There's Only So Much I Can Take

“Dinner!” Ronnie knocked lightly on the door.
“Go away!” I cried shoving my hands in my face as I tried to wipe the tears clean.
Ronnie walked in the room to see me on the ground. “My God, what’s wrong baby?!”
“We need one thousand five hundred dollars in twenty days and we have to leave this place four days after that.”
“Oh my God.” Ronnie whispered. He sunk down next me. “We could move in with Max until we get everything straightened up.”
“That was my idea too.” I sniffled.
“No worries Katherine, I can get a job too!”
I wasn’t too reassured. Ronnie had no job history. He had no job qualifications. As much as I loved Ronnie, I wasn’t going to lie to myself anymore.
“There are worries, straight-up.” I said.
“Well what’s your picture perfect plan, Katherine?!” Ronnie spat. It was okay for him to be mad at me, he was a man. Men liked to tell girls everything would be perfect.
“My plan is that we can sell the furniture on the twentieth.” I looked at Ronnie since he was already shaking his head. “What?!”
“We gotta sell on the eighteenth day that way we can pay by this time in twenty days.”
“We can leave on the twenty-first day and stay with Max until the twenty-fourth day.” I added.
“Sweet that sounds good.” Ronnie gave me a high five. “Alright, ready for dinner?”
“I’m not hungry anymore.” I whispered. “I’m gonna just go to bed.”
I curled up on the bed in a small ball and closed my eyes. Silently I prayed for all our money back and everything to have just been a bad dream. I was still awake when Ronnie climbed in bed next to me at midnight from watching some football game. I prayed once again for Ronnie and then for myself and then for our lives. We were in desperate need of some prayers.

What a mistake it was thinking that when I woke up everything would be okay. When I woke up, Ronnie’s shirt was tearstained from my brown eyes. The phone and calendar were right where I’d left it.
“You okay?”
I nodded looking around. “I’m gonna take a shower.”
“Alright, I’m going to make a calendar that counts to all our dates and then prepare some E’ggos. Prepare yourself for your interviews.” Ronnie exited the room into the main area which was our living room so he could make the calendar.
I turned into the bathroom and turned on the shower water as hot as it would get. When it was hot enough I stepped in and let the water burn my skin. Quick enough I was used to it and was able to stand the heat. There just wasn’t enough soap or water to clean off the pathetic feeling I felt underneath.
After throwing on a black pin-stripe skirt and a white button up shirt with a purple lacy camisole underneath. Ronnie had finished his E’ggos and was cleaning up his plate. I sat down at the table and ate up as Ronnie got ready.

“I’ll be here waiting, darling. I love you and I know you’ll do fine.” Ronnie gave me a peck on the cheek.
What a lie! There was no way I would have a good interview at this magazine place. The last interviews from yesterday were still clouding my head. Mentally, I was so not prepared to do these but physically, well I was perfect.
My purple stilettos clicked against the sidewalk as I neared the revolving door to the magazine place. There was no way in hell I would even make this job if I was mentally prepared since I didn’t even know the name of the magazine.
“Interview under the name Katherine Gregory.” I said knowing how places like this worked.
The lady nodded and typed in some letters. “Take a seat over there.” She pointed a red painted nail at a couch.
I took a seat, starting to prepare myself. In my head I went over each question that had screwed me yesterday. Head interviews were so much easier though because no one can actually hear you.
Maybe Ronnie would take me back home! Wait, what if starts to rain?! Like Ronnie said, it doesn’t rain inside a building…. What if there’s a leak?!
I took two deep breaths, reminding myself with each breath that I was a professional.
“Katherine Gregory!” a lady screamed.
It’s my turn already! A feeling of nausea took over my body and I felt a quick batch of hot tears come and go. Nevertheless I walked into the office with a high head and low confidence. This interview would go nowhere fast, and I hadn’t even begun yet.
I took a seat in the obvious, fake leather chair and folded my leg over my knee. At the least, I would look professional.
“What makes you think you can work here?” the guy started.
Whoa, brain freeze! Just a second ago I was telling myself I wouldn’t be able to work free and now I was supposed to tell him why I belonged!? What was I supposed to say? My God, this was not my two days. I took another breath and emptied my mind before I spoke.
“Well, I was thinking maybe that I could set up photo shoots. I’m very good with thinking at the lens’ point of view.” Before long I had words tumbling out of me that made me sound professional and realistic. Almost as if I’d done this job in another life. Whatever, I was rocking this question.
“Next, why did you choose this magazine out of all the New York magazine?”
Oh shit, I don’t even know what the magazine’s name is! What does one do in a situation like this? Talk out of their suck-up asses! That’s exactly what I did. Everything that came out of my mouth was repetitive in new words, but it all meant the same thing: I’m kissing your fat ass right now, so I better get this job.
All the other questions went through well. They could have been better in my eyes, but they weren’t as horrible as yesterday. Interviews were not a good quality of mine. Usually I second guessed what was coming out of my mouth since usually what was coming out of my mouth was random shit.
As questions slipped from his lips and answers spilled out of my mouth. How he as following around was as surprising as what was coming out my mouth? There was nothing I would do to shut myself up, but what I give o find out how I was coming up with this stuff was something else.
“Thank you.” The man shook my hand before I exited the room with a smile lining itself on my pink glossy lips. That was a wrap!
“How’d you do?” Ronnie asked grinning at me from the driver’s seat. He was smoking a year old cigarette he’d found in the glove compartment.
“Well I think I did pretty well.” I replied.
Ronnie chuckled. “Best Buy?”
“Yeah man!” I exclaimed hitting the on button for the radio.
“Whoa, you’re excited!” Ronnie smiled.
The speaker sang out “Hot Mess” by Cobra Starship. I was dancing along like a kid with ADHD and singing along at the top of my lungs.
“Shut up, Kathy; you suck at singing!” Ronnie growled playfully.
“Well you’re hot mess and I’m falling for you
And I’m like,
Hot damn
Let me make you my boo!” I scream/sang in Ronnie’s ear.
Ronnie put his hand on my face. “Shut the hell up!”
This time I did shut up. Only because the song was over though.
We pulled into the Best Buy parking lot. Ronnie got out with me and slammed his door shut. We skipped, hand-in-hand, to the door.
“I’m going to look around, sexy.” Ronnie whispered kissing my lips.

