Let My Heart Rest In Pieces

Let My Heart Rest In Pieces 089

This Is For You

Okay, singing in front of lots of people had never been a problem for me. Well, it was the beginning of every concert, but that was just the nerves talking, so it didn’t count. Singing was easy, and since I was good at it, there really wasn’t a reason to be nervous about it. But there was another thing I was about to do on stage, something I wasn’t at all confident in.

And that was talking to hundreds of people on a stage.

Right now, one of my friends would be making a joke about how that couldn’t possibly be true, because I would have talked their ear off by now, but screw them. When you had to talk to strangers it was a little bit different. And these were judging strangers, damn it. It was different.

However, I couldn’t back out of this. Partly because of my pride not allowing me to just run off the stage at the face of something that made me nervous, but mostly because of the murderous glances Mr. Smith was sending my way. He could feel me jittering, and if I bolted like a doe, he would come at me like a hungry mountain lion.

All in all, it was probably in my best interest to just fight down the nerves and just talk. I was talking about myself, how hard could it be?

Then, why was I having such a hard time putting that first foot forward to enter the stage?

I was given a push by my teacher, making me stumble, but was able to catch myself before any of the audience saw me. As I walked out, microphone in hand, I waved out to the crowd that I could barely see over the lights and smiled when they applauded like man men.

“Hi everyone,” I said kind of shyly, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear after taking my stop in the middle of the stage, “I want to thank you all for coming out here tonight and supporting this lovely art center. Tamara, our talented little red head in the back, and I have been blessed by getting a chance to sing up here for you all. I think we would both personally like to thank the judges from the contest we won for pushing us through. Without you, this wouldn’t have been possible.”

The three judges, who I hadn’t personally seen in a long time, stood up to the audience’s applause, all looking gorgeous and professional. My eyes locked with Alex and he gave me an encouraging smile. I gave a grin back and continued on.

“All those months ago, I had to make a choice as to what songs I was going to perform for my audience, which was really hard because there were so many that spoke to my heart. After much prompting from my singing coach, and I mean a lot of prompting, I was finally able to come up with three.”

That got a laugh from my crowd and allowed me to loosen up a little bit, letting my stiff shoulders relax. This wasn’t so hard.

“While all the songs mean a lot to me, the one I’m about to perform has the most meaning behind it, and I’d like to dedicate it to two people. When I was a young child, my mom died in a car accident, leaving me with only my wonderful father. Before she passed, though, she always supported me and the musical things I was into. Even though she can’t be here today to hear me, I know she’s watching me from above, and I want this song to be for her.”

I could feel my eyes welling up with tears, but I was strong enough not to let them fall, at least not yet. I had another person to talk about, and damn it, I had a song to sing. You know how hard it is to sing after you cry? Almost impossible. I pushed forward to continue.

“The second is a teacher I lost this year to cancer. In the beginning of the year, we always butted heads and I was sure she hated me. After running into each other outside of school, I found that she was a better person than I gave her credit for. She was a beautiful woman, and I would have been proud to call her surrogate mother. Her and my mother are both looking down on me, listening to me sing a song from them, and I couldn’t be more proud to be a singer. I hope you enjoy it.”

As I passed the hand mic over to one of the stage hands that ran on, the crowd clapped wildly while I laughed and brushed the moisture from my eye. I could still do this, and I was going to.

This was for the amazing women I had had in my life.

“I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road
And it’s not like her to drive that slow,
Nothing's on the radio
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell
She usually comes right in, now I can tell

Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain,
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
That she was right here in my arms tonight,
But here comes goodbye.”

I belted the chorus like I’ve never belted anything before. I was putting so much energy into what I was doing, I was bending at the waist trying to get all the words out with the breath I had left in my lungs. Periodically, my eyes would close when a difficult or touching note came, but my brown eyes were open to look at the crowd. Everyone was looking at me, excitement on their faces, and I saw that some people were even crying. My story had reached them, and the lyrics were giving the story closure. I smiled and moved on.

“I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought I'd see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play here comes the bride

But here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
That she was right here in my arms tonight,
But here comes goodbye.”

Okay, so I lied about the crying part. It was impossible not to tear up a little bit, and while I sang, I felt a tear or two slip from my eyes, though they didn’t have much time to stain my cheeks with all the moving I was doing before they fell to the floor. I pushed on, singing over the few tears I had, and was thankful my voice wasn’t clogging up.

“Why does it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone
Oh, all alone,
But here comes goodbye!”

My fist closed tightly around the mic and its stand, giving me the feeling of being strong, and I pushed the lyrics out of my body. I could feel the goose bumps taking over my arms and I hoped the feeling was mutual for the audience as I finished off the song.

“Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
That she was right here in my arms tonight,
But here comes goodbye.”

The last line came out gently compared to the other before it, and as my voice slowly dimmed down to nothing, so did the music until the whole place was quiet. There was a silence in the air for a moment, something a performer always dreams of, before the thunderous applause consumed the house.

I looked up at everyone to see most people standing up as their hands clapped together. I could hear Jeremy—that idiot—in the background yelling my name. With a laugh, I waved to thank everyone before going back stage to give the next performer their time to shine.

As I was on my way back to the dressing room, I ran into someone’s chest, close enough to make me unsteady in my heels, but the person wrapped their arms around me in a hug.

“You did beautifully Envy,” Mr. Smith said, giving me the kind voice he used before this whole thing started. With a startled smile, I hugged him back in thanks.