Pieces of Me

I came out of the bathroom and gently placed my clothes and the rose bouquet on the small cream colored couch. Laura was sitting across from it getting her hair done.

"Would one of you mid doing her hair now? We need to speed things up," Laura said pointing to me. The one women at her left side looked up over at me and smiled at me. I really hope she wouldn't cake the lipstick on my the way she did to herself. I sat up right as she came over and lifted my face up with her hands.

"Well, let's see what we can do," she smiled at me as she went over to the coffee table separating Laura and myself. She picked up a brush, several bobby pins and a can of hairspray.

I didn't move at all, not even when she began to fiercely brush my hair back and pull it into a tight bun. She used the hairspray quite a lot, there were times when it was hard to breath. But when I opened my eyes she reached for a beautiful butterfly pin.

"This will really look pretty in your hair," she said as I could feel her shove it into my bun.

"Okay," I said trying to hide the hint of pain I had in my voice.

"There," she said and stepped back, handing me a mirror.

It really was pretty. It was a messy bun with my bangs hanging down but they were wavy and thin. and the butterfly sparkled in my ink black hair.

"Thank you," I said and smiled at her. By now the last of the girls had come. She was really thin with red hair and freckles that dotted her face. I thought she was the prettiest of Laura's friends.

Laura was upset with Anne. Anne had been half an hour late. I smiled as I heard both of them mutter curses under their breath. Now the woman was doing my makeup with brushes that tickled my face and made me want to sneeze. Laura was no pacing around the room saying how she wanted the maids to look makeup wise.

I really wish she would be quiet. If you were to ask me they all looked fine. I really wanted the lady to finish with my makeup, I still had to steal out to the gardens to see what Gerard had decided. I felt like th butterfly pin had flown out of my hair, down my throat and was now fluttering in my stomach.

"No, I need to get ready, have Roxy take it, she's the only one who's ready," I heard Anne's angry voice say. I looked up at the sound of my name.

"Fine. You just better not act this way during the whole thing," Laura said as she walked over to me, her white dress making ruffling noises as she came to me.

"Roxy, I need you to go to the guys room and give this to Gerard. You can do that simple thing can't you?" she asked. I gave her a mean stare.

"Of course," I said coldly. This was my only chance I would have to steal away. Laura wanted to have pictures of all of the bridesmaids and wedding party together.

"Take your bouquet so we won't confuse it with someone else's," she said

When the lady was certain she was down with my makeup I bolted out that door, almost tripping over myself, remembering I had high heels on. I almost threw myself at the door across from our room. I knocked on it and sighed waiting for someone to open it. I could hear Gerard's dad laughing heartedly.

Finally Ray opened the door.

"Well, look who's all dolled up," he said as he pulled me into a hug.

"You look pretty good yourself Ray," I said smiling.

"Did you get taller or am I getting shorter?" he asked as I walked into the room.

"I'm wearing stilettos," I said as I pulled up my dress up to reveal my sleek black shoes.

"Roxy!" almost everybody said in unison.

"You guys all look great!" I said

"Hi Mr.Way," said as he walked over.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Richard?" he asked and pulled me into a hug.

"Sorry," I said and smiled half a smile and looked around for Gerard.

"Hey have you guys seen Gerard?" I asked.

"Laura wants me to give him something," I said.

"He said he was going to the garden to make sure they had enough," Mikey said.

"I didn't hear the rest he was talking so low," he said.

"I thought he said cigarettes," Frank said looking over at Mikey.

"Why would he want enough cigarettes for the wedding? I'm pretty sure some of the guests don't smoke," Bob said raising an eyebrow.

"Thanks!" I sang as I attempted to run out of the room, almost tripping over myself again.

"Be careful!" Ray called out.

"I will!" I yelled back trying my best to run outside.

"Oh please don't let me fall and twist my ankle! Any day except today!" I said to myself as I pushed open the door to step into muddy grass. I tripped as my heel sunk in.

"No!" I cried out and stood up. Thank god only my shoe was muddy. The present flew out of my hands and I began to look around for it.

"Shit, shit, shit where is it?" I asked myself as I searched the grass and bushes for it. I even looked up in a tree for it.

"No! This can't be happening!" I whined. I got on my knees and went over to a bunch of bushes and began to pull them back. But what I instead found was much better. two black shiny shoes looked up at me. I looked up as I saw a smiling Gerard staring down at me. I immediately shook my dress off and stood up. My butterfly pin fell out as I did.

"I can't do anything right today," I said as I stooped down to pick it up.

