Pieces of Me

I fell asleep entangled in his arms as his breath warmed my neck. I hadn't felt so safe, so warm, so secure, so loved, in a long time. I had no idea what time it was, my guess was only around nine, but I was exhausted and how could I not fall asleep like that? I didn't have any nightmares that night, he showed me that they couldn't come true.

I woke up once and the lights were off. I turned around noticing that his arms weren't around me only to find that he had his back turned to me, lightly breathing, a sign that he had fallen asleep as well. I scooted over and snuggled against his back, waking him up. He rolled over and collected me back into his arms.

"Sorry," he mumbled, eyes closed.

"I always sleep on that side," he said and yawned. I smiled and closed my eyes again.

***

When I opened my eyes again it was morning and his arms weren't draped around me. I scooted over, expecting to be warmed by his own body heat. But instead that side of my bed as cold. I sat up and looked at were he had fallen asleep with me, it was made neatly. I felt dumbfounded, wondering if it was a dream. I wouldn't be surprised, no matter how dark or scary my dreams are they can be so real.

I threw back the blankets, a folded piece of paper flew onto the floor, next to George. He must have left before they came home. I leaned over the bed and grabbed the note.

"Roxy,' It began,

'Last night,' it read, followed by a bunch of erase marks. How long had it taken him to write this?

'I can't really explain it. I was drowning in so many emotions. I'm not going to lie, I'm confused. Roxy, I'm old enough to be your father! Okay, well not that old, don't you start smiling and think of a wise crack about that.' I couldn't help but to think of a joke in my head and smile a bit.

'I have to be with Laura, Roxy. You understand that don't you? Please forgive me. This is really hard.

-Gerard'

Where he had put his name were a bunch of erase marks. I could see the word 'love' badly erased, and the X's and O's had been erased. No hugs or kisses for me, they were all for Laura. I got up and ran to our little book stand and grabbed my cell phone. I dialed Frank's number as fast as my fingers would let me.

"Frank?" I asked before he could say hello.

"Oh hey, was just about to call you guys," he said happily.

"Are you guys here yet?" I asked.

"Yea actually, we just wanted to let you guys sleep a little," he said.

"Oh thanks," I said quickly and hung up with out saying bye. I would apologize later.

I ran out the door in my clothes that I had on yesterday, letter in hand. I had no makeup on and I could tell my hair was a mess. I pulled it into a messy ponytail as I went down the stairs. I needed to talk to Gerard. I just needed to see what was going through his mind, that would maybe change my own.

As I came to the doors I wondered if I should knock or just go in. But as opened the door I could see the bus's doors open and out walked him. So many emotions swept through me as he looked up at me. I couldn't cry, but I couldn't smile. I couldn't yell but I couldn't talk.

I went down the other stairs that lead to the road slowly, our eyes locked on each other. He said nothing. For a while we just stood facing each other, each of us scared to say a thing. The letter suddenly felt heavy as the wind picked up a little. The wind snatched the letter from my hand and sent it under one the bus's wheel. I gasped as it settled there, or maybe because it would break the awkward silence.

"Why?" I managed to choke out.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked.

"Please don't start this. Let's just leave with some dignity," he said. Did Laura suck out his heart after he left last night?

"I'd rather know why you're doing this than have any dignity at all," I said and took a few steps toward him. The tension was so thick I could only get so close.

"We could never work out," he only said

"You don't know that," I said defensively.

"Roxy look at us!" he snapped.

"I am," I replied quietly.

"Then you'll know why," he said and folded his arms.

"No I don't. Maybe because I'm looking deeper than you are," I said.

He sighed. "Roxy, how would it look?" he asked.

"Since when the hell do you care what anyone else cares?" I asked and took a step forward. I was doing my best not to yell, I didn't want to cause a scene.

"Is that why you're leaving? Because the rumors that would go around? Because what people would think?" I asked.

"I'm leaving because I'm going on tour," he said with a smirk and looked up.

"I mean is that why you're leaving me?" I asked and walked over to him, getting so close, but he took two steps back.

"Gerard, I don't even know you anymore," I said with all the truth that sentence had.

"You never knew me," he only replied and looked over at the bus.

"I know more than what she does. Gerard, don't pretend that you never think of me. I know you do! I know you like being with me, and you only say to yourself that I'm only your friend to convince your own self."

"We could never work out," he whispered and took a step towards me.

"Yes we can. But you won't even try," I said and jumped into his arms locking my own around him. He froze. I tried so hard to get him to love me back, I had to give all I had now, this was my last chance.

"Roxy, grow up," he said softly.

"I have! Gerard I've grown up faster than any kid should have to. You know that. After all the shit I've been through how can I not grow up?" I said.

"Then you should realize-" he began, but I cut him off.

"That you lied," I said and let go.

"Huh?" he asked.

"You lied! You said you would never let me fall, that you'd always be there to catch me," I said.

"I did say that, but I didn't lie! You'll get over me and find someone better," he said.

"I've tried that. Didn't work out to well now did it?" I asked sarcastically.

"I feel so stupid," I whispered.

"C'mon don't say that," he said and tried to put a hand on my shoulder, I pulled it away from his reach.

"No, it wasn't me, it was you. Maybe we never did have a chance," I said and looked at the ground but then looked back up into his hazel green eyes.

"You know what? Just go. And don't bother coming back," I said.

"You can't keep me away," he whispered.

"You're right I can't. But don't be surprised when you do find me. 'Cause I'll either be in the ground next to my dad or on the streets some where," I said and began to walk away.

"You don't mean that, you're stronger than that," he said.

"Everyone has a breaking point Gerard. I past mine a long time ago for you,' I chuckled. 'What a waste," I said and went back up into the building.

As I closed the clear glass doors behind me, I didn't look back. Instead I slid down onto the ground and cried my heart out. I had given all I had to him, but he didn't take me. I didn't know what to do now. He was the reason why I had done so much. He was my muse. With out him, I don't know what will happen. Will I really end up on the streets or dead like I had threatened?

I sobbed into my hands and realized that maybe my dream was going to happen. There will be his wedding, and then maybe, my funeral.