Let My Heart Rest In Pieces

Let My Heart Rest In Pieces 048

You're Gonna Love Me

“All the dresses I have are formal; I thought we went over this the last time we dug through my closet?” I said to my dark headed friend as she dug through my clothes. I could have sworn that we had been in the situation before. Oh right, we had, many a time.

“Then we need to get you to shop more! You’re always in need of a dress and never have one to go with the event.”

“Why can’t I just-“

“You are not wearing jeans and a t-shirt!”

I pouted, folding my arms across my chest as Roxy refused my request. Yes, good clothes gave a nice impression, but I thought the person who had the best voice was the only thing that mattered, not the attire.

“I need to make you more girly,” Rox sighed, plopping herself on my bed next to me in defeat.

“No, I need to de-girlify you. Not everything I do has to involve a dress. Watch, I can pick out an outfit myself.”

“No jeans!”

I rolled my eyes, ignoring her as I looked through all my clothes. I hummed the song I was going to sing later tonight until I found the bottoms that I would wear. The next thing I grabbed was a trench coat looking jacket that I could use as a shirt. I held them both for Roxy to see.

“Okay, those will work!”

“Told you I could pick out my own damn clothes,” I muttered, putting them on the bed so they wouldn’t get wrinkles.

“Sometimes, I mean, have you seen some of the things that you’ve worn to school?”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” I shouted. She giggled and ran out of my room. I chased after her down the stairs, swearing that I was going to beat her when I could catch up. When I was inches away from grabbing her shirt, the doorbell rang. I groaned, breathing heavily as I walked over to answer it.

“Yes?” I breathed before I smiled, realizing who it was, “What are you doing over here Frankie?”

“Just thought I’d stop by and see what you guys were doing before you had to leave for the big competition.”

“Well, before you rang, I was chasing Roxy around the house because she said I had bad taste in clothes.”

“You do!” she yelled from somewhere in the house. I glared behind me, although I was pretty sure she couldn’t see me. I heard Frank’s masculine chuckled, causing me to turn around, my glare at him.

“Do you agree with her?”

He held his hands up in the air, silently saying “I don’t want anything to do with this”. I let him in and he made himself comfortable on the couch. I walked passed it, into the kitchen and opened the pantry door. Roxy yipped when I found her spot and dragged her out.

She ended up struggling on the way to the living room, and we fought for control right in front of the couch, laughing the entire time. She suddenly pushed me, and I was falling backwards and landed on Frank with ‘oomph’ from me and a groan from him. I rolled off of him as soon as I could, looking to make sure that I hadn’t hurt him.

“Damn, you’re heavy!”

“So, you’re fat and have no taste in clothes.”

