couldn’t afford the rent. That’s the way renting a penthouse apartment works.
A calendar fell of the dresser drawer my back was against. In permanent marker a date was circled. It said buy a house. In twenty-four days we couldn’t live here. Oh shit! There was no way we could make more days with this penthouse, every time we asked the guy at the desk said someone had already rented for when we were gone.
Ronnie and I couldn’t afford a house, let alone the rent for anything. There was no way I would go homeless. How Ronnie did without fear, I’ll never know. One thing was for sure, I needed a high paying job and I needed Ronnie making money before his tour which was also in twenty four days.
I took a deep breath. Alright, this wouldn’t be horrible. We can sell all the furniture on the twentieth and then stay with Max. When we get back from tour we can stay with Max until Ronnie’s thousand-dollar paycheck rolls around, we’ll move into a house and everything will be pleasant.
That was a lie.
I was catching myself in a lie but I didn’t care. It was so much better to think everything would be okay even when I was positive nothing would turn out the way I wanted to.