The store manager glared at me from behind his desk. He had my résumé right in his face so I couldn’t see him. That didn’t matter though, as long as I could hear him and my mouth just did more word magic.
“Why do you think I should hire you when there are more hooligans I could hire?” he asked with anger in his voice.
“I follow direction well. Everything I have to buy that can come from here I buy from here.”
“Get out!” he screamed at me.
“But sir -”
“Out now or I will sue you for harassment!” the man continued standing up.
“Alright!” I yelled back running out of the room frantically.
Getting sued for harassment wasn’t something I needed right now. Finding a job was tough enough without having my résumé say that I got sued during an interview. Best Buy was obviously not good enough for me.
“Done already?” Ronnie asked seeing me walk out from the vinyl section.
I nodded slowly.
“Didn’t get it?” Ronnie asked.
“I almost got sued.” I shrugged.
Ronnie took a deep breath in but didn’t make me elaborate on the subject. He knew when he shouldn’t push my buttons even though he hadn’t been realizing it lately. Instead of asking or speaking or attempting to make me feel better, Ronnie just wrapped his arm loosely around my arm as if he was just my best guy friend. I let my head fall against his shoulder as we walked to the parking lot of Best Buy.
We went into the car and Ronnie drove to the chicken place I had applied at. Instead of being super excited though, I just sat there with a slumped back and stared at my purple stilettos against the grey carpeting.
“What’s the point of going?” I asked Ronnie looking up to see traffic right in front of us.
“A Gregory never gives up!” Ronnie exclaimed.
“Shut up Ronnie, I don’t wanna go. Drive me home right now, Ronald Joseph Radke!”
Ronnie stepped on the brake just as the light turned green and turned to look at me. “You listen to me Katherine Gregory: You are Katherine Gregory, a rich, fearless, shameless motherfucker! Give me a reason why I should turn this car around because I don’t want to. Katherine, you never give up on anything ever! You need to do this interview because this is important. You are going to this interview unless you have a good reason that you shouldn’t go!”
“You turn this goddamn car around or you won’t get sex in a year!” I growled.
Ronnie shook his head. “I’ll live.”
My jaw dropped. That was supposed to work with every single goddamn guy! Oh well, I’ve got back-ups.
“Ronald Radke, I will kick you out on your ass if you don’t turn this fucking car around!” I screamed at him.
A couple horns beeped behind us. Cars passed us. People stuck the middle finger up at us. Ronnie stuck his middle finger back up at them as they passed by which earned them scowls.
“Fine.” Ronnie turned the car around right in front of a lot of cars driving up to the stoplight. He earned tens of hundreds of honks and every curse word in the book was yelled at us. “I’m disappointed though.”
“Don’t pull that card out on me, Radke! You fucking lost all my money which is why I have to do these interviews!” I yelled at him.
“Well hey, I just want you to know that you really shouldn’t be doing this! It’s wrong for someone like you.” Ronnie shrugged.
“You know what, fuck you! I don’t fucking need a druggie to tell me that I’m doing something wrong for myself! You are the one on fucking drugs you douche bag.” I replied shrugging back at him.
“Katherine, I don’t want to start a fight, I just wanted to tell you something.”
“Ronnie, I hate to break it to you; but you fucking did.”
“Is it your time of the month?” Ronnie asked glancing at me.
“Stop the car.” I said.
“What the hell?”
“Stop the goddamn car!” I yelled.
Ronnie swerved to the side of the road and looked at me just to see my back as I left the car.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Ronnie screamed.
“I’m going to my goddamn parents because I don’t need any of your shit right now! And by the way, it isn’t my time of the month!” I yelled picking up my purse and slamming the door shut behind me.
Most people who do this usually don’t know where they’re going but happily, I do. From where I was, I only had to go about three miles so it wasn’t so bad. This was only Vegas.
“Katherine!” Ronnie screamed.
“Go the fuck away!” I yelled back without even turning around to look at his face.
“You’re wearing stilettos!” Ronnie tried.
I took off my two purple shoes and threw them behind me. “What stilettos?”
It was then that Ronnie knew there was no use to this. There were no words in his wake that would pull me back to him on this day. This was all just building up on me and I knew this would happen but not like this.
Nothing like this was supposed to happen to Ronnie and me. We were supposed to be the perfect, model couple. Almost like the model house everyone looks at and wants but knows they can’t have unless they try harder than they really want to.
This was the first time I had ever walked away from Ronnie like this. He has walked away from me while he was drugs like this but I had always promised that I would never leave his side. It just wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was never supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to leave my side. I wasn’t supposed to leave his side. We promised not to leave each other’s side.