Let My Heart Rest In Pieces

Let My Heart Rest In Pieces 079

If He Was Smart; If He Cared

I was truly amazed at my acting ability as I continued the rest of the day in my classes. I was able to keep my emotions under control and pay attention in the other two classes I had before lunch—well, my free block didn’t really count. I wasn’t the perfect actress, however, because Taylor knew that something was wrong with me; she badgered me through the whole class, but after a while, she just figured that it wasn’t anything bad. I was then allowed to panic during my free block, trying to remain as calm as possible. Maybe he would forget, and I tried to convince myself that he had.

However, when the bell ran to let us out to lunch, I couldn’t believe that anymore. He was going to freak out, and I didn’t know if I could take this conversation. When I looked down, I could see my hands shaking as I walked. Why was I do damn scared of this?

“Envy, what’s wrong?”

Roxy’s familiar, but sudden, voice caused me to jump out of my skin and whip my head around to look at her. Her eyes looked very concerned, and I wasn’t to blab to her about everything. I looked around to see if Frankie was anywhere in sight and then felt my eyes watering up when I looked back to my small friend.

“He knows,” I whispered to her, hoping that I was loud enough so I wouldn’t have to repeat it, “about me and Jeremy. He saw us kissing in the hallway, and he wants answers.”

Rox opened her mouth, a motion that made it look like she was going to talk, but her mouth closed while her eyes looked shocked. She opened her mouth again, and this time, words passed her lips.

“Are you kidding me?! I thought you guys were careful when it came to your public affection?”

“We have been, around our group of friends anyway. I could deal with someone else finding out; Quinn, Taylor, Mikey, anyone. Anyone but him Roxy. I don’t know what to do.”

Roxy looked just as lost as I did for a moment and I could almost see the wheels in her brain turning as she looked for the right answer to give to me.

“You’re not at fault for anything Envy. He has his own girlfriend, so he shouldn’t be mad at you for being in your own kind of relationship. You are not wrong in any way, so don’t let him make you think that.”

“We just became best friends again. I missed him and I don’t want to lose him again.”

“He won’t leave Envy, you mean too much to him to lose. Sure, he’ll be made about you not telling him, but he won’t abandon you. I still believe to this day that he has some romantic feelings for you, and if not, you’re still his best friend. Who gets a marching tattoo with someone that isn’t going to stay in their life?”

I nodded, finding knowledge in what she said and we walked to the table together. It was pretty early in the start of lunch, so we watched as everyone started to come to us, and my heart pounded in my chest every time it wasn’t Frankie. When Jeremy sat down next to me, he could feel my anxiousness. He put his hand on my thigh and rubbed it soothingly.

“What’s wrong V?”

“Nothing, I just have to talk to Frankie and he is making me wait.”

He fell for my lie and laughed, giving my thigh a firm squeeze. “And no one should make you wait. I think I see him over there, though. He looks like he’s waiting for you.”

Snapping my head to the direction that Jeremy was looking at and indeed saw the small boy standing there, his hands in his pockets, foot tapping. I felt slightly at ease now that the moment had come, so I no longer had to worry about this anymore.

“I’ll be back,” I said to Jeremy. Everyone else was coming now, and as I watched them I thought fuck it, they’ll all know soon anyway. Without a care in the world, knowing that people were watching, I leaned back down and kissed Jeremy like it was the last one we were going to share.

Jeremy’s expression was shocked; that I knew without opening my eyes. He kissed back for the time that he could until I pulled away. I smiled at him and ran my hair through his hair once.

“Don’t miss me too much,” I said, not giving him a chance to say anything before I walked away. As I did, I heard all the boys shouting and asking questions. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that; it’s like I had thrown him to the wolves.

I didn’t have time to laugh over the situation, because when I looked up, Frankie was staring at me. Surprisingly, he looked kind of angry.

“Did you do that for my benefit?” he asked once I had made it over to him, grinding his teeth together. I let a breath out and calmed myself.

“No, now that you know, everyone might as well know.”

“Why were you even keeping it a secret V? We’re best friends Envy, you should have told me at least.”

I crossed my arms over my chest when I heard his voice raise. I really wasn’t looking to fight with him, but he seemed to want the exact opposite from that.

“I wasn’t ready to get into a relationship when he told me he liked me. So we did what we could at the time. Since I didn’t know what we were, we kept it a secret.”

“Didn’t know what you were? Obviously you two are—“he stopped himself mid-sentence, and I wondered what he was thinking about. He told me right after.

“You two were the ones you were talking about when you mentioned friends with benefits, weren’t you?”

My eyes widened in surprise at his statement, then turned into a glare once I remembered. Remembered the unkind words he had said about two people in that situation. No, I really didn’t want to fight with my friend, but it seemed like it was steadily heading that way. If he started one, I would follow suit.

“Yeah, we were. You already told me your opinion on that subject.”

Frank looked ashamed when he thought back to that talk not so long ago. I thought he was going to apologize when he started to talk, but it was nothing that I expected.

“I think to some extent it’s still true.”

Hearing that come out of my best friend was like a physical blow, something so strong that I actually stepped back away from him. There was a heavy weight on my chest as I stared at Frank and I saw his eyes widen.

“No, Envy, I didn’t mean it like that—“

“How the hell could it possibly have been taken then?! I come here to resolve things and you insult me? I let it slide last time because you didn’t know you were talking about me, but now you know and you still say that shit!”

His hands were at his sides, both balled into fists as he looked at me. He was going through too many emotions for me to detect how he was going to react next, and I didn’t know how much more of this I could take.

“Relationships aren’t supposed to be like that, is all I am trying to say V. You don’t hide and not tell the people closest to you, it makes everything you do together less meaningful and—“

“You actually expect me to take relationship advice from you?” I said with a harsh laugh, “Frank, you’re the one who is sabotaging your own thing with Tamara, and you want to scold me about what I have?”

He looked down, ashamed about what I said, and knowing it was true.

“Jeremy and I work Frankie, we do. He’s been there for me through everything, and he’s willing to be like this with me because I don’t want to be committed to anyone yet. And here you are, your ass on a high pedestal, talking down on us like we’re horrible people. Why don’t you fix your own damn relationship before talking to me about mine. Hell, fix your life before you even bother talking to me.”

“Envy,” Frankie whispered, snapping his head up and taking a step towards me with his hand reaching for me. I stepped back again and just shook my head.

“Don’t touch me Frank. I thought everything was resolved between us, but apparently not. When you start acting like the boy I fell in—.” Catching myself, I started over again.

“When you start acting like the Frankie I know, you can talk to me again. When this,” I announced, pointing at the tattoo on my wrist, “means more than anything to you like it does to me, then you can talk to me.”

I walked away from him then, letting him stand there with his sad eyes without another word as I walked to the lunch table. If he was smart, he would look for Tamara and try to fix things. If he was smart, he would know not to follow me.

If he cared, he would have turned me around and told me that I meant something to him.

I sat down in my spot next to Jeremy, who was still being hounded by our friends, and watched him walk far away from us. I felt my shoulders slump, but answered the questions the boys had been yelling. Frankie had picked his choice.