“You guys are so mean!” I cried, hitting them both. They just laughed at my pain. That was something that seemed to happen to me a lot. Why was I friends with jerks?

~~~~~

Later that day, when it was my time to leave for the theatre- around four- I quickly pulled on my nicely ironed black slacks, then slipped on the white trench coat/ shirt over a dark wife beater. The makeup I applied was minimal, eyeliner, mascara, and dark skin tone eye shadow. As for my hair, I had made the ends of the dark locks curl slightly, otherwise leaving it down and normal. The shoes were black with low heels. I looked in the mirror and decided I looked very professional.

I quickly descended the stairs, seeing my father waiting for me by the door. He was still in his work clothes, only having gotten home from his job ten minutes or so ago. He would take a shower and whatever else after he dropped me off.

I spun around for him, letting him see the entire outfit. He wolf whistled and I turned back to him with a grin on my face.

“You look good, there’s no way you can lose.”

“This isn’t a fashion contest.”

“Oh yeah, something about singing right?”

I hit his shoulder playfully, scoffing at his lame excuse for a joke. “You’re a bad father.”

“I could let you walk all the way there, but I’m not. I think that is being a good father,” Dad retorted.

“I could be a bad child and just steal the van and not invite you at all.”

He seemed to think about this for a second then nodded his head in agreement. “That is true.”

“Come on, I have to be there early so they can check all the accompaniments and stuff.”

“Oh, and stuff.”

“Stop being mean to me!” I whined, leading us towards the van.

The ride was short, and when I got out of the car, my father wished me good luck and drove away. I wandered around for a little while, trying to find where the hell I was supposed to go. After a couple minutes of this, I found Tamara, who was talking to another one of the contestants. When she looked up and spotted me, she excused herself and raced my way.

“Envy!” she said, greeting me with a bear hug. I hugged her back, smiling when she pulled away.

“Hi Tamara. Have you gotten all your stuff together yet?” I questioned.

She shook her head in a negative. “I’m the last person to go, and they’re still only on the third.”

“Do you know when I go on?”

“Right before me! Oh my gosh, I am so nervous. It seems like a lifetime ago that we were standing at the audition like things and now we’re here.”

The two of us walked into the building, Tamara leading me since I had no idea where I was headed, and continued to gossip. “If you didn’t think you were going to win, who do you think would?” I asked her.

“I’m not really sure,” she voiced, putting a small finger to her chin, “I mean, everyone here is really good; that’s why we were picked at the top six. It all depends on what songs we picked and how we handle pressure I guess.”

“That is so a Mrs. America answer,” I teased while she blushed.

“Shut up, I used to be in beauty pageants.”

“That explains everything.”

I dodged her swipe at me, smiling all the while. I looked up when I heard my name being called. “It must be your turn to check music and stuff.”

I told her I would be back with her as soon as I could before running off to the stage. Just as I was about to walk through a pair of doors, I stumbled into someone, almost falling over. A hand held onto my arm, making sure I didn’t fall. I paled slightly when I saw it was Alex standing there, scowl on his face as usual.

“Watch where you’re going or we’ll have one less contestants,” he warned, letting go of me. I nodded, going around him to get to the stage. He called my name, which made me turn around.

“Good luck.”

I was so much in shock of the nice words he said to me, I could only really nod in response, feeling like a zombie as I trudged into the empty theatre. The only people on the stage were the techs, checking out their equipment.

The shortest one in the group looked over to me, squinting his eyes a little. “Envy Moore?”

“That’s me,” I announced, coming to stand behind him.

“Okay, well, we’re going to play your CD and you make sure that everything is good. Please just hum your song to yourself if you want. Some of the other girls thought this was one last practice.”

I nodded, waiting for the music to start. I hummed along to the tune, going over the words in my mind. When I confirmed that everything was perfect, I was sent back to where I came from to wait for the performance to start. I looked at the clock on the wall and noticed there was still an hour left, although the doors would open in thirty minutes. I shook off my nervousness and began to pace.

Usually, I would have talked to the other girls and wished them good luck, but at this moment, we were all in our zones. All of us here wanted the title of winner, along with the golden metal that went with it. I, as well as everyone else, was making sure that there was no possible way I could screw up.

“If you continue to pace like that, you’re going to wear out the heels of your shoes,” I heard someone say to me and I pulled my concentrated gaze from the floor.

There, only a couple feet from me, was Ms. Den, clad in a long dress covered in flowers. It clung to her body, showing off the curves that she hid behind the suits in school. I couldn’t help but smile when I noticed her blond hair was down, framing her face and giving a nice glow to her skin.

“A nervous habit I guess,” I told her. She laughed and walked over to me, hugging me.

“I just came back here to wish you good luck, or break a leg, whichever one applies to this situation.”

I grinned. “I’ll take both. I’m really glad you could come.”

“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for anything. I was very excited when you invited me. Your friends have been giving me curious looks. I believe they do not recognize me.”

“I wouldn’t either if I just saw you like this and had no clue it was you. But you do look very good.”

“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you? Because you do look smashing.”

“Ten minutes!” the short tech yelled to us all, warning of how much time we had left.

“I should go,” the woman said. She leaned in, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and walked away to go find her seat in the audience.

~~~~~

“I hate feeling nervous; it must be one of the worst emotions in the world!” Tamara exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. My nervousness had left me soon after the first girl had come back from her performance.

“Worse than pain?”

“Well, no, but-“

“Come on Tamara, we both know that you’re going to do great. You just have to calm yourself down and-“

I was interrupted when the girl before me came through the double doors, her shoulders relaxed. I’m sure she had been glad that her act was over and done with. I stood up, straightening out my pants, and gave my friend one last look.

“You’ll do great,” I told her then walked onto the stage, right into the bright lights. People clapped, like they had for everyone else. Someone must have been keeping my friends silent, because I didn’t hear them hollering at me.

“Okay Envy, tell us a little about yourself.”

“Um, well, my name is Envy Moore and I’m a Senior at my high school. I’m in the Chorus and have been since I was in fifth grade. This is the second competition I’ve been in, and I hope I can win this.”

“Well, go ahead with your song then Envy,” Angel said, smiling at me. I think she was the nicest of the group.

I looked over at the people that were working on the music and nodded, telling them that I was ready. They hit the play button and the music swept through the room. I grabbed the microphone in my hand and began to sing.

