Let My Heart Rest In Pieces

Let My Heart Rest In Pieces 072

I Know

It was Monday, February 14th, 2000 and I was standing behind the front desk at Unlimited Sound, watching my fellow coworkers interact with the customers. Seeing as I was usually the one that was ringing up their purchases, I knew the majority of what everyone was buying. Romantic CDs, ones filled with love songs, slow moving melodies that would get anyone's cheeks wet from tears. Most of the covers were pink or red with some sort of heart on them. Though I kept a smile on my face in front of the buyer, I was appalled by the overused and cliché tradition of romantic music and more than likely a trail of rose petals scattered around a home. Mostly, I found it just a waste of money and beautiful flowers.

Honestly, why was the picture of romance always the same every year? Why was it a candle lit dinner with a loving gaze across the table? I just really wanted to know who had put that standard on this "holiday". Not that it really mattered to me, since I didn't celebrate it. Let the other people fall for the same tricks and nothing at all original.

"Hey Envy!" I heard Scott call from the back, making turn to catch his eyes. The first thing I noticed was his hair, which I thought I would have been over by now because I had seen it when I had come in here this morning.

As a tribute to today, he had said goodbye to his fake red locks and dyed them a very bright and vibrant pink, which made it hard to ignore, and I think that was the point. It wasn't that far off from the red he usually sported, but it was still so eye catching that I had to glance at it for at least a second before I looked at what the man had wanted to show me.

In his hands was a very nice looking guitar—don't ask me what type, because even though I had been working here for months, I had no clue—that had been shipped out to have a special paint job on it, and I approved at the sight before me.

It was pink; almost the same color as Scott's hair, but not as bright and eye catching, and had little red hearts floating all around its body. On the neck of the instrument, the name Kelley was spelled out in elegant gold lettering, another thing that stood out.

"Wow, now this is what I call a real Valentine's Day gift," I mumbled, watching the way the man's fingers carefully held the thing. Oh, I would be too. I'm pretty sure that thing cost a small fortune.

"Isn't it? A lot better than the other losers coming in here to buy romantic CDs," Scott said, keeping his voice low because some of those "losers" were still here. I laughed and nodded my head; it was nice to know that someone else held the same opinion as I did.

The door opened with a little bell ring, catching our attention and bringing it to the man that had stepped through the door. Scott bumped me and gave me a little wink before walking towards him with the special guitar carefully in his hands. The unnamed man looked so happy once he saw it that he actually gave Scott a "man hug" before leaving the shop. I couldn't help but laugh.

While the man left, Jeremy squeezed through the door before it closed, straightening his clothes before walking farther in. When he spotted me, he casually made his way over and laid a kiss on my cheek before jumping onto the counter.

"How's the working life?" he asked me, looking around at all of our friends that were either working or lollygagging. It was mostly lollygagging, however. When Lisa was finished with her customer she skipped over to us and pushed Jeremy off of the counter.

"Adam and Scott want to talk to you, get your butt off the counter."

"It's good!" I replied to him as he walked away, flicking Lisa off while she giggled.

"So, what's going on with you and Jer?" she questioned, using the nickname that I refused to, "I've seen how romantic it's gotten. Has Valentine's Day sprouted some love between you two?"

I gave her a look and she put her hands up as if to say "I didn't mean anything by it". She hadn't, I know, because she was just naturally so damn curious, but I wish she wouldn't have asked. Because, honestly, I was still confused as to what was going on.

"It hasn't 'sprouted' anything between us Lisa, it's just… It's complicated, okay? We're, what do you call it? I can't really think of anything."

"I think the words you're looking for are friends with benefits," she finished, looking a little smug. I glared at her again but this time she wasn't backing down.

"What? You couldn't come up with a name for it, so I gave it one. Can you really think of anything else is could possibly be?"

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, looking away from her and to the boy that we were talking about. Him and Scott seemed to be deep in a conversation and he was nodding his head a lot, just listening to what he had to say. It also seemed like he knew I was looking at him because he looked up for a moment and connected eyes with mine. He gave me a quick smile before paying full attention to the pink haired man.

I couldn't help but smile at him, I don't know why, but there was really something about him that made me deliriously happy most of the time.

"Look at that smile; I don't even know if we can call it friends with benefits anymore."

