Pieces of Me

I didn't know what to say. I was no expert on love. Just look at me! Laying next to the guy I'm totally head over heels with after I just lost my virginity to him, and now he's asking me if really has to be in love with Laura. I am in no position to answer this. I remained silent.

"I mean, I've been dating her for just under two years," he said.

"But I pushed myself into this," he said.

"And I feel trapped," he said.

This isn't awkward at all. I had no idea what to say. Emotions came flooding through me. I would love to tell him to just call off the whole wedding but then I might be pushing him into something else. As much as I wanted him to leave her and be with me I couldn't force him to do anything or else I would just be another Laura.

"I don't know what I can do," was all I said.

He sighed and collected me in his arms. We fell asleep like that, entangled in each others arms.

***

When I woke up I was the only one in the bed...again. I sat up and looked around, my clothes were all laid out on the bed and I could hear the water running in the shower. I got out of bed and got dressed.

The picture of him and Laura was still face down. I really hoped Laura wouldn't find out about this. I sat on the edge of the bed and heard the shower stop and him get out. I got up to get out of them room to let him dress but he had already come out.

"Oh, sorry," I said and got up.

"Nothing, you haven't seen before," he shrugged and went over to his dresser.

"Ever think that might be a bad thing?" I asked.

"How?" he asked and pulled out his boxers.

"Gosh I don't know. Maybe the fact you slept with me while your fiance was out at a party." I said.

"You didn't exactly put up the biggest fight," he smirked.

I gave him a "How can you say that?" look.

"Well of coarse I didn't put up a fight. Don't tell me you were only using me again,"I said.

"I never used you," he said and fished out a solid black shirt.

"It feels like you are," I said.

"I would never use you," he said. and pulled out a black t-shirt.

I folded my arms and walked over to the doorway. Oh here we go again, the ever so innocent Gerard is back.

"Oh I totally forgot. You don't use me, you only come around when it's convenient for you," I said.

He remained silent. Tears threatened to come but I clutched my own arm tightly. I couldn't show my pain anymore.

"Look, I'm not begging you to be with me. All I'm saying is, I'm not going to be available when you want me to be. Kirk likes me...a lot," I said and smirked.

I could play Gerard's game. Even better maybe.

"I'm gonna go mess up the bed in the guest room so it looked like I slept there,"

I said and walked right out, leaving him on the bed while he put his socks on.

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GERARD'S P.O.V

I was expecting a fight maybe but she left just like that. What have I gotten myself into now? I'm getting married this Saturday and I just slept with Roxy. What the hell is wrong with me!?! I told myself I can't do this. I told myself it was the best for us both. I didn't know last night was going to happen! It just kind of...did.

I heard her messing up the bed. I was serious. How was it going to look if I pulled the switch on the wedding at last minute? Reporters and everyone would ask me why. What do I say?

"Oh because I fell in love with an eighteen year old named Roxy, but we've been hitting it off for about two years now!" no, I can't just got and say that.

I sighed and laid on my back. I looked over at the picture that was still facing down. I didn't pick it up. Gerard, what have you gotten yourself into?

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ROXY'S P.O.V

When I was done I headed downstairs. I didn't know what time Laura would be back or when my uncle would call and ask me to come home by cab or come pick me up. I went over to the couch and stared out the window. The lawn gleamed in the morning sun.

I heard Gerard come down the stairs but I didn't turn my head. I felt the couch shift under me as he sat on it. We were both silent for a little while.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you," he said.

I still stared out the window, wishing that I had spent the night at my uncles instead. But last night was...well far from what I imagined what would have happened.

"Thanks," Was all I said.

He put a hand on my back and I tensed up.

"Aw, Sugar," he said in an apologetic tone.

If he still chose Laura then I had to get myself to stop feeling this way for him. He needed to stop doing this.

"Gee, please," I said. His hand slowly slid off of my back.

"I won't lie," he said.

Tears again were beginning to sting my eyes and blurring my vision. I clutched the couch in a desperate attempt to stop them before they began to fall. I blinked as fast as I could.

"I still have feelings for you. I always have," he said.

Then why was he doing this? Why was he still holding onto Laura? I am not okay with him just coming back for me when ever he felt like doing so. And I'm sure Sophie and George are getting tired of helping mop up my tears.

"Then you need to make up your mind," I said.

He sighed.

"It's not that simple," he said.

"It never will be," I said and finally turned and looked at him.

I looked into his broken hazel eyes. He really was caught in the middle. He really isn't just making excuses.

"I know," he said.

"It's not to late," I replied.

He put a hand on my leg, looking down at the floor. We were silent, both of us understanding there was only a small more amount of time and then what? I know Kirk would take care of me, and would be a great guy. But I couldn't stand the thought of Gerard not being with me.

The door slowly opened and in walked a very hung over Laura. She dropped two plastic bags she was caring and practically collapsed on another chair.

"Babe," Gerard said and got up, going over to her side and helped her up.

"So what did you two do while I was gone?" she asked as she stumbled to her feet.

I opened my mouth to say something, "Oh, nothing," Gerard said and looked over at me smirking. I blushed.