Let My Heart Rest In Pieces

Let My Heart Rest In Pieces 070

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In the next two weeks, a lot of things started to pile up in my life, but it was mostly school that took up all of my time and patience.

It seemed that the teacher decided that the Seniors, who were already extremely lazy as it was, needed work piled up on them so they would focus on school instead of telling stories about what they had done over Winter break. It wasn't working on most of them, because the only thing on their mind was freedom from this prison, but I was the exception, and actually spent most of my time doing homework.

My English class was the one with the most work by far, mostly because our big exams were coming up on us fast. We would spend the entire class period working our asses off because the scores for last year had been very low. She was making sure that we were going to pass, even if it killed us. Sometimes I thought it might.

The new Physics teacher was not popular with any of the students he had in his classes. Even though he had gone through the training and tests to make sure that he was qualified to actually teach us and become our teacher, he wasn't good at being our teacher. He usually needed our help to do the simplest things, and when he figured out that he wasn't doing much for us, he pretty much told us to teach ourselves the things we needed to know. There was a test every Friday, so we all studied as hard as we could so we could pass the class.

Economics wasn't all that hard, it hadn't really ever been difficult. Mr. Singer was slack with most of his classes, but the thing that changed was that we had more exams, something we never usually had. Thankfully, they were standardly easy as long as you read everything and practiced it.

A lot of time during Chorus, Mr. Smith would give the class sheet music, usually something modern so they didn't struggle, then take Tamara and I to the back so we could hum our tunes while he critiqued us. He didn't want us to sing in front of one another so that when we saw each other during the show, it would still be a surprise.

I really had to thank God that I had my Free Block, because that was where I would spend most of my time studying for tests, and when that was done, a good chunk of my homework. The only thing I didn't like about it was that it sometimes gave me too much time to think. Mostly about things that I really didn't want to dwell on. I just wanted to keep busy until everything returned to normal.

When that was, I wasn't exactly sure. During three out of five lunches I wasn't at the table with all of my friends. I had yet to pick my last song, and Mr. Smith decided that my punishment was to practice the songs that I did have until they were perfect. But there was no such thing as perfect to him, so I was just there as a cruel punishment.

In Piano class, we had started to learn harder and harder things on the piano, and most of us took turns playing our pieces. The teacher would come around and help us when it was needed, but mostly left us alone.

Volleyball was the only time I actually had time to spend with my friends. Unfortunately, sometimes I would miss out on the inside jokes that they would share at lunch, so I was left confused by what they would say. I didn't want to admit it, but I was feeling really lonely. I felt like I was just a stranger in a group of best buds, like this was what everyone had been like before I had ever met them.

As if that crazy school day wasn't enough to pile on one day, most of the time after that there was work I had at Unlimited Sound. That's where I had most of my fun, however. I usually came to work as much as I went to school, and although it kept me busy, it was also entertaining because I was with people that I liked, working at a job that I enjoyed doing on a regular basis. I got closer to everyone that worked there, especially Scott, who was thinking of starting up his own band, and Ray, who was one of my now best friends.

But when I got home after all of that, that's when everything collapsed on top of me. Most of my energy had been expended by that time of the day, but there were still many things left to do.

I really didn't want my father to know what was going on with me, so I pretended to be the girl that I usually was, as sad as that is to admit. When we would finally part, I would head off to my own room to finish what homework I had left from that day, and that could take a good hour or so.

Sleeping after those busy times was the hardest thing I'd have to do each night. You would think I'd be asleep in seconds because I was so exhausted, but it was like my mind had to keep busy even though my body knew that it had had enough. So I would think as I laid in bed. I would think about my life at the moment, sometimes I would even think about my future.

