Let My Heart Rest In Pieces

Let My Heart Rest In Pieces 069

But I Wasn't

I ran a hand through my brown locks, looking at myself in the mirror that took up half the wall in my bathroom. I stared at my appearance, and it looked nothing different than what it usually had. My skin was still a pale tone, smooth without much imperfection, brown hair that fluttered into my face and blended like camouflage with my eyes. I was just the same old Envy Moore.

But I wasn't, not right now anyway. I had been slowly tearing myself apart from the inside because of the incident that happened in Frankie's house. I had scolded and punished myself for being so damn stupid, and I had cried out of sadness and frustration at it all. It didn't help that a couple days before hand, I had learned that the night had been hazy for everyone, and that Frank didn't remember a thing after our games.

It seemed too perfect. The beautiful thing that we had shared with one another during that party, drunk or not, had been forgotten by him. There was no guilt for him, because he didn't remember. He could go on with his merry life with his cute girlfriend because he didn't know what had happened.

"Envy, I think I love you."

But he had also forgotten what he had said to me that night. And that made me wonder if it had really come from his heart or not. They say you tell your deepest secrets when you were drunk. But you also lied and said things you didn't mean. It was hard to understand what you did when you were intoxicated.

There wasn't time to think about this, however. It was the first day back to school after our break, and I had to prepare myself to be the normal Envy that everyone was expecting. No one would know what was wrong with me, no one but my small best friend. She always knew everything. I think she would have suspected even if I hadn't told her.

Not taking a second glance at my reflection, I left the bathroom and my room, grabbing my bag on the way, before running down the stairs. Dad was asleep, starting his day off by being well rested, so I didn't say goodbye to anyone on my way out the door.

Unfortunately, even though it was a couple days into January, it was still freezing and made me think it was December. I don't know why, but I thought that if we just started a new year, then it would be just the slightest bit warmer. However, I was completely wrong and was still marching through some snow on my way.

I was expecting someone to come up to me, Bert, Mikey, or Frank heaven forbid, but no one ever did. There were times when this happened, but it was strange and weird for it to occur. Most the time, I was quite lonely if that happened. Right now, I was a little thankful. Seeing anyone right now, especially the boy who should not be mentioned, was not on the list of things I wanted to be doing right now. Honestly, I didn't really want to see anyone, or go to school, but I had to keep that mask. I couldn't just run away from this, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Look who finally decided to show up," Quinn announced one I walked up to everyone, who hadn't been able to see me walk in. I gave him a smile and waved at everyone else.

"Sorry, I did not want to get up this morning," I told them all truthfully.

"I know, no one ever really wants to come back to school after break."

"Is it summer yet?" Dan groaned, not liking being reminded of where he was at this moment.

"But hey, at least some of us will be graduating soon," Taylor purred, baiting the few Juniors that were among us at the moment.

"That's not fair, at all," Frankie mumbled, with Bert nodding along in agreement.

"We're sick and tired of school, we don't really care about your feelings anymore," Mikey teased. I let a little smile grace my lips that was real. Who said I was in need of using a mask to hide my feelings? These guys could make me forget by just by being themselves.

~~~~~~

"Is this, like, a punishment or something?" I questioned Mr. Smith as I stood in front of him, glaring at him while his blue eyes looked nothing but neutral.

"I would be lying if I said it wasn't at least a little bit of a punishment. I told you that you and Tamara would need your songs soon, and you only picked two of the three that you want to sing. We can't go and schedule the performance until we have the parts for everything. You know we still have to give the musicians the music so they know what they're doing."

I rolled my eyes at his dramatics at this, but knew that he was telling the truth in what he was saying. "I understand that I'm holding up the process, but I know the whole concert isn't just waiting for me and my whims."

"Yes, we're not just holding up for you; the band is looking for a couple more songs to perform, but being late doesn't really strike favors with the men and woman who own this place," he admitted, running his fingers through his black hair.

I gave him a sympathetic smile and nodded my head. "Alright, I understand what's going on. I'll try and pick a song as quickly and as soon as I can."

"You have until the end of the week," Mr. Smith corrected, narrowing his eyes at me, "if you don't pick something of your own by then, I'll just make you open the concert with the national anthem."

I scrunched my nose up at that thought and was prompted to do my searching quicker. Sure, it was our nation's song, but it wasn't something that was fun to sing.

"Yes sir," I mumbled, giving him no goodbye as I rushed out of his room, where he had had me practicing the two songs that I had picked during lunch. Twenty minutes of fun time with friends wasted because the man was a drama queen and was ticked off.

The table that I sat at lunch wasn't too far away, so I made it there in a minute or so, though I wished it would have taken longer when I saw who was there. Tamara and Frank all snuggled close together, laughing along with everyone else. She had been sitting at our table as long as the two had been dating, I really should have been over it by now, but this time what I felt wasn't jealousy, it was guilt. Guilt of what I had done with her boyfriend while she was passed out and he was beyond drunk.

I couldn't just stand here looking like an idiot though, so I took a deep breath and moved forward. They all laughed as a group again right before I sat down at my spot next to Tay.

"What are we all laughing about?"

"We're remembering, or trying to remember, all of the things that happened at the party. God, we got so drunk," Jepha sighed wistfully.

"Like how much of a bad ass Frank's girlfriend is. Damn girl, aren't you supposed to be the innocent one among us?" Bert asked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Tamara blushed, adding to what the boy had just said.

"I act like it, but I'm really not.

"And her boyfriend, man can he hold his alcohol. I could have sworn that he was going to go at any second."

Frank laughed his musical laugh and gave a smile. "Truthfully, I think I did. I was still somehow just doing what I usually would. My body knows me well enough to function without my brain."

I giggled along with anyone else, even though I found nothing funny with what he had just said. It might have been, if I hadn't been doing him while he wasn't even functioning. I glanced over at Roxy, the only other person that knew, and she gave me a sympathetic look.

The bell signaling the next class rang, making all of us get up from our spots. I followed suit and was going to head off when I heard something behind me. I don't really know what it was, but I turned around and felt my heart squeeze inside my chest when I saw Frankie give Tamara a loving kiss goodbye. She parted from him with a happy smile and skipped off like the chipper girl she was.

Frank turned to me then, and looked directly into my eyes. Something passed through his hazel orbs, what emotion I wasn’t sure, but it was so strong that it made me look away and hurry off to my next class thinking of a song to sing that described how I felt at that moment.