"I really do think that's what we are," I replied as if I hadn't heard her last comment, "except that we're best friends, which makes a stronger bond. I don't really see myself in a relationship with him. I've only really seen us as friends, but little things like kissing and stuff? I don't really see the harm in it.

"And what about that Frankie kid, the one that you actually do like and want? What about him?"

"He's with another girl, it doesn't really matter. I need to move on anyways, right?"

"Boys like him are hard to move on from. They have a way of controlling your heart and squeezing just a little too tight."

~~~~~~

"You're…what?"

"Alright," I started again, "I guess the phrase friends with benefits makes it seem stupid, but Lisa kind of summed it up for me. We're not going to date or anything, but we're going to be physical? I don't know how to say it any other way without making a complete fool of myself!"

Roxy gave me a confused look and glanced back at the table, where our friends were continuing to gather from either the lunch room or their previous classes. The only three at the table were Taylor, Quinn, and Jeremy. I knew exactly which of the three Roxy was staring at.

"I don't know about this Envy."

"Weren't you begging me to go and meet some guy that you and Tay found the other day? Why are you being picky about it now?"

"But the guys weren't Jeremy," she whispered, biting her lip.

"What exactly is so wrong with Jeremy?" I asked, hands on my hips with my eyebrows furrowed.

"There's nothing wrong with him," she sighed, "it's just that the plan wasn't for you to end up with one of our friends. It was supposed to be a complete stranger! I love Jeremy, we all do because he's a good guy, but he wasn't the guy that I would have put you up with. I don't know if he's the greatest for being friends with benefits."

I opened my mouth to defend myself, as well as Jeremy; about to reassure her that everything would be just fine, when an arm slipped over my shoulder. I looked an inch away to see Frankie staring at Roxy.

"Why are you two talking about FWBs?" he questioned, one eyebrow cocked.

"Just talking about a friend who is in that situation," the smaller girl covered smoothly, giving the boy a look, "can we can continue our conversation in private?"

He shrugged and gave me a quick hug and a smile before walking away, backwards mind you.

"All I know is that FWBs are pretty pathetic. They can't make up their mind about if they want to be together, so they make up an excuse. That or they just want uncomplicated sex. Tell your friend the nicer version of that though!"

His steps faded away, but his voice didn't. He greeted our friends with his usual loud banter and laughed with them, joking around like he usually did. As soon as he was out of hearing range, Roxy took a step towards me with a sympathetic look but I backed up.

"I'm fine," was all I mumbled before I walked away. I went up to the table and grabbed my stuff, which was placed next to Jeremy. I didn't stop to tell him what was wrong, just walked away looking at the ground. I sniffled and wiped my nose with my sleeve, really hoping that I wasn't going to cry too hard.

I looked down when I saw a flash of color and saw Frank's lips on my skin, his initials mocking me as I looked down at them. Sometimes I just wanted to take steel wool and rub the tattoo off of my skin; times like these.

"Damn it Envy, I said stop!"

Two large hands turned me around and I looked up with my blurry vision to see Jeremy standing there, his face blank. He knew that I didn't want to see concern or sympathy on his face. He was my best friend in every way, shape, and form.

"He said people that are friends like us but are still together in a way are pathetic, that it's just an excuse to be indecisive or a slut. He said that to me, not knowing it was me. Does that make it any better?"

Jeremy pulled me into his arms and gave me a hard hug, letting me pull him as close to me as he could get. I buried my face into his neck but didn't cry. I only felt sorry for myself; sorry that Frank could make me feel like this, but also make me feel like I was one of the best things in the world.

"No, it doesn't make it any better. You're not either of those things Envy, neither of us are. There is nothing wrong with what we have. I've never been so close to anyone else in my life, and he probably hasn't either. He doesn't know how we are together."

As I stood there in Jeremy's arms, something hit my mind like a freight train. It flowed through me and it was such a moving and truthful feeling that I couldn't just ignore it. I pulled out of the hug and took the blonde's hand in my own.

"Come with me," I demanded, dragging him off before he had a chance to say anything. He ended up staying quiet and just followed me for the trek, and let me lead him through the door I wanted when we came to it.

Mr. Smith was sitting in his office, doing paper work, when I came in . He looked up to see me and gave me a curious look, taking his glasses off to look at me better.

"What can I do for you today Envy?"

"I know the last song that I'm going to perform for the concert."