"Let me," he sad softly as he bent down to pick it up. We both stood up as he took my have in one of his hands and put the pin back in.

"You look so beautiful," he said his hand still on my face.

"You look pretty good as well," I said. And he did, his hair was combed nicely and a red rose poked out from his collar. I held my flowers tighter as he bit his lip.

"So, have you made your choice?" I asked. It sounded like I was asking a little boy what candy he wanted at a store. Gerard was the farthest thing from a little boy.

He remained silent for a moment and took my hand. A sure sign that this was good news. I almost stabbed my roses with my nails with anticipation.

"I'm sorry," he finally whispered and let go of my hand.

"I just can't," he added.

It felt as if the world had stopped. I felt how I did when I passed out at the concert. He continued to stare at the floor as my heart began to break...again. Gerard is the only person who has ever had enough of my heart to break it. And I think I won't ever get over this heartbreak.

He stepped back and then turned around and began to silently walk away. My roses fell from my hand, into the mud. And right then the wind picked up, making my tears come even faster and blew my butterfly pin out of my hair as well as a few other loose pins that held my hair up. My now wavy hair fell down into my face, sticking to it with the falling tears.

"I knew it was to good to be true," I whispered. He stopped and turned back.

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GERARD'S P.O.V

It might have been the wind. It might have been a bird. But none the less I turned around when I thought I heard her whisper something. What I saw was a sad sight. Roxy stood up right, her dark hair covering half of her face, just like my drawing of her, her roses in the mud and I could see the clear shining drops of tears fall into the mud.

This shouldn't hurt as much as it does. This should be better for the both of us. My bride to be was waiting for me. This shouldn't hurt this fucking much.

I looked long enough to see if she would say something, perhaps demand to know why like Laura does or fling herself at me like Laura does. But no, she stayed there, staring at the ground trying to make herself stare at the ground.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

She nodded then looked up. "Then go, Laura's waiting," she said.

I did just that. I walked back into the church, they made a loud banging noise as they closed. And I was thankful they made that noise because of what came from me. A whine.

Not a whine like "Aww man" but a crying whine. The sound you make when you're about to really cry. But I didn't. Only two small tears fell from my eyes.

And it shouldn't hurt this bad.

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ROXY'S P.O.V

I stood there, shocked. I was amazed I was able to get those four words out. Like I said, even if he doesn't chose me, I can't let anyone know. So what do I do now? Do I skip out early? How much will it hurt to watch him kiss Laura as soon as he says "I Do"?

I summed up all my strength and walked back in hoping my makeup was not smearing.

When I got back in they were taking pictures and I only had time for one since I was gone. Laura was extremely mad but I didn't care. She won, she finally won and she didn't even know.

As the camera clicked I smiled as best I could but I felt like dying. We waited then outside the church doors as we heard the music play and as I leaned over I could see Gerard's back. I wanted to know how he could so easily deny that we can ever have something. But I can't. We're done now.

I tried to brush off the mud of my poor flowers. I was so lost in trying to clean them up and trying to push thoughts of what had happened away that I didn't notice we had to walk down the isle now. When I came next to Gerard I looked straight at the ground. Even being near him hurt so much.

I tried my best not to cry. To prove to myself that I was strong. I didn't look up as Laura, veil down came down the isle, her dad holding her arm.

"And who gives this bride?" the preacher asked.

"I do," her father said horsely.

Another thought made me want to cry even more. My dad will never be doing that. I need to stop these thoughts.

"It's over," the voice said.

"I know," I said back.

"She won," she said.

"I know," I said.

"You're not arguing," she said, her voice sounding confused.

"I know," I said.

Laura came over by me, and because of the way we were lined up I was right behind her and sadly, had a perfect view of Gerard.

I felt numb as the preacher began. But I felt people starring at me. And I could care less. The preacher went on and on about true love. How good it felt and how pure it was. I think it's a load of bullshit. My mother left my father, I loved her, my father died, I loved him, Jack beat me almost to death, I thought I loved him, Gerard left me, I was in love with him. Love is dead.

Finally the moment came.

"Laura, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? Through sickness and health, for better or worse, for rich or poor?" he asked.

"I do," she smiled.

"Gerard, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Through sickness and health, for better or worse, for rich or poor?" he asked.

I looked up as a tear slid down but I tried to smile. He looked over at me and opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He looked over at Laura, then at me.

"I- I," then he looked over at me. The tear still on my face.

"Can't," he sighed and quickly walked away, down the isle and out of the church altogether.

"Gerard!" Laura yelled after him. Everyone stood up gasping. But Frank looked over at me, not a hint of surprise about him. He must have known something.