“ And I am telling you
I’m not going
You're the best man I'll ever know
There's no way I can ever go
No, no, there's no way
No, no, no, no way I'm living without you
I’m not living without you
I don’t wanna be free

I’m staying
I’m staying
And you, and you
You're gonna love me, oohh
You're gonna love me”

At first, the song had started off slow with violins playing, and I saw Alex roll his eyes and put a bored expression on his face. He thought I was stupid and hadn’t taken his advice. Well, he was wrong. The next part I belted out, catching his attention.

“ And I am telling you
I'm not going
Even though the rough times are showing
There's just no way, there's no way
We're part of the same place
We're part of the same time
We both share the same blood
We both have the same mind

And time and time, we've had so much to see and
No, no, no, no, no, no way
I’m not waking up tomorrow morning
And finding that there's nobody there

Darlin’ there's no way
No, no, no, no way I’m living without you
I’m not living without you
You see there's just no way, there's no way”

By this time, I had put all the emotion I could muster, singing my head off and letting my voice hit the back walls and come back to me. As most singers usually do, I was using my hands and arms as I sang. Later, I would feel silly about it, but right now, it felt like it fit.

“ Tear down the mountains
Yell, scream, and shout
you can say what you want
I’m not walking out
Stop all the rivers, push, strike, and kill
I’m not gonna leave you
There's no way I will

And I am telling you
I’m not going
You're the best man I'll ever know
There's no way I could ever, ever go

No, no, there’s no way
No, no, no, no way I’m living without you
I’m not living without you, not living without you
I don’t wanna be free

I’m staying, I’m staying
And you, and you, and you
You're gonna love me”

When I said “And you, and you, and you” I pointed at Alex every single time with a smirk on my face. He actually laughed a little, concentrating on my song as I continued to sing.

“You're gonna love me, yes you are, yes you are
Ohhh, Love me, love me, love me, love

You're gonna love me!”

As I continued to sing the last note, people got out of their seats and whistled at me, and I could hear my friends in the back cheering and screaming my name. I quickly left the stage with a large smile on my face, pouncing on Tamara when I saw her.

It was her turn next, but I couldn’t really focus on her song because I was on such a high from what had just happened with me. Once I was done with that, I was able to catch the end of her song and hear the crowd going crazy just like they had for me.

When she came out, we were both talking in high pitched voices because we were so excited. The four other girls joined in with us as we all blabbered about nothing in particular. I knew right now that there was a concession break because the judges had to pick the winner. Unfortunately, we weren’t allowed to go out and see our family, so we all just waited together, complaining about how time should go faster.

Soon enough, the tech man came and told us to all line up on stage in the order that we had sang in. We were all expecting to see everyone sitting down waiting for us, but the room was empty.

“We just wanted to tell you all, before everyone else comes in, that you all did wonderfully and it was hard to pick the winner and runner up. Our short time together has been amazing, and all three of us thank you. Now, please stand straight and stay quite while we let everyone back in.”

All the audience members were eager to see who had won just as much as us, so the entire crowd sat down quickly and was quiet when Alex came on stage with a mic in his hand and an envelope in his hand.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to thank you all for coming out here and supporting our talented young ladies as they fought through this battle. Today, it comes to an end. In this envelope, I had the names of the runner up as well as the winner. Those two will win spots to sing in the annual concert that we have here, and will be a great experience. Here is the moment of truth.”

I could hear my heart pounding in my chest and the blood rushing though my veins it was so quiet. No one spoke, or moved, and I don’t think anyone was even breathing. I know I wasn’t.

“The runner up is Envy Moore, and our winner this evening is Tamara Schlosser!”

Cheers and applause rang throughout the room as the names were announced. My smile dimmed slightly when I heard that I hadn’t won, but it grew ten times bigger when Tamara grabbed my hands and started jumping around with me, screaming about how she had won.

Alex came over to us and placed the metal over her neck so she could rest it on her chest. She beamed, gave me a hug and left to go find her mother. I heard my name being screamed out, making me turn to see all my friends standing there trying to get my attention.

I jumped off the stage and ran towards them all. I saw Frankie there with his arms open, and I knew what he wanted me to do, but I wasn’t so sure about it. But I had just gotten runner up, so I was allowed to be stupid for a second.

I jumped into his arms, expecting him to catch me, although he did not. We both fell to the floor in a laughing tangle of bodies and I couldn’t stop laughing. Frank’s musical laugh joined mine.

When we had finally calmed down somewhat, I looked down at him. My hair had fallen over us, so no one could see our faces. I stared into his hazel eyes and my mind agreed with what my body wanted to do.

I kissed the boy under me. I kissed Frank Iero, my best friend, the boy I had had a crush on almost since the moment I moved to New Jersey, and the boy who I was in love with.