On good days, I'd get those few hours of sleep with a smile on my face. Other nights, however, left me emotionless, or sometimes with tears falling down my cheeks before I slept. Those days were just as plentiful as the good days, unfortunately. I just wanted to know when things would go back to being normal.

~~~~~~

"Envy."

"What the author was trying to convey with the simile was that the character-"

"Envy!"

Hearing my name more forcefully this time by Jeremy, I looked into his mix-matched eyes with an awaiting glance. "Yes Jeremy?"

"You're, like, zoning out over there. You haven't answered any of the questions that I've been asking."

I looked at the English packet in front of the boy and noticed that he was still on the first page while I was on the third.

I gave him a sheepish smile while running a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just used to working alone, I just don't listen to the things going on around me."

"Well, thank God the house isn't on fire."

I gave Jeremy a distracted smile and played with the pen in my hand.

"Hey, is there something wrong? I've noticed that you've been kind of different lately, but you've been so busy that I haven't had the chance to ask what was up."

"Nothing's wrong, I've just been swamped, in my own head and all," I lied, crossing my legs on my bed to get in a more comfortable position, all the while hoping that my face looked convincing.

Jeremy pushed his packet away and moved closer to me. He took his hands and wrapped them around mine and was looking straight into my eyes.

"I may not be the smartest person in the world, Envy, but you're my best friend and I know when you're upset or when something's wrong. You don't have to tell me, because I would never force you to do something that you would never do, but I just want you to know that I am always here for you, because that's what friends are for."

At first, I wasn't exactly sure what to say to him. Would it be crazy to just break down because I had closed myself off? When Jeremy squeezed my hands, however, I came undone. Small tears sprang to my eyes, nothing too dramatic, but they were there, and it ashamed me to admit that I was this upset.

"It's like the wall inside my mind is breaking, crumbling right in front of my eyes, and the thing that it's holding back is craziness and insanity that life brings. I don't want it to break, but with everything that's going on it's just helping it come down."

Jeremy pulled me towards him and easily situated me in his lap. His arms wrapped themselves around me, and right then, it was comforting to know that someone cared. I thought that I would have started bawling even more, another stupid girly move, but I didn't. Knowing that Jeremy was there was more help than anything in the world at that moment.

"I understand the pressure Envy; a lot of us are feeling it. You've got a lot more going on than most, though. You have school work, practice for that show, and work all wrapped in one day. How it is affecting you is normal, but you'll feel better as long as you have someone to talk to. Why is it stressing you now, Envy? You took stress a lot better than this before."

I looked at Jeremy's eyes, one chocolate brown that matched mine while his other was an ice blue. They both held the same emotion, questioning and confusion all rolled up into one. He wanted to know what was plaguing me, wanted to know so he could help fix it. I wanted to smile at that kindness that Jeremy held, but the event that had risen my stress meter was not worth a smile.

He wanted to know, wanted to help me, so I told him what happened that night. What the drunkenness had caused Frankie and I to do, and how I seemed to be the only one to remember. I told him how full of guilt I was, because he wasn't mine—no matter how much I wanted him to be—and that I was betraying a friend by not telling her. I told Jeremy everything that I was feeling, and he took it silently. When it was hard for me to go on, he would hug me tighter, or stroke my hair and help me go on.

"And he doesn't remember a thing?"

I shook my head softly, still keeping my eye contact with him during it. His eyes suddenly held anger in them, and I could feel his body tense up at what I had just revealed.

"What an absolute bastard. I know what you're going to say Envy, that it was the alcohol's fault, but damn it, if he can successfully bring you into the bed, how could he not remember it? Why haven't you brought it up to him?"

"Why, so we can be both be in pain and make it awkward?" I said, "and I don't want to hurt Tamara. She's so happy with him Jeremy, and this might break her heart. I can't do that."

Jeremy's hand cupped my face while his thumb stroked my cheek. I cuddled into that touch and felt even better that he was here.

"I know you're not a saint, because I've seen the things that we all do together, but I wish that you would be more selfish and think about your happiness than the well-being of others."

"I can be enough of a pain in the ass as it is," I teased. Jeremy laughed and nodded his head, kissing my forehead before giving me an evil look.

"That is so true."