Let My Heart Rest In Pieces

Let My Heart Rest In Pieces 088

Flawz

Tamara, as usual, had been absolutely fantastic when doing her song to open the whole concert up. She had looked even more gorgeous than she usually was and the crowd had loved her whole show. She had come running off the stage with the biggest grin on her face. The only thing I could do was smile back at her.

After her, there were three other acts before I was supposed to come on. One of them was a heart wrenching opera song performed by an older man, the next had been a three manned classical band, and the one before me was a couple performing a duet.

All their acts had given me plenty of time to freak the fuck out. I had time to think about how all the other small concerts I had been in were nothing compared to this. And I had more than enough time to think of all the ways I was going to fall on either my face or ass during my performance. I was thinking of absolutely everything that could go wrong. The idea of Godzilla ripping up the roof and stealing me away had even popped up. What was wrong with me?

I was a complete train wreck whenever one of the stage hands pushed me forward and telling me silently that it was my turn. I dramatically gulped and timidly walked out to the middle of the stage with a forced smile on my face and a wave. I heard a few whistles of encouragement before I reached the microphone.

I took the mic from the stand and gave the band a look, which was the signal to start playing the music. The women that I had as back-up singers also started as well. I turned back to face the audience and saw my friends and dad sitting near the front. I got a huge group wave from them and almost laughed out loud. It helped me calm down enough to start singing.

“Here I am, here I stand, I took a picture of my hand
Bet you can tell it’s not manicured
Here I am, half a man, I'm not a doctor, I'm not tan
And I never helped the score
I drive too fast
The team picked me last
I break the rules and like it
My body curves
I forget the words
I missed the serve and lost it.”

With just the couple of words, I felt my body relaxing into the music. I could feel my body going along to the soothing beat of the live music behind me and I knew that a gentle smile was on my face. More than once my eyes would flutter close.

“All my flawz to see.
But you still love,
Love me.”

I put the mic back on the stand because holding it all by itself seemed wrong. I held the whole thing close to me, even tipping it on the edge so it could fall, but it felt more intimate this way, like I was singing to one person rather than the whole audience.

“Here I am face down, sometimes I smile or frown
But it depends on the time of the day
Here I go off the road, I spend cash on my clothes
When I still have bills to pay
My skin isn't clear
Haven't spoke in a year
Cuz I still have fear I'm tryin' to overcome
My truths aren't right
My jeans are too tight
When I pick a fight I turn to run

All my flawz to see.
But you still love,
Love me.
You still love me.”

I let my heart and soul pour into the next and most intense verse of the song, closing my eyes tight as I imagined a scene to go along with the lyrics. I could feel the music around me rather than hear it, and losing my eye sight gave it an even deeper meaning.

“Even when I sin
I don't fit in
Cuz I've been burned
When I waited my turn
Don't act my age
I don't want to
Call it a phase,
Call me taboo
Won't do as I'm told to believe
I wear my heart on my sleeve

All my flawz to see.
But you still love,
Love me.
You still love me

You still love me.”

The last line of the song brought it back to that easy going tone as it slowly faded away, giving me the time to open my eyes to look back at the audience. When the last note died, there was hollering, whistling, and plenty of clapping. My grin was bigger than Tamara’s had been as I trotted off stage.

Speaking of the red headed girl, she was on the side of the stage again now in her other outfit. She gave me a hug as I passed her and told me how beautiful I looked and had sounded. I said the same thing to her, but was forced to run back stage to get on my next dress and meet with my stupid hair stylist.

However, after performing the first song, I wasn’t as scared anymore. Well, there was always the worry of Godzilla ripping off the roof. That was highly improbable, though.

After having my hair once again pulled at and toyed with, I was left to get into my dress. I had been threatened to keep my hair intact or face the man’s evil wrath of hair products, so putting on the slim dress was a little harder than it had been the first time. I managed it, however, and went over to the mirror in the dressing room to put on the finishing touches.

I had to admit that I looked elegant enough to go to Prom again. Hell, I looked nice enough to come here for something way more formal than this concert. The gown was flattering with the way it clung to me, and the black sequins were probably my favorite part. With the way the jewelry glowed and how my hair flowed, it was a nice tribute to the song I was doing.

Once I was done inflating my ego, I headed out the door and hurried back over to the wings of the stage, managing to only catch the end of Tamara’s second song. Mr. Smith, who demanded that we both be here to watch each other sing, gave me a glare with his beautiful blue eyes.

“I’m sorry! That hair dresser is a bitch.”

“At least he’s cute.”

“Ew, Mr. Smith!”