Pieces of Me

Frank sighed into the phone and I tried my best not to sniffle or cry out loud.

"Just promise me you'll talk to him." he said calming down.

"I've tried." I said.

"Try again." he said.

"Alright." I said just letting him hear what he wanted to hear.

"I didn't mean to scare you." he said in an apologetic tone.

"I know." I said.

"Just be thankful Bob doesn't know." he said by adding a small chuckle. Oh there is a God after all. If Bob had found out he would be wanted for murder. I'm pretty sure Gerard and I would be dead in some dumpster somewhere.

"I guess." I said.

"Take care of yourself." he said.

"I will." I said.

"Hey Roxy," he said.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"If you ever need anyone, I'm here." he said softly. He really did feel bad for scaring me.

"Thanks." I said.

"Bye." he replied and hung up. That was scary. At the same time comforting, well towards the end of the conversation, but for the most part scary. I will never get him that mad again. I went over and sat on my bed. I didn't feel like crying. I could hear the rest of them out there laughing and joking around. I hated this love for Gerard to keep my weighed down. I felt like a prisoner.

I sighed and began to play with my hair, looking out the window. I could imagine Gerard and I holding hands and walking, and laughing, and not caring of what people say or how people look at us when we kiss like I've seen so many couples do when they pass my window.

I wanted what they had. I didn't want this feeling to also make me feel trapped. This just isn't fair. No not at all.

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TIME ELAPSE

The rest of that day was spent laughing and joking around, I was trying to drown out my thoughts. But at night they buzzed around my head like angry bees. Kirk was holding me, but I didn't mind. I needed someone to hold me. He was breathing lightly in my ear I'm glad he doesn't snore.

It was eating me up inside. All of this guilt that I've held inside for such a long time. I had to call him, or I just might explode. And let's face it, that won't be pretty.

I picked up the phone while everyone else was on the computer or watching t.v. My Uncle had some sort of meeting to go to and had to pick up Sophie's dress. Sophie wanted to pick it up herself but my uncle insisted that it was all right. So she gave him a handful of money but he gave it back to her also insisting that he would pay for it.

Sophie kept insisting and I could tell she actually hoped he would pay for it. Considering her dress material was pretty expensive.

I dialed in his number.

"Hello?" Laura's voice answered.

"Hi Laura, is Gerard there?" I asked pretty politely.

"Just a second." she chimed. She must not have recognized my voice. My stomach was flipping again. I really hoped Gerard and I could come to an understanding. And even if he does chose Laura, at least, I'll know for sure right? We'll continue to be friends...no matter how painfully it is to say that.

"Hello?" Gerard's voice finally asked. I was silent for a moment. I wanted to just hang up. I wanted to throw the phone across the room. Why do I have to do this now.

"Because if you don't then you'll never know." the voice inside me said.

"Why do you always chose times like these to bug me?" I asked her.

"This will be better than him loving you back when it's convenient for him and not for you." she said.

"No, you're wrong. Gerard's not like that." I said back to her.

"Oh really?" she asked sarcastically.

"Hello?" Gerard asked again.

"Uh..oh crap. Hi." I said coming back to the real world.

"Roxy?" he asked.

"Yeah." I said in almost an apologetic tone. As if I was sorry for calling. But I shouldn't be.

"What's wrong?" he asked sensing my tone.

"Us." I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked. I could hear him walking away, his footsteps loud against the stairs. I heard more rustling as he moved around. He must be in the guest room where Laura wouldn't bother to come look for him.

"What happened between us." I said.

"Frank told you?" he asked.

"Yes but, we still need to fix this." I replied.

"We were never broken." he said in a soft voice.

"We were never together." I said back.

"Do you ever miss me?" I asked. I heard him sigh deeply into the phone as if he was thinking something over.

"Yes." he finally answered.

"How often?" I asked.

"How often do you breath?" he asked.

Now that brought a